Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyers owns Twilight. No copyright infringement is purposely intended with this story.
Melancholia
Chapter 2
I close my eyes as the commotion from the other room makes itself known. My knees are weak and the sound of blood rushing through my body thumps wildly inside my head.
Frozen in place, I am afraid to move. Voices are loud, but the words are muffled. As quickly as it began it ends with the ringing of the bell attached to the door. Proceeding slowly to the doorway I peek into the small office I occupy daily. The potted plant that sits near my desk has been knocked over. Dirt has spilled over onto the carpet.
Everything else seems to be in it's place. Half a step into the room and I can feel the tension. Thick and heavy, some would say that you could cut it with a knife. Not me, I know that tension can not be cut with anything, no matter how sharp.
Crouching down beside the pot I use my hands to scoop the brown fertilized soil back into the ceramic pot. As I get the last of the clumps I notice that there is still some embedded in the carpet. I brush my fingers over the mess left behind and look at the dirt that has stained my fingers and nails.
In the bathroom I wash my hands and find myself looking at the reflection in the mirror. The water continues to run as I study the face staring at me.
She is lifeless and plain. No spark in her dull brown eyes or tint to her skin. She mimics my expressions and teases me. In my head she tells me that I use to be somebody and now I am no one. I am not special. I am a failure. I am a nobody.
Turning from the reflective glass, I switch the light off and walk to my desk. The computer screen has gone black with the logo of McCarty construction bouncing from each edge of the computer screen.
Wrapping my arms around myself I squeeze tightly. The protective feeling I crave flows through my body. The moment is interrupted by the door being pulled open. Emmett stands in the doorway. His lip is bleeding and he is clenching his fists at his sides.
" Em, are you alright?" I ask as he just stands and glares at me.
" Grab your stuff Bella. I am going to take you home," he says as he switches the overhead fluorescent lights off.
I am confused while I pack my bag. Not sure why I am being asked to leave, I comply.
iPhone. Check.
Bottled water and lunchbox. Check.
Tattered copy of my favorite book. Check.
The noise from the zipper fills the silence as I secure my backpack over my shoulder. I walk towards my friend who has not moved since turning off the lights.
" I am ready," I whisper as I push past him and walk to my truck parked on the side of the building. Fumbling in the front pocket of my bag I curse when I realize I left my keys inside.
"You won't need them because I said I will bring you home," the voice cuts through the winter chill.
Surrendering myself I walk over to his vehicle and place myself in the passenger seat. He has already started the Jeep and turned the fan to high. The air that blows from the vents is cold and I shiver.
"Give it a few seconds and it will warm up," he says. The seriousness of his voice troubles me, but not enough to ask.
As we drive through the streets of our small town I take notice to the houses and people we pass. I see Jessica Newton laying in the snow making angels with her four year old daughter, Lily. Mr. and Mrs. Cope were standing on the sidewalk having a conversation with the mailman, Waylon.
The small shops that line the main street in Forks are open for business. The windows filled with signs and lights. The newest technology, hair product, or dinner special highlighted for all to see.
It is when I see Angela and Ben Cheney coming from Forks First National Bank that I realize something.
Angela is wrapped in Ben's arms as they kiss. I could feel the emotion from the Jeep as we passed by at 25 mph. Realistically, I knew that it was just a kiss, but I also knew that the kiss was very important.
Just this morning my mother told me that the Cheney's were closing on the house they bought across town. It was an epic moment in their lives I witnessed. I witnessed.
I have witnessed proposals, marriages, births, promotions, and so many other life altering moments from the sidelines. Never once have I experienced the joy of being a new homeowner, a bride, or a graduate. Never once the center of attention because I don't count the reprehensible situation that haunts me daily.
The Jeep jerks forward as Emmett accelerates. The seat belt cuts harshly across my collarbone and the pain spreads throughout my upper body. I welcome the feeling knowing that even though it is not the happiness I crave. As long as I can feel something, I know that I am still alive. Although I am breathing and the muscle in my chest contracts I feel lifeless.
As we entered my neighborhood Emmett explained that he was going to back to the office to look over the blueprints for the Cheney remodel. When I tried to tell him that I would go with him he asked me to stay home and rest for the remainder of the day. Telling me to call him later I opened the door and slid out from the seat.
I looked at him and saw his sad eyes as I shut the Jeep door and followed the sidewalk leading to the front porch. The concrete sidewalk was no longer even. Charlie complained about the old tree in the front yard and how it's roots were pushing up the sidewalk. All I knew is that each rift reminded me of my life thus far. He wanted to cut the tree down and for a moment I wondered what it would be like to be cut down and removed from the soil. No longer a problem to anyone.
Doing my best not to trip I reach the front porch and climb the stairs to the front door. Emmett was waiting for me to enter the house before pulling away. I wave to let him know I am fine as I open the door.
Muscles ache as I remove my coat and hang it beside the others on the coat rack. The house is quiet. The hum from the refrigerator is the only noise I can detect as I move up the stairs to my room.
Once shut inside I lean against my door and move my hands over my body. They come to rest on my stomach. Closing my eyes I try to remember what it felt like when I was pregnant. I try to remember the fullness, the curve of my body as it stretched to accommodate a child. I remember the emotions I felt the first time my baby moved inside of me.
The rush of joy, sadness, fear, and shame bring me to my knees. I kneel down with my head almost touching the floor and sob. I cry so hard that I convulse as I gasp for air. My hands are tightened into fist as they beat the floor, my wrists ache with each contact. The pain shoots through my arms and radiates through my body.
When I can no longer breathe and the pain becomes too much I let go. The darkness overcomes me and I surrender.
A/N Thank you to StellaBlueBella and Ninmesarra for all the support and feedback.
I don't want to beg for reviews because that is not me although I would love to hear something...anything...and I will give the first reviewer a glimpse into Chapter 3.