I own nothing. Not Twilight, not the quotes, the town, or the infamous red truck. I am also not responsible for Kristen Stewart's lapse of sanity when she decided to suck face in public with a much older man when she "had" a perfectly fine one at home. Oh well life does go on, and on, and on.
All mistakes are mine because I am human and make a bunch of them. Today it was when I convinced my husband that I was strong enough to help him unload our new grill off the back of the truck. Too bad my shorts got caught on the tailgate and cause me to trip and we lost control of the HEAVY grill. I would of been fine unloading it because I am that strong, but I did not want to rip my shorts. I love this shorts and they do belong to me.
Enjoy.
Previously...
My mind was racing as I felt excited. Excited for having a huge party in Peyton's memory while raising money for the organization and maybe I was also excited to have actually had an idea related to this event that did not bring me to my knees in sadness and grief.
Time is fleeting. Days filled with therapy, work, and party preparations have helped me ignore Edward's occasional presence in town, most days when I retire to my room and my eyes close for the night I can see him. In my mind he is younger like he was in college. I can smell his cologne and feel the warmth of his skin. Each mark and curve is burned into my mind. Scar or mole. Chest or thigh. I know them all. I think of the last time we made love (although it is silly of me to think it was love making when I know now it was just sex to him). The way his arms embraced me, his body response to me, the sweet drops of sweat falling off him onto me, and the result of our intimacy, Peyton.
During an intense session with Jennifer, my therapist, I had decided it was time to find my own place to live. The thought of not having my parents to fall back on is scary, but it is time for me to begin my own life. Coming to the realization that I was far too dependant on my parents was overwhelming and as soon as I returned from my appointment that day I made the decision to start acting like an adult. The first step was to find my own home.
It did not take me very long to find a suitable place to live. Through word of mouth I received a phone call from Mrs. Cope, the high school secretary, within the first week. She had heard from Charlie that I was finally flying the coop and wanted to offer me the small one bedroom cottage that has sat empty for the past few years on her parent's property. When they passed away she moved into their home, but the cottage that was sitting on the large property had remained empty.
It was about one hundred yards behind the main house and it was perfect. From the cobblestone to the beautiful built in bookcases that lined the living room wall, I began another chapter of my life.
When Mrs. Cope handed me the key I immediately started with the cleaning, not long after I started I was surprised by a knock at the door. On the other side was Rose and Alice with their arms full of cleaning supplies ready to help. Hours later Jasper and Emmett arrived with pizza and beer. Being surrounded by my friends gave me a feeling of security that I had been ignoring for many years.
My parents bought me new furniture for the living room, Rose gave me her old dining room table she had in storage, and I used my savings to buy myself a new bedroom set. It was a Sunday when I moved into my new home. My family and friends were there to help me carry and arrange the furniture. As I unpacked boxes I came across the photos of my baby girl. Running my hands over the glass I wiped the dust that had accumulated. Four separate frames contained the most beautiful photos of Peyton. The day she was born, one of her and I when she came home from the hospital, a family photo of my parents and us, and the last photo I had taken of her just two weeks before she passed.
Carefully arranging them on the mantle above the fireplace I stared at them lost in my memories until I felt someone come up behind me and arms wrap around me. Immediately I knew it was my mother. She held me tight and whispered that Peyton was watching over me and she would be happy that I was moving forward. Tears fell from my eyes as I grasp my mother's hands that were resting on my chest. I simply nodded my head as tears ran down my face.
Settling in was easier than I expected. I enjoyed being on my own although I was never alone. Every day since I moved in I had company. Jasper, my parents, Mrs. Cope, Rose, or Alice were all frequent visitors.
One evening Emmett, Rose, and Alice all arrived at the the same time. When I opened my door I told them all to go home because I was fine and if I was ever going to get through this they all needed to back off and let me do it on my own. Knowing they were worried about me being alone I felt guilty for sending them away, but I also knew that I needed to learn to rely on myself and not others to get through my demons.
After that the visits slowed down and I was happy that they trusted I was doing alright on my own.
"I have all the invitations addressed and ready to send out. Do you think you could swing by the post office this afternoon?" Rose asked. I looked up from paper I was reading and nodded.
"I will go there before I head back home," I replied, turning my attention back to the caterer's proposal.
We were sitting at her dining room table on a Wednesday evening going over some details of the fundraiser. Everything was coming together so well that it made me nervous since I was alway waiting for something bad to happen.
"So we have four weeks to tie up the loose ends. Is there anything you want to change?" she asked.
I looked over to my friend and couldn't help but smile at her. She was amazing and I would always be grateful for all she has done over the past few weeks to pull everything together.
"Everything is great, you did such a great job. I don't know how I will every be able to thank you," I said to her.
"Well there is something you could do for me?" she said. Her eyes were giving her away because I knew that look, she was up to something.
"What would that be?" I asked.
"Well, as you know most of us are going as couples because we are in fact couples and I think it would be good if you invited someone to accompany you. I know someone who would be willing to be by your side all night, ya' know to make sure you are alright in case one of us is occupied or something," her request was most likely from a good place, but I still knew that she was up to something and I was scared to think about the person she thought would be willing to stand beside me all night while I greeted guests and tried my hardest not to break down.
"Rose, I will be fine. Every year it gets a little bit easier and I can't expect someone to follow me around all night." I responded, not wanting to burden someone.
She stared at me for a moment then turned her attention back to organizing the stack of papers in front of her. After a few minutes she stopped and looked up at me.
"Garrett wants to be there for you and I know that the two of you get along really well. I know he is willing to stand by you all night and be there for you. Bella, you have said it yourself, you don't expect all of us to always catch you when you fall. It is just that someone should be there for you. All these years you have taken this silly vow of independence or celibacy and I think it is time for you to move forward. You have done so well these past few months and I think you're ready to start to date, have fun, or at least start having mind blowing sex."
I just sat there at the table and let everything she had seep into my brain. A part of me, albeit a small part, wanted to tell her to fuck off. Then another part of me knew everything she said she said out of love and friendship.
"Garrett?" I inquired as if I didn't really know who he was, but I knew. I also knew that there were no sparks when he kissed me and by asking him to be my '"date" I would be inviting him into some kind of relationship/friendship that I knew would be lopsided. My heart would never be the same again. It was broken, scarred, and would never be more than the organ pumping blood throughout my body for I was destined to never love again. I truly believe this.
"Garrett," she said firmly. Confirming that we were talking about the same one that I worked with almost everyday. The same guy that would occasionally come into the office just to eat lunch with me. The person who was always looking out for me hiding in the background. I felt his presence, but it was not a magnetism that I have felt before.
I closed my eyes and thought for a second. I thought about my last session with Jennifer and how we discussed my reluctance to to be in a relationship again. She told me that I could never know for certain that I couldn't have a successful partnership unless I put myself out there to try. She read me a quote, "A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for." then she told me to take a few days to think about the quote and how it could apply to this situation I forced upon myself.Looking at my best friend I made a decision that I prayed would not come back to haunt me.
"I will ask Garrett to go with me," before I could get another word out she jumped up from her chair causing it to fall over and pulled me into a hug. I squeezed her back then pulled my face away from her so I could look into her eyes, "there is one condition."
"Anything Bella, whatever you want," she replied. Her face lit up with her smile.
"I do this my way. No one else gets involved. Understand?" I told her.
"Yes, yes, yes. This is all you, I won't do anything and I will make sure Alice keeps her nose out of it too, I promise," she said as she made the boy scout hand sign.
She picked up her chair and sat down trying to calm herself down. Just as I did the same the front door slammed shut. Emmett's voice bellowed through the kitchen as he called for Rose.
Rose yelled back that we were in the dining room.
He walked into the room and went over to his wife to kiss her. It was just a kiss between two people in love. That simple kiss made me envious. I wanted to have what they did.
"Bells, I am so glad you are here. I was just telling Garrett on the way over about the fundraiser and all the cool shit that will be going on. He seemed pretty excited about the live band. You really should ask him to come," my large friend and boss said as he picked up Rose's iced tea and took a gulp. The ice cubes clinked against each other and the glass. There was nothing that he did that was quiet.
I stood up and announced it was time for me to go home. Throwing my bag over my shoulder I said my goodbyes and headed toward the front door. As I entered the hallway that lead to the foyer I saw Garrett talking on his phone. He looked up and his eyes met with mine. He dismissed whoever he was on the phone with a "let me call you back" and ended the call.
"Hey Bella. Leaving already?" he said.
"Yeah," I replied as I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my jacket from the coat tree. Garrett grabbed it from my hands and helped me slip it on.
As I pulled my hair forward to keep it from getting tucked into the collar he gently pulled the coat upwards and onto my body. Turning around I murmured thanks as he grabbed the zipper and tugged the metal fastener upward. It was a strange feeling to have someone other than myself zip my jacket, but I couldn't help that I also thought it was a sweet gesture.
Moving toward the door he followed behind me.
"Let me walk you to your truck," he insisted as he grabbed the doorknob and pulled the heavy oak door opened. The evening air was chilly and gave me goosebumps.
"Sure Garrett, that would be great," I said.
Walking to my truck in silence my mind played the events of the night he kissed me . He opened the truck door, took my bag from my shoulder, and slid it onto the bench seat.
I wished him a goodnight as I climbed into my truck.
"Bella, wait a second," he asked. Turning back sideways so I was facing him he took a few steps closer to me stopping as his body touched my knees.
Anticipation filled me. I wondered what he was going to say or what he was going to do. I did not have to wait long as he began to speak.
"I really feel bad for what I did that night a few weeks ago," I started to interrupt him, telling him he had no reason to be sorry, but he held his hand up signaling me to stop talking.
"Just let me say this. I am sorry for taking advantage of the situation, of you that night. When I arrived I knew something was going on between you and that guy and I didn't like it. I felt protective of you like I needed to save you from him and I know that sounds really bad, but it is the truth. I just wanted to make you smile after he made you so upset. There is something about you that I can't ignore and I have tried to fight it, but the thing is I don't want to fight it anymore. I want to protect you because you are special. Really special to me and I would do anything to make you smile everyday if you could just let me. So what I am asking you is to let me in, to give me one chance."
His words were sincere and spoken with confidence. It was hard to ignore the fact he was putting himself out there, risking whatever he had to tell me how he felt and dammit it felt good to hear it.
"Garrett, it is just I don't think I am the person who would make you hap..." I stopped talking because his lips crashed into mine and silenced me. It was a chaste kiss, but easy to tell that it was full of passion.
"Don't you say happy Isabella Swan, because just the fact you exist makes me happy and I am so tired of hiding my feelings for you everyday. You are beautiful, smart, strong, everything I have dreamt about. I have watched you for so long just barely going through the motions of each day and each time I look at you there is this smile you give me. And I know that this smile is for me because I watch you with others and you never give anyone the same smile that you give me. That tells me something. It tells me that there is hope and that alone makes it very hard for me to stay away from you."
"Don't," I said. Surprised by my omission. I wasn't blind because Garrett was very attractive in a blue collar, hard working man kind of way. My reluctance was all about me and how I could never be enough for him. My moods and bouts of depression would certainly drive him crazy. Also I feared what would happen if I actually let my guard down and he changed his mind, what would I do then.
"Don't what?" he asked confused by my response.
"Don't stay away from me. Don't give up on me, not yet anyway. I am trying to heal, to live, to get over the past. I need more time," I said the words as my heart pumped wildly in my chest. It hurt with every beat. Placing my hand on my chest I pressed hard trying to feel my heartbeat.
"Silly girl," he mumbled as he leaned in and kissed me again, "I won't give up on you."
Living in the moment I leaned in and kissed him again this time running the tip of my tongue along his bottom lip. He deepened the kiss and wrapped his arms around me as I did the same to him. The kiss was different from the last one we shared, this one was consensual, both of us giving into each other equally.
"Ahem," a voice came from nowhere. Emmett stood at the front of my truck holding a canvas bag of what I assumed were the invitations I had forgotten on the table. He walked over and handed the bag to Garrett and slapped him on the back before he made his way back into the house. I took the bag and turned back into the driver seat as he said goodbye and shut the truck door.
I watched as Garrett walked to the front porch and stood on the top step watching me as I started the truck. I shifted into reverse and look up in my rearview mirror and pulled out onto the road. I took one last glance at the house as I put the truck into drive. The sheer curtains in the upstairs bedroom window shift and there was no guessing that Rose had seen everything.