With Eric's help, I pass the first part of training. Now onto round two, which I know is fear simulations. Nobody know's how I know, but I do. And I know I'm not excited for this. I'm not ready for this. I know what the fears will be, and I am not ready to let someone else see them. When I get called up, the man who asked me my name is there, since then I've learned that he goes by 'Four'. I sit in the chair and take a few deep breaths, then turn to him. "Look, I know what my fears will be, and just... Please dont mention them, or ask about them... Please." He gives me a weird look, but agrees, and off I go into my fear landscape.
The first one is expected, being completely alone. I take a deep breath, and force myself to calm down, but its not easy, at least, that's how it looks. I've been in my fear landscape a thousand times, and I've learned how to get a good time... but not TO good. My next fear: A dog lunges at me while I am still on the ground, but I expect it, and swing my elbow out, knocking the dog to the ground. Never have I figured out how to slow that one down. Any longer and the dog gets me. My third fear: Everyone finding out my secrets. I am in a room full of Dauntless members, and everyone of them is whispering something at the same time, and one, a man without a face, comes up holding my journal. "Look what I found, little sis." He says with a laugh. I growl and punch him in the face.
Never have I been able to resist punching him, I probably shouldn't, but I don't care. As I keep punching him, the landscape changes. Well, this is a new one. I see a man and a woman in the distance, waving to me. They wear Abnegation clothing, and slowly get further and further away. I look around, scared and unable to move. I take a deep breath and tell myself it isn't real, squeeze my eyes shut. When I open them, I am in the middle of an ocean on an island. The only way off is to swim... But thats the fear. I can't swim. I never learned, and it scares the crap out of me. I touch my toe in the water, and slowly wade in. I hold my breath and kick, making quite a scene, but I know I'll make it to safety. I always do.
And then I'm awake. He's putting in my numbers, and I know it will be somewhere around two minutes. Maybe longer with the new fear, but who knows. I am then allowed to leave. I go back to my room and everyone is talking about their fears. Because I've never made friends with the other initiates, I am not welcomed into their conversations, I dont really care though. I dont want to discuss my fears with them. I lie on my bed and close my eyes, and quickly drift off to sleep, my hand under my pillow, resting on the book that I've hidden there. My journal.