A/N: Well, haven't we had an exciting few weeks! I apologize for this taking so darn long, but I've been dealing with other issues. A HUGE, HUGE thank you to every person who took the time to email me and tell me that this story was being plagerized by another author. and I have resolved the matter, and the other story was removed. If I had been left to my own devices, it probably would have slid under my radar.

Two small points that have been changed from previous chapters. The name of Peter's foster mother is Lucy, though I said Alicia in an earlier chapter. I'm going to change that as soon as I get a chance. I have also been told that phenolbarbitol is no longer the drug of choice for teens, so it has been changed to clonazepam. If you guys notice any other mistakes like that, do not hesitate to let me know. I don't bite, promise! Though if Jasper offered to bite me…hmmm!

Alice's POV

"Alice, settle down. He's coming, I promise." The tight way Rosalie was clinging to her fashion magazine told me that she was just as excited as I was.

It was almost a mirror scene from a month ago, when Mom and Dad had first brought Jasper home. The math caught me off guard, and I thought back quickly. Jasper had been in the hospital for six days, and would come home tonight. They had brought him home at the beginning of the month. . . . Yeah, it had only been a month. Three weeks, really, if you didn't count the time that he was in the hospital. How could he possibly have wormed his way into my heart so quickly?

The magazine hit the floor as Rose turned her full attention to me. "Alice, I know this is something we've never really talked about, but I have to know." She stopped, one perfectly plucked brow raising as she tried to choose her words. "Jasper. You like him as more than a brother, right?"

Even if I had wanted to lie, the heat that was spreading up my face would have betrayed me. Yes, I liked Jasper in a way that would have been entirely creepy had I felt it for Emmett or Edward. It was simultaneously thrilling and terrifying. "Yes."

A bright smile broke across her face. "Well, why didn't you say something before? I'll have that boy eating out of your hand in no time."

I wasn't sure if I wanted that. Emmett absolutely worshipped the ground that Rose walked on. He would do anything for her, to the point where it was a little pathetic. I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to do that for me, or how I would feel if they tried. I would much rather have a relationship where we were equals.

Or did I? I guessed I shouldn't say that until I had actually had a boyfriend. Maybe that was just the way things were. One person was the ruler in the relationship and set all the rules, and the other either followed them or got out.

I didn't want to say that to Rosalie, though. However odd their relationship was, it worked for them, and I had never seen two people more in love, except for maybe Mom and Dad. I knew what it was like to have someone giving all the orders, and I wouldn't like it if Jasper did that to me, but I was nowhere near good enough to be placed on a pedestal myself. Couldn't it just be me and him, the way we were?

Of course not. Who would want a pathetic little girl with a memory like Swiss cheese? A girl who might not even remember the milestones of our relationship? I couldn't give Jasper anything but my body, and even that was worthless. I had already given my innocence to some other man, involuntarily or not. No matter what I felt for Jasper, he was better off without me.

"Earth to Alice! Do you want my help in wowing Jasper, or not?" Rose would never understand my hesitation. She was never afraid to do the impossible. If she were in my shoes, she would just storm in there, inform Jasper that they were now a couple, and waltz back out before he knew what had hit him. That she might not deserve him would never even enter her mind.

"No, I don't think so." Please don't ask why, please don't ask why. I loved my sister dearly, but she didn't understand that sometimes damage runs too deep to be repaired or overlooked.

"Why?" Her voice was incredulous. "I thought you liked him."

"I do. That's the problem." I looked down, sadly tracing the frost on the window. "Just drop it, Rose."

The determination I had been admiring seconds ago now came forward to bite me in the ass. "No, I want to know what's going on. Did he say something to you? Do something? Is there another girl?"

"No, no, and no. It's just that . . . he isn't going to want me, no matter how well you teach me things. Really Rose, who's going to want a girl who's damaged goods? Who's going to flinch every time he tries to touch me sexually, and who doesn't know the first thing about guys? One who might not even remember him tomorrow? I'm not good enough for him." I slowly rubbed out the heart I had drawn in the frost.

"Maybe you're right." Her voice was contemplative.

Of all the things she could have said, that one nearly shocked me to tears. Despite my harsh words, I had been hoping that she would shake her head and tell me that they couldn't possibly be true. Instead she was confirming my worst fears.

She nodded slowly. "After all, who would want him? What girl is ever going to put up with a guy who flinches when you touch him at all, or whose body is a scarred-up mess? Who's going to love a guy with a fucked-up brain and a damaged soul? Who might not even be here tomorrow, unless someone gives him a reason to stay? He's probably not good enough for you." She shrugged. "If you aren't willing to fight for him, Alice, and fight hard, don't get near him at all. He can't take any more rejection."

How dare she say those things about Jasper! Okay, so they might have been technically true, but she didn't mention any of his good points! "Someone will! He's smart and funny and a perfect gentleman. He's strong; he had to be to survive." It only took a few seconds to realize I had jumped right into the trap she had laid. "It's not the same thing."

"Of course it is. It's two people who got dealt a shitty hand in life, but have a chance to make things better for themselves. He's no better than you are, and both of you deserve some happiness."

It couldn't possibly be that easy, could it? "It's not that easy."

Her eyes rolled again. "Of course it is. This part, at least. The relationship itself it going to be hell, at least for a little while. He has problems, and you have problems, and you'll probably find out that the pair of you have problems together that you haven't even considered yet. But this part? It's as easy as looking him in the eyes and asking if he'd like to go out with you."

"He'll say no." Even if he did like me like that, and I was still having a hard time believing he might, now was a completely inappropriate time to ask him out. "Besides, right now he just needs me to be family to him."

"Why, so it can seem totally creepy later? Hey, Jasper, I know I've spent the last few months acting like a sister to you, but let's have sex? Yeah, that's not going to be awkward or anything."

No matter what objections I tried to raise, she batted them aside. "You think he'll say yes?"

"Alice, that poor boy looks at you like you absolutely hung the moon and all the stars. Of course he'll say yes." She slid an arm around my shoulders. "Just don't let him be pushy. If he does anything you don't like, or aren't ready for, just tell him no."

I saw a golden opportunity to bring up something I could have never said to Mom. "What if he gets mad about it?"

"Then he's an asshole, and I'll follow up with that threat to castrate him." She sounded totally flippant, but I could hear a slight undercurrent of truth to her words. "Trust me, Alice. Deep down, he wants you to tell him that. Boys like to know where the boundaries are in a relationship, rather then feeling like they have to guess and might push too far. Most men aren't like those perverted assholes that got us first. Most men want to please you and make you happy. Honestly, chica? I don't think rushing into sex is a good idea for either of you."

Just the thought of having someone, even Jasper, touch me down there brought the blood back to my face. "No, I know that."

She picked up her magazine and returned to it as if nothing had happened. "I like him, and I think the two of you are good for each other. Just don't turn into Eddie and Bella, and we'll be fine."

Try as I might, I just couldn't imagine Jasper going into long, drawn-out declarations of love like Edward did. Edward wrote Bella songs and stayed on the phone with her for hours on end. If I were lucky, Jasper would jot a few words down on a sticky note, and grunt out a few sentences about his day.

But his eyes. Dear God, his eyes. They were so incredibly expressive that they more than made up for what his mouth didn't say. Their color shifted from grey to green to blue, sometimes seeming to be all three at once. By watching the flares of color in their depths, I could easily judge his moods, much more so than if he had been willing to speak. No one else in the family saw it, just me. For once, I was the one who was special, the only one who understood Jasper's mood swings.

"Don't worry, Rosie, there's no danger of that."

"Then don't worry so much." She looked past me for a minute, then gave me a devilish smirk. "I'm going to go back up and check on Emmett. I think his fever's finally breaking, and he might need me. By the way, Jasper's here." She took off before I could reply.

All thoughts of sex fled my mind as I leapt up and ran out the door, throwing myself into Jasper's arms. He grunted in surprise, but caught me easily, strong arms coming around my back. "Hi."

He didn't sound particularly excited, just a little amused, but I knew he was happy. His eyes were showing me their colors, and he looked around the front room contentedly. Yes, everything was the way he had left it, which pleased him to no end. He had never said it, but I thought he had been expecting to come home and find everything different. Like maybe all of his stuff in bags near the front door and a social working waiting to come collect him.

Edward was out with Bella, and with Rosalie conveniently upstairs, it was just the two of us. Well, the two of us plus Mom and Dad, but they were busy unloading the car. I put an arm around his waist. I would have gone for his shoulders, but I wasn't quite tall enough to pull that off. "Come on, let's go see your room. We painted it Monday, and the nasty paint smell is finally gone. If you'd have come home yesterday, you probably would have suffocated."

I wasn't going to draw too much attention to what had happened, but I was determined not to let it be pushed under the rug, either. If there was ever an election for President of Denial, Jasper would win in a landslide. What really surprised me, though, was that everyone seemed to be perfectly happy to let him get away with it. If my situation had taught them nothing else, it was that repression and denial of terrible things would only lead to worse problems. Jasper didn't need any of this continually thrown in his face, but ignoring it would only be worse in the long term.

"We picked that color you liked, but it went on a little darker than we thought it would, so it's more green than blue. It looks really nice, though. The sheets don't match anymore, though, so we'll probably have to get new ones. We didn't want to pick anything out that you didn't like, so you and Mom can go sometime this week."

I caught myself there. I was starting to babble, and if no one stopped me, I could go on for hours. Eventually, I might say something embarrassing, like that I wanted him to ask me out, or that I had discussed him with Rosalie. "So, um, yeah. Do you want to see it?"

"Okay." He followed me up the stairs in silence, a grim reminder of his first night here. Even the way he kept darting looks at me out of the corners of his eyes was the same. We had reached the doorway before he spoke again. "Uh, did I make you mad or something?"

He sounded so tentative that I immediately felt bad. "Of course not; why would you think that?" I wondered if I gave off some scent or something that completely confused men.

"You aren't talking to me. I thought maybe I did something wrong."

Of course he thought that. No matter what went wrong, Jasper was sure that it was his fault. Wait a minute, he liked hearing me talk? No one could put up with my rambling for more than a few minutes. "No, you didn't. I just didn't want to bother you."

"You don't." He didn't say anything else, just looked into my eyes. "I like it when you tell me things."

Those few words endeared him to me more than a thousand speeches could have. For the first time ever, there was someone who not only didn't mind my oversharing, but seemed to actually enjoy it. "Oh, cool."

Now that he had said that, I couldn't think of a single thing to say. After it became apparent that I was stuck, he sighed. "I have to go see the doctor tomorrow. Not the hospital one, the lunatic one." He gave me one of those sideways looks, the one that suggested he was about to judge my reaction.

I had to think about it for a second, before I could make his words make any sense. "Oh, they're sending you to a psychiatrist?" I kept my tone light, like it was an everyday occurrence. Hell, in this family, it was an everyday occurrence.

"Yeah. I was supposed to go before, as a condition of me being here, but they were having trouble finding someone who would take me and that the social worker would approve of. But now the hospital is insisting, you know, with my diagnosis, so they magically pulled someone out of their asses."

I tried to think of a way to say what I wanted without further wounding his already fragile pride. I drew a blank, so I ended up just being blunt. "That's probably a good idea."

His eyes darkened from light grey to nearly black. "So you think I'm nuts, too?"

Oops, apparently blunt wasn't the way to go. "No. I just think that sometimes it's easier to talk about things with someone who isn't part of the family. Someone who's just there to listen to you." The fact that he was still referring to it as 'my diagnosis' instead of by name told me that a little therapy would probably do him a world of good.

"But you forget." Even though that didn't seem to be a complete thought, he stopped there.

I took the bait, cursing myself as I did so. "I forget what?"

For the barest of seconds, he stopped, looking as though he wished he had never opened his mouth. His need to make a point was greater, though, and he gave me a careless shrug. "The Cullens aren't my family. I'm like the puppy they have to take care of for a few months, but that doesn't make me family."

He was wrong. He couldn't have been more loved or wanted if Mom had given birth to him herself. "That's not true. We love you."

He jolted, as if I had said something shocking. "I know that. Of course you guys love me; you wouldn't put up will all my shit if you didn't. But have you every heard that old country song? You know, 'Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough?'"

"No." I knew I sounded petulant, but his words were upsetting. I felt like he was telling me to back off, that he didn't want a relationship with me at all. Only it wasn't just me he didn't want, it was all of us. He was just ticking off the days until he was legally free to do whatever he wanted.

"Loving someone doesn't make them family. It might make them friends, but not family." His tone was unreadable.

I moved myself in between him and the door. "If love doesn't make a family, what does?"

When he looked at me, it was the saddest thing I had ever seen. "I wouldn't know. I'm going to go lie down."

I was starting to think that Jasper slept during the day to avoid having to deal with things, which was probably one of the reasons he slept so poorly at night. He was about to get an ugly shock, because the entire family was on to him. "Nope."

"Excuse me?" For a second he seemed to tower over me, and I almost lost my nerve.

"The doctor told Dad that you need to be getting a full night's sleep, or you're going to keep having seizures. If you keep sleeping during the day like this, your schedule is going to get all messed up, and you won't be able to sleep at night. So no more naps."

"I don't get full night's sleep no matter what I do." There was no real malice in his voice, just a weary acceptance. If we had changed the rules on him, so be it. He would go along with that, because he knew that he had no other choice. Adults were unfair, and there was nothing he could do to change that.

"I know. Maybe the therapist will have some suggestions." I did my best to sound chipper, even though I knew by now that Jasper would see right through it.

"Maybe."

He looked so pathetic and unsure that I gave him another hug. "I'm glad you're home. I've missed you a lot."

When he smiled at me, I knew that he had missed me, too. "Yeah."

Our stalemate was broken by Dad calling for Jasper. He sighed softly and looked into my eyes. He wanted something — wanted to ask something, or tell me something. I waited, but like always, he just couldn't force the words out. Instead he lightly touched my cheek, so tenderly that I almost thought I had imagined it. He left before I could ask him what it was he needed. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Sure." It was obvious that I was upset with him, but I couldn't force any more cheer. The love of my life (even if he didn't know it yet) had just slammed the door on any possibility of a relationship. I think I might be entitled to a little sulking. I wouldn't cry, though. I had decided a long time ago that I wasn't about to cry for any man, and that included Jasper.

Rose was at the top of the stairs, no doubt lying in wait for me. She took in my trembling lip and the abject misery in my eyes in an instant. "Uh-oh, come on." With a gentle hand, she guided me into her room. "Let's talk about it."

I flopped down on her bed, pointedly ignoring the beautiful pictures of her and Emmett scattered all over the room. Damn them and their happy relationship. Edward and Bella, too. Mom and Dad were all right, I guessed, but no one else. No one else deserved to have a relationship if I couldn't.

"What did he say?" Rose slid two candy bars out of her sweater drawer, the only place she could hide them from Emmett. "Did he turn you down?" She sounded shocked about that. After all, she was beautiful and had huge boobs. She had probably never been turned down in her life.

"Not exactly." I couldn't force myself to continue. It was one thing for the rest of the family to think that Jasper had just turned me down. It was another thing for them to find out that he didn't consider any of us to be his family.

She kept pushing. "Which means what, specifically? That he doesn't want to go out with you, or that he doesn't want to go out with anyone, or did you even ask him?"

"I didn't ask him. I didn't have to, Rose, he made it very clear that he isn't interested."

Even now, she didn't back down. "Specifics, chica, specifics. What did he say, word for word?"

Fine, if she was so interested, she could hear the whole truth. "He said that he isn't really part of this family, that he's just a puppy dumped on the doorstep. So I told him that we loved him, and we didn't think of him liked that. But he said he already knew that, and that it was all right. I believe his exact words were 'Sometimes love isn't enough.' If that's not a rejection, I don't know what is." I blurted it all out as fast as I could, wanting to get it over with. Quickly, like pulling off a Band-Aid.

It was right then that Rose did something that surprised the heck out of me. She laughed. "Alice, that wasn't a rejection. Well, it was, but not a personal one. He's not quite sure about the concept of this new family, but it doesn't mean anything as far as how he feels about you."

I wanted to believe that, but couldn't quite. I turned her own words back on her. "Specifics, Rosalie, specifics."

Luckily, Rosalie had a much better sense of humor than she ever got credit for. "Okay, let me explain it to you. Jasper, right now, is having trouble with the concept of us being a family. He doesn't understand how the six of us as individuals fit into the larger group known as 'family.' That's what's confusing him. It doesn't mean he's rejecting any of us, least of all you."

I still didn't understand. Rose must have read my look, because she gave a heavy sigh. "Think about it, Alice. First it was him and his mother. Then one foster home, then another, then another. Some had two parents, some had one. He might be the only kid, he might be one of twelve. Someone who was there when he went to school might not be there when he got home. Sometimes the parents were nice, sometimes they ignored him, sometimes they were cruel. Rules changed from house to house, from moment to moment. And he was used to it."

Now I did get it. "Change is the only constant."

"Exactly. Now he's stuck with us, and we're telling him this is how it is. It will be this way today, and tomorrow, and the next day. It will even be this way after you turn eighteen and are legally no longer our responsibility. He's terrified. He isn't used to the rules lasting for longer than a few months at the very most. Mostly not for more than a few days."

"It's too much. I would be better off sticking to just him and me."

She bit of piece of her candy. "Yes. Listen, Alice, I think I've been giving you some bad suggestions. Your instincts are telling you that now isn't the right time, and you should be listening to them, not me. For whatever reason, Jasper has picked you, and you have to be strong enough for the both of you."

No one in the family had ever expected me to be strong before. I was always frail, delicate little Alice. Don't put too much pressure on Alice, she's sensitive. Don't talk about anything that might upset her, or she may freak out completely. It was a new sensation to be expected to carry even myself, let alone Jasper, too. "Really?"

"Really. Once you two figure it out, come back to me. After you've gotten the guy, I'm the one to come to for advice. As far as the actual catch, that's all up to you."

"Maybe he'll just ask me." I doubted the words even as I was saying them. It would take an incredible surge of courage for Jasper to ask me out, even if he was interested.

"Sure, it could happen." Rose sounded doubtful herself. "Just don't get your hopes up."

"I'm not." I leaned back, wondering where I should go from here. "I don't want to talk about Jasper any more." He was confusing enough in my own mind, and when you added in Rosalie's opinions it became unbearable.

She smiled. "Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know . . . puppies?"

Rose started laughing. "Has Emmett gotten to you, too? He's already been trying to convince Jasper to talk Mom into getting a puppy."

He hadn't, but I would have gone along with it if he had. We hadn't had a pet in the house for years, and I was ready to have another one. When Mom and Dad had first adopted me, they'd had an older cat named Sunny. He had been a rather aloof cat, but had slept at the foot of my bed for years, until his eventual death of cancer. It had been an enormous comfort for me to wake up in the middle of the night and know that Sunny was there, keeping watch. "No, but I think it's a great idea."

"You would. Mom's going to say no; she always does. We're all almost grown, and who will take care of it when we're gone? Dad works, so all the responsibility would fall to her."

It was the truth, and I knew it. "I guess. It would still be nice, though." I thought of a little puppy running through the house, maybe with a little boy chasing it. A little boy with scruffy blond hair. . . . I shook myself mentally. What the hell was wrong with me? If Jasper wasn't interested in dating me, he sure as hell wasn't going to want to make babies with me. But the mental image had a strong ring of truth to it. Someday, there would be a baby in the house. Maybe it wouldn't be my child — after all, Rose and Emmett could have a blond baby of their own — but he would be there.

The image gave me courage. "Thanks Rose, you're a good sister, the best."

"Of course I am. Now go find your Jasper and make up with him." She picked up a discarded novel. "Go!"

Finding Jasper was no easy task, even at the best of times. He was so quiet that you could overlook him easily, even if he were right in the room. He also wouldn't always respond if you called him. I liked it, though. It was like going on a treasure hunt, with him at the end. Dad thought he wouldn't answer a call because he was afraid that he was in trouble. Edward thought it was because he got wrapped up in other things, and failed to listen. Emmett insisted that Jasper must have a hearing problem, no matter how many times you told him that the hospital had checked, and his hearing was fine. I personally though that it was more a test with him. If he didn't answer you, would you come looking for him? Or would you just give up? If you didn't care enough to keep looking until you found him, you didn't care enough, period.

He didn't ignore you every time, though. Maybe only one time out of five or six. So I called him as I bounced from room to room. "Jasper? Jaaaasssperrr?"

"Living room!" He didn't sound like he was still upset, but you never knew.

Dad was in there with him, carefully setting up a chess board. "Hey, baby, I'm trying to teach Jasper here to play. You want to help him out a little?"

I wasn't very good at chess, but was good enough to help a beginner. Jasper was sitting on the ottoman, his eyes focused on the board. I slid in next to him, enjoying the closeness that this new position caused. "Do you know the pieces?"

"Carlisle showed me, I think." He didn't sound very sure, but his memory was excellent, so I wasn't worried there.

Dad was the best player in the house, but he was taking it easy on Jasper tonight. To my surprise, he really didn't need that much help. Other than me reminding him how certain pieces could move, I didn't need to do anything other than watch him play. All of the strategies were of his devising, and I could tell that Dad was impressed. He and Jasper joked and laughed together, both of them clearly pleased with having something to share.

I quickly grew bored with watching them play, so I watched Jasper instead. I had never seen him look more attractive than he did right now. His eyes were bright and focused as he leaned over the board. "I think I lose."

"Not quite yet, son, look here." Dad leaned over and nudged a piece. "See, you can move here and pull yourself out of check. If you really didn't have any moves, I would have said 'checkmate' instead of 'check.' If someone says check, you can still wiggle free."

One of Jasper's eyebrows flicked upward at the term of endearment, but he didn't call Dad on it. Instead he nodded shortly. "Okay. Will you play me again?"

Good God, they were going to go again? At this rate, they would spend all night playing each other and I wouldn't get a chance to have any time alone with him. Dad looked over and I shook my head as minutely as I could. "Tomorrow, as soon as I get home from work. But right now, I need to help Esme with dinner. Maybe Alice will play you."

"Okay." He sounded disappointed, but covered it quickly. "Alice, would you like to play? Or we could do something else."

"Let's go for a walk." It would be nice for him to get some fresh air.

Our breath fogged in the evening air and our feet crunched over the frozen ground. It was too dark to go into the woods, but at least we were able to get far enough away from the house so we could have some privacy. I was still trying to work out what to say when Jasper looked at me. "Listen, I think I was a little rude earlier. It's not that I don't like you guys, because I really do. It's just that I don't want to get too attached to you, just in case."

It was hard for me to know what to say to that, because I had never felt that way. It had never occurred to me that foster placements could fail, and certainly never that adoptions could. When Mom and Dad had first arrived to take me home, I had just assumed that that meant I was theirs forever. Jasper knew that things could change in the time it took for someone to swing a poker, and he was just trying to protect his too-fragile heart. "It's all right. Things will work out eventually, and it won't feel weird when they do. At least, I hope not." No point in telling him that I meant things between me and him, not just him and the rest of the family.

He smiled at me, that crooked little grin that even Rose admired. "I guess. Thanks, Alice; you're a good friend."

A good friend. Not exactly what I had been hoping to be to him, but at least it was a start. Plus, it could have been way worse. He could have called me a good sister. Friendship could blossom into something more, but you didn't suddenly develop a sexual attraction to your sister. Not even in this family. True, we had Emmett and Rose, but they had never been like brother and sister, not even when he first came. There had always been something there, something charged in the air around them. Hopefully, eventually, Jasper and I could find the same.