This Is a Life That You Can't Deny us Now

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, obviously.

Author Disclaimer: This is an AU Reylo centered story with mature themes. If this upsets you, then leave. I am old and jaded enough that I do not care. Don't waste your time trying to lecture me about how you are offended, I truly do not care. The world does not revolve around you and what upsets you. Buck up and learn to avoid your triggers and other things that offend you. I have what people are calling triggers or things I do not like too. You know what I do about them? I avoid them and I don't waste my time actively seeking them out to make myself upset. That is all you can do in life, because the world does not revolve around your feelings or mine. Harassing other people over things that offend you, but has no impact on your day to day life just makes you look foolish. Seriously I don't care, don't bother me about it, get off my lawn.

Author's Note: I truly do appreciate constructive feedback please and thank you. To all the people who have given me feedback already, I truly do appreciate it. I love conversing with all of you and please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or want to talk. I also do not have a beta reader so I have gone back later on and have found mistakes despite checking it numerous times and using an only grammar check. If anyone who has the time to do it wants to check my work for me please let me know, it will be greatly appreciated.

Chapter Three: New Beginnings

Kylo Ren kept his face stoic, but he felt relief flood through him when Rey had agreed to leave Jakku with him. His plan to tell her the answers she had been seeking for so many years, just enough to convince her to come with him to learn more had gone accordingly. He knew that it would be easier for both of them if she had made the choice to leave with him, even though when Kylo arrived on Jakku, he had no intention of leaving without her, no matter what she had decided.

Rey had trouble with her footing as they stood to leave the wreckage, Kylo held her forearms until she regained her balance. She could not remember the last time she felt so drained and weak, even when she had not eaten for days. This was different, her mind and body were exhausted, they wanted to give out on her.

Suddenly, Rey could no longer feel the ground beneath her feet. She felt herself being lifted off the ground by two strong arms, one beneath her knees and the other her back.

"Put me down," Rey ordered. She didn't need his help, she didn't need anyone's help.

He ignored her, he picked up her staff and his helmet and continued to carry her from the wreckage site. He could not help the slight chuckle that escaped his lips as she meekly used her small fists to wail against his chest. Her efforts increased slightly after she heard him laugh at her.

"Calm down. We are almost to my ship, I will put you down then," he informed her, her ministrations against him halted.

"Why are we going to your ship?"

"If you cannot recall the conversation that transpired between us just a moment ago, let me remind you. You agreed to leave this forsaken sand pit with me, we are going to use my ship to leave said forsaken sand pit."

"We have to go to my AT-AT before we leave!" Rey exclaimed.

Kylo knew what she was talking about, the pitiful abandoned AT-AT she had been living in and calling home for all these years. He had seen it briefly the last time he had entered her mind through their force bond. He had felt the rejection and loneliness she had felt, the bitterness towards his Uncle. Kylo kept reminding her that he felt it too, but she had believed it to be a memory. She had not recognized the bond between them yet, but soon she would be fully aware.

"Why in all the galaxy, would we need to go there?" he questioned.

"I have to get my belongings before we go!"

Kylo Ren stopped in his tracks at her response, she used this opportunity to pry herself from his arms. She landed clumsily in front of him, pain radiating through her chest and limbs despite the slight cushioning the sand provided her. She had temporarily forgotten how tall he was and how far had her lifted from the ground. He pulled her to her feet, but she pulled away from him when he tried to lift her up again, he let it go and silently cursed her stubbornness.

"You have things you wish to keep from here?" Kylo Ren asked her incredulously.

"Yes, I do! Now let's go!"

Kylo Ren had miserably trudged through the sand of Jakku to the AT-AT she had occupied all these years. She had refused to get on the ship to go to it, not trusting him to take her there like he promised. Instead, she had made them walk through the disgusting sand. He had briefly considered using the force to knock her out like he had done before but remembered that it would complicate his plans if he did.

He had gone inside with her, it was horribly small and he felt claustrophobic, he needed to see what she was planning on taking with her.

Rey took the scarf she had used for so long to keep sand from her mouth and tied it into a makeshift sack. She felt Kylo Ren's eyes on her as she quickly moved around to collect various items she intended to take with her. It was only a few things, one was a sparkling stone she had found while scavenging, her staff, and the most important was an object she had since she arrived on Jakku. She went to the shelf she normally kept it, but it was not there. She turned to her makeshift bed to see if she had left it there, to find Kylo Ren sitting there, holding said object in his gloved hands.

"I am surprised you have this," he lamented, touching the faded features of the homemade resistance doll.

Rey snatched it from his hands and cradled it to her chest, "I do not hate them like you do."

"That's not what I meant," he said. "I mean, I am surprised you still have that doll after all these years."

"What do you mean?"

"I made this for you when you were about two if I recall correctly. Luke Skywalker did not understand children, especially that a two-year-old needs toys to play with" he explained.

Rey's eyes widened in astonishment. The very doll she had held so many nights, that absorbed so many tears while she cried from loneliness, was made for her by Kylo Ren.

"Are you finished or do you have any more…knick knacks to collect?"

Rey pushed the doll into the makeshift sack, she turned and eyed the Resistance pilot helmet, but knew theres was no way she would be able to take that on a First Order ship. She was pushing it already by bringing the doll, she would just have to let this one go,

She turned to Kylo Ren and looked into his eyes, she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and responded, "I'm ready."

Kylo Ren's lips turned up into a devilish grin, "Let's go then."

They left the AT-AT behind, for the very last time Rey realized and followed Kylo Ren back to his ship. He felt that anger and annoyance permeating from him again, he was again displeased he had to trudge through the sand. Rey wanted to make a quip but decided against it. She knew she had to pick and choose when to poke the beast, and this was not the time.

They finally reached the ship, Kylo opened the door and waved his hand to motion her to go inside. She walked onto the ship and took in her surroundings, she had to admit the ship itself was quite fantastic.

Time to poke the beast, she thought. She sat down in the pilot chair, Kylo Ren came over to where she was sitting and looked down at her and placed his hands on his hips. She looked up at him with amusement, his helmet was on but she could tell he was sulking underneath it.

"Out," he ordered. "I'm flying the ship."

"Oh are you?" she questioned innocently.

She watched as his chest rose and fell in a huff, it took all her will not to laugh at his petulance.

"I am the Master and you are my apprentice. I am the one who will be flying the ship!" he snapped.

Rey held up her hands in mock defeat and moved from the seat when her back was to him she smirked.

"I know you find this amusing," he huffed. "But as my apprentice, you must listen and follow orders."

Rey was certain at his point that neither one of them would make it through her training, she would surely laugh at him and he would in turn, throw a tantrum

She sat herself in another seat and strapped herself in. She watched him wordlessly as his navigated through the Galaxy. She was so lost in her thoughts she had not realized they had arrived at the First Order base.

Kylo Ren rose from his seat and made his way over to Rey, he stood in front of her and held out his gloved hand for her to take.

"Come," he said.

Rey took a deep breath, she unlatched herself from the seat and placed her hand in his, allowing him to help her from the seat. He opened the door and they walked out of the ship together onto the platform. He led her along, leading her through different halls, all the while people turned to stare at them as they passed.

Kylo Ren paid them no mind as he passed, finally they stopped in front of a door. The door swished open and he pulled her inside the room. The room were living quarters, Kylo Ren's if she had to wager a guess.

The room was large and elegantly decorated in black, silver, and red tones. There was a bed and couch, both black in color. In the corner was a silver table to with two chairs which matched the wall. Towards the far end of the room was another door, before she could ask what was in there, Kylo Ren spoke.

"These are my quarters, you will be staying here with me. Through that door is the fresher, you are welcome to go use it. Actually, I insist you do."

She had been so absorbed with the room she had not realized until he spoke that he had removed his helmet, she turned towards him and raised an eyebrow.

"The desert has not been kind to your smell. You should go use the fresher, I will have food delivered to use and new clothing will be ready for you."

"So tactful," Rey quipped, he gave her a slight shrug of his shoulders.

She made her way over to the fresher, dropping her belongings gracelessly on the couch as she walked by it. She had Kylo Ren give an annoyed sigh but otherwise said nothing.

Rey took her time cleaning up, she thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of the fresh clean water on her skin. She used soap she had found to clean herself of the grime and sand from Jakku. She would not admit it to him, but she did smell better now after cleaning herself. When she was finished she used a long clean cloth to clean dry herself, then wrapped it around her body to exit the fresher.

She peaked her head out of the fresher and looked into the main room. Kylo Ren was nowhere to be seen so she exited the fresher and started to look around the room to located the clean clothing he had promised her.

She missed it the first couple times she looked, but then spotted the neatly folded black clothing on his black bed spread. She removed the cloth from her body and used it to wrap her hair, she then proceeded to dress in the clothing. There was a black sleeveless tunic and black fitted pants, both of which fit her body perfectly, almost as if it was made for her.

She heard the familiar swish of the door, a droid entered carrying a tray of food. It went over to the table and placed the tray down and left without acknowledging her. After it had left Kylo Ren walked back through and closed the door behind him, his gaze traveled the length of her entire body, taking her in.

"The new clothing suits you, it looks good on you," he commented.

"It's very….colorful," she quipped.

Kylo Ren shrugged his shoulders and removed his helmet, placing it on a small stand by the room's entrance. He walked over to where she stood, but remained silent as he stood in front of her.

"You must have been pretty confident I would come with you. These clothes fit me too well for it to be a coincidence," she said.

Kylo Ren smirked down at her and replied, "You were going to come with me Rey, make no mistake about that."

Her nostrils flared and she felt her cheeks flush in anger. She never had a choice like he led her to believe, if she had not gone with him willingly he was going to force her.

"Now, now Rey. Does it really matter now? You did choose of your own free will come with me and now here we are."

He took her hand, but she quickly snatched it back. He let out an annoyed sigh, similar to the one from earlier when she dropped her belongings on his furniture.

"You're hungry," he told her. He wasn't wrong, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to give him the satisfaction of agreeing. She turned her nose up to him and turned to face away from him.

"Rey," he said in a singsong tone, "Your training will go a lot smoother if you are well fed and well rested."

It was her turn to sigh in annoyance, she walked over to the table and pulled out a chair, purposely scraping it along the metal floor. She looked over to Kylo Ren to see what he would do. His face contorted slightly, she could see he was vexed by her action. He said nothing, he walked over and sat in the chair opposite hers.

Kylo Ren forgot his food and watched as Rey ate hers, he had never quite see anything like it, not outside of a cantina anyways. She used her hands and quickly shoved different foods into her mouth, he wasn't even sure she was chewing it before swallowing it. She washed it down with juice, gulping it down loudly, making a noise that was causing his eye to slightly twitch.

When she was finished she used the back of her hand to wipe her mouth, then wiped that on her pants, that were clean and pressed before now. She looked up and realized he was staring at her while she ate.

She glared at him and spat, "What?"

He didn't break from her stare, just slowly shook his head and replied, "Nothing."

She continued to glare, then looked down to his plate and back up to his face. "You're not going to eat that?"

Kylo Ren pushed his plate of food and container of juice towards her. She did not hesitate to take it, she began to savagely eat the various meats, vegetables, and berries as he continued to ogle her. He couldn't fault her behavior, in the last fifteen years, she has never had enough food to eat. If Unkar Plutt had not been dead, he would have decapitated him with his lightsaber. He had taken advantage of the situation, calling his bluff when he had ordered him to look out for her. She was strong despite that, but could definitely use some extra meals to help build her strength.

"Where should I put these?" she asked, referring to the dirtied dishes.

"Just leave them. You must be exhausted, why don't you get some rest," he told her and motioned towards the bed.

Her cheeks flushed unwillingly and Kylo Ren saw, he smirked at her discomfort.

"Unless you have other things you would like to do. I certainly don't mind," he drolled.

Rey haughtily stood up and made her way over to the bed, ignoring his insinuation altogether. She pressed her hand onto the bed and felt how soft it was. She was never able to sleep on anything so comfortable after sleeping on the ground for so long. The ground in this room was cold metal though, she wondered if the couch would be her best option.

She removed the cloth from her head, having forgotten it was still there while she ate. She used her fingers to comb out her hair, it fell in loose waves past her shoulders. She gasped when she felt larger fingers combing through her hair, she went to turn, but he held her in place.

"You don't need to put your hair in those silly buns anymore," he told her.

She whispered embarrassed, "I don't know how else to do it."

"Sit," he commanded. "I'll do it."

Rey peaked over her shoulder and gave him a skeptical look, but he just pushed on her shoulders slightly. She complied and sat down on the bed, he sat behind her and continued to use his fingers to comb through her hair. It was strangely relaxing, but also electrifying in a way she could not explain.

"You can speak freely, I am listening," Kylo Ren said, breaking her from her reverie.

"Why did you leave me on Jakku," she asked hesitantly.

Kylo Ren let out a defeated sigh, "You are aware the Knights of Ren had a mission to rid the galaxy of all the Jedi?"

Rey nodded and he continued to speak.

"Well, we did just that, almost anyways. You were there that night, you had hid under your bed while it was happening."

"While you murdered all those Padawans, she replied, she felt him tense.

"If that's how you wish to phrase it. While the rest of the knights took care of the children, I was able to slip away and find you. You were terrified, but when I removed my mask and you realized it was me, you came with me willingly. I wasn't going to kill you Rey, you were not going to die that night," he explained.

His explanation led to more confusion.

"What I can't understand, is why you didn't kill me when you killed the others."

"Because you were the only one who didn't look at me like I was a monster."

How things have changed between them, there was a point where she looked at him with admiration while others viewed him to be a monster. Now she probably looks at him the same way they used to, she briefly wondered how that must feel to him.

"It tears me apart," he whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear.

She did not admonish him for looking into her mind without permission, she continued to seek answers instead.

"Why leave me on Jakku?' she asked.

"I could not take you with me, not at the time. I was still training and you were too young. I left you on Jakku because I knew no one would look for you there," he responded.

Rey wonders if it had mattered where he had left her, no one had come looking for her anyways. She felt his fingers stop combing her hair, he began to divide and twist it in what felt like might be a braid.

"What is the name my mother gave me?" she questioned. She needed to know, she had to know who she was.

"Your mother named you Kira," he told her.

She scrunched up her nose. Kira, her name was Kira. That was not a name she had been expecting.

"Where did Rey come from?"

"When you were learning to talk, you could not say your own name. It completely skipped the first part and the second part came out as Rey instead of Ra. I started calling you that despite Luke's objections and it stuck," he clarified.

"You were there through all of this, you have all my memories."

"I was there the day you were born. It was snowing out and your mother was in labor for hours with you. I was weary of meeting you, your mother used to let me put my hand on her stomach and feel you kick despite Luke's protests," he revealed.

Rey closed her eyes and attempted to force her way into his mind, to her surprise he let her. She saw the scene play out in his head as he explained it to her.

"Finally, you came and Luke placed you into a blanket and into your mother arms. She looked down at you, exhausted but happy. I stood in the doorway and watched her trace your face with her finger. Without looking up, she said, 'I know you're there Ben, you can come see her.'"

Rey saw this in vivid detail everything he was saying, her mother covered in sweat for the exertion from delivering her, her red hair matted to her face. She saw Ben warily standing in the doorway, his face half hidden, watching her mother hold her for the first time.

"I finally gathered enough courage to enter the room and walked over to the bed. I looked down at you and you looked up at me with your hazel eyes. Your mother placed you into my arms without warning, I almost dropped you I was so shocked."

Rey could see, when he had almost dropped her she cried a bit, but once had had regained his hold on her, she had settled again. She saw as he held her close to him, and smiled down at her.

"Ben, she has nobody. She just has me in this world and that is not enough. Can I trust you Ben?" her mother asked the young raven haired boy.

Ben looked up at her slightly confused, "Trust me with what?"

Her mother smiled at him, "To help me take care of her of course. You have a good heart Ben and I can see how much you love her. Promise me, promise me you will look after her, " her mother pled.

Ben's face became serious and he responded, "I promise."

Her mother smiled at him and leaned over and kissed his forehead. Ben looked up at her and asked her a question.

"What's her name?"

Her mother's smile widened and she replied, "Her name is Kira, Ben. She will have my last name so her name is Kira Kenobi."