My Ex-crush

Journal, I'm so tired but I'm going to write anyway. It's only because I love you. Also, if I sleep as hard as I think I will, there's no way I'll remember much of tonight. If I sleep as hard as I want to, I might not ever wake up. That sounded bad, but I'm too exhausted to care.

School was blah. Nothing extraordinary happened besides Nathan helping me with a design I was struggling with at lunch. It was sweet. I think he's over the akuma thing and his little crush on me. He didn't really do anything but ask me questions about what I wanted from the design. For some reason, when he asked me, I was able to think of the solutions.

By the end of lunch, my new dress design was exactly how I wanted it. I was so excited, I gave Nathan a big hug. I didn't even think about how awkward that might be for him until I pulled back. Nathan seemed pretty cool about it though. He even offered to help me some more with my designs! I can't really remember what he said but it was something like this:

"You already know how to fix things, Marinette. You just need someone to ask the right questions." That stuck with me all day. I think that's a pretty accurate description of how I work with Chat. He helps me find the answers by asking me how to solve the problem. Does that make sense? I'm telling you, I'm just worn-out.

The school day went pretty fast after that. Before I knew it, it was time to patrol with Chat. The night air was cool but not enough to be chilly. I enjoyed the breeze as I waited for Chat at our usual meeting rooftop. I was lost in my thoughts when he arrived. The silly kitty was obviously in a bad mood. I didn't want to pry but his sour attitude was starting to grate on my nerves as we walked the rooftops of Paris in silence.

"What's on the brain cell, Chat?" I used my most playful tone. My partner looked like I startled him from some pretty deep thoughts (so unlike him).

"My lady, it's nothing; a personal life problem," he said with a impressive sigh.

"Oh, I see," I was going to let the matter drop as we jumped to our next lookout point. That was until Chat let out another theatrical sigh.

"Do you remember that girl, Marinette?" my heart stopped at his seemingly innocent question. Does he know?

"Marinette? You mean, the blogger girl's friend?" I tried to keep my voice detached.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me! I told her I would do an interview with the blogger tonight. That cool with you?"

"It doesn't matter to me. I trust that Alya girl. Her friend seems nice too. What were you saying about her?" We had arrived at the Eiffel Tower. Chat was sitting casually on the rail, staring off into the distance like he was contemplating the world.

"She is nice, my lady. She really is," he said in a far away tone, "You remember how she got snatched by the Evillustrator that time?"

"Yes, I think so. But we fight a lot of akumas, Chat."

"Well, today, I saw her talking to the boy who was akumatized," his voice was grave, like this was a crime. Well, either Chat goes to my school or he spies on me. I'm just going to assume the former.

"That's a bad thing?" I tried and failed to keep the defensiveness from my voice. Chat didn't seem to notice though, as he hoisted himself up and began balancing on the rail, swinging his tail.

"She hugged him, Ladybug. HUGGED HIM! This is the kid who freaking kidnapped her!" He began walking faster back and forth on the rail. I don't know what you would call it. Extreme balance pacing?

"Maybe they're just friends? A hug doesn't mean they're getting married, Chaton. Besides, Marinette seems really pleasant and friendly. I could see her forgiving the boy for what he did while possessed."

"Yeah, but hugs lead to longer hugs. That leads to holding FREAKIN' hands. Then he's gonna want to kiss her and feel her up and…" he was pacing really fast and it was kinda scary.

"Chat, you're being such a spaz," I couldn't help but giggle. That stopped his pacing and he looked at me with an offended expression. How could I not laugh? He let out a disappointed huff but then he gave me a small smirk.

"Maybe so. But it bothers me that Mari can just forgive him so easily," his tone was serious (really, this is NOT my Chat).

"You should talk to her about it," I don't know why I suggested that. The last thing I need is for Chat to be getting close with my civilian personality.

"I don't want to seem jealous," he mumbled.

"Well, you are jealous. Not to mention you're a terrible actor. I don't think you're going to fool her anyway. Marinette isn't dumb."

"Me-ouch! My acting skills are su-purr-b! And I am not jealous of Nathan," The venom in his voice as he said the boys name said otherwise. I shot him an exasperated look.

"If you say so, kitty. We should be heading home now and you have an interview. Do you need the address?" I asked as I made to leave the tower.

"No, I can find where she lives," he said in a sulky tone. That's weird. I guess if he is in my class though, he could know where Alya lives.

"My lady," He called as I made to swing my yo-yo out into the night, "Thanks for the advice. I'll talk to Marinette about it. I was going to see her tomorrow night anyway. Night, night, partner," he jumped off the tower, into the dark. I rolled my eyes at his dramatics.

"Night, night, Chaton," I said to the empty air.

As I sit here, writing all this, I feel as if my bones are coated in some kind of heavy steal. I feel so heavy and tired. I have no idea why I encouraged Chat to visit me. Strangely enough, I don't think I would change anything if I could. Journal, I'm so confused.

UPDATE: I just got off the phone with Alya. It's 12:09 a.m. and I want to murder that cat. Apparently, he let Alya know that I sent him! Well, Alya figured it out because she said he asked what I thought about him? Journal, I can't wait to tell him EXACTLY what I think about him.