Here it is, after the long wait! Thanks again to my wonderful beta, The Sound and the Fury, without whom this would be a jumbled mess. All of the Cullen's, plus Jasper and maybe Bella will bet getting to share their POV's here, but some have more to say than others. On to the show!

Carlisle's POV

"That could have gone better." Esme's words were the first spoken since we left the hospital. "It could have gone a lot worse, also, so I guess I shouldn't complain."

She was right. Jasper had been much more withdrawn and shy than I had expected. His every move was carefully calculated to deflect any anger on our part. It was a good act, and nearly fooled me, but he wasn't the first potential foster to try it on me, either.

"Remember Rosalie? I guess I shouldn't complain about any meeting that doesn't involve security being called."

How could I forget our first meeting with Rosalie? Though she was only thirteen, she was already beautiful, with her blonde waves and a woman's body. We had gone to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things, and Rosalie had decided that she no longer liked us and wanted to go back to the Social Services office. She began cursing at us, becoming more and more agitated, until I took her by the arm to lead her out of the store.

So she did exactly what children are taught to do in such a situation. She screamed "Rape! This man is not my father!" at the top of her lungs. The three of us ended up spending an uncomfortable few hours in the employee break room, while the police interrogated us about why we had been attempting to remove a young teenage girl from the store. It was humiliating, to say the least.

"He's so scared, Carlisle. Big as he is, I could tell he just wanted to hide behind the nearest chair. What did she do to him?"

It was a question that we might never know the entire answer to. None of the children, from Jasper on down to the three-year-old, had been willing to disclose much about what had happened in that house. Most of what we knew came from medical examinations and the one 9-1-1 call, where his frantic foster brother admitted more than he might have normally. "I don't know."

"We probably never will. He's precious, though, they way he tries so hard. As soon as he figured out what made one of us happy, he went right with it."

I didn't find that behavior nearly as sweet as Esme did. Jasper was doing it to appease us — not because he necessarily wanted us to be happy, but because he wanted to avoid making us angry. A fine line, yes, but one that needed to be made clear. There were only a few times when I felt he interacted with us naturally. Once, when he was asked what his favorite animal was, and then at the nurses' station when I asked if I could see him tomorrow. Other than that, he was telling us what he thought we wanted to hear.

Maybe I was just reading too much into it. After all, what was a meeting like this but the worst sort of blind date? One meeting, and he was expected to determine if he could live with us for the next three months, at the very least? Add in the fact that his ability to trust was probably severely damaged, and his behaviors made sense. Making sense didn't make them normal, however.

"He's going to have a lot of problems, Esme. We can already tell that he's worse than the report made him sound." I wanted to be rational about this, but every time I tried, I saw those blue-green eyes in the photograph. Those eyes had nothing much to look forward to, and he was too young to have given up already.

"You don't think we should take him." She sounded crestfallen.

"I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is, can you handle it if you put all of your love and affection into him, and he can't return it? If we try our hardest, and he rips this family apart? Or just bolts the day he turns eighteen?" All of those things were possibilities when you took a case like Jasper. I had seen plenty of foster families blown to pieces by a severely damaged or violent child.

"Can you handle it if we don't try?" Her voice was soft, but strong. "All we can do is love him, support him, and provide him with the tools to get better. The rest is up to him. If he runs when he turns eighteen, at least he'll have had three months where someone loved him, and a place to come back to."

I wondered where she got her strength. Over the years, she had been forced to let dozens of children go, whether it was back to their birth parents or on to new homes. I knew she thought about them often. "I'm going to go back tomorrow, and talk to the nurses that interact with him every day. They'll be able to tell me more than a hundred reports about him. Let's not make any decisions until I do that, okay?"

"Of course." She smiled. "We're going to get blindsided as soon as we come in the door, so what are we going to tell them?"

I thought about that. "Tell them that it went all right for a first meeting, and that I'm going to meet with him again tomorrow. They don't need the details yet."

"He's a fighter, that's for sure. We just have to convince him that being part of a normal family is worth fighting for."

That, of course, was the crux of the matter. As Emmett had proved over and over again, you could do everything textbook perfect, but ultimately it was going to be up to the child in question. All the therapy, hugs, and stability in the world weren't going to do Jasper any good if his injured spirit refused to allow him to accept them. It was too soon to know if that were the case, and three months from now, when he legally left the system, it might still be too soon. "We can hope."

"Sometimes, it's all you have." She turned on the radio without further comment. I studied her profile out of the corner of my eye, thankful as always that she was mine. What I had done to end up with a woman so utterly perfect? One that complemented me in every way, and was a bit of a mystery . . . but one I would be glad if I never solved. She was mine, and that was all that mattered.

Alice must have been at the window waiting for us, because she ran out the door the instant we pulled into the driveway. "How did it go? What's he like? Did he say he'd come live with us? Is he cute?" Her questions came so quickly that they seemed to run into one another.

Esme was used to our youngest daughter's speed, and answered as best she could. "It went pretty well. Not the best, but pretty well. He's sweet, but he's very, very shy. Hopefully he'll get better with time. He likes kiwi birds. I don't know if he's going to come live with us or not. We're going to give him a little time to think about it, without putting too much pressure on him. Yes, he's very cute."

Where was this sudden interest in how cute Jasper was coming from? Alice had never shown any interest in boys so far, beyond gossiping with Rose about which celebrity they wanted to marry. For a time, I had even wondered if she might be gay, and afraid to tell us, but had finally come to the conclusion that she just wasn't ready for a relationship yet. So why this fascination with a boy she hadn't even met?

"I knew he would be! When are we going to know for sure? Can I meet him now? You said 'no' earlier because he hadn't met any of us yet, but now he knows you two, so I can meet him? Please?" Once Alice got an idea into her head, it was hard to shake it loose. She gave me her best smile. "Please, Daddy?"

She only called me 'Daddy' when she wanted something. "Alice, no. He's already totally overwhelmed, and you going there will only make it worse. Give him a break." Despite not sharing any blood tie, Alice was so much like Esme that it hurt sometimes. They both felt things strongly, and had a deep desire to change the world, even if it was only for one person. Still, their overwhelming feelings often led to them being hurt. "Remember, Alice, he might not come. I'm not going to force him to come here if he doesn't want to. He's had enough of being forced to do things."

Her hazel eyes (so happy, and so different from Jasper's, though his held hints of green also) shone. "He will." She leapt up. "I'm going to get the guest room set up."

We watched her go. Esme chuckled softly. "Well, if Alice says it's going to happen, it probably will. I wonder how she does that."

That was a good question, and one we had never been able to figure out. To the best of our knowledge, she was just a little more intuitive than the average person. Within the family, it was one thing, but she had never met Jasper. Never laid eyes on him, never even seen a picture. So how could she make any sort of guess about what he might do? "Just another mystery, I guess."

She smiled. "I guess I'll go give her a hand." She kissed my cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too." More than words could express.

Knowing they would be up there for hours, and the room probably wouldn't look much different when they were done, I went to the kitchen to get a drink. There was a bottle of gin hidden in the back of the freezer, and I mixed some with a can of soda. Sitting there, I made a mental note to hide the bottle better when Jasper came (and I was starting to think that was inevitable). I might trust my own children with alcohol around, though I did check the levels regularly, but I wasn't going to take unnecessary risks with a child I knew very little about. All temptation was going into hiding.

"So?" The voice was soft, but it startled me anyway. Edward was leaning against the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. He was obviously upset about something, so I gestured for him to sit down across from me.

"What?"

"Is he coming?" The bright eyes were fixed on mine.

I probed at him, trying to figure out what was wrong. "That's still to be decided. Why do you ask?"

He shrugged, looking down at the tabletop. "I just wanted to know so we could be ready, that's all." Because I don't want him to come, that's why.

That was surprising, so I pushed further. "You were fine with the idea of him coming last night. What's changed?"

He didn't raise his eyes. "Nothing." Everything.

I waited patiently, moving over to slide an arm around his shoulders. While most of my children preferred Esme, with her gentle, maternal nature, Edward and I had always had a special bond. Finally, he spoke. "I asked Bella out."

"Chief Swan's daughter?" He nodded. "That's wonderful; what did she say?"

"Yes. I'm going to take her to the movies on Friday." His tone was too dejected for a boy who had just asked his crush out. A possibility occurred to me.

"Do you think Jasper is going to change that? I wouldn't ask you to break a date because he was coming, even if it were the same night. We'll get it worked out."

His shoulders hunched further, his head drooping. "It isn't that." His voice was tiny and miserable.

"What, then?" I slid a hand out and put it under his chin, forcing his head up so he could meet my eyes. "Tell me."

"He's going to be weird. You and I both know that; no one could live through what he has and not be weird. I don't . . ." he trailed off as his voice hitched. "Everyone talks about our family already. I don't want Bella to think there's something wrong with all of us."

Ah, it all came back to the insecurity of teenagers. Edward was afraid that Jasper would embarrass him in front of his brand-new girlfriend. I wanted to console him, to assure him that that would not be the case, but I couldn't lie to him. Things were going to be different in the house if we accepted Jasper; it was as simple as that.

I had always known we were quite the topic of conversation. Forks was a fairly conservative town, and most people didn't take well to things that were out of the ordinary. When we had started taking in foster children, there was a little bit of talking, but most people were supportive. Over the years, with various children, we had been involved in more scenes than I cared to think about. Some of them were just the normal temper tantrums of small bored children, but some were more serious. There was a period — when there were eight kids in the home, including three in special education — where I felt like I was at the school every single week trying to sort out someone's problems. That was when the rumors that we were in over our heads started to fly.

Most people failed to understand the traumas our foster kids had been through, and the unfortunate behaviors that could come along with trying to cope with it all. The kids weren't being bratty or wild; they were actually trying to hang on to their last shred of control with everything they had. At the time, our adopted kids had been younger, and less affected by it all. Then we had stopped fostering, and things fell into a sort of stasis.

Emmett and Rosalie had refueled the gossip mill three years ago, when they had decided that they loved each other. Not much happened in Forks, and this was the best bit of gossip to hit in months, if not years. All of the kids managed to keep their heads high, even with the accusations flying around them. People commented on how disgusting it was, how it was practically incest, implying that our house was little more than a sexual sideshow. The comments had bothered all of us, but we couldn't deny Emmett and Rose the happiness they had found with each other.

Edward broke into my thoughts. "I hate feeling like this. It's not his fault that any of this happened to him, but I just want to have something normal, for once in my life! Bella's normal; her father's the Chief of Police. If Jasper gets into trouble, he's going to know about it." He wiped at his suddenly wet eyes. "I know I'm a terrible person for thinking that. If you guys thought like that, I wouldn't even have a home. Alice wouldn't, and Emmett wouldn't, and Rose wouldn't, either."

"You aren't a terrible person. Esme and I deciding, as adults, to take in kids we know might be troubled is a lot different than you, as a teenager, being expected to put up with it. It can be an unfair burden to put on the four of you." It hurt me to say what I did next, but it was the truth. "If you feel that strongly, I can tell Demetri that it won't be possible for us to take him."

His eyes widened at the possibility. "You would do that?"

"Of course. I can't help one kid by sacrificing others in the home. That isn't fair to anyone."

There was a silence while he mulled that over. "No. It's too selfish of me to say 'no' like that. I think . . . I think he probably needs us." His arms came around my neck, holding me tightly in a way he hadn't done in years. "I love you."

Apparently, this had been more about getting some reassurance that my love for him hadn't changed than it was actually about Jasper. Still, I tried to assuage his other fears. "Alice keeps telling me how much she likes Bella, and how compassionate and caring Bella is. If she's really that way, she'll accept Jasper, no matter what baggage he comes with. Besides, we might be worrying about nothing. He may be excellent at pulling it together for company."

Okay, so I wasn't above telling Edward a small lie. Jasper hadn't been able to pull it together for Esme and me, so I doubted he would in front of a bunch of teenagers.

Edward straightened up. "I'm going to go in and work on my music for a while. I'm doing a lullaby."

Probably for his new lady love. I'd seen plenty of lovesick teens, but nothing like how Edward had fallen for this girl. "Where are your brother and sister?"

"Out. They're on a 'date.'" He made little finger quotes as he said the word. In other words, they had snuck off somewhere to have sex, since they weren't allowed to in the house. I sent a prayer upwards that all the 'safe sex' lectures we had given them had sunk in. The last thing we needed right now was a baby in the house. "I think they're actually — "

I cut him off. "I know what they're actually doing, Edward, so please don't remind me."

He gave me one of his goofy, crooked little grins. "Okay." Then he was gone, his thoughts already consumed by his passions.

So I had one who was ambivalent about Jasper coming, and two who were all but moving him in right now. Hopefully, Emmett and Rose would be a little bit calmer about the whole thing. Speaking of Emmett and Rose — they were home. Headlights splashed across the kitchen and the garage door rumbled up. I took another gulp of my drink, steeling myself for the next confrontation.

I swear the house shook as Emmett bounded up the front steps. His eyes scanned the kitchen. "Where is he?"

I sighed. One of Emmett's biggest problems was that he didn't listen. He was smart enough, but most things went in one ear and out the other. "At the hospital. I told you we weren't going to bring him home tonight, if we brought him home at all."

His brow furrowed. "What are we waiting for? Can't you get them to bring him over sooner?"

Rose smacked his arm. "He's not a baby getting brought by the stork or a new toy, you moron. He has a choice. Even if he wants to come — and between you and Edward, I can't imagine why he would — they have to fill out a million forms before we can even think about bringing him here."

He gave her a good-natured roll of his eyes. "So are we filling out the forms? Does he like to play video games and wrestle? Because if he does, we're cool."

Oh, God, I could just imagine Jasper's reaction if Emmett jumped him as soon as he walked through the door. We would either be prying him off the ceiling, fingernail by fingernail, or Emmett was going to end up with broken bones. "Absolutely not! Emmett, you will be gentle with him. Remember, he's been through a lot, and I don't need you traumatizing him the minute he gets here."

Emmett had the grace to look ashamed. "Oh, yeah, I forgot. No wrestling him. Games are still cool, though, right?"

"Yes, games are fine." A headache was forming behind my eyes. Emmett always meant well; his body was just permanently in gear before his brain. "I hope you two behaved yourselves tonight."

Rose flushed. "We did. We went bowling." She gave me a tentative smile. "I bowled 156." The exact nature of her comment told me that this had been a real date, not the sort that ended in the backseat of Emmett's Jeep.

"That's fantastic." It was much better than I could have done.

"I bowled 108. Anything better than 100 is winning, right?" Emmett had already cracked two bowling balls with his overenthusiastic throws.

"108 is good, too." I stood up. "I'm going to go see what Alice and your mother are doing up there. Clean up after yourselves if you make anything to eat."

Emmett chuckled and Rose gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "It'll all work out."

I wondered how she had gone from refusing to accept any 'snot-nosed brat' into the house to being firmly on Jasper's side in less than twenty-four hours. "Thank you, Rosalie." Maybe I needed to accept the confidence of my family members and quit worrying so much. We had been ignorant when we took both Edward and Alice, and it had worked out pretty well with them. Still, it was easier said than done, and I couldn't shake the feeling that there was a lot more to Jasper than had made it into any report. There was little to do about that now, though; just wait until tomorrow, when I went for my consult and saw him again.

I had made the consult up on the spur of the moment, something to try and take Jasper's mind off our presence, and it had worked. A few well-placed phone calls found an actual case for me to look at, so even if Jasper refused to see me again, the trip wouldn't be wasted. He had been interested and polite today, but further reflection on it all might cause him to panic and shut down. Something told me that it was going to be a long night.

The next morning was cloudy and grey, a good reflection of my mood. Alice and Esme had been holed up in the guest room for hours, giggling about the new arrival that everyone was suddenly sure was coming. I had slept restlessly, sure I was overlooking something of the greatest importance, but waking each time before I knew what it was. I had tossed and turned so much that Esme had ended up sleeping in the guest room, after all, so at least the preparations hadn't been for nothing.

I took the SUV, just in case of more snow, and turned the radio up. The ride seemed emptier without Esme, but I also enjoyed the solitude. At work, I was constantly having to monitor and interact with other people, and there was always someone demanding my attention at home. For once, it felt nice to just be me, relaxing with my thoughts.

Eventually, though, those thoughts turned back to Jasper and the reason for this trip. Much as I tried to deny it, I was as intrigued by him as the rest of the family. Those blue eyes looked as though they might hold a thousand secrets, and probably did. Could they all be bad, though? Would I find out later that Jasper liked dancing, or wanted to learn to ride horseback, or wrote very well? He had to have a million little personality quirks — some good, some bad.

All too soon, the hospital loomed up in front of me. A crystal-clear memory allowed me to retrace my steps from the previous day, and I quickly found myself back on Jasper's floor. It was lunchtime, and a single nurse was manning the station. I didn't recognize her, so I smiled gamely. "Hi. I'm Dr. Cullen, and I'm here to see Jasper Whitlock."

She didn't move. "He isn't having visitors right now."

This wasn't good. Apparently Jasper had been more unsettled by yesterday than I had thought. "Oh. Is he not having visitors at all, or does he just not want to see me?"

Recognition dawned in her eyes. "You're the foster father who came yesterday." She leaned backwards, as if she expected to see Jasper in the hall. "He isn't seeing anyone right now because he's sleeping. He didn't have a good night."

Sometimes the best response to something like that is absolute silence. She looked down for a minute. "I was here the night they brought him in, and I've been taking care of him ever since. If you're really serious about him, there are a few things you ought to know."

Jackpot. If you wanted any information in a hospital, it could be obtained from the nearest nurse. I did my best not to let my glee show on my face. "That would be wonderful. I have to consult on a case in peds, but can I meet you here afterwards? I am very serious about taking him, if he'll have us."

"I work until three, so make it back before then." She looked back towards the rooms again. "I'll see you later."

I sleepwalked my way through the consultation, which turned out to be a noncancerous growth that could be easily removed. The patient, a beautiful six-year-old, was happy to have the growth removed and get back to kindergarten. She gave me a hug when I left, her sweet nature and easy affection a sharp contrast to the teenager upstairs. She was deeply loved by her parents, secure and happy, and it showed. If only all of my cases ended this well.

There were several nurses at the station now, two of whom I recognized from yesterday. "Hi." I felt nervous in their presence, knowing that they were going to reveal more than I wanted to know.

The four women exchanged looks, almost as if each was daring the others to speak first. Finally, one broke the silence. "I was up with him for five hours last night. First it was a nightmare, but then he got himself so worked up that it became a panic attack, and none of us could calm him down. We ended up having to give him a tranquilizer before he hurt himself. That's with him taking .5 mg of Triazolam a night."

I was familiar with this tactic. They were going to throw all of Jasper's bad points at me. If I was still standing after hearing the absolute worst they had to offer, they would tell me more about his good points. "I was under the impression his sleep disturbances were under control."

There were four identical snorts. "He stays in his room when he sleepwalks now, and he doesn't wake up the entire ward with his screaming, just his immediate neighbors. So the doctors say he's better."

My heart sank. They had already revealed Jasper to be more disturbed than I thought, and we had barely started talking. "He self-harms?"

They seemed surprised. "No! Why would you think that?"

Now it was my turn to be confused. "You said you thought he would hurt himself last night."

The shortest nurse nodded. "Not deliberately. He just gets really disoriented, and he struggles. I couldn't get him to wake up, and it just seemed kinder that way."

Oh, boy. While it was good to know that I wasn't dealing with a self-injurer, I wasn't looking forward to dealing with screaming night terrors again. I had done this once with Alice, and again with Rosalie. I knew Esme and I could handle it, but I was more concerned about him. If Jasper wasn't getting enough sleep, even with the drugs, that was going to become an issue in and of itself. How could we work on his issues if he was physically and mentally exhausted? "How often?"

"Not every night. Maybe . . . twice a week? We had a two-week period where he did really well, and then he sort of fell apart again. He sleepwalks pretty much every night, though; won't stay in his bed for anything."

Another nurse took over. "Let's see. I've found him asleep next to the bed, under the bed, in the chair, in the bathroom, in the middle of the floor, on his feet, and every other way you can imagine, except in his bed." She looked down. "He cries in his sleep, too. I can see the marks. But never when he's awake."

I reminded myself that they knew Jasper best, and would have the best idea of how to help him, but this was so painful to hear. "Does anything help at all?"

The shortest nurse (her name tag read Nurse Davis) sighed deeply. "Not that we've found. He likes it when you play music for him, though. Maybe he'll do better in a home. Between the constant light and the other patients, it can be hard to get any rest here." I could tell she didn't believe her own words.

"But he has a lot of headaches, and the pills he takes for them make him really sleepy. That might be one of the reasons he has trouble sleeping at night. Sometimes the pills knock him out during the day, and he can't settle down at the right time."

Another nurse, Nurse Andrews, clicked her tongue. "He's failing his schoolwork. I think he tries really hard, but he was behind when he got here and he just keeps falling further and further back. None of us really know how to help him. They keep telling us they'll send us a tutor for him, but we haven't seen one yet."

I interrupted them. "So basically, you're telling me that I have a teenager who can't sleep at night most of the time, has screaming nightmares when he does, and is about to flunk his junior year of high school. Any other bad points I should know about?"

"He swears when he gets mad. I have two teens at home, and I thought I'd heard it all, but this one takes the cake. I've never heard such creativity, or so many f-bombs in one conversation. He's actually scared more than one doctor away."

Pretty wimpy doctors, if you asked me. Words could be painful, but they weren't actually dangerous. "But he's not violent? I have other teens in the home, two girls and two boys, and I don't want them hurt." At their negative gestures, I continued on. "As far as the swearing goes, I think he's had plenty to swear about the past few years."

The four of them exchanged glances, and I had the distinct impression that they were deciding whether or not I had passed the test. Finally, they seemed to agree that I had. Nurse Andrews spoke again. "He's a good boy, deep down, but he's pretty damaged. If what we've told you scares you, good. Because he's going to be a lot of work for someone."

"My wife and I have taken in several special needs children. I feel confident that we can handle this also." I tried to broadcast sincerity. "Listen, I told Jasper that I would come back to see him today. Will you tell him that I stopped by?" I pulled a card out of my wallet. "This is my home number; tell him he can feel free to call if he has any questions."

Nurse Davis took the card, but held up a hand. "Let me peek in on him and see if he's awake. He really seemed to like you last night, and I think he'll want to see you now. I'll only be a minute." She disappeared down the hall.

"Please be patient with him." The nurse who spoke wasn't wearing any ID. "We love him here, but if you can think of an irritating behavior, he's already thought of it with twelve variations. He tries to get rid of you before you can get rid of him. Just . . . be patient, all right?"

"I will." Anything else I might have wanted to say was cut off by Nurse Davis reappearing. "He's awake, and he's agreed to see you."

I couldn't believe how pleased I was to know that. The door to Jasper's room was closed, but I nudged it open. Jasper was lying in bed, his face colorless and his eyes dull. Unlike the previous day, he made no effort to get up. In fact, just staying awake seemed to take most of his energy. I sat down next to the bed. "Hello, again. I'm sorry to hear you aren't feeling well."

He shrugged. "Rough night." His tone suggested it hadn't been that big of a deal. Of course, to him, it might not have been. One of the interesting things about night terrors, unlike nightmares, was that the person having them seldom remembered the dreams upon waking. If Jasper had been having them for a while, he might be used to living with constant sleep deprivation. A soft smile touched the corners of his mouth. "You came back."

"I said I would." I could tell that he hadn't believed me. He licked his dry lips, seeming to struggle to stay focused on the conversation. "Would you like some water?"

His eyes fixed on mine. "Could you get me a Coke? There's some cash in the drawer."

"Sure." The soda machine was located at the end of the hall, and I was back in under a minute. Something flashed in his eyes when I came back, but it was gone so quickly I couldn't tell what it had been. I took the control for the bed from his hand and sat him up, opening the drink for him and holding it out. He took it and drank deeply, letting his eyes fall closed.

When he was done, I took the drink back and set it on the bedside table. "Can I do anything else?"

He shook his head without opening his eyes. "All right, then." I took out another card and put it by the soda. "I'll let you rest. If you think of any questions, feel free to call me at home."

I was almost at the door before he spoke again. "Dr. Cullen?" Our eyes met, my dark blue studying the dull grey. "If you still want me, I'd like to come live with you for a few months."

I would probably never know the amount of courage it had taken for him to say that. "Of course we still want you. I'll put a call in to Social Services as soon as I get to the car."

He looked downwards, suddenly shy again. "Okay."

I tried to be encouraging. "I'm glad you decided to come."

"I think I am, too." I sensed that he wanted me to leave now, so I gave him some space. There would be time later to work on his issues. Now that he had agreed to come home with us, we had all the time in the world. I did my best to ignore the tiny voice in the back of my mind, the one that told me that was good, because it might take that long to get him any semblance of a normal life.