Authors note: Thank you all for your comments and following my story. I'm sorry I kept you waiting a few weeks now but I'm working on an essay for school and that doesn't write on its own. So I guess this is the pace you have to expect for the next weeks.

I hope you enjoy this chapter! We're going to bring some light into the darkness

Jane froze. Did she even get hallucinations now? No it was just her imagination playing some sort of trick on her. Being alone on Christmas day didn't feel right, especially not with the knowledge of everyone else sitting together and telling stories. Around Maura's fireplace… with her mother's cookies. She better got busy with coming up with a good excuse. She'd be a fool if she believed no one would ask her sooner or later.

Knock, knock, knock.

There! Again! The slight relaxation in her back that had started was erased and Jane felt like the one time she was fighting Frankie with water balloons in their muddy backyard when one very dirty of them hit Angela through an open window in the back, while she was ironing.

"Jane, open up! I know you're home." And I know I can't take this right now, Jane thought holding her coffee cup even harder. Maybe, if she just didn't move and didn't make any sound the unwanted visitor…

Please, no! For a fraction of a second hiding behind the kitchen counter seemed a very clever and grown up decision. But she already heard a key turning in her lock. Behind the couch? That would be just a backward roll. Too late. The moment Jane saw the high heels enter her apartment it was as if all fell off of her. She had fought half of her very short night and all day until now. It would have been better if her best friend would not have come over and celebrated Christmas instead.

Jane knew what was going to happen, she knew Maura way too well to not know. Maura would ask, she would try to smooth it over. Maura would insist. In the end they would be mad at each other and a crack would be in their connection. But that crack would appear one way or the other, so better take the hiding one. Not unpleasant as on the phone, just silent, not telling things that better remained untold. Especially not before she sorted everything out for herself.

"You should offer me some coffee, too." Jane needed to blink a few times, this was unexpected. But sure, Maura was right and her body acted automatically anyway. Handing over the filled cup, Jane returned to her corner on the couch, putting her feet up as well, to ensure a minimum of distance.

The worries in her best friend's voice surprised her. But they didn't reach her. Mist had risen around her and the unexpected company made her realize how lonely she felt. Her mother was still just that, a mother. They got along much better but still, years and years of deceived hopes and misunderstandings leave their scars, maybe even more when you are hard shell, soft core par excellence. Frankie was the one who always got the permission to all she wanted. He was a boy, when he got in a fight with some other guys, he was becoming a man, when Jane did, she was undignified. Korsak? Yeah, he was a friend, sort of, but still her Sergeant as well. Frost was, but he

"Please!" Mauras begging voice invaded her misty bubble. "Please Jane, tell me!" Jane never had heard this voice on Maura before. "I only can assume what", was she crying? Was Maura crying? "happened to you last night. I should never have let you go home alone that late in the night. Nothing would have happened if I insisted, you stayed in the spare bedroom. But please, I want to help you! Please, tell me, Jane!" The addressed woman felt puzzled, about both about getting even more confused from a state of total confusion and about having no idea what Maura was talking about? Why was she having such a strong reaction to Janes dream?

Silence filled the room when Janes eyes rose up from her mug and connecting with those hazel ones kneeing right by her side in front of the couch. "Please" very silent, almost fearful this time. It hurt to see her this way. Suffering. That wasn't fair. A lump was forming in her throat and her heart became heavy. She needed Maura not to worry, that was too much to deal with right now. The amount of crying people in this room doubled.

"Sweetie, what are you talking about?" as interacting with reality more than with her thought the mist and bubble slowly disappeared. "Why are you crying?" Mauras face moved a few centimeters back from the hand whipping of her tears. "How couldn't I?" "Why?" Neither one dared to speak. Just glaring at each other the minutes went by.

She took a deep breath. Feeling the other one's eyes on her, her expectations, no word came out.

Exhaled.

Facing the edge of the couch she inhaled again.

"You are a part of my life, of course I feel with you. And I feel guilty because I never thought about that happening to you. I guess I always thought you would handle even such a situation." Nothing felt like being clear after that statement. Maura never thought of her having dreams? She knew Jane dreamed. How often had Jane hurried over to hers in the middle of the night after one of her nightmares!

"What situation? What are you talking about?"

"About you getting…."

Deep inhalation

"About someone…"

"viola-" "Oh my god NO!" Janes appalled exclamation downed Mauras whisper. "How could you think that? No, look I'm okay!" Live was back in the detective's body. From hugging the now heavily crying Maura hard she stretched out her arms again so Maura could see her. One hand raking through those blonde hairs her other lifted the inherent face up to look at her.

"I thought you would be happier about that." Jane said with a grin. And yes, Maura chuckled about the bad joke. Wiping of her own tears she faced the other woman.

"I am! Jane I am so relived! Never, never do this to me again!"

"I didn't do anything." Jane tried to defend herself, not realizing profound that meaning was meant to be. Not before she saw into a very serious doctors face.

"No, never not tell me, Jane. I still don't know, why you are so odd today, and don't think I forgot about that. But it can't be worse than what I imagined. So from now on you will tell me, when something is wrong or scaring you or whatever." This wasn't a request, this was an order, but somehow Jane understood that there was no point in question that right now. Despite, something in the M.E.s choice of words seemed much more interesting right now.

" 'Whatever'?" she quoted her best friend. "So no never-ending list of possibilities today?"

Maura stood up now for once much taller than the sitting Jane. "Right now, I'm not in the mood for your jokes. Yes, I'm relieved that my assumptions of the worst were wrong but I still don't know why you made me believe them. The last hours were a nightmare. You owe me an explanation!" It wasn't often that Jane had seen her falling into rage, ant it was intimidating.

Maura was right, she deserved a reason. This loyalty from her best friend somehow made Jane believe that Maura even could handle the truth. At least right now in comparison to what she thought had happened. This comparison made reality look like a fly next to an elephant.

"Okay, but please, sit down, you make me feel like in 5 grade and without homework." She offered the seat next to her on the couch and Maura gratefully accepted. "And you may not interrupt me, okay?" After receiving a nod and swallowing hard, she preferred to focus on her now cold coffee on the table in front of her.

"Nothing happened last night. It was this morning. And I was ashamed, so I wanted to sort my thought out before I faced you. So that was why I didn't notice how late it was or even that you were sexting. Uh…texting, I mean. I was just so deep in thoughts." Proud of herself to have managed that talk without any risqué details she leaned back, to signalize this topic was over.

"No, Jane," the addressed one sunk deeper in the pillows, wanting to disappear in them "tell me what happened!" There wasn't any way out of this.

Switching instinctively to defense mode her tone of voice became more aggressive. "I had a dream, okay? About you! Are you happy now?" Since Maura still didn't understand what she just quite clearly had explained, she really had to give out more details. Was Maura making fun of her, to force her to express it all?

"I dreamed that we were being intimate, and that felt good, just in the dream of course! But when I woke up and felt aroused… That was so embarrassing. How could I have gotten ready and driven over to yours and looking in your face after that?"

Autors note: Thank you all for reading and don't forgett to leave a comment with your thoughts or some constructive criticism