Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.
Word Count: 1935
AN: This chapter: an overlooked confession, Byakuya divulging secrets and the conflict this generates. A lot of dialogue between the two that leads to an argument- well mostly Xo yelling at Bya.
If you remember waaayy back in Chapter 29 Byakuya thought he had gained some leverage- what that was is finally revealed.
A Kiss for Shelter
Revelations
They moved from shadow to shadow, hand in hand.
Her heart was pounding, not from threat of discovery, but from being near him, and ultimately that nipping anxiety of what he might reveal.
When he drew to a halt behind a pavilion used for storage her breath caught in her throat. A breeze blew his dark hair across his face and the presence of the moon made his eyes glow like molten metal.
If not for the baby's excited thumping she might have continued to breathlessly admire him.
Xochitl blushed and quickly looked down, only for her eyes to fall on her hand still clasped in his.
The blush intensified and she stuttered, "Seeing you is- I'm- I'm…h-happy." She bit her lip, feeling silly, and shifting from foot to foot under his gaze.
He briefly caressed her cheek and she finally looked up again, offering him a smile for the reassuring gesture. Byakuya may not have said it aloud, but he was pleased to see her as well.
His brow furrowed slightly as he asked, "Have you been well? Would you perhaps like to sit-,"
"I'm fine," She said urgently, "Let's walk a bit, please?"
His lips twitched and he gave a nod. Without ado he took her arm gently and set a slow pace.
The impressive willow shaded them from the lantern lights of the main house, only the moon sprinkling pale beams between the branches.
While he was certainly not agonizing over the idea of being caught by one of his clan, he knew tempting fate was unwise. Xochitl did not seem to mind this covert rendezvous, however.
He smiled a little. And slowed his pace even more. He glanced out of the corner of his eye at her and couldn't help but feel justified. She looked healthy, beautiful. There was no mistaking now that she was expecting and he was truly pleased by this (nothing boosts a man's ego like knowing he's virile).
But when she paused the peace seemed at the brink of shattering and he found himself holding his breath.
Can we not just have this time- these moments? I know I cannot keep you in the dark, but, woman…
His jaw clenched and he just barely kept from grinding his teeth in frustration as he turned to her.
"My lord," She started.
His eyes darkened. It had been some time since she had addressed him formally. But he watched as her eyes darted around them a moment and he gave a nod to continue.
She held back a moment before she tipped her head back to meet his eyes, "It's not my place, but… The Elders of your clan… they are here because of- me, aren't they?"
His eyes fell to the bump of her belly and at that moment all he wanted to do was lie, shield her from the prejudice being expressed behind the council's doors in each session. There was energy bouncing beneath her skin, energy that called out to his own and he wanted nothing more than to simply spend the night basking in her presence and coaxing the playful reiatsu of his child.
Byakuya closed his eyes before he looked at her evenly again.
"They are." He admitted flatly.
She licked her lips, but her gaze was unwavering, "They must greatly disapprove of our arrangement."
His eyes grew steely as he insisted, "It is irrelevant."
But her frown warned him that such a response would not assuage her. "What they think is relevant. You are the leader of their clan… And they your advisors… It's very relevant."
He lifted his chin then replying, "It is no matter what the Elders think. I have already made my intentions clear."
She stopped short of whatever retort she was about to make and eyed him warily now, "What does that mean?"
His steady grey eyes bored into her with an assuredness that was somehow only unnerving. He took her hand and she made no protest, staring at him anxiously.
"I've informed the Elders that with no frail heart do I intend to take you for my wife, Xochitl… In truth… I believe it has always been my aim." He told her softly.
Her hand was like a feather's weight in his and he curled his fingers more securely around hers as he watched understanding and then utter shock glide over her features.
"You declared… to the Elders of your clan that- you will marry a courtesan?"
Byakuya lifted his chin, hearing the hint of rising panic in her voice. "I declared that I would marry the mother of my child… the woman who holds my affection."
But despite the sweet emotion he meant the words to carry, she did not seem to hear his sincerity.
Stepping back she pulled her hand away.
"What you have done is laid me and my child bare to their scrutiny! I don't want the burden of others opinions to weigh on them!" She accused, her accent thick with alarm.
Onyx brows drew inward, Byakuya unable to forestall the frown as he wrestled with confusion.
He watched as her eyes fell to the ground and she shook her head, voice low as though talking only for her own benefit.
"Noble society will never let them know peace… They'll impose every rigid, unrepentant principle on them- waiting- waiting for them to break… Only to know shame?"
Heat rose to Byakuya's face and he countered without thought, "A child will not know shame if they are raised to hold their head high, Xochitl! My child will only feel pride!" He regained himself after a quick, calming breath and insisted in a level tone, "There's no shame in their birth, or parentage… If they are subject to others scrutiny they will only grow stronger for it."
Finally she looked up.
"You make it sound so simple- but- they- will always be illegitimate. And your clan will contest- they would never give their blessing- not to a union with a courtesan." Her eyes were pleading now, the ache in her voice mingling with that tone of desperation.
Anger clawed into his own chest.
"There is nothing to contest. You are no longer a courtesan." His eyes blazed, his reply perhaps hasty- the sound of it somehow biting.
Her face went blank then and for a moment it seemed she didn't breathe.
When she spoke, her voice shook slightly and she would not meet his gaze, "What- have you done?"
Suddenly Byakuya could feel every beat of his heart, as though now all of his decisions were lined up before him, cluttering his vision. He was at that moment at war with himself, somehow knowing that he had done something wrong, yet refusing to acknowledge that he might have erred.
His voice was quiet, but there was no hint to his thoughts, "I have your contract. It means nothing now. You are free from your previous obligations- and any debt." He edged closer to her, instinctively needing to feel her warmth. But she only shuffled back reflexively, still avoiding his eyes. A sharp stab penetrated his heart, a feeling of dread cementing his feet.
"My mistress offered you my contract," She spoke woodenly, "She… When?"
"The day you took up residence in the guest house she sent Ikarosu with the formal agreement… When Ito Arashi came… that evening I signed the document and paid the ransom."
The silence that stole in was oppressive and fraught with the rising turmoil.
When she finally responded it was barely more than a strangled whisper, "Then… you are not my lord… but my master." She turned on her heel then, but simply remained.
The noble could barely swallow the strangling lump in his throat as the foreboding fell over him like a stifling cloak, "Xochitl-,"
"Had you asked me- I would have told you that it was unnecessary for you to go to the trouble… A courtesan knows- knows that the father- always has claim to the child-,"
"I was not attempting to lay claim to our-,"
"Just as a courtesan knows that for anyone else to buy her freedom without her knowledge- means she is indebted to that individual- that the agreement signed is in fact a transfer of ransom and thus ownership!"
He paused. Uncertainty, an emotion he rarely if ever claimed was wrapping around his mind. "How so?"
Staring blankly into the sky she told him, "As I said… That contract has made me little more than your property- even if you were to… wed me… I'd be your taken bride. You would have every right to take another wife- a legitimate wife- and put me aside- as I'm no more than a slave… A stand-in- until you came to your senses and found a woman of noble blood to provide you with a true heir." She gritted out every word, attempting to keep her tears at bay even as each breath taken wavered.
Blinking back the salt-water in her eyes she shook her head. I should never have come here.
When she turned back to him there was no light in her eyes.
"This makes no sense." Byakuya said, forcing himself forward to grasp her arms.
Her breathing had grown desperate, she was on the edge of a multitude of emotions not the least of which was anger. "It's ridiculous- it is! But had you given me the sum to pay my own way out I would be free- any contract would then be between the two of us- decided by us. But you did not even consult me!" She was weakly pulling back against his hold, hoping that he would surrender to the small effort without further struggle. But Byakuya held fast.
Had he really been mistaken? Had his pragmatism led him astray? He searched her face for every truth, hoping to find some wavering.
Clan law was his forte, the rules that governed the lower class had never bore study.
But Xochitl seemed well aware of the intricacies of her society.
"Let go." She whispered. He did.
Her gaze was flat when she looked up at him, "With your permission I will retire now, my lord."
A leaden weight sat in his stomach and there seemed to be one occupying his tight throat. A single nod was all he could offer.
Carefully she bowed to him. He turned away, unable to watch her go. Every unfavorable emotion was suddenly bombarding him with intensity.
How could she treat his proposal like it was a punishment? Granted he hadn't so much as proposed…
"Damn." He cursed between his teeth.
I've been rash. His tense shoulders slumped slightly and one hand pressed at his temple. Xochitl's concerns were valid… as was her fury.
On two occasions he had gone behind her back- disregarding her right to discuss these matters. He'd treated her as though she were either too fragile or too vapid to make decisions on her own behalf.
He'd treated her as the indebted servant he had inadvertently made her by taking on her ransom and signing Lilith's contract.
Bile sat on the back of his tongue, a physical manifestation of the aggravation he now felt.
It was strange to think that he was vulnerable to someone. That he was accountable to someone on a wholly different level than what he was familiar with.
Xochitl meant something to him. Her views meant something to him. Yet he couldn't claim to have been thinking of her happiness when he finalized his negotiations or made declarations without conversing with her.
"Damn." He uttered to the night again.
AN: Oops, someone didn't read the fine print! Byakuya's list of troubles seems to be growing. He confessed in a roundabout way, but has already made a miscalculation. As the birth draws near, the question is- will he be able to understand and articulate his feelings to Xo before she makes a rash decision of her own?