So this story is kind of...fluffy yet dramatic at the same time?.. If that makes sense. Idk, you'll just have to read it XD
The platform of the small dancing area was full of couples dancing to a slower song and little kids quietly speaking. Most of them kept their distance from Joel and Ellie, but that wasn't really a shock to anyone.
Joel and Ellie were more on the outer parts of the group and were dancing slowly to the soft song playing.
Have I found you?
Flightless Bird
Jealous, Weeping or lost you?
American Mouth
Big pill looming
Ellie thought slow dancing was kind of lame, but in that moment—with the song and warm air and Joel slowly leading her in a swaying dance; it all seemed right. She rested her head on his stomach and oscillated with Joel's slow dance movements. She smiled to herself and felt like she was about to fall asleep due to how calm she was.
The itching question came back into her mind. She was desperately trying so hard to suppress it, get rid of it forever. She shed a single tear—one because she was happy and dancing with the one person who cares, but also because she knew it was going to come to an end soon. She'll ask the question. She has to. She'll get it over with and it'll never be brought up again. She's contemplated the fact that its most likely not even necessary to bring it up, but she needed an answer. She deserved that much, right?
The beautiful song ended and the crowd clapped and praised the musicians. Joel released Ellie; she looked down at the ground and furrowed her brow.
"Is something the matter?"
Ellie looked up. "No. Um, actually, yes," she tried desperately to spit out her words. She didn't know how to ask the question.
"Can we talk? There's something I've been meanin' to ask you."
Joel frowned. He didn't like the tone of her voice. "Uh, sure," he consented. Ellie grabbed him softly by the arm and led him all the way back up to the hill that the two were on earlier when watching the fireworks.
Ellie trying to mentally prepare herself to ask the question. What she was going to say, how she was going to say it, and so on. She took a deep breath. They both got to the top of the hill and then stopped.
"Well, what is it-"
"What happened with the Fireflies?" she blurted out all at once.
Joel blinked—stunned by the question that was out of nowhere and was something he didn't really want to answer.
"And I want you tell me truth. What actually happened."
Joel opened his mouth to protest and try to get her to just drop the subject, but her eyes looked straight into his hazel ones, full of determination and yet full of fear.
"Okay. You want the truth? Fine. There was no one else. They needed to open your brain up to extract the cure, but it would kill you in the process. They needed you to die and sacrifice your life to get it. I didn't want that to happen. I killed every last Firefly. Including Marlene." He ended his sentence firmly but somehow angry.
A small breath left Ellie's lips. No. No, he's still lying. That's not true. "You're still lying. No. No, I can't believe…" her voice trailed off.
"Ellie-"
"You, you killed her!? You fucking killed her!?" Ellie was raising her voice now. Joel was trying to calm her down.
"Ellie listen to me. I had to-"
"No you didn't have to fucking kill her! Oh my god. How…" her voice getting soft. Tear streamed down her face faster and faster.
"Ellie just listen to me," Joel said as he reached his hand out in an attempt to calm her down.
"NO don't. Don't you fucking touch me. I don't…I don't deserve this. I don't deserve any of this. And I sure as hell don't deserve you." She spat.
The harsh words felt like bullets—slicing through Joel over and over again. His breathing stopped. He watched Ellie run off. "Ellie. Ellie get back here!" he ordered. She ran into the forest that was behind them. He tried to run after her but she ran through an opening that was too small for him to enter through.
She ran. She ran as fast as she could. She didn't even know where she was headed. She jumped over broken branches. Tripped over fallen trees a few times. She didn't consider the fact that there could be infected or bandits or God knows what else in the forest. She didn't fucking care. All she wanted to do is get away from that man. The one goddamn person who was supposed to love. Care for her. The man whom she put her complete trust in. Now, it's all compromised. The words still echoed in her mind. I killed Marlene. The tears fell faster and faster. Her face stung with heat and pure anger.
She somehow found Joel and hers' cabin and ran into the house. She skipped up the steps as fast as she could.
I have to do something. I can't let him do something like that to me again. I have to run. I have to run. Away from this place. Away from him. That fucking selfish animal. Who does he think he is?
She got up to her room that she shared with Joel. She started pacing. Back and forth. Back and forth. By now, she's in hysterics. Hyperventilating. Tears and half screams resounded in the room. I can't let him find me. I have to get the hell out of here.
She ripped open the doors of the wardrobe that held her and Joel's backpacks. She didn't care now. She wasn't thinking. Not thinking about anything. She just wanted to leave. Escape. She'd find food on the way. She packed ammo and her switchblade and some clothing. She almost left the room when a small glistening light caught her eye. It was in Joel's backpack. His revolver.
Many ideas swam around her mind now. She recalls a conversation she had with Joel a long time ago. The easy way out.
She wasn't weak. On the contrary; she was strong. She'd been this strong enough on their journey. But, since the truth came out, and now that she knows that that piece of shit lied to her, that decision didn't seem too bad.
She slowly dropped her bag to the ground. She reaches into his bag and pulls out Joel's trusty revolver that he has carried with him so many times. Frantic tears stream down her red face again. She checked the chamber. One bullet.
"Lets make this count," she mutters in small, shuddering breathes.
She wasn't thinking. She wasn't caring or considering how this would affect Joel in any way. She was being selfish this time just has he been once before. She at this point didn't care. She just wanted it to be fucking over. Her eyes watering with more and more guilt-ridden and salty tears, she loads the gun and presses the cold chamber to her head. Her finger rests effortlessly over the trigger. Her finger just brushes the trigger when she heard someone burst into the room.
"Ellie what the hell are you doing?!" she heard Joel scream. She hated it. He seemed purely petrified.
"Don't you come any closer, Joel!" She kept the barrel of the gun close to her head, showing that she wasn't messing around.
"Ellie. Ellie, please, baby, listen to me. You can't do this. Please, trust me, this isn't how-"
"Trust you? Trust you? How the hell could you say that to me?!" she shouted. Their trust was nearly gone. Drained. Almost non-existent. She knew she couldn't live with him anymore. After he lied to her like that. It wasn't even the fact that he lied, its what he lied about. He kept something so horrible, so dreadful like that from her when she deserved to know the truth.
"Look, I know what I did was bad. I know that. But, you have to remember that Marlene said it was okay to kill you."
Ellie looked at Joel and without moving her eyes from his, slowly turned the gun on him. "You're lying. Stop with the lying Joel! Jesus, have you learned anything at all?!"
Joel's eyes opened wide and sadness crept over his face. He eyed the gun pointed at him by the one he loved. The one he loved as a daughter was now about to kill him. He thought of words to say to make her stop, but then an idea popped into his head. He slowly, very slowly, moved over to his backpack that was 3 feet away from Ellie. "You don't believe me? That's fine. You want to kill me?" -Ellie flinched at the word kill- "That's fine. But just let me show you something. He reached in his backpack and pulled out a tape recorder that he saved. He didn't really know why he saved it. He was actually planning on getting rid of it months ago but decided against it.
He turned it on and Marlene's voice filled the room. Ellie listened to the dead woman's voice.
"We've got to kill the fucking kid…
So be it."
Joel kept his eyes on the ground but flickered them to Ellie's face. Small tears once again started to fall. Her hand shook. She looked as if she was in complete shock. She was betrayed. Marlene didn't care. Joel was right. He always was. Ellie's breathing became short and choppy. She let out small breaths and let her knees drop to the floor, letting go of the gun in her hand.
"She, she wanted to kill…kill…" her voice trailed off.
Joel enveloped her in an embrace that made her weep softly. She was deceived. But she now in that very moment realized that Joel wasn't the horrible, dreadful man that she thought he was. The memories came crashing in over and over again.
Meeting Joel for the first time and not liking him. Seeing him heartbroken when Tess died. Because of her. Then traveling to Pittsburgh and she saving his life and in return earning his trust. Meeting Henry and Sam then both of them dying because of her. Joel in a near-death in the winter and meeting David. The memories kept crashing and crashing onto her over and over again. But, the past doesn't matter. It won't matter anymore.
She realized that Joel was an angel, a guardian, and a person who cared so fucking much about her that he risked their trust to save her and keep her safe, no matter what the cost was. Even though he killed, he killed to save a precious life. He was a selfish person, but the fact that he risked human kind's sake for a little girl proved that wrong. He couldn't make her love him, but he didn't need to make her. She already did. She cared for him just as much as he cared for her. She didn't want anything to stand between them. Nothing will ever break them apart.
She didn't need to save the world anymore. She thought back to when she agreed to stay with him. When he swore to her, it hurt. She would admit, yeah, it fucking hurt. A lot. But he did it for her. He cared that much about her to destroy humanity for her. No one ever did something like that for her before. She knew she would have to face the consequences of their trust being conceded, but she didn't have anywhere else to go. So, why not stay with a man who she didn't know 9 months before and who taught her so much and then deeply cared for her. She didn't want to give it up.
"Joel?" she asked softly, still being rocked gently in Joel's arms.
"Hmm?" he replied softly.
"Why'd you do it? Why did you kill off and doom humanity for me? And, yes, I want the truth. I know that you're not good with speaking your feelings," she lightly chuckled which was an odd contrast considering the gloomy and morose circumstances.
He thought for a while and took a deep breath. "I did it because, even though I know you wouldn't be okay with it at all, you were the thing that I was fighting for. At first it was Sarah-" he cringed at her name, "then it was Tess who I was fighting for. And somehow along the way, you came along. I don't know how or when but I knew that you kept me going. I don't know what I would do if you ever left me. I know it was the selfish thing to do. But…sometimes…sometimes what's right isn't always the best thing, and what's best isn't always the right thing."
Ellie considered deeply and dwelled on his last words.
"And the cure was a dead end. I mean, who would we be saving? Murderers, thieves, cannibals, rapists—"
Her breath stopped briefly at the last word, but then eased her mind.
"To me, I asked myself, was it really worth it? Someone like you didn't deserve to die for awful human beings like them. And for human beings like me."
Ellie abruptly got up and turned to look at Joel. "Okay, now listen to me. Don't ever think about yourself that way. You just did what you did to survive. Okay? I know what you did was pretty shitty, but you are…so…important to me. I don't think I'd be able to live either. Without you, I mean." Her cheeks blushed at the slightly cheesy statement.
Joel's eyes softened. He really did love this kid. Sarah would've loved her. But, he didn't need to think about her anymore. Ellie was the one he fought for now. He always would. She took his hand and walked over to the bed and lay down, patting her hand on the open side next to her.
Joel chuckled. "You sure you want me in here? I mean you seem pretty tired and—"
"Shut up and sleep."
He smirked and took a deep, defeated breath. He got onto the right side of the bed and Ellie immediately curled up next to him. He brought his arm around her shoulders and brought her closer to him and rested his chin on her head. He held her-the small girl's frame felt as if it was about to shatter in a million pieces in his massive arms. She was so fragile. He didn't want to ever let her go. Not ever.
She listened to his steady heartbeat that eased her mind like it always did. His warm body comforting her from the now colder spring-like air that infiltrated the room.
Soft music started to play in the far off distance near the platform in the center of the town where they were earlier. Joel recognized the tune and began to softly hum.
Ellie's ears began to perk up. Damn it, she'll have to talk to him later when she wasn't so exhausted about when he'll have to sing for her. She pretended to be asleep so she could continue to listen to his beautiful humming.
After a while, Joel actually started to softly sing the lyrics.
I wish I could do better by because that's what you deserve
You sacrifice so much of your life in order for this to work
Please know that I'm yours to keep, my beautiful girl
When you cry a piece of my heart dies
Knowing that I may have been the cause
If you were to leave, fulfill someone else's dreams
I think I might totally be lost
He sang the words delicately and tenderly into her hair. She listened and shed one more tear for the night. But, this time, it was a tear of gratitude.
"Goodnight, my baby girl," he whispered and pressed his lips to her temple.
She smiled to herself and drifted off to sleep.
The world wasn't worth saving, but there were things in it that definitely were.
"What's done in the dark will be brought in the light"
Johnny Cash
Well, there you have it. The really sad one. I'm just glad I didn't go with the actual suicide in the story. The songs used were Flightless Bird American Mouth by Iron and Wine and The Girl by City and Colours. They're both AMAZING songs and it definitely makes the story better. More to come soon. Maybe fluff :D Thank you so much!