I offered up no objection or fight when Leon carried me to the dungeons, in fact if I had been forced to walk I don't think I'd of made it. I have attacked and injured the very person who has shown me the light, the only light I have seen for the past few years. At first the thought of being tied to someone so completely was abhorrent to me, after Uther kept me caged and bound in secrecy, denying who I am made me fear my feelings for Merlin. But it's only now that I've hurt the one I love most, that I realise how much he means to me.

Although he never revealed his secret to me, Merlin was always there when I was discovering my power, gently trying to guide me in the right direction, but I ignored his and Gaius's advice and threw myself at my sister, the first person I thought, whoever appreciated me for my talents.

It is only now as I am gently put in the dungeon with the shackles cutting off my magic that I realise that I was always appreciated with or without my magic. Gwen appreciated my once sisterly friendship and Arthur appreciated my constant support and advice, Merlin appreciated the friendship we had, despite him being of a lower class, and I suppose he always appreciated my looks too, I smile at the thought.

I curl myself into a ball, all my thoughts are of him, this morning had been perfect, the passion he had showed when he was kissing me and the feelings he brought out of me were unbelievable, I have never felt like that in all my years. Even the few stolen kisses I had had received from some handsome knights or nobleman hadn't come close to the feelings Merlin aroused in me. His magic, oh so powerful was calling to mine feeding off my soul and I wanted nothing more than to lose myself to his touch. It hurts to think I may never get the chance to relive the experience.

I hadn't meant to react so strongly, I can't deny that where Mordred is concerned I seem to lose all rational thought. I can't help but picture him; a sweet innocent blue eyed child that needs my protection. I can't help but recognise something in him which calls to something in me. I don't know what it is, maybe some motherly protection that I never received from my mother. It certainly doesn't compare to how I feel about Merlin, but when he said he would do anything to protect Arthur I couldn't help but see red.

Arthur is changing his views to magic, I see that, I believe in him, but when someone threatens my kind, I can't help but bring up all the past memories of Uther mercilessly killing thousands, children, and adults with or without proof of their supposed crimes. The homes he destroyed, the family's he ripped apart. All of those memories eat at my soul, and I can't help but feel I should be doing something about it. I am not a patient girl; I will be the first one to admit that. But getting revenge I realise only brings about heartache.

The heartache I feel now is clawing at my skin. It's an ache deep in my gut that won't go away. I sense through my bond with Merlin that he is lying somewhere upstairs unresponsive and cold to the touch. I did that to him, the thought creates a sharp pain that goes straight to my heart and I cry out loud ignoring the guard who looks at me in alarm.

I want so much to fix it, to fix the situation but I can't, I am locked up with my magic bound and I know I have no right to see him. He put so much trust in me and I threw it aside over some misguided attempt to protect a boy I realise I hardly know. On the one hand I can't help but think that Merlin and Kilgharrah don't know him either, and that mine and Merlin's destiny are proof that destiny can be changed. But instead of reasoning with the love of my life, I had thrown him across the council chambers in a fit of uncontrolled magic.

Remembering how he begged me to stop, telling me he loved me, repeats over and over in my head. It is giving me a headache that I know will not go away until I confront Merlin. I wonder how badly injured he is, the strike was meant to stun not kill, but I know by the feeling that courses through my magic that I have made things worse by being his magic mate. To have your soul mate, you're everything, attack you must have made my magic more potent, still a force Merlin could have easily stopped. But like me, he was overcome by the situation and was in no state to fight the love of his life.

My bond with him is calling to him, I wonder if he'll wake without me being there. I can only wait and hope, but I know it won't be long before, even unconscious Merlin starts to feel the pain of our separation as well. This is probably the worst thing about our bond, that when we need space from one another, it's not possible for a long length of time. Recalling Arthur's fury though, I doubt whether I'll ever be allowed to leave here again. I know that if it wasn't for my connection with Merlin I would probably have already been burned.

I have never seen such loyalty between two people before. Their bond is strong and part of me is jealous, anyone would be. But I know deep down that I wouldn't want to come between them and neither would Gwen. They love each other deeply and together I know they will shape a better future that I could never have achieved as Queen. Arthur will be a great king with Merlin by his side.

The shackles are cutting off my magic, they're making the pain worse, and it is coursing through my body, without the resistance that my magic would normally give. I wonder if I can persuade Arthur to take them off when he undoubtedly comes to visit me. I am not going to break out; I will respect my brother's decision even though I want nothing more than to run to Merlin's side. But I will accept my punishment; it is only what I deserve for attacking him, I can only hope that somewhere in the castle Merlin is too out cold to be feeling this too.

Everything that we have achieved in the short time I have been here has been ruined now we will have to start again, Arthur no doubt will never trust me fully again and after our argument I'm sure Merlin will doubt who I love more, Mordred or him, though the answer is obvious. Gwen will be more terrified of me more than ever and I will have to face the knight's suspicious glares and Gaius heartfelt disappointment.

I have never wished so much in my life that I could rewind time, I know Merlin has the talent and I wish for once that I had his gift and power. But power, I realise does not belong in my hands. Despite my own quite impressive supply of magic it is nothing compared to Merlin's and I know that if I had that power I would not remain good and sane for long. Power corrupts, I see that now, magic is not good or evil it just is. It is made evil by people like me, by people like my sister who use it for their own ends. It brings to light just how selfless and loving Merlin is and not for the first time, I feel totally awed by him and blown away that he is mine. Despite my attack, he is still mine. I feel our bond and although it is now tainted, it is still as powerful and wants nothing more than to be reunited with Merlin.

I can only hope that his and mine new found immortality will help us through this. Despite the initial shock of being told I could live for a very, very long time and the fact I will never carry Merlin's child, I am thankful that I have forever to make up for my mistake. For the rest of our long lives I will attempt apologise for what I have done to my love. I can only hope that it will be enough.

Morgana is monologuing. Woop!