I woke up late that Sunday. I had missed the sunrise, but I really could care less. I had spent most of last night crying, and I fell asleep around five in the morning. I dragged myself out of bed and looked at the mirror. My hair was knotted and my eyes were all puffy and red. I looked like a mess. Guess that was expected, since mentally I was a train wreck. I showered and left my dorm, I need to apologize to Regulus.
"Jade!" I saw Derek waving me over to sit with him and the rest of the quidditch team as I walked into the great hall. I looked around for Reg, but didn't see him. Guess I'm sitting with the team.
"Hey," I said, smiling weakly. It was all fake. I hated not having Regulus on my side. I wish I never would have befriended Sirius. Ugh.
"That was amazing yesterday, I didn't think you would play so violently," Derek said as I sat between him and Penelope. Oh, so now that you know I'm good at quidditch, you don't care that I'm a Potter. Nope. Now you all want to be my friends. Fucking Slytherins.
"Yeah. All you have to do is imagine a face on the bludgers and hit it," I said as I picked at my toast. I kept glancing around the hall, incase Regulus walked in. He never did. So I sat there, listening to them all talk about quidditch, and I nodded occasionally and sometimes threw in a half hearted comment. They were fun, and they seemed nice. I didn't trust them though. They weren't like Regulus. I miss him so much. It feels like a part of me is missing. My twin, my unbiological brother, was beyond upset with me, and it was all my fault.
"So Jade, do you want to?" Derek asked me something, looking nervously.
"What? Oh sure," I nodded agreeing to whatever he just asked me. Figuring my luck, he probably just asked me to join Voldemort's army.
"Great! I'll see you next weekend then!" He said smiling as he gave me an awkward hug before leaving. Hugging? Hugging. Since when did Slytherins hug? I don't think I agreed to going out with him. He must of asked me to Hogsmeade or something. Well that should be interesting, I guess Derek wasn't half bad looking. Maybe a date to Hogsmeade is what I need. I've never been on a "date" in my life, so this could be an utter disaster.
"You seem off. Are you sick?" Derek asked as we sat in the common room. The boy liked to ask questions. I guess he thought he could talk to me 24/7, now that we are going to Hogsmeade together.
"No. My mind has just been overloaded," I said as I wondered where Reg was. I hadn't seen him all day, and I looked all over for him. I even thought about asking James to let me use the marauders map (yeah, I know about that too. But he doesn't know that) but I knew he wouldn't let me.
"Want to go to the hospital wing? Get a pepper up potion?" He offered. Hmmm…pepper up potions…not as good as alcohol, but might make me feel a little bit better.
"Sure why not." I got up and started walking away. "Derek, I can go by myself. But thank you. You've been really sweet."
I walked into the hospital wing and just my luck, my brother and Sirius are there. I see Scott, laying in bed, with a thick cast around his wrist. Whoa, did I hurt him that bad?
"What are you doing here?" James sneered.
"I need to get something," I mumbled, looking down. I didn't feel like making eye contact, because my eyes were probably bloodshot and puffy. I had cried on the walk to the hospital wing. I've been crying a lot all day. I've never cried this much over anyone. Not even James.
"Oh what's wrong? Get caught hexing someone?" James snapped at me.
"Listen James. I'm not dealing with your shit right now. I'm beyond stressed out and I don't need you and all your drama. So shut the fuck up. I'm sorry, I mean shut the fuck up, please and thank you." I looked him coldly in the eyes.
"Don't talk to your brother like that." James said, voice like steel.
"I'll talk to you however the hell I want! You're not a brother to me at all! You just pick on me and make me feel worthless. So you know what? I'm done. Once I turn of age, I'm moving out and never looking back. I don't need you James, I'll never need you. Just leave me the hell alone, because I like it better when you're out of my life. I hate you." I let the angry boil out of me and I bolted out of there. I could feel my face was hot with frustration and tears were prickling at my eyes. I ran through the hallways, and into an empty classroom. I sat against a wall and cried. I cried for everything. For Regulus. For myself. But I mostly I cried for what I said. I would take it back in a second if I could. I do need James, even if he doesn't need me. I like it better when he is in my life, even if he's making it hell, because at least I know he knows I'm still here. And I definitely don't hate him. I have never felt so alone.
"Jade." I felt him sit down next to me, and he whispered in my ear. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have blew up like that." Regulus looked at me with pleading eyes. I don't know how long I was in that classroom, but it was a long time. I rested my head in the crook of his neck.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry for everything. Don't ever leave me alone again," I closed my eyes and let more tears fall.
"It's ok Bitty. It's ok." He rubbed my shoulder.
"No it's not. I told James I hated him. And I want to take it back. He could be dead tomorrow, and the last thing he is going to remember is me saying I hate him." I sobbed into his shoulder.
"He won't be dead tomorrow. Just talk to him tomorrow," He murmured. It felt good to have my best friend back. I dried my tears with my sleeve, maybe everything would be some what ok.
I sat in an empty classroom, sitting on a desk. I didn't even know why I was there, but I was. I looked for a clock, but couldn't find one. Suddenly the door opened, and in walked Sirius. By himself, instead of James with him, which was most of them time.
"Sirius?" I asked, confused.
"Jade, we have to talk." He had needy look in his eyes, almost desperate.
"About what?" I asked with wide eyes. What would he want to talk to me about? I thought he hated me.
"Back when we had detention together, you left something in the supply cupboard." He sat down next to me, sitting a little too close.
"And what would that be?" I said as I looked at his face. His eyes were definitely his best feature, but everything about him was just flawless in general.
"This." He whispered as he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. This is what I had been thinking about all this time. This is what would've happened if damn Slughorn wouldn't have came. This is what I missed out on.
"Sirius." I murmured to him as I wrapped my arm around his neck and brought him closer. His tongue entered my mouth, and oh my god, it felt amazing. I pulled myself even closer to him.
"Jade," He moaned.
"Sirius, don't stop," I muttered.
I woke up with a jolt. Holy fuck. I was dreaming about Sirius. I shakily sat up in bed and looked at my clock. Four in the morning. Joy. I slipped out of bed and threw on a sweater. I walked out of the dorm and decided to go outside. Look at the stars for a little bit, before the sun rose. I thought about the dream, while walking to the grounds. Why was I dreaming about him? I didn't fancy him, I know I didn't. Probably just stressed out. I tried to shake away thoughts of that dream, but they kept coming back. I padded through the dewy grass, letting my bare feet get soaked. I leaned against my favorite tree and looked up at the sky. I looked at the stars. I thought back to one of the first times Regulus ever talked to me about his brother.
Reg and I were laying in the grass, looking up at the stars. He had just had a row with his brother, and he wanted to just relax outside.
"The stars, they are beautiful Reg." I whispered to him.
"I know," He said equally as quiet.
"Which one is you? Where's your star?" I asked. I knew he was named after a star. He pointed to one.
"That one, the bright one." He said. I squinted, trying to follow his hand. I saw a small star, glinting a little bit brighter than the rest.
"It's you!" I said grinning.
"It's funny how I'm named after the star in lion constellation. I'll never be a Gryffindor." He said as he gazed at the stars.
"You don't need to be a Gryffindor. I'd be all alone then, and we wouldn't want that." I tried to comfort him.
"I wish I could be more like Sirius. I hate living in his shadow. I'm named after the brightest star in some constellation. He's named after the brightest star in the whole sky. You try living up to that." He whispered, his face unreadable.
"You'll always be the brightest to me Reg. You'll always be the best to me."
It was that night I realized Regulus needed me as much as needed him. The sun was now peaking, just a little bit, over the horizon. I heard the sound of someone walking, they sounded out of breath. I spun around and see my brother, levitating Remus and dragging Sirius along, both of them were passed out. James looked awful. His nose looked broken, his glasses were crooked, scratches and bruises covered his arms and face, and a big bloody gash ran from his temple to the middle of his cheek. He could of died, whatever the hell he was doing last night. He could of died, and he his last memory of him would be me telling him I hate him.
"James!" I yelled as I ran over to him. "Put Lupin down and let me fix you." I said, looking at him, figuring what I would have to do to fix him.
"Jade?" He asked groggily, letting Lupin softly to the ground, along with Sirius. I made him sit down and I held his face in my hands.
"Shh…are you ok?" I asked, I pulled out my wand. "Episkey." I muttered as I dragged my wand over the wound on his face, it stopped bleeding and it closed, but a thick, white scar took it's place.
"Yeah, just a few bumps. Why are you being nice to me?" He said looking at me, he looked really tired. What the hell was he doing last night?
"I'm being nice to you because you're my brother and you could of died last night, whatever you were doing, and your last memory of me would be me telling you I hate you. Oh, and I don't hate you, I never could." I explained to him. "Sana cicatrix." I said as I dragged my wand over the scar once more. It faded, but it soon became very visible once more. Damn. I could probably get rid of it completely, if I had the right potion.
"Oh." He replied. I didn't expect him to say I don't hate you either, because I've learned not to expect much of him. "You should be a healer." He stated. I would like to be a healer, but Jade plus potions equals disaster, remember?
"Where were you last night?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. I healed the cuts on his arm and looked at his face once more.
"I can't tell you. It's not my secret to tell." He stated blankly.
"Okay. Come on, let's get these two to the hospital wing, I don't know if I can fix them. Besides, Poppy will do a better job than me." James gave me a confused look.
"I'm surprised you didn't keep asking." He stated.
"I respect the fact you can't tell me. We all have our secrets James," I said. It was true, it was obvious it was one of his friends secrets he couldn't tell me. I would probably figure it out if I thought about it enough.
"Thanks. Can you take Sirius? He's smaller than Remus." James said to me, slowly standing up. Just my luck, I get to carry Sirius. I had almost forgotten about that bloody dream. Damn.
-x-
Author's Note:
Shortish chapter, but I felt this was a good place to end (and I'm lazy xP) So now the weekends over, and it'll probably be a week before I update again. I wish we had a fanfiction class in school. That would be amazing :D
Author's Note 2.0:
Awh this chapter is really cute.