Chapter 1: Artistic Value
T'Pol
I closed the communique and I was less than pleased. Thankfully I was alone in my quarters at the time, which meant none of my crew mates were present to witness my momentary lapse in controlling my emotions. Two years of thorough research into the nature of micro-singularities, an endeavor that had nearly cost the lives of Commander Tucker and Lieutenant Reed, after they had become stranded in a shuttle pod, had been for nothing. While I had been roaming the quadrant aboard humanity's first deep space vessel, the NX-01 Enterprise, Dr. T'Leera had been working on her own publication on the matter and had 'beaten me to the punch', as Commander Tucker would undoubtedly describe this situation.
Although I was still intending to publish the results of my research, it would never receive the scientific attention I deemed it worthy of. Dr. T'Leera's research was incomplete and only poorly backed up by reliable data. Mine had the pertinent data, but in the end it would still be registered in history as the work that merely substantiated and backed up Dr. T'Leera's ground-breaking publication. It might be considered an unseemly emotional indulgence for a Vulcan, but I was less than content with being the second. As the ship's captain, Jonathan Archer, once allegedly said: Nobody remembers what a human called Buzz Aldrin said after setting foot on Earth's moon two-hundred years ago, because another human, Neil Armstrong had been the first to do so before him.
It was obvious that I needed a new matter to research, preferably one that my fellow colleagues at the Academy of Science would be hesitant to deal with. The obvious choice were studies of human behavior, as many Vulcans were more than reluctant to take a closer look at Vulcan's allies due to their openly emotional nature.
To my displeasure I found quite a number of publications on the matter in the Academy's database and most of them would have been described by Lieutenant Reed as 'rubbish', while Commander Tucker would have, undoubtedly, found a stronger profanity to dismiss them with. The ship's chief engineer has shown a rather surprising protectiveness towards me in this situation and I'm inclined to say that he would probably be even more upset than myself, were he to learn that my thorough research has been pre-empted by a publication the only virtue of which is having arrived before mine.
Despite the obvious deficiencies in the already existing publications, as none of the authors had spent even remotely as much time among humans as I had, I felt strongly disinclined to waste my time on writing yet more essays that merely corrected the inadequacies of other scientists' work.
What I did notice, however, was that two aspects of human culture and customs were completely absent from the database – the multiple religious beliefs among humans and their mating practices. Religion, while still practiced by a sizeable portion of humans, had lost most of its importance in the aftermath of Earth's devastating conflict called World War III. That fact was most likely the reason why most Vulcan scientists did not consider the topic worthy of research.
Engaging in research of religious beliefs was not an endeavor that promised a satisfactory result. Of eighty-three humans aboard, only seven were still practicing religious rituals and customs and the amount of potential data to collect was simply not enough to warrant a result I would consider worthy of publication.
That left the topic of human intimate practices. Of course, I would find more than enough willing subjects for such research, especially Commander Tucker, but there was a reason why nobody had ever engaged in that sort of research. When it came to their mating practices, humans were every bit as secretive as my own species and in addition they also seemed to be extremely uncomfortable conversing about it, as was evidenced by the captain's and Commander Tucker's reaction to my suggestion that the crew have their tensions eased on Risa. Of course the crisis of Ambassador V'Lar's flight from Mazar had pre-empted any immediate implementation of my suggested course of action.
There was only one realistic way to do thorough research on the matter and that implicitly meant that I needed to engage in sexual relations with human test subjects. Again, I had no doubt that Commander Tucker would need little persuasion to assist me with that kind of research. As ensign Sato once told me when offering her theory that the ship's chief engineer was romantically interested in me, all it would take was an invitation and I would be 'naked and on my back' in an instant.
Of course most fellow Vulcans would consider engaging in mating acts that are not meant for the purpose of procreation or the resolution of a male's blood-fever a deviant endeavor, but thankfully scientists were not this narrow-minded, understanding the need for such unconventional measures for the sake of scientific accuracy.
In a way I would merely continue a scientific family tradition. My foremother T'Mir had been the first female of our house to break with the tradition that females of our blood-line would become priestesses at the sanctuary on Mount Seleya. Instead, she had become the first member of our house to venture into deep space and she had been stranded on Earth over a century before the official first contact between our species.
Despite her insistence to the contrary, I did not believe that my foremother had spent that much time on Earth without becoming curious about human intimate customs. As my mother T'Les once told me, when not quite in control of her mental faculties during a heavy bout of nu'ruu fever, my foremother had had such a need for intimate attention that if she had acted on her desires at any given chance, she would have doubled the number of family members.
My mother was not as promiscuous by nature, but she was the first and foremost expert of Vulcan mating practices and to gain that much knowledge, she had mated with over thirty different Vulcan males for scientific reasons. To preserve her privacy, those many intimate encounters with males of all kinds of physical stature, experience and age were of course classified, but appropriately experienced and esteemed scientists had access to these documents and none of them would have ever considered my mother's course of action deviant in any way. In fact, she had been praised for her willingness to engage in unorthodox methods of research. After all, unlike humans, Vulcans do not know the concept of casual sexual relations.
Especially one human was more than familiar with the concept – the ship's chief engineer. There had been a recent incident involving the heiress apparent of a planet called Krios Prime, and although I had no solid proof, I was quite convinced that commander Tucker and princess Kaitaama had engaged in sexual relations. The fact that we had found them 'half naked in a bloody swamp', as Lieutenant Reed had described it, made that a rather probable option.
What I did not understand at the time, was why the thought caused me to experience a wave of extremely disagreeable emotions.
Phlox
I could not help it. I knew the width of my smile was often disconcerting for humans and much more so for the one Vulcan aboard, but seeing her stalk into sickbay, with her hands firmly clasped behind her back and a look of mild apprehension on her face told me that this was a case of Subcommander T'Pol being in need of an explanation for some aspect or other of human behavior and – like so often lately – it would almost inevitably involve one human in particular.
Those talks had often evolved into a most enlightening exchange of information, most unusual, considering that they involved a member of a race that was known for their almost excessive secrecy, but then the Subcommander was hardly your 'garden variety Vulcan' as captain Archer used to say.
"What can I do for you, subcommander," I asked, continuing to feed the various animals I kept to harvest medical substances.
"Doctor, may we take this conversation to your office? I need to speak with out about an issue of utmost private nature."
It was not exactly an unexpected request. For subcommander T'Pol more or less everything was of 'utmost private nature', but the insecure posture of the Vulcan told me that I was about to be surprised.
I pointed towards my small office at the back of sickbay and she followed me inside without as much as a verbal confirmation. A nearly imperceptible nod was all the answer such an invitation would get. I sat down and indicated that she should do the same across the desk. Now that privacy was ensured, the subcommander's apprehension lessened substantially.
"Doctor, I intend to study human sexuality in both theoretical and practical aspects and I would be grateful for any guidance you may offer."
At first I thought the subcommander might have joined Commander Tucker and Ensign Mayweather in 'playing pranks' on unsuspecting crew-members, but in that case her eyebrow would have been raised in anticipation of my reaction. She was apparently serious about this and professionalism demanded that I would be as well. After all, it would require some substantial deviation from what Vulcan considered proper behavior.
"A very interesting field of endeavor," I answered. "May I suggest you ask Commander Tucker for assistance? He appears to be the human with the most … interest in the matter, shall we say?"
She did not comment on my suggestion, but the slight blush made it obvious that the young Vulcan had considered that train of thought before.
"I was interested in medical details, anatomical differences or health risks, doctor."
"Oh, I would not be concerned about that," I explained with as little emotion as possible. "Humans and Vulcans cannot conceive without intervention by genetic engineering, so you don't need to be concerned about an unwanted pregnancy. Except for minor details, humans and Vulcans are anatomically perfectly compatible. The only noticeable difference is that the genitalia of most human males are slightly larger in comparison to the average Vulcan male. You should make sure that whoever you engage in intercourse with possesses the necessary finesse to avoid pain or even injury."
"Thank you doctor," she replied drily, her eyes cast down on her PADD to maintain a professional distance to this immensely intimate topic. "Is there any advice you can give me in regards to starting my research. As a Denobulan you might be best qualified to advise me on the matter."
I could not help the smile returning to my features. Commander Tucker would undoubtedly have added some comment on the relative promiscuity of my race at this point, no doubt in connection with his confusion that resulted from meeting my wife Feezal when we were in orbit around Dekendri III. The ship's science officer was of course immune to such temptation.
"I would not quite rush into the practical details, Subcommander. It would help to seek understanding of how humans approach the subject and what it means to them first. It would be prudent to start with research into the concept of eroticism in an artistic context to understand the importance of visual stimuli. If you need visual guidance on practical techniques, there is an artistic genre called pornography – although the term art applies rather loosely in this context. There are pertinent recordings in the ship's entertainment database. They can be… volatile, even overwhelming or disturbing, but also… most enlightening."
Her delicately raised eyebrow, no doubt a means to express her curiosity, amused me. It was not hard to see why Commander Tucker spent a significant amount of time on getting such reactions out of the ship's resident Vulcan. It had to be admitted – the subcommander was an exceedingly attractive member of her species and her habit of communicating her thoughts by eyebrow-movements made her only more endearing.
"Thank you doctor."
"One last advice, subcommander," I interrupted her attempt to stand up and leave. "I urge you to consider the impact of your research on whoever you ask for assistance. While most heterosexual males will be quite willing, even enthusiastic, about the prospect of engaging in intercourse with an attractive female, you must make sure they understand the purely scientific purpose of the endeavor. They might misinterpret the activity as romantic interest or even develop an emotional attachment to you."
"How can I prevent any… repercussions?"
"Do not engage in anything intimate with a human partner if you have the impression that he or she is not fully aware of the purely scientific nature of the encounter. Even more care has to be taken with a partner, who is attracted to you. Humans strictly distinguish between casual intimacy for the purpose of giving and receiving pleasure and sexual relations to express their affection. They even distinguish between these two aspects in their language."
I returned her nod of understanding and watched her leave. I was surprised that the Subcommander had not been interested in the topic before. My theory that she had experimented with human sexuality already had obviously been false.
-=/\=-
T'Pol
Scientific log, Subcommander T'Pol, October 2nd, 2152 human time scale, encryption code 4-9-1-5-1-7-7-5-5-8-7-9-3-Theta
According to the advice of Doctor Phlox I have started my research with the definition of Eroticism. The information on the subject in the human database is disagreeably vague and ambiguous, and Ensign Sato could not provide an explanation that would satisfy the standards of a scientific description.
A constant in my findings is that the majority of artistic depictions, may they be drawings, statues or recorded images, almost exclusively present the subject in a partial or complete state of undress. In many cases, the subjects are shown in poses that serve no other purpose than to emphasize (in rare cases) primary, but in most cases secondary sexual characteristics. Especially the female bust seems to fascinate humans a great deal. According to an article in the Denobulan research material provided by the ship's medical officer, there is a third option of invoking Eroticism by showing subjects in suggestive or semi-transparent attire, leaving the exact shape of the subject's body a matter of speculation in the mind of the beholder.
A human adage says, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". According to Ensign Sato's explanation, there is no clear quantification for the attractiveness of a female. I shall therefore conduct an experiment to determine the attractiveness of my own physique in comparison to human females of different builds. This experiment shall be registered as "Experiment E-1".
Purpose of the Experiment: Evaluation of different ideals of attractiveness in correlation to state of dress or undress, physique and sexual orientation.
Participants:
* Doctor Phlox, Chief Medical Officer, assistant,
* T'Pol, Subcommander, Science Officer, visual exhibit A (classification: build – trim, bust – medium)
* Sato, Ensign, Communications Officer, visual exhibit B (classification: build – slight, bust – small)
* Hess, Lieutenant, Deputy Chief Engineer, visual exhibit C (classification: build – muscular, bust – large)
* Noriega, Ensign, Assistant Weapons Officer, visual exhibit D (classification: build – portly, bust – medium)
The following males have been authorized by the participants to observe their recordings regardless of their state of undress:
* Archer, Captain
* Tucker, Commander
* Reed Lieutenant
* Mayweather, Ensign
* Taylor, Lieutenant
* Rostov, Crewman
* Novakovic, Crewman
Execution: Each female participant will be recorded three times in identical poses:
*`Recording One: Standing casually, attire: human suggestive clothing ('lingerie')
* Recording Two: Sitting on chair, attire: lower half of clothing worn in Recording One, torso bare.
* Recording Three: Lying on back, bust emphasized, vulva concealed by bent leg, attire: none
Each of the male participants will be presented with all twelve recordings and will be required to evaluate the relative attractiveness on a scale of zero to one-hundred. They will also be required to provide a short description of which detail they perceive as most attractive and most unattractive.
Length of Experiment: Forty-eight hours.
-=/\=-
Trip
For want of a better idea, I paced back and forth in front of the subcommander's quarters. As if it had not been weird enough to comment on the naked bodies of fellow officers, T'Pol now wanted to 'discuss the findings' with me. Had I been too honest with my evaluation, for instance how cute Hoshi's firm little butt looked? Had I been perhaps too obvious in my praise for T'Pol's spectacular body? Or was she going to chew me out for the less than flattering, but honest and civil comments about Noriega's chubby frame.
What was the point of conducting such an experiment if the answers were expected to conform to a certain expectation? Noriega, who was funnily nicknamed "Tiny", was fun to be around and she didn't really give a flying expletive about the fact that she had a few pounds too many on her frame, but to most males of the species, her unclothed body simply didn't look as appealing as for instance Anna's muscles or Hoshi's petite build.
And that was nothing in comparison to T'Pol. Heavens to Murgatroyd, God couldn't have made a body like that, even on a very good day. The very image of T'Pol wearing thigh-high stockings, held in place by a garter belt and lace panties that redefined the meaning of skimpy, and more importantly, nothing but an elevated eyebrow north of the garter had made my night an endless sequence of very graphic dreams.
Again and again she had appeared in my dreams, gloriously topless, with her large breasts on proud display. Their shape and firmness appeared unnatural at first for such a large rack, but they were designed to withstand almost double the ship's artificial gravity. Her green blood that gave her large nipples a bronze-ish tint perfected the picture of a woman so hot and beautiful, I would probably still remember it if I were to succumb to Alzheimer's. The disease strong enough to erase that picture from my memories hadn't been invented yet.
I was probably not alone in that predicament. I wondered if Hoshi had any idea what seeing her gorgeous body without clothing had most likely done to Malcolm's dreams.
Finally, I collected my frazzled nerves and pushed the doorbell. I entered carefully when T'Pol called out for me to do so. Nothing had prepared me for what I encountered when I went in.
"Son-of-a-bitch!"