D r i n k U p M e H e a r t i e s

She had never taken for granted the friendship of her crew mates, even if they were her subordinates, and even if they did happen to be twittering ninnies who concerned themselves more with gossip and scandal rather than ship work. But Sakura appreciated the company of her female friends now more than ever, when she came to the definite conclusion that she hated all within the male species, even if only for the remainder of the night.

It had been the persistent and rude interrogation by the Lieutenant that had set her in such a foul mood, and she would not even give a passing glance to Naruto. The nerve of that man never ceased to infuriate her, and it seemed that he was determined to make her life a living hell, and was succeeding. So as she sat with an open bottle of rum in one hand and the other wildly moving about in gestures and expressions as she spoke, she ranted on incessantly about how much she absolutely loathed him. Ino and Tenten listened, but were far from well behaved. They laughed and joked and teased, leaving nothing to remain sacred.

"Cocky, immature, arrogant, self-centered, stubborn, ungrateful, ill-mannered, stubborn--," She was in the middle of trying to think of all the words that could accurately describe him, and certainly could have gone on for an eternity and a half if she was not interrupted.

"He might be all of those things," Ino said with a laugh. "Which is sort of Charming in it's own way. But he is quite clearly a gentleman, and that alone makes up for all of his others, if you may call them, shortcomings." She tore the bottle from Sakura's hand and provoked a yell of protest. "And I think you've had quite enough to drink for the night, Captain. Do you remember what happened last time?"

This seem to do the trick, and Sakura relented, grumbling incoherent things under her breath as she stared at the rum bottle wistfully. "That swine is not a gentleman! He wouldn't know the meaning of the word if it slapped him in his face. Why, towards me he acts as nothing but a barbarian! You're fooled to easily by a handsome face, Ino." She said in response to the previous comment, spitting out the words angrily.

"I call them as I see them." The blond replied with a shrug of her shoulders, bringing the bottle of rum to her mouth and taking a long swig. She passed it to Tenten next who followed suit, and Sakura's eyes followed it hungrily. "And I'm never incorrect when it comes to judging a man's character. He's quite proud, but he knows how to behave himself properly. He might treat you like a lady if you were one, Sakura." She giggled. "You're a pot calling a kettle black."

"Kettles make wonderful flowerpots!" Added Tenten, who was much too drunk to say anything of much sense.

Sakura sighed in frustration, throwing her hands up in the air and rolling her eyes. "I'll put you both in the brig and let you starve, I will! I'm the Captain of this ship, and if I say something, then you'll agree with it whether you want to or not." But her threats were disregarded, as they both knew that Sakura didn't really mean it. Although she demanded respect, and received it, the Captain was not cruel.

"I'll make you a wager." Ino offered, taking the rum bottle back from Tenten and swirled what little remained around the bottom before bringing it up to her lips and hesitating. Sakura jerked forwards, licking her lips. "We'll prove to you that young Lieutenant Uchiha is a gentleman, and if I can't, I'll do both my work and what Shikamaru was assigned to, but doesn't do, for a week." She swallowed the remainder of the alcohol and tossed the empty bottle over the railing and into the sea below, smacking her lips together and letting out a sigh of satisfaction.

She mourned over the loss of the rum silently. "And just how do you intend to prove this to me, hm?" She asked, cocking her head to the side and quirking a skeptical brow.

"There's a test, of course. My mother taught it to me." She smiled, reaching inside of her sleeve and pulling out a handkerchief, waving it teasingly in front of Sakura's face. "It works the best with a handkerchief or a decorative fan, but we'll probably have to find a substitute, seeing as you don't own any." She let the handkerchief drop from her hand, and it floated down to the deck below. "See, when the potential gentleman is nearby, you drop it. If he picks it up for you, bingo. But the trick is in how you drop it, you can't give any indication that you've noticed you have, but you have to make sure that he notices it when you drop it. Because if you watch it fall and then stare at him expectantly, he'll get suspicious. It's foolproof, really." She smiled. "I tried it with Shikamaru. He, of course, just pointed at it and grunted."

Sakura pursed her lips, thinking it over for a moment, before nodding. "There was no way that man would pick up anything I dropped for me. It seems like an accurate enough test... Alright, I agree. A question though, if he does pick it up, which he won't, what will you have me do?"

Ino grinned, leaned over, and whispered it in her ear.

C h a p t e r V
The Gentleman Test

If it were not for the unmade bed that I distinctly remember being made before, I would have doubted that she had returned at all again that night. I had fallen asleep after searching a little while longer, to no avail, and did not wake when sneaked into the quarters to sleep or out again to start a new day. How many now had I been prisoner here? I had long ago lost count. Five, six, a week? I sat upwards on the cot and rubbed at the sleep in my eye, squinting as the first rays of sunlight stared at me.

There came a few knocks at the door before Naruto burst in, unanswered. "Morning, Lieutenant? Ready for another day of work?" I glared at him wordlessly, throwing off a moth-eaten blanket and searching around for my shoes. One had been kicked under the cot and the other was upturned on the rug. I slipped them on as he sauntered into the room, eying the contents of the emptied foot trunk that remained splayed across the floor. "The Capt'n needs to clean her room." He muttered under his breath.

I ached for clean clothes in a bath, seeing as I hadn't bathed since my arrival here and I had been given only one set of new clothes. Needless to smell, I did not smell or feel as clean as I was quite used to, even though I didn't stand out at all from the others on the ship. "When can I bathe and change my clothes?" I asked. "I'm beginning to reek like the rest of you animals."

Even if he had taken offense to my comment, he didn't show it. Instead he stared at me incredulously, as if I had just suggested something ridiculous, his mouth hanging open. "Oh... uh, I'll ask the Captain later." He replied finally. "Anyway, you'll be working below deck with Lee again today, in the kitchen." I sighed loudly and let my shoulders droop, making no attempt to conceal my obvious distaste. "What, you got a problem with kitchen work now, Mr. Picky-Pants?"

"No, but I do have a problem with your Chef." I replied truthfully. He laughed understandingly, shaking his head back and forth. "I'm afraid whatever mental condition he has is contagious."

"He's a little eccentric," Naruto agreed. "But Lee's a good guy. The Captain likes him a lot."

If I had been drinking anything, I definitely would have spat it out all over the whiskered blond. "Likes him? Likes him?" I repeated disbelievingly. I recalled what I could of him — the bizarre manner of speech, odd quirks, and unbearably hideous face, and was only more astounded by his preposterous suggestion. Even though questionable, the Captain no doubt had better taste than that. "What on earth does she see in him?"

I did not like the unnerving grin that his mouth curled into, and I disliked the comment that followed it even more. "Oh, is somebody jealous? Don't worry, you're the Captain's only whore."

I might not have been so touchy on the subject of being the Captain's whore if she had not been offered such an arrangement when drunk. But seeing as she had, he therefore had to die for his impudent words. I launched myself at him, my hands reaching for his neck, and we tumbled and rolled about on the ground, throttling each other. This was the state the Captain found us in when she barged into her quarters. "Stop it!" She demanded instantly. He elbowed me in the gut and I banged his head against the ground. "Stop it this very instant, the both of you!"

"He... started... it!" Naruto yelled between gasps for air as I pressed my thumbs against his throat and he held me in a headlock. Sakura reached around behind me and attempted to pull me off of him, but my head was caught in Naruto's unrelenting grasp and it felt like it was going to pop off if she pulled any harder, and I squeezed Naruto's neck harder. He gagged and made an undignified squawk.

"I'm finishing it!" She yelled before she threw herself into the tussle. We were a tangled mess of flailing limbs trying to inflict bodily harm to one another, and we didn't let up until we heard the horrified gasp that we all recognized as Hinata's and instantly broke apart. She stood in the doorway, a hand clamped over her mouth, her eyes widened with terror. "S-sorry, Hinata." the Captain breathed through pants. "There's nothing to be worried about."

I could feel the starts of a nasty bruise on my arm and a black eye. We all brushed ourselves up and rose on shaky and sore legs, hoisting ourselves up by whatever we could grab onto. I should have felt a stab of resent when Hinata ran over to Naruto instead of me, but I didn't. In fact, there was nothing but a brief thought of my indifference and how surprised I was by it as she knelt at his side and inspected his unscathed face. It seemed, seeing as both of them were opposing me, that I had received the worst injuries. "Now would somebody please explain to me why exactly you were trying to kill each other?"

Naruto chuckled. "He just got a little too jealous, is all." He said, smiling at me smugly. "Apparently he finds the truth offensive."

"I live to see the day when you hang." I growled, baring my teeth at him. Hinata squeaked in alarm and touched her neck instinctively, drawing closer to the blond, who in comparison seemed completely unaffected by my words. "I'll have your ugly head mounted on my wall!"

"Enough!" The Captain roared, giving me a painfully sharp smack across the head. I flinched. "You, if you even so much as lay a finger on a member of my crew again, you'll be back in the brig." She said to me, before turning towards Naruto. "You, don't provoke him, and you," she whirled her head towards Hinata, who looked as if she was about to burst into tears. "Oh no, dear, I'm not mad at you. Let's go, come on now, I'll help you up." She extended Hinata her hand and lifted her to her feet before pointing towards the door, indicating for her to leave. My Fiancée threw another concerned look at Naruto before reluctantly wandering back out onto the deck of the ship, and Sakura followed afterwards without another word to the either of us.

"Well, that was fun." Naruto said with a laugh. I sent him a glower. "Hey, learn to take a joke, man. Anyway, you can show yourself to the kitchen. I've got work to do." And he followed after the other two, leaving me all alone in the Captain's quarters. I kicked the dressed on my way out in frustration, stubbing my toe in the process and swearing loudly.

Lee was already waiting for me, it seemed, when I ventured below the deck into the kitchen. I had been given what I thought to be a fair dose of lunatics for the morning, so I made a point of avoiding him as he trailed after me towards the pile of new, un-peeled potatoes. I supposed that they were a good source of food to have on a boat, seeing as they were durable and didn't mold easily, and could be used for many things, but the potato consumption of the pirates was still absurd. They surely didn't need that many for just one day, but maybe it was just to give me something to do.

I planted myself on the stool and reached for the first potato, and he bent over so that we were eye level. "This is no good!" He said loudly, and I blinked, perplexed, and stared down at the potato questioningly. "You should be up and at work while the morning is still youthful! It's almost ten o'clock!"

I decided that I wasn't in the mood for the criticisms of a mad man, so I took the knife to the potato and began to carve off the skin carefully. He watched me intently, the small pupils of his eyes darting around with my movements, before raising a hand into the air as if he needed to ask a question. "Alright!" He voiced loudly. "I will peel twice as many potatoes as you do before noon!" He challenged, pulling up another stool nearby and searching around for a clean knife. I had wished that he would have sticked to his own work and let me do mine, but I didn't announce my opinion of sharing his company.

"The winner of this match will get to take lunch to the lovely young Captain!" He proposed.

"You can do it anyway!" I replied. "I don't want to do such a thing!"

I would admit that I felt satisfied when I set aside my fifth cleanly shaved and he finished on his first misshapen one, as ludicrous as it seemed that I would feel competitive about peeling potatoes. The hours dragged on, and he would occasionally glance over to compare my progress to his, and upon discovering that his pile was a molehill in contrast to my mountain, rapidly reach for another one and vigorously scrape away at it until he was forced to slow and even out the sadly deformed vegetable. He would exclaim that time was not up yet, and he would still be triumphant, but he still didn't come close to catching up to me.

Noon came around, and he hadn't even peeled a third of what I had. Not that I was counting. "You are a worthy foe indeed!" He cried in distress. "You have won this battle, but the war is far from over! I will step aside and let you take the prize that you have earned, Lieutenant Uchiha! You may take lunch to the Captain!" He shoved a bowl of last night's leftover stew into my hands.

"I said I don't want to. You go ahead." I offered it back towards him, but he turned his head in refusal.

"No, you were victorious and have earned this most sacred privilege fair and square. I, the loser, am not worthy of delivering the Captain's food. But mark my words, next time I will be the champion, and every time after that!" Was he... crying?? I didn't feel like arguing with him further, or wasting any more of my time exposed to his insanity, so I relented and went above deck to find the Captain.

She was at the helm, pouring over maps, unsurprisingly. I shoved the food under her nose. "What is this?" She asked, taking it and giving me a curious look.

"Your lunch." I replied.

"Yes, I knew that much, but Lee usually brings it to me..." She muttered, and it almost sounded as though she spoke with disappointment. It only brought up the question to myself once more, what did she see in such a person? He was nothing but an annoyance, a persistent bother, and an ugly one, at that! What on earth could have possessed her to feel more attracted towards him that towards... well, me?

Damn, I thought. I am jealous. But only because I was so accustomed to every woman swooning over and doting on me that her obvious preference to something so atrocious was blasphemous. It was all in my ego, I told myself. It wasn't because she liked him more than I, but because any woman at all did. That was it, I told myself. Absolutely nothing more.

"Oh." She sighed, staring at the soup sadly before swallowing a spoonful. I turned to leave, but she made a loud grunt. "Lee always waits until I finish eating so he can bring my bowl back!" She said with her mouth full.

"I'll come back for it later." I said. I turned to leave again but she grabbed onto my wrist, holding it with a firm grip and keeping me rooted in place.

"No." She commanded. "Stay."

So I sat and watched her eat, figuring that the less time I had to spend with the over enthusiastic freak, the better. She ate sloppily and impolitely, chewing loudly and with her mouth open, slouched and with her elbows propped up on what she was using as a table. So of course, when she pulled a lacy handkerchief that I recognized as being one from her secret chest, to dab at the corners of her mouth, I found it odd. Not only because of its obvious misplacement within her other mannerisms, but also because I had never seen her bother with being tidy or clean before. She completely ignored the smudges of dirt and grease on her nose and cheeks, and then was finished, rested her hand, the handkerchief still lightly clutched in her fingers, at her side.

It fluttered out of her grasp and onto the floor. She hadn't seem to have noticed, so I bent over gracefully and picked it up. She tensed as I straightened myself and extended it towards her, and then her eyes narrowed furiously. "You... dropped this?" I said. She tore it from my hands and jumped to her feet, her nostrils flaring. She looked absolutely ravenous.

"You just had to pick it up, didn't you??" She screeched, before turning on her heel and storming off. She was greeted at the stairs leading to the lower deck by Ino and Tenten, who were shrieking in laughter, and dragged her off towards her quarters. I watched, dumbfounded, as she struggled halfheartedly against them and the door shut closed.

I went to return the bowl to the kitchen, and when I came up again, the three girls still hadn't emerged. I had no clue what they might have been doing behind the closed doors, but for some reason, I suspected it had something to do with when I picked up the Captain's handkerchief for her. It was strange, I thought, glimpsing occasionally back towards the Captain's room to see if they were ready to come out yet.

The crew had also seemed to notice this bizarre phenomenon, and waited for the Captain to show return. There was a few more moments of still silence, before screams could be heard from behind the door. "No!" The Captain called. "I won't go out there, I won't! I look ridiculous! I look absolutely ridiculous! You can't make me I wont!"

But the door burst open anyway, and the Captain stumbled onto the deck and was exposed to the hungry eyes of the crew.

It took a while for the image to sink in, and even after it had I found I could not move. The Captain was wearing a lavish gown, decorated with pearls and sequins, her face was cleaned and powdered and her hair was drawn up on the back of her head. I had thought her pretty when she was dressed in ragged men's clothing and dirty as a child after a day of play in the mud, but now she looked absolutely breathtaking. The company of pirates shared a similar reaction to mine, and stared at her in a stunned silence. "What are you all looking at?" She demanded. "Get back to work, yah mangy dogs!"

They didn't need to be told twice, and reluctantly turned their heads away. She waddled furiously over towards the railing and stared out into the sea, looking haughty and disdainful a little while longer, before her face crumpled.

That expression. That miserable, forlorn expression — I would recognize it anywhere.

I approached her cautiously, and when she caught sight of me out of the corner of her eye she turned away from me hastily.

"...Sakura? Haruno Sakura?"

Y o h o

Okay, so first of all I'd like to apologize for the lateness in updating. I wrote and posted two things in between updates of this chapter and the last, and my computer time just got chopped down. Secondly, I'd like to apologize for the short chapter. I really wanted to get it out tonight for you guys, so I'm sorry if it seems a little rushed.

And lastly, I'd like to apologize for doing this: No new chapters until after I get fifty review or more for the story. (In total, not just for this chapter!) Just because I'm such a review whore, and I'm desperately aiming for an average of ten review per chapter. Besides, my inspiration is dwindling. It used to be like... /--------------------/ that, but not it's like /-/ that. Though, I should mention sandwich-chan, the crack did help. : )

Oh, sorry, I lied. That's not the last thing. Last, I'd like to tell you all that I posted two new stories, one's a one shot and the other is the first chapter of a new story. Soooo if you love me and are interested in reading more of my work, please check them out! They are seriously lacking in reviews and I feel unwanted. ;; Why does no one want me...? -Sniff-