Lucy is pregnant

"Dude, I...I got something to tell ya, and I doubt you'll like it..."

"What is it, Naruto?"

Naruto spun around, and pointed over in the direction of Lucy Heartfelia, who was busy greedily shoving handfuls of french fries into her mouth. As of this point, she must have weighed at least 500 pounds. Her three chins wobbled up and down with every bite she took. Her immense dome of a belly hung so far between her thick thunder thighs that it nearly touched the floor. All of the wizards that passed by gave her weird, almost disgusted, looks. Of course, the blond-haired former heiress was too distracted with stuffing herself to notice.

"Your girlfriend," Naruto continued, his face pale, "I'm afraid she might eat me..."

Natsu threw his head back and let out a hearty laugh. "Ha ha...oh, Naruto. If, but most likely when, she begins to require the taste of human flesh to satisfy her ever-growing hunger...I'll make sure she eats you first!"

"Ah, thanks, Natsu - Wait, what the fuck, man?!"

"AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"C'mon, Natsu! Don't do this to me!" Naruto begged, "She's in the frickin' SUMO CLUB (the only member, in fact) for crying out loud! If she goes after me to feast, she'll tear me apart and suck the meat off my bones through a goddamn straw! I don't wanna be killed by that half-ton behemoth!"

Natsu glared ominously at the blond-haired young man. "...I'd advise you not to call her a 'half-ton behemoth' in front of me..."

"R...Right..." Truth be told, Naruto was even more frightened by Natsu than he was by the waddling ball of fat that was now Lucy.

"She is a perfect, busty goddess...and you will treat her as such!" Natsu barked. He was rather unwilling to accept his girlfriend's incredible obesity, so he continually told himself that she was a 'busty goddess'. The poor guy was only fooling himself, though. Right?

"Okay, okay!"

"Also, don't touch her super-sexy, cellulite-layered, globular-sized ass cheeks, either...those are mine, and mine alone!"

'WAIT...SO HE DOES ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT SHE'S AS HUGE AS CRAP?!' Naruto thought, bewildered. He never knew that the pink-haired boy was actually an FA.

Natsu sighed, looking as if he saw Naruto as nothing more than an annoying obstacle to overcome. "Anyway...let's change the subject...where did Hinata go with Juvia?" he asked.

"They went to Michael Jackson's funeral..." Naruto replied as he began to open his vanilla pudding cup.

"...Going to his funeral, huh? Cheeky little bitches, they are..."

"Mmm-hmm...they were going to go to Itachi's funeral after MJ's burial, and then have lunch at Mira's..."

"Mira's, huh...those bitches!"

"Yeah, I know... so, anyway I hear Lucy was pregnant...looks like you might be expecting a baby soon, right?"

Natsu nodded his head, "Pregnant... yes... expecting a baby... also yes...soon?... no. She's been pregnant for TWO DAYS!"

END