As always no copyright infringement intended. Stephanie Meyers owns it all, except my story ideas. They are mine and unfortunately will not get me closer to Rob.

Melancholia

Chapter 4

"Bella, tell me about the time you spent in college?"

Fearing this question since I started the visits to Jennifer Ford, my very own mental health counselor, three weeks ago. I swallowed hard and paused. Mainly, unsure if I was ready to visit the places that most likely ignited my somber existence. I would have to speak words like love, future, and Edward. Then I would also have to speak of the words betrayal, broken, and Edward.

He pushed himself into my life so quickly and it has taken almost ten years to get to the point of wanting to purge him from myself. Throughout the years I was never ready to let him go completely.

As much as I hated him I also continued to love him fiercely. No amount of time would ever make me forget the last moments we spent together.

Curled up on the flattened down futon I watched him move across the studio apartment in search of a t-shirt.

His hair was a mess, going in all directions and his eyes still looked sleepy. Wearing only basketball shorts that hung suggestively low on his hips he found what he was looking for on the back of the brown recliner.

I pulled myself up from the warm cocoon of blankets and slipped my shoes on. It was almost 2 p.m. and Edward had to get to his last class before the weekend. Knowing I could stay here and wait for him I decided to use the time to study for my upcoming exam.

"You are not staying?" he asked as he pulled the hoodie over his head. Looking beautiful, all rumpled and sexy from an impromptu nap he took with me. I came straight to him after my morning class wanting to spend some time with him before he left to go home over the weekend for a family obligation.

I walked up to him and helped him to adjust the hood on the black sweatshirt and tried my best to tame the hairs that stuck up on his head. His arms wrapped around my waist as he tried to pull me in for an embrace.

"I really need to do some reading and prepare for oral presentation next week. Besides, I am sure you don't want me to be here all alone with nothing to do. I could accidentally find out some secret information you have been hiding from me," I joked, sorta.

"No secrets. I already told you everything about my boring life. Besides, I love you and there is nothing I would want to keep from you," he said. His nose was buried in my hair as his spoke close to my ear. His breathe warming me from the outside in.

"I will walk you down to the quad, ok?" he asked as he pulled me toward the door. Following him was easy. I would follow him anywhere.

As we parted, taking different paths on the concrete his parting words made my heart grow and beat rapidly.

"I'll miss you, love. I will call you later tonight before I leave for home, ok?"

I nodded as I walked backwards from him and blew him a kiss. Thrusting his fist into the air he grasped as if he caught something and stuck his hand into his pocket as if to save my kiss for later.

Watching him walk away from me I was filled with so much happiness. Too bad it was happiness that was soon to expire.

As the memory faded out in my mind I began to think of anything that would of clued me in to the heartbreak I would face when Edward returned from his weekend home. I know he never called me after class. At the time I shrugged it off thinking that he was busy packing or he was dealing with school work. It was not uncommon for him to get lost in his work and lose track of time. It was one of those things that I loved about him.

Not ready to confess my buried secrets I told Jennifer about my decision to go to college, my major, and moving away from home. I spoke of moving into the dorms, my room mate, and the orientation. I shared with her the fears I faced being away from my parents for the first the time ever.

As the session ended Jennifer asked me to complete a couple exercises during the week and to report back to her if there were any concerns.

Rising from the comfortable leather chair I collected my bag and the appointment card. With a simple smile and wave I left the office and made my way to my truck.

The drive to work was uneventful. Forks was quiet except for a few logging trucks going through town. People were going about their business, in and out of buildings. I saw parents with children and couples occupying the streets. I imagined what my life would be like if things turned out differently. Shaking my head as if to rid myself of the silly thought I concentrated on the drive instead of what was happening around me.

Arriving at McCarty Construction, I parked on the side of the building.

A lumber truck making a delivery into the warehouse caught my attention. Two by fours of pine stacked along one side of the truck bed were held in place by dirty, yellow straps. Trusses were taking up the other side. The fork truck zoomed from the first bay of the building and began to unload smaller materials from the back of the truck.

I waved to Garrett who was operating the truck as I began my walk inside toward the office.

The musky, wet fragrance of the wood was all around me. I felt comforted by it, something about it made me feel grounded.

When I opened the door to the building, Emmett came from his office. Wearing a pair of well worn denim and a simple black t shirt he looked fairly normal. The exception was that he had on his tool belt that was equipped with a hammer, tape measure, and other tools. His Paslode nailer in his hands and his blue hard hat on his head. The nail gun was aimed toward the ceiling as he ran around the office.

As humorous as he was, I simply put my bag down by my desk and powered up my computer. If this is what I walked into then I knew it would be a long day in the office with my boss. Trying my best to not crack a smile I brewed myself a cup of coffee and rifled through the mail on my desk.

"Bella...Bella...Izzybella...Bella..." he sang to me. I knew he was close because I could hear him breathe. In. Out. In. Out. I looked up at him and saw his face. It was serious as he put the air nailer to his temple.

"Seriously lady, if you don't do as I say the dumb jock gets it." he attempted to disguise his voice.

"Help me. Do what ever he wants. Please. I am too young to die," Emmett said in a high pitched voice.

I looked up from the envelopes in my hand and gave him a feeble grin. Reaching over I grabbed the machine from his hand and set it on my desk.

"How much did that thing cost you?" I asked knowing it was new.

"You will see when the invoice comes, but seriously, don't tell Rose. She will kick my ass for sure," he begged.

Shaking my head I sat in my chair and logged onto the computer.

"Anything exciting going on today?"

"Not really. I got a contract yesterday for a new construction. That should really help things around here. Other than that, I just need you to call for a few building permits and send out the Jenning's proposal.

"But first, you need to tell me how you are doing and don't say fine because I know the truth," he said. His eyes expressed concern and chipped away at the walls that were built to protect myself.

I sighed and decided that he deserved my honesty. After all he has done for me I owed it to him. It was just a few weeks ago that he stood outside my bedroom in my parent's home and begged me through a song to try to get better. Alice, Jasper, and Emmett meant everything to me, they were all I had left besides my parents.

"It's getting easier. Every day I am just a bit stronger and willing to fix whatever it is that keeps..." lost for words I just stopped.

"I know Bella. We all see you trying. I just worry. Jasper and Alice too. Even my cold hearted bitch, Rose, asks about you everyday. We all just want you to be better," his voice was quieter telling me that he was in fact worried about me even though he tried make a joke about Rose. We both knew that Rose was not even close to being a bitch, she was one of the sweetest, caring people I ever met.

I appreciated that he cared, I just wished sometimes I cared that much about myself.

"So I have to go over a few thing with you about this new build, but the guys need me in the warehouse to check in the supplies, so can we catch up this afternoon?"

"I will be here until five today, Bossman"

"Great. If you need me I have my cell," he said before he turned to walk out the door. Once it was shut I turned my attention to my work.

I logged into the company's email account and began to go through the inbox. Most of the mail was advertisements, requests for quotes, but there was one name that immediately grabbed my attention.

E. A. Cullen

I placed my mouse on the name and double clicked.

There was no going back now.

A/N I just want to thank my beta, Nimesarra, for all her help and support on this chapter. Also, if it is not too much to ask, can you review? I don't want to beg, but some feedback will be so awesome! Thanks.