It has been forever since I last uploaded anything on here but I wrote this at the same time as A Difficult Situation. Cassie's Diary is mentioned in one of the Chapters. I was thinking about publishing it on its own but think it makes more sense on the end of here. Anyway here it is

I think I shall go insane if I am restricted to my bed for much longer. Dobby kindly found me this notebook, a quill and some ink to write with so I have decided to write a diary for the first time. A diary is somewhere where you write down your thoughts – so what I am thinking today? Well, my head is feeling less like a confused battleground and more like it actually belongs to me. My whole body aches but not as much as it did yesterday so I'm hopeful for tomorrow. Ok – most of that was physical, now to tackle my feelings. I suppose I don't really know how I am feeling – it is a mixture of things. I am feeling confused and hurt that my family would do this to me. I am angry that the differences between wizards and muggles are so important to my family and that muggles are worse then nothing. I am also angry that I had to be a muggle. I am sad that I am a muggle. I am feeling lonely as the only contact I have had with anyone else for the last week is Dobby.

A diary is also somewhere to record events. What have I done today? Well, I have laid in bed and eaten some food.

A diary is somewhere to record hopes, dreams and wishes. Well, my only wish right now is that I could be a witch.

Today I managed to get out of bed – Dobby had been called to do something else and so had to leave me. I took my opportunity. It felt strange to be on my feet again and I was a bit wobbly to start with. I walked around my room for a bit – gradually getting stronger when I heard shouting from downstairs and curiosity got the better of me. I slowly and quietly headed downstairs to the place where you can overhear and see what is going on but you are hidden from view. The argument was taking place in our large hallway. I could tell that my father was really angry at the visitor who turned out to be Professor Dumbledore from Hogwarts and my mother was trying to calm him down. Draco was looking on from a distance.

'You have no right, Dumbledore, no right to come in here and demand things,' my father shouted.

'Lucius, all I want to do is to see your daughter,' Professor Dumbledore's voice was so calm.

'My daughter is dead.'

'We both know that that isn't true, the whole funeral was a fake.'

'How do you know that?'

'You wouldn't kill your own daughter.'

'That is some accusation Dumbledore. She died from pneumonia.'

'In July?'

Father glared at Professor Dumbledore.

'You have no right to be here, l don't want to hear any more.' He stormed into the lounge.

'Narcissa, please I just want to see Cassandra.'

'You heard what Lucius said, she's dead,' Mother put a tissue to her eyes as if she was crying.

'I've had enough of this,' to my surprise it was Draco. 'Professor Dumbledore, Cassie is upstairs recovering.'

'Recovering? She is ill then?'

'Yes, but she isn't suffering from pneumonia.'

Draco called Dobby and he showed Professor Dumbledore to my room. I had quickly returned to my room, well as quickly as I could given that my legs are yet to completely feel like my own. Professor Dumbledore was as kind as he had been the last time we had met. He had asked about my health and I had said that I was recovering well. He had looked at me with concern and had said that what had happened shouldn't have happened. I hadn't really known what to say in reply. He had said something about ensuring that nothing like this would happen again. He handed me a piece of paper and told me that I could write on it and he would receive this message. He made me promise that I would contact him if I was to get into trouble.

It seems so lonely now that he has gone. At least someone knows.

I have realised that I will never make a very good diarist as I never record the date. I don't have a calendar in my room and whenever I have asked Dobby he had said something complicated about days and turns of the clock from the next new moon. I did think about asking him for a calendar but he has done so much for me and it doesn't really matter anyway. I am beginning to feel much more like me now. I know that I have still got a long way to go but I can now read books for short periods of time before my eyes hurt and I get headaches. Mostly I just doze, nimble on the mountains of food that Dobby insists on bring me every day, write in here, and read. I seem to have an abundance of time to think which isn't always a good thing.

I was brave enough to venture down to the gardens today. Dobby insisted on accompanying me and looked anxiously around every corner to see if other members of the household were around. The house seemed so quiet and still that I sensed that my parents and Draco were not at home. At various points in our journey downstairs I found myself having to stop and catch my breath. I had forgotten how far it was from my room to the gardens. When I was well it had seemed like no distance at all especially when I had been running which I seemed to have done most of the time. Especially when chasing Draco, or being chased by him. My heart still sank when I thought about him. I haven't seen him for ages, not since our visit to Hogwarts and from the top of the stairs the other week. I expect my parents are keeping him away – they wouldn't want him to be polluted by me.

Anyway, I won't dwell on that and get back to describing what has happened today. It was a lovely warm summer's day. Dobby tried to stop me taking off my winter coat and two jumpers that he had made me wear. I had given him 'the family stare' though and that had stopped him in his tracks. I found myself walking a familiar route round the back of the Manor, past the formal gardens and across a meadow of wild flowers. This meadow has always been my favourite part of the gardens. It is so naturally beautiful. The grass tickled my hands as I weaved my way across it. Dobby found the tall grass rather frustrating and was relieved when we reached my destination, an old oak tree. The tree is an old as the Manor and there isn't any grass underneath its thick branches. The tree was Draco and I's favourite tree to climb. I didn't think I could get away with climbing trees so laid down in the shade instead. Dobby tutted and conjured up a blanket for me to lay on and some cushions. I must have dozed off for an hour or so as when I woke up my tummy was rumbling. Dobby was ready with a picnic lunch. It was a lovely day, I almost forgot everything that was going on and what had happened although I couldn't get away from the fact that apart from Dobby I was alone.

I was honoured today by a summons from my parents. Dobby told me anxiously about it as he woke me up. I was rather surprised as I hadn't seen them at all since overhearing their conversation with Professor Dumbledore. As far as I knew they hadn't realised I had been there. I couldn't help but wonder what it would be about as I took my time to get dressed. Dobby had tried to accompany me but I had persuaded him not to. My parents only seemed to tolerate house elves because of what they could do for them but wouldn't appreciate their presence when it wasn't requested. I smoothed out my dress, it was one of my favourites, Mother had picked it out for me and I loved the pale pink with delicate dark pink flowers embroidered on it. It hung loosely in places as I have lost weight. I walked slowly to the drawing room trying to compose myself. My heart was pounding and my hands were shaking. I knocked quietly on the door and waited to be given permission to come in.

I heard my father call out come in.

I turned the door and walked into the drawing room. The formal nature of the room I didn't really like and the dark furniture was quite imposing. It did hold the grand piano which I had loved playing. My father was standing by one of the windows overlooking the gardens, his back to the room. Mother was sitting stiffly on one of the chairs. She smiled nervously at me.

'Take a seat, Cassandra,' she said quietly and gestured to the chair opposite hers. As always everything she said seemed to be so measured and carefully thought out.

'You look well,' she said as she poured a cup of tea. I found myself unable to say anything, instead I smiled briefly back.

'What have you been doing with yourself?' Mother asked lightly. I suddenly felt as if I was one of her friends visiting.

'Reading mostly,' I whispered having found my voice. Father turned to face me when I spoke. He looked at me intently with a look of pure disgust. I tried to stare back but after a few seconds had to look away as it was too intimidating. It was as if he was trying to make me disappear just by looking at me. I squeezed my hands and tried not to cry. I just wanted to retreat back to my room and escape from the two people that obviously hated me so much.

'I expect you are wondering why we asked to see you,' Father spoke, his voice flat and cold.

I nodded before he continued, 'we have enrolled you at Highsted School for Girls. It is a private school. You will board there coming home only for holidays if alternative provision cannot be made. You will be taken there in two weeks time. All your uniform and belongings will be sorted out.'

I looked from him to my mother.

'We believe it to be a good school for a…,' Mother seemed to struggle with the word 'a muggle school. I think you will be happy there.' She reached out for my hand but before it got there my Father coughed and she quickly returned it to her lap.

'Thank you,' I said quietly.

'That is all Cassandra, you may leave.' Father said before turning back to the window.

Mother and I shared a smile as I walked out. As I shut the door behind me I let out a sigh of relief. I hurried back to my room – my sanctuary.

I ran into someone, it was Draco dressed in his riding clothes.

'Cassie? It is so good to see you, you look much better.' Draco beamed and hugged me tightly. He had his hair gelled back off his face. I didn't like his hair like this as it made him look too severe in my opinion. Draco had never listened to me when I had told him this.

'How are you? Do you want to go riding?' Draco spoke quickly.

'I am fine, thank you, I don't think that would be a good idea.'

'Why not?' Draco seemed surprised.

'Draco, dear, I thought you were going riding,' it was Mother. She looked anxiously at me.

'I am, I was just asking Cassie if she would come.'

'I don't...' Mother started.

'Think that is a good idea. That is what I said. I am going up to my room. See you later, have fun Draco.' I walked away quickly. I heard Mother stop Draco following me and persuade him to go riding instead. Riding is another thing to add to my list of things I miss along with playing the piano. In a way I was looking forward to getting out of this place and starting school. My encounter with Draco has left me rather shaken and has heightened my sense of being alone. I miss him so much.

I had two visitors to my room last night. The first was Draco, he is nervous about starting at Hogwarts, especially about what house he is to be sorted in. I tried to persuade him to go but he made himself comfortable and wouldn't leave for half an hour. He apologised from not coming up to see me but Father and Mother had been keeping him really busy with Hogwarts related things and whenever he had asked after me he had been told that I was resting, that I needed my rest and that he shouldn't disturb me. His presence was so nerve-wracking for me as at any point I expected Mother and Father to come in. Draco didn't seem to understand my nerves. He seemed unable to grasp the fact that things would be different now especially for me.

I finally persuaded Draco to go with the promise that I would write to him if I could (although I have no idea how I am meant to do that) and was getting ready for bed when my Father stormed in. He looked furious.

'Cassandra, why was Draco in here earlier?' he asked sternly.

'He came to see me, he is worried about Hogwarts,' I said quietly.

'YOU ARE NOT TO SEE HIM,' he shouted and grabbed me on the shoulders and shook me.

'He came to see me,' I tried to defend myself.

'DON'T ANSWER BACK,' I received a slap across the face.

'You are nothing, you are not to see Draco anymore, do you understand?'

I nodded. His grip on my shoulders got tighter.

'Answer me.'

'Yes, Father.'

'Don't call me that, you are no daughter of mine. If it wasn't for that muggle-lover Dumbledore you would no longer be a problem, you would be dead.' He pushed me and I fell heavily onto the floor.

I stayed on the floor sobbing for a while and Dobby found me there and helped me into bed where I cried myself to sleep.

I wish I wasn't a problem.

Today is the day I should be starting at Hogwarts. I know this as I saw Draco leaving with Father and Mother. He looked up at my window and I dared to wave before darting out of view in case Father saw. Today is the day I should be on my way to the train station and making my way to platform 9 and 3/4 s to catch the Hogwarts Express. My belongings, including a pristine Hogwarts uniform, should be packed into a trunk. I should have seven years of learning the act of magic to look forward to. I should be about to say goodbye to my parents and with my brother get on the train… ok enough of the self-pitying Cassie, pull yourself together. So, you aren't going to Hogwarts – doesn't mean that it is the end of the world does it?

Actually I think it is to my parents.

I really don't feel like myself today. I thought at first it was nerves as I am starting school tomorrow but I am not sure now. It feels a bit like I have a cold coming. My eyes hurt in the sunlight so I think I shall go to bed. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.

Well, I didn't feel better. My last entry was two weeks ago and I am only just been able to get out of bed today. And that is only over to my chair. Apparently I had a bad case of flu with a high temperature. My muscles still ache and I have a constant dull headache. Everything seems such an effort.

My parents really aren't happy at how my illness has put back my departure to school. I think they were planning on travelling once Draco and I were safely at school. But I shall be out of their hair, I think in a week or so. It has really knocked me backwards. I suppose it showed that I hadn't fully recovered the last time but it has been frustrating to go back to square one.

Today was my first day at Highsted School for Girls and I am writing this under my duvet with a torch. Everyone else, four other girls, are fast asleep but I can't sleep. Father and Mother said a short goodbye to me before a car arrived. I was surprised to see it but I hadn't given how I was to get to my school much thought so got in there without arguing. The school is an hour and a half away. It is so big! I am definitely at a disadvantage having never attended a school before as everything is different. It is definitely strange to be around so many people. I had become a bit of a recluse. I felt so stupid talking to the other girls in my year as I am completely clueless about the ways of muggles. I think they think I am rather strange. They seem such close friends after a month. I wish I had been able to start at the same time as them as I feel like I am running behind now.

Well, I have survived my first week at school. The work isn't too bad – quite a lot of it was covered by our governess. There are so many unwritten rules about how to behave that I keep breaking. The other girls seem to just ignore me now and stay away, I think they have got fed up with explaining things to me. I wonder if Mother and Father have heard from Draco yet – God, I miss him. Don't get me wrong our relationship was always fiery with many disagreements and shouting but then there were the good times – the laughing, talking – just having fun. I hope he is ok, well doing better than me anyway. I wonder if he thinks about me. When people ask me at school whether I have any brothers and sisters I don't know what to say.

I haven't written in here for so long. I was worried that other people would read it so I locked it away in my trunk. Nothing much has been happening anyway. I try to immerse myself in my school work and keep my head down. The Christmas holidays start today and I am waiting for my ride home...

The house was empty when I got home. I guessed that they were picking up Draco from the station. I made my way up to my room, pleased to be home where I can be myself again. When I opened the door to my room I was shocked to see a completely empty room. I called out to Dobby who apparated immediately. He apologised and said that my room was no longer here. He showed me where I was to stay. My parents have had a cottage built at one far end of the gardens. It is quite bare inside but I seem to have all of my belongings here. There is a small kitchen and a living room downstairs and then a bedroom and a bathroom upstairs. What is horrible about it is the quietness. It is so quiet.

It has been five years since I wrote in here. I don't really know what made me stop keeping a diary. I think part of it was because if I wrote what was happening to me down on paper then I couldn't help but acknowledge and think about it and for a while that was hard, really hard. So instead I just stopped writing and concentrating on living, on getting through each day. I was clearing out my cottage yesterday when I came across this hidden under my bed. I couldn't help but read through the previous entries which are rather gloomy and depressing. My eleven year old self was brutally honest about how I was feeling. In lots of ways it seemed so long ago but in other ways I can still feel the pain and rejection that I felt as it is a part of me and I can't seem to escape it.

What have I been doing these last five years? Well I continued to board at Highsted. It did get easier although I still didn't fit it. I had had too different a background to them. I realise now that I had low self-esteem and didn't really expect anyone to like me, let alone want to be my friend. Any attempt anyone made to be my friend I treated with suspicion and believed that they had ulterior motives. If I could go back I would change that and welcome friendships. I was also at a disadvantage not growing up in a magical home as I didn't share their values or experiences. As a muggle I was completely clueless. I took my GSCEs in the summer (it is now Christmas) and I loved studying for them as they gave me something to really focus on and I was able to forget about everything else at times. My hard work paid off as I did well – 3 A*s and 7 As.

I spoke my parents on the day I got my results. It was asking too much to expect a congratulations or a pat on the pack from them. My father just nodded at the results letter when I had explained quickly what the grades meant. My mother gave the briefest of smiles. I told them that I didn't want to go back to the school and that I would like a new start somewhere else to study A Levels and then possibly go onto university. I was feeling really brave and even suggested that I could stay at the cottage rather than board. This really didn't go down well at all. My father didn't get cross, he just said that either I went back to the school they had chosen for me or I wouldn't go to any other school. I remember feeling so frustrated at the control that he has over my life and said some things that I shouldn't have done which I was punished for. A few days later he told me that he had taken my identity, I didn't exist any longer on any muggle records or anything. Basically this traps me here, I can't get a job, study anywhere. I am trapped.

Sometimes I thought it would be lovely to have nothing to do, no homework, no coursework, no revision, just the time to do nothing. After five years of working hard all this time I have on my hands is beginning to lose its appeal. My cottage is spotless and I am almost obsessively cleaning it, I have read all the books in my collection including some that literally bored me to tears, and I feel like I know every tree, no branch of every tree, in the small wood that surrounds the cottage. I am going to have to find something constructive to do.

I have been venturing into town. I think my parents are aware that I am doing this but for some reason don't seem to be trying to stop me. Although I would love to get out of here every day I have been forcing myself to only go at most once a fortnight. I don't want to push my luck. The small library has become like a second home. I am sure though the librarians think I am so strange as I never take any books away from me as you need a form of identification and well I don't have any. Seeing people on the computers and knowing the potential that owning my own would I plucked up the courage to ask my Father for an advance on my fund so I could purchase my own. Father was reluctant to give me any money given that my food is still provided by the Manor however he was eventually convinced that I would need something in order to purchase clothes and other essentials. One day a couple of months ago I stumbled across a website with cheap A Level textbooks and dipped into my fund to purchase some. I don't think he would class some of the things I have purchased from the small, but adequate if I am careful, fund like a television and books as essentials. I have been working my way through the syllabuses for three A Levels – Maths, History and Sociology. Part of me knows that all my hard work is for nothing really as I won't ever be able to sit the exams. However, I do enjoy studying and in some ways regret my determination to not return to Highsted but I didn't really think Father would react the way he did. Anyway, I really want to finish the Maths exercise I am on. It is harder working through on my own but I do like the challenge.

Something is happening at the Manor. Whenever I have sneaked over to the library – I find sometimes unable to resist visiting the amazing collection of books – or the kitchen for some food to top up my supplies there has been many disagreements between my parents. I have tried to find out more but haven't been able to as don't want to risk being discovered. All I have found out is that it is something to do with Draco.

I am so confused, no angry, no upset – see what I mean. Yesterday was a lovely sunny day and I had a real craving for some ice cream. The craving was so strong that I found myself heading for the Manor kitchen to raid their supply as I was out. The house elves seemed startled when I entered and the atmosphere seemed tense. After a few attempts with more than one of them I gathered that there was some ongoing argument between my parents occurring upstairs. My curiosity got the better of me and I headed out of the servant quarters and into the main house. I paused as I wondered whether they would be when I heard a crash coming from the direction of the drawing room. As I neared I could hear my father shouting that it was all someone else's fault. I guessed that he was blaming Mother for something as the house elves had said that they were arguing.

My mother was quieter but I could just about work out what she was saying and she was pleaded with him. My heart sank as I heard the unmistakeable sound of someone being slapped. Before I really knew what I was doing I opened the door. My father was standing over my mother who was cowering crouched on the floor.

I asked what was going on but Mother told me to get out with fear evident in her eyes.

Father turned and gave me one of his icy stares that make you feel that you are nothing, that you are worse than nothing. When he spoke his voice was low and his anger was obvious.

'This has nothing to do with you. You are not part of this family.' He stepped towards me and I tried to back away but I found myself against the wall. I hid my face with my hands in a feeble attempt to defend myself. He then asked me if I had been eavesdropping. I shook my head. I kept my eyes lowered but I could feel him staring at me. He grabbed my shoulders and shook me.

'I asked you a question,' he spat out.

'No... sir... not intentionally. I was in the kitchen... the house elves were so jumpy... I heard some shouting. Sorry.' He pulled me away from the wall and then pushed back so hard that I bumped my head. I cried out.

'Lucius, let her go,' Mother pleaded. He pulled out his wand and aimed it at her.

'Please don't... I'll go,' I stepped in front of her.

'You know I have just thought of something. Now that Dumbledore is dead there is no reason why I can't do this - crucio.'

My body screamed with pain. I struggled to get my breath when he lifted the spell. 'Dumbledore's dead?' I managed to say.

'Yes, your protector from afar is dead.'

'No!' My heart sank and I closed my eyes in resignation. I don't know the names of the other spells he cast on me but I experienced an intensive heat like my blood was boiling to the other extreme of freezing cold. I called, screamed out a number of times, begging for him to stop. Every time though he just asked me to give him a reason why he shouldn't just kill me. I couldn't give him a reason, my life meant nothing to him, any connection between us was gone. He detested me. In the end it was Mother that stopped him by standing in front of me.

My Father was furious at her intervention and said, 'Stay out of this. This is your fault. Not only did you give birth to a muggle for a daughter but also a coward for a son.'

What surprises me now, when I remember what happened is how calm my Mother was throughout it all and just said quietly, 'The Dark Lord asked too much of Draco, it was too soon, he was not ready.'

'Luckily Snape was there to pick up the pieces and do the deed although he had no choice did he thanks to your unbreakable vow.'

My Mother replied, 'Draco couldn't have killed Dumbledore.'

I know that I should have stayed silent at this point, even slip away while their attention was not on my but I found myself asking, 'The Dark Lord wanted Draco to kill Dumbledore?'

Father lifted me harshly off the floor and looked intently at me. I couldn't hold his gaze and looked at the floor.

'Let her go, Lucius.'

Father threw me down on the floor and I got up quickly. I ran as fast as my aching and protesting body could allow through the house and into the grounds. Dumbledore is dead and Draco nearly was the one who killed him.

I haven't cried this much in so long but it hurts, it really hurts and I don't mean just physically.

After finding out that Professor Dumbledore was dead I expected a visit from Father at any time. But a whole week has gone by and no one has come near me. I have kept myself in the cottage not wanting to provoke him anymore then me just being alive does.

As the days have gone by and still no sign of Father I have become braver. I have sneaked into the Manor on a couple of occasions and tried to overhear more conversations but have had no luck so far.

Today I finally heard something that I think may be useful and I can hardly write this as I am shaking with I don't know what. Anticipation? Excitement? Fear? Doubt? Confusion? I have a feeling that it is a mixture of all of these. Father was talking to someone in his study which I just happened to be walking past the slightly open door. Sounds too easy doesn't it? Well it wasn't exactly like that I had walked past it what felt like hundreds of times eagerly listening but at the same time knowing that I would have to give up soon.

Father's voice was low and I could only make out some of what he was saying. Something on the lines of that one (whatever one is) is safe in a cabin in the forest near Hogsmeade. I was about to disappear as my heart was pounding and I knew that I was pushing my luck and was heading away from the study when I heard my Father say that great care needed to be taken as Harry Potter was believed to be looking for them.

So now I need to decide what to do about this information. Funny enough not doing anything doesn't seem to be an option.