1999
"Are you serious ? I can come with you?" I asked. I jumped on the bed and pushed him down. I straddled him and held his hands above his head. I leaned down and kissed him. My long hair tickled his nose. He smiled that beautiful smile that I fell in love with for a minute. Then his face turned serious.
"I'm serious, babe, you can come with. But I'm gonna warn you, it's not like we're going to be able to spend every waking minute together. I still have to work. And I'll warn you right now, I'm always busy. There's Monday Night RAW, there's Smackdown, plus I got responsibilities back at Headquarters to take care of when I'm not traveling between cities. Are you sure you want to come with? It's going to be a lot of hurry up and wait for you. Steph's been doing it for a while and she was pretty bored at first."
"I know. I'm just floored that you finally said I could come with!" I heard him. I heard that he said I would be bored. I heard him say that I wouldn't get to spend time with him like I had hoped to. But right now all I cared about was that he had finally, after two years of me begging, said yes. I was going with!
"Well, I feel bad that I missed our anniversary .I can't believe that I forgot." He reached up and stroked my cheek with his thumb. "I promise that I'll make it up to you. New Year's Eve is coming up. We'll do something special. Just the two of us. I'll make it up to you, Ash.I just don't want you to give up on us."
"Shane, all I've ever wanted was some of your time."
"I know, baby. I know."
.
.
I thought being on the road with Shane was going to bring us closer together. I thought we would be able to spend more time together. I thought I would be happy being able to have him by my side every night. I thought I would happy being able to wake up next to him every morning. I was wrong.
It feels like I see less of him now than I did before. Before I had work to occupy my time between phone calls and visits. Now I just have an empty hotel room to keep me company at night. I've never been so lonely in all my life. We start out on Sunday flying out to where we need to be for Monday Night Raw. Land in whatever city the show is in and check into the hotel. I get exactly the amount of time it takes at the airport and the time it takes to fly to the next city with Shane. When we land, he's off to the arena. Sometimes he invites me along and I sit in his dressing room alone. Other times, I sit in our hotel room alone. Being alone is something that I'm getting used to. Shane was right, he's busy. I see him more on television that I actually see him in person. From Monday Night Raw, we jump onto his luxurious tour bus and we move on to whatever city Smackdown is being taped in.
Even when we were on the tour bus, he didn't have time for me. He was either on the phone or absorbed in his laptop. "Shane…" I called from the back of the bus where our "bedroom" was, "Come here a second." I was laying on the bed, propped up in a seductive pose, wearing nothing but my red bra, panties and a smile. This had to get his attention. We hadn't been intimate since our first night on the road together.
Nothing. "Shane!" I called again.
I heard him groan in frustration. He was on the computer. Again. "Just a minute, Ash!" he hollered back.
I sat up and pouted. I knew that when he said 'just a minute' that I was going to be waiting for at least ten.
Ten minutes went by and he still didn't come back to the back of the bus. Feeling more frustrated than normal, I threw on my black silk robe, threw my long brown hair up into a messy bun and went to see what was keeping him. We still had another two hours on the bus before we were in the next city. I wanted to spend some time with him that didn't involve him being on the phone or the computer. Is that too much to ask?
"Shane?"
He was staring at his computer. "Yeah, baby?"
"Were you going to come back to the bedroom?"
"Why?" he asked, still staring at his computer screen. I leaned over him to see what was so interesting. Stocks. Money. Business. I should have known. Money and business always seem to come before me lately.
"Because there was something I wanted to show you."
"Show me out here," he said distractedly, his eyes still glued to that damn computer.
"I really think it's something that you should come back to the bedroom and see….." I trailed off, fingering the tie on my robe. He was still ignoring me.
I wish I could say that in the end he noticed that I was barely wearing any clothes and that I was waiting for him to ravish me. But, sadly, he never noticed and i slinked back to the back of the bus. Alone.
.
.
.
.
I was friends with his sister Stephanie before we started dating. One night Steph invited me out for drinks after they taped Smackdown. We were flying home the next day. Shane had some work to do at Headquarters in Stamford. I would be heading back to my lonely apartment in Greenwich. I was beginning to think that Lonely was my middle name.
"So….how are things are going with you and Shane-O?" Steph asked as she accepted her cosmopolitan from the waitress with a smile. She was in a great mood. I wish I could match her mood.
"Not so good."
"Now what's wrong? Dad had a chat with him about paying attention to you while we're on the road."
"He did?" That shocked me. Vince never paid much attention to me. Even though I had been with his son for three years and had attended a number of McMahon holidays and family functions. Linda was a lot nicer to me. Well, she has been a lot nicer since she finally figured out that I'm not with Shane for his money or fame.
"Yes! He reminded Shane that since he invited you to come with him, he had better pay attention to you and include you in his road life or there was really no reason for you to come along."
"I can't believe Vince said that. Not that it's really helped. If anything, it's made it worse."
"Oh no. Is he still being an ass?"
"Kind of. I feel even more ignored than before. If that's even possible!"
"Do you want me to talk to him?"
I shook my head. "No, that will just cause problems. I'll have to be a big girl and actually talk to him."
"I hate to say it, Ash. But maybe he needs a wake up call. I mean, it worked last time, right?"
She was referring to the last time we broke up. I had gotten tired of him ignoring me and I decided that we needed a break. It lasted two months before he came crawling back to me, begging for my forgiveness and for me to take him back. It was the worst two months of my life. I have never been so depressed in my life. I didn't really want to replay that. But, if that's what it took, I might have to take drastic measures for him to see what he had right in front of him.
"It did, but I was so miserable," I sighed. "There has to be another way to get his attention."
"Well, if you're not ready to break up, then you need to speak up, girl."
The conversation fizzled after that and turned to other matters. Stephanie asked me if me and Shane had made plans for New Year's Eve yet. The conversation then turned to what we were going to wear on the last night of the 90s. It took a few more drinks after that but I finally made a decision: I was going to speak up to Shane tonight when I got back to the room. And if that didn't work, then, I guess…..I guess we would break up. I just hoped it didn't come down to that.