Disclaimer: I do not own anything, I am a broke ass bitch who is attempting to write the demons from her head. Stephanie Meyers is great and owns all of Twilight. I have no intention to take that away from her.

Hello my patient readers and there are some new ones out there too. Here is Chapter 24. I have no idea where this story will take me, but I love all the feedback because sometimes I actually change paths. The song below is again from Bears Den, If I Break. Enjoy.

We all deal with loss daily. We lose our keys, phones, maybe our sanity at times. Then there are losses of a different size. Losing a battle of addiction, a friend,or a dream.

The greatest loss I always thought was of love. When the man I was certain I loved crushed me, but that was until I lost my child.

If I had known that my days with Edward were limited, I would have done it all differently. Everyday, I would have changed something to keep him, but that's hindsight for you. 20/20 is so fucking clear, but I still wore those rose-colored glasses today. Thinking I could move forward was an impossible dream and the consequences were huge.

I thought that maybe Edward could be the answer to fixing myself. Ironic or not, sometimes it's the one who broke it that should fix it. Right?

When I left his home I made sure to keep my emotions directed toward Edward. It was all I had to protect myself from what had transpired at his house.

Climbing into Garrett's truck shame burned through me. Ashamed to admit that he was too good for me because when I looked at this man I wanted the other.

It was silent in the cab except for the sound of the road. No radio playing to fill the void. I suppose he did this on purpose to force me to talk, but I was not going to speak to him.

What would I say, 'Hey Garrett, being with Edward tonight made me think of having his body hovered over mine, making love to each other. I wish he would have taken me on that couch instead of being in this truck with you. Does that bother you?'

Since we began sleeping with each other I made a point to try to keep him at a safe distance. Self preservation? Maybe. I wondered if it was for him or myself.

Edward had called Garrett to pick me up and told me when he was on his way. First surprised, then I was angry. Surprised he called him to pick me up and angry that I was leaving before we had finalized whatever we were doing.

Driving through the forest lined roads I thought about what transpired between Edward and I. How I yelled at him over my daughter's memory and how he broke down. Crying for forgiveness that I wasn't able to give, forgiveness that I had not even given myself.

Despite everything, I still wanted to comfort him during his breakdown. When his crying turned to sobs and he looked at me with his red-rimmed green eyes and began to say words that only I could understand in this place, I too began to cry.

"Why..why did this happen" and "why couldn't it have been me" made me realize, stupidly, that he had to mourn something even if it was just an idea in his head. I knew that as a parent he could imagine the loss, but I wanted him to understand that it shouldn't have happened this way.

Holding his head to my chest I rocked him until he quieted. The situation not lost on me, but nonetheless it was happening, I felt relieved when he pulled back.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to have done this to you", he spoke. Tears running down his face.

"I loved you so much and I fucked it up...fucked it all up"' his confession falling off his lips.

Unsure of what to say or what to do I do whatever I needed to do to keep him quiet. I kissed his tear-stained lips. Kept those beautiful lips busy so I didn't have to hear his confessions anymore.

It was as if everything froze. There was no more weight of our problems, our stress, or our hostage emotions. It was just us and we were kissing as our hands began to move against one another. His palms were warm as they cupped my cheeks, with the swipe of his tongue I allowed him to deepen the kiss, he was taking me over.

I was entranced from the taste of his mouth to the smell of his body. Unwilling to stop, but wanting to so bad. There was a pull between us and I wanted to mean everything I hoped, but I was aware if was residual lust. We had always been attracted to one another so it was no surprise when he pushed me down on the sofa and began to kiss down my jaw to my neck. Nuzzling himself into the crook where he seemed to fit so perfectly.

"Edward," I tried to say with a solid voice, although it came out as a whimper.

He took it as a moan of pleasure and moved his hands, one on my right hip and his left firmly cupping my breast. My nipples hardened to his touch. I was begging for more as I arched into his hands, his lips trailing down toward my chest. The hardness of his body on mine made my heart race and my stomach flip.

Then it hit me...Garrett. I was with Garrett. It was all I could do to pull myself away and the look on his face was guilt. Being a married man he knew what he was doing was wrong. Now he was leaning over me aroused ready to take whatever I had to offer.

Before I could make a move the doorbell chimed and I scurried from under him off the sofa flattening my outfit as I walked away. He sat up the look of defeat in his eyes and with a huff he got up, adjusted himself and answered the door to find Garrett standing there waiting to take me home.

Tell me everything I want to hear

Why won't you lay here by my side?

I want to fuck away all of my fear

I have seen enough to've seen

And I have been where you've been

And no, our hands will never be clean

At least we can hold each other