A/N: Thank you for all your reviews! It is great to read what you liked and didn't like. And it helps a lot to work on it. To the guest who had troubles finding out who was talking in the last one: It was written from Jane's perspective. Maybe that helps.
Thank very much, wichkitty, for all your help!
And now: enjoy the next chapter!
Her heart was beating hard in her chest. This was even more embarrassing than she thought. Why is it that you always turn back into a child when you just made yourself look ridiculous? Jane felt a sudden urge to run to her bedroom, lock the door and not come out until the apartment was empty.
As if to further her embarrassment Maura started laughing which increased her flight response even more.
"Is that all?" Maura managed to articulate after a few deep breaths. There was no answer left in Jane. She felt as if her brain was empty of thoughts but full of them at the same time. What did this reaction mean? Didn't her best friend believe her? Was she making fun of her?
"Did you freak out like this because of a dream?" Maura said trying to clarify herself because she could see that Jane was interpreting her response in a hundred different ways and she wanted to pick Jane up from her state of concern and confusion. Jane felt her reaching out to her but she was having a hard time with this and Maura's laughing did not ease her nerves.
"Yes that's what happened, but I don't see what's so funny about it." Jane responded defensively. She was aware that she was being defensive but she did not know of what. Yes, she did not feel comfortable having fantasies about her and her best friend but who would? She needed to get that out. It was not who she was. Jane Rizzoli does not have sexual dreams about her best friend, Maura Isles.
"You don't?" the latter sounded honestly surprised and concluded that Jane really did not see the humor in all this so she realized she needs to explain herself.
"You are one of the most compassionate detectives I ever met in my career. Remember the case 3 months ago?" The doctor didn't wait for an answer. "You were the very first one to believe all those women that were saying that there was someone targeting them, you were the one who listened to them describing all the small incidents that happened to them, and put them all together which led to solving the case. You never questioned that those lesbian women, who felt targeted or even have been violated, wouldn't be able to trust a male detective. You didn't give a second thought to the rumors spreading in BPD but now that that topic is not job related it is as if someone handed you a nuclear bomb. So yes, I think that's funny!"
Jane just sat there and listened and by the end of that speech she was utterly bewildered. Where was all this coming from? And what does it have to do with her current mess? No one here is gay unlike the girls from the case. This was her best friend, and those were strangers. This was private, that was her job.
"Maura, those two things have nothing to do with each other!" she tried to explain but didn't find the right words to get her meaning across.
"So this is not you freaking out about lesbianism?"
"No it's not! and that word makes it sound like an illness."
"Then what would you call it?"
"Being gay!?" The tension that had filled the air earlier had loosened its grip around Jane. She started to feel like herself again. Somewhat at least.
"Okay if this discussion is not about you being gay," Jane was about to protest but until she spotted the smirk on her best friends face.
"Not funny!"
"You suggested 'being gay', not me and lesbianism was officially removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual as a mental illness in 1973. Although there are still some people today-" Maura was cut short. "Thank you for that history lesson."
"So what's the problem then?" Maura accepted Jane's attempt to switch topics and went on to the next, though she didn't think Jane would like it much either.
"Your dreams are ending your sexual abstinence before your body does? That is hardly something to worry about." Jane felt a hand patting her knee as Maura continued. "Jane, sexual fantasies are very normal especially when it's been a long time since you had intercourse. The rates of having erotic dreams increase the longer you go without 'scratching the yearning'."
"'Scratching the itch' Maura and that is supposed to calm me because?" Jane searched for the deeper meaning behind those words. "How can you be so cool with this when the dream was about you?" the words were nearly inaudible. Jane still didn't feel any better about this morning. Talking about touching Maura and being touched by her was not appropriate, at all! Jane was having a hard time separating dream Maura from the real one. How was Maura so chill with this?
"Why shouldn't I be?" the object of her fantasy asked, "I take that as a compliment." Jane didn't have to phrase her incomprehension, her eyes transferred the message very clearly, so Maura explained further. "Studies indicate that you should not take your nightly brain activities too literally rather you should value the emotional link between you and the object – in this case me – more than the interaction."
"Maura, English please!"
"It is more important that you dreamt about us seeing that we are emotionally close to each other than what we were doing – in this case having sex."
Jane needed a few moments to take that information in and see how she felt about it now. She didn't feel all that much different but she felt good that Maura knew, and that she was cool with it. Seeing it as a proof of emotional attachment to each other was definitively something only Maura could come up with but still it made Jane feel a little bit more safe. She should never have doubted Maura; Jane knew her best friend would do any and everything to support her. Jane felt loved – in the right way, in a friendship-y way.
Misinterpreting Jane's silence, Maura took a deep breath. Jane knew, something big was about to pass those lips.
"Originally I intended to give you another truth about me as Christmas present, but under these new circumstances I think there is something more important to tell you."
"You can't possibly have two secrets, Maura", Jane laughed, "you can't lie!"
Maura chuckled as well "Keeping a secret is different than lying. Despite that, you know I learned how to lie! So do you want to know or not?" Maura offered. Of course Jane wanted. She always wanted to know more about Maura so she nodded her head.
"I enjoy the occasional same sex sexual fantasy as well."
Jane stared at Maura for about a minute with the latter staring calmly right back.
"Uh… Mau…Wha?… You did not just say what I think you said!" It was hard to form a whole sentence right now. Her mind was overflowing with thoughts. Obvious ones, plain ones, unintelligible ones, to her own bewilderment even some that were related to her dream.
"Well I think you understand quite well what I just confessed to you. I know you avoid talking about such topics, but I thought it might help you deal with your dream, knowing that it's nothing but normal, and I hope it encourages you to talk about it, if it causes you so much pain. I hate seeing you like this especially if the solution is so easy. So I hope you understand now, that I'm always there for you, even if it is that private. I'll always support you and stay by your side. Just trust me."
"See Maura, that second part was much more supportive. Why couldn't you just stick with that?" Jane half joked.
"Because it wouldn't have made much sense without the first!"
"Wrong! Have you ever seen the second part of any movie? It's exactly the same thing just with other words." Jane was done with being serious. For now, she wanted the rest of the day to be light and easygoing, to leave these last few hours behind her and tease her best friend as usual. Though she hadn't expected Maura to be in the same mood to bring Christmas day back to the joyful kind of day it was supposed to be.
"Agree to disagree! And now get up and go get ready, I won't let you in my house looking like this." A finger started to gesture in front of Jane, indicating the woman belonging to that finger didn't find sweatpants and a worn out sweater suitable for a Christmas celebration. "If you don't hurry you won't get to see TJ." She even added, knowing Jane's nephew is the key to make his aunt dress faster than ever.
Maura never noticed the knee long coat on the Detective before because they mostly saw each other in some kind of work context, before work, during work, after work. Maybe this was something for special occasions. Though the more interesting things are what's beyond the coat, as in the legs that can go on forever. Unfortunately the apartment is dimmed and turning on the light just like that now would be suspicious. The now rainy weather outside wasn't helping either. She would have to be patient, until they arrived at her house that is.
A/N: So there was the next confession. I hope you liked it. I'm still kinda collecting all the different ideas of what could happen next and trying to find out what would be the most realistic scenario. So until chapter 6 is done you are more than welcome to encourage me with reviews ;-)