A/N: I know this one took a while, but it's extra long, so that makes up for it, right?
Jasper POV
Today was the day. I was 18 years old and now and adult in the eyes of the law. Technically, I wouldn't be 18 until 7:46 this evening, but that was just semantics. As of 12:01, I was no longer the Cullen's responsibility. Sure they claimed that they still wanted me, but this isn't my first rodeo. I've talked to way too many other foster kids who thought that they had a place to stay and found themselves out on their asses once the checks quit coming. At least I had been a little smarter then that.
Not smart enough, though. There was money, yes, but how long would it last? How would I go to the doctor, and how was I going to pay for my medication? Rose had brought up good points the other day, about school and how I was going to support myself. I had played it off, but it was scary. I had a year of school left. No diploma, no future. Not that I had much of one with a diploma, but I had to be realistic. I couldn't take the GED and pass right now, so that was out. My only hope was to find a sympathetic boss.
I had been awake for a few hours, but I hadn't gotten up yet. Today would be the last day I woke up on this floor, listening to Emmett snore and feeling the air mattress shifting beneath me. The minute I got up, it would be the beginning of the end.
Luckily, it was a Saturday, so I could pretend to sleep in. Someone had been running in the hall a little bit ago, but it was otherwise silent. If I could have guaranteed I would be alone, I might have gotten up and walked around for a little bit, just to say goodbye to the house.
It's a really cool place, and I wish I could stay here forever. There's big windows for curling up and reading in, plenty of hot water, and enough space that I can get away from everyone for a while. The kitchen always has food in it, and I know that I'm welcome to eat any of it at any time. I even have my own bedroom, even though I never sleep in it.
Ok, ok, I like the people, too. Esme is just like I think my real mom was, before she got sick. She loves me, but she doesn't ask me to love her back like some of my foster parents did. The funny thing is, that does make me love her, even if I can't tell her that or call her 'Mom'. I think she gets it though, when I learn the songs she likes on the guitar. Hopefully.
Carlisle I'm not as sure about. I think he's a good man, and do think he would do whatever it took to defend his family. Only problem is, I'm not sure whether he counts me as part of the family, or part of what the family needs to be defended from. Usually, I think I'm ok, but he scared me on the day of the trial, and I know that he could turn on me again.
I do like my two brothers. Emmett reminds me of Peter in a lot of ways, and that's never a bad thing in my mind. I used to share a room with Peter, too, until I had to move into the basement. Sometimes he gets me in trouble, because he never plans anything out, but he's usually ok. He lets me sleep on the floor, and even though he sometimes does things that startle or scare me, it's never on purpose.
Edwards a little harder to like, but I don't really mind that. I'm hard to like sometimes, too. Plus, he's the only person in the house that's quiet, other then Rosalie. I totally get why they don't get along, and believe me, I hear both sides of everything all the time, but they're a lot more alike then they like to think they are. They're also both really stubborn, so I don't say anything. It's not my job to get involved in their family struggles.
But Edward's teaching me how to play the piano, when he doesn't have to. I mean, yeah, he's really talented, and he has to put up with me since Carlisle and Esme brought me home with them, but that only means he has to be nice to me. Really he doesn't even have to do that, but I'm pretty sure that his parents insist on being nice to the strays. That doesn't mean teaching a complicated song to someone who has never even touched a real piano before. He's patient and that helps a lot. Two days ago, I was able to play the entire piece without any mistakes. It wasn't as fancy as what my mother used to play, but it was the same song, and there are no words for how good it felt to not only hear it again, but to know that it came from my own hands. So, yeah, I have a soft spot for Edward, even if Rosalie does hate him.
Speaking of Rosalie, she's my favorite of all of my foster siblings. But I don't really consider her to be like a foster sister. She's more like a strange sister/mom hybrid. When I need something, I try to go to her first, because she usually knows what to do. If it's too big for the two of us, I don't mind asking Esme, but I like to save that for things that are really huge. No one likes a whiney, needy, person hanging all over them and constantly demanding stuff. I already take a lot of attention away from their real kids because of all of my medical problems, and it makes me feel bad to take any more.
Rose is awesome. She knows when to get rough with me and when to back off, even when I don't always know it myself. I meant it when I told her that she would be a good mother. But I still think she'll be one one day, even if she doesn't. She and Emmett will find a way.
But there are things that are too big for Esme, so they come right back to Rosalie. I know, I know, its weird. But a lot of things in my life are weird, so I just kind of roll with it. That's why I had Rosalie take me to look at my new apartment instead of Esme. I just can't stand the thought of having to tell Esme that I was leaving. Then she would tell Carlisle, and he would want to have another talk with me about how I could stay as long as I wanted, and I was part of the family, and blah, blah, blah. I got it.
By the way? I know that I promised Rosalie that I would tell Esme and Carlisle that I was leaving, but that was kind of a lie. She won't tell them herself, because she's cool like that and it would be a betrayal, but I know she wants me to do it.
If I do, though, I'll wreck everything. No one in the family likes surprising me, so I already know that I'm having a party today. If I tell them before the party, I ruin the fun. If I don't tell them until after, I look really greedy. Plus, I don't want to make anyone, especially Alice, cry, and I know they will.
Which, of course, brings me right back to Alice, my favorite person in the entire world. I love her. I know that everyone thinks that about their first girlfriend, but this has to be different. Because I've never had feelings like this before for anyone, much less a girl. She's the only girl I'll ever love, period. That's just the way it is.
The really strange part is, she actually sees something in me, too. I can't figure out what the hell it is, but it must be special. I still really want her to like me after all of this, but I'm pretty sure she's going to be pissed that I broke her family apart. She should have probably expected it, since I already blew Maria's up, but sometimes love makes you blind.
While I was thinking, something bounced off of my chest. At the same time, Emmett started poking me. "Jasper! Jasper! Come on, man, I know that you're faking."
He would never leave me alone if I didn't get up, so I opened my eyes. "What do you want?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to be the first one to tell you happy birthday?" He put his hand out and blew on it, showering me in confetti. "Happy Birthday!"
His enthusiasm was never not contagious. "Thanks, Emmett." I gathered some up and blew it back at him, since this was the last time we would probably be able to do this.
He grabbed an envelope from the nightstand and threw it to me. "Here you go. I got you a present to open with everyone else, but it's only a little one. This is your big present."
I opened it, and three hundred dollars fell out. No actual present, just the cold hard cash. Our eyes met, and he nodded a slightly. He knew. I knew he knew. Therefore, there was nothing to discuss between us.
Still, I tried to hand it back. "I can't take this much money."
"Of course you can." He pushed my hand away, back to my body. "Close your fist around it, then put it in your bag. Don't fight with me about this, because you're going to lose. Just take the damn money."
I did want to fight about it, but I also knew that that $300 could be the difference between being able to eat or going hungry. "Thank you, Emmett. It's a great present."
"You're welcome. Alright, enough chick mushy stuff. Birthday boy can have the first shower."
With so many people in the house, getting the first shower is a pretty big present. I can shower with no hot water, but I've gotten used to it being at least warm here, even if I'm the last one to go. At Maria's, you usually didn't get a hot shower unless I went down there right before and pounded on the hot water heater myself. Any time I went into the basement, though, there was always a chance that I would go back up the stairs and find the door locked in front of me. I always did it for the little kids, but it just wasn't worth the risk to do it for myself.
Esme was already downstairs, making me chocolate chip pancakes shaped like Mickey Mouse. Those are my favorite, even though I never told her that. She stepped away from the stove to give me a big hug. "Happy Birthday, Sweetheart."
"Thank you." I tried looking around for my cake, but I couldn't see or smell anything. Maybe she wasn't going to make one for me. I wasn't one of her real kids, after all. Even if I got a store cake or just ice cream, though, at least it's something. The only thing I got for my birthday last year was a Playboy that Peter stole from the gas station.
Rose pranced in and kissed me on the cheek. "Happy birthday! Where do you want to go this morning?"
Oh, yeah, I had forgotten about that. For birthdays, Carlisle and Esme let everyone stay home from school for the day and the birthday kid could pick whatever they wanted to do. Emmett always picked the arcade, and Edward liked to do something musical. Last year, Rosalie took everyone to the go-kart track. I've always wanted to drive a go-kart, so I'm really sorry that I missed it. Maybe we can go together later if she's still speaking to me.
"Jasper! Happy birthday, Cowboy!" Alice came charging into the room and jumped into my arms. Lifting her is like lifting one of the little kids or a doll. There's just nothing to it.
I love her so much, and I just wanted one minute to hold her and not worry about the huge mess I was about to create. I don't know if it makes it better or worse that I know I'm screwing up before I do it. But I can't stay. If I stay after I don't have to, I'm committing to more then just having a place to sleep. Right now, I was here because this is where Social Services told me to go. There was always the option to demand that I be moved, or act so terrible that the Cullen's demanded I be moved, but that would leave me in the same position, just with a different family. I have it really good here and I know it, so I didn't want to be moved.
But I still couldn't let go and trust them fully. I had trusted my mother, and she let me down. I had trusted the social workers, and they let me down. I trusted my first few foster homes, and, while they didn't let me down, they hadn't kept me either. Maria? Let me down in the worst way of all. If I fully relaxed around the Cullens, and they, too, let me down, it was over for me.
Even Carlisle had taken the day off work, like I was as special as one of his actual kids. He patted my back. "Hey, Champ. Did you think about where you wanted to go today?"
I had thought about nothing but where I might like to go today, to the point where it was freaking me out. What was a good choice? A movie? That wasn't very special, and there was nothing playing that we could all agree on. Plus, movies are expensive for so many people. But what else was there? If I made the wrong choice, everyone would be mad at me. They were already staring, and my heart started to pound. Come on, Jasper, think. "I don't know."
Rose stepped in, offering a few choices. "We could go mini-golfing, or to the arcade, or bowling. We could go into the city and go shopping. That's what we did for Alice's birthday. We could see a movie. Anything you want, provided it's not crazy, like going sky-diving." She shot a look over at Emmett, who gave her an insulted one back.
"Sky-diving was an awesome idea. It's not my fault that you're all a bunch of wimps. Jasper, isn't sky-diving a good idea?"
I swallowed hard. "I think it is, but I would be too scared to jump out of a plane." Though at this point, with everything I had faced, jumping out plane was probably the least of my worries.
They were all still watching me, so I mentally reran Rosalie's list of choices. "Um, I've never been mini-golfing or bowling."
That was the wrong thing to say. Every time I said something like that, it just emphasized how different from them I really was. The Cullen's probably did both of those things without even thinking about it.
Sure enough, they all made that 'poor little neglected thing' face, then covered it up. I tried to shrug it off. "I think I'd like mini-golfing, though?" It came out more of a question then anything else, but at least it got them thinking of something else.
A debate sparked over the best mini-golfing course that Forks and the surrounding areas had to offer. Rose won, of course, and plans were made. Esme wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close. "Honey, I'm going to have to sit this one out. Is that alright with you?"
Shame flooded my body. I hadn't even considered that she might not be able to participate. I quickly tried to fix it. "I can pick something else! I want to do something we can all do."
And that, my dear one, is why you're an idiot to leave. You might not want to trust the Cullens, and you might fight it with all of your might, but you forgot one thing. The simple fact is, you already trust them and would do anything to make them happy, especially Esme. You might not like it, but you're already sunk.
That thought scared me more then anything that had happened since Maria's conviction. My body had already turned on me, and now my brain was loving and trusting people without my permission. What was next?
"Oh, honey, that's not it at all. I love mini-golf, and one day I'll kick all of your little butts at it. But if I go with you to the course, I won't be able to get this cake in the oven. Trust me; you're doing me a huge favor by getting Emmett out of my hair and my frosting."
He huffed. "Oh, I get it. So it's Jasper's birthday and Pick on Emmett day. I see how things are." The smile creeping around the corners of his mouth gave him away, though.
Carlisle clapped his hands. "Ok, Jasper says mini-golf. We all need to get moving if we want to have enough to time play, and be back at five. Those who need showers, take them quickly. Everyone else, let's eat."
Something's going on here that I don't quite understand. It's barely 10, and Peter isn't going to get here until 6 this evening. I've never played the game, but I'm pretty sure that mini-golf doesn't take eight hours to play. Even if it takes a while to get there and back, there's still a lot of time unaccounted for. We were eating after Peter arrived, so dinner wasn't the hold up. Why was being here at five so important? "How come we have to be back so early?"
Everyone looked at someone else, which only made me more nervous. They wouldn't kick me out before my own party, would they? Maybe they wanted me to have enough time to pack my stuff beforehand.
"Because your-"Rose cut Emmett off with a sharp elbow to the gut. "I mean, it's a surprise for you. But it's a really awesome one, I promise."
Surprises were never awesome to me. They were startling at best, downright dangerous at worst. Let me reiterate the last few lovely surprises I've had: waking up in the living room and finding out I'd had some weird flashback/post traumatic stress thing. Great. Waking up in the hospital, and finding out I'd had a massive seizure. Whoopee. Waking up in a different hospital and finding out that Maria had almost killed me this time. Joy. Nothing good ever came from me getting a surprise.
Alright, maybe that wasn't entirely true. After all, there was the surprise of finding out that Alice liked me back, the surprise of seeing Dr. Cullen and realizing that I was going to get to go to an actual home for the last few months of foster care instead of a group home or hospital. There was even the surprise of finding out that this was a nice family, instead of a terrible one. But, on the whole, I hated surprises.
I didn't want to rock the boat, though, so I made myself nod. "Ok." If nothing else, I could try and weasel the truth out of Emmett.
But, for once, he was keeping his mouth shut. I made sure to sit next to him in the car, but no amount of coaxing, pleading, or threatening could move him. He just kept shaking his head and repeating 'Sorry, Dude, I promised not to tell. Do you know how long Rosie will cut me off for?'
Finally I gave up. If life has taught me nothing else, it had taught me that the bad shit will happen, no matter what you do or how freaked out you get yourself. It was just better to go along and accept the blows when they came.
Since I was the birthday boy, I got first choice of ball color, and was allowed to hit (swing? Putt? Knock?) first. Despite Carlisle's best coaching, the ball went nowhere near the hole. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all.
As it turned out, though, no one in the family was much better then I was. Emmett hit way too hard and made the ball come ricocheting back and nearly hitting us. Edward isn't particularly coordinated, and Carlisle was more focused on what we were doing then on himself. Alice was closest, but she tapped the ball so gently that it didn't make it far enough. The only one who came within 6 feet of the hole was Rose, but I'm pretty sure she can do anything she wants to, so she doesn't really count.
Each hole has a par, which is the number of hits it should take you to get a ball in the hole. I'm just going to be charitable here and say that none of us except Rose were anywhere near it on even one hole.
But we were actually having fun. No one sulked or pouted because they weren't winning. Carlisle didn't get frustrated and start yelling at us or threaten anyone with his club. No one stared at us, even though we were the slowest family on the course. It was like…well, it was like we were a real family, even me. This was the first time that I 100% felt like I fit in with them. That's ironic, because this is the last day I'll ever be a part of them.
Alice wrapped her arm around me. "Are you having a good birthday?"
"The best one I've ever had." Not that I had much to compare it to, but I didn't want to burst her bubble by telling her so. "Now I have you."
Her smile made all of this worth it, and helped me to feel less bad about getting ready to cut and run on her. At least I could make her feel good right now.
"Jasper, quit canoodling and go. We don't have all day." Emmett rolled his eyes. "Especially with the way you play."
"I'm doing better then you are." At least I thought I was. It was hard to keep track when everyone sucks so much.
"Hey, I got a hole in one, which is way better then anything you've gotten."
Nice try. "You didn't get a hole in one. You hit the ball so hard that it jumped the bumper and went into the hole on someone else's game."
He grinned. "It was still a hole in one. I win."
I was pretty sure that no one was winning. "I'll bet I do better on this hole."
"Bet you twenty and a good slice of cake that you don't." He was smiling at me, so I knew that we were fine no matter what happened.
I also knew that there was no such thing as a bad slice of Esme's cake. Even though I hadn't gotten a slice of Alice's the night it was baked, since I was too busy having a nervous breakdown, I still got to have some the next day. It was still awesome. "You're on."
There was no way that I could lose this one. There was a clown's mouth that opened and closed, and you had to time your hit perfectly to get the ball through. If I focused, I could do it.
This was not only the money on the line, but my pride, so I had to do this. I took a few extra minutes to watch the clown's mouth and silently count out the seconds. If I hit the ball right as the mouth was closing….there it went! Holy shit, I had done it!
"Good job, Jasper!" Carlisle squeezed my shoulders. "Emmett, let's see if you can put your money where your mouth is!"
He shrugged. "Whatever. Watch this, suckers!" He hit the ball, only to have it bounce off the closed lips and roll right back to our feet. He picked it up and gave it a suspicious look, as if there was some sort of conspiracy at work. "Oh, well, I don't want to show up the birthday boy, now do I?"
We all laughed at his easy going nature. I really wish I could be more like Emmett, but I'm pretty used to not getting what I want.
Rose won the game of course, but I was ok with that. I don't have to be the best at anything, as long as I'm still standing at the end. No one made a big deal about the scores, so that one crisis averted. Carlisle smiled at me. "Did you like going mini-golfing, Jasper?"
Usually I had ironclad control over my emotions and facial expressions, but sometimes a rogue one breaks through. Before I could stop myself, I grinned at him. "Yeah."
"I'm glad. I hope we'll be able to do this every year from now on." He patted smiled at me. I smiled back, even though I was cringing inside. This would be the only birthday of mine we would ever spend together and I knew it. So I was lying by not saying anything.
Alice sat next to me on the way back, telling me all about how she and Rosalie and Esme had spent the entire past week planning this party, and making sure I had my special surprise, and she was so excited for me to see it that she could hardly wait.
That's what I love the most about Alice. I mean, sure, she's gorgeous, and she's smart enough to get straight A's, but that's not the best part about her. The best part about Alice is that she's more excited about my birthday party and my surprise then she had ever been about her own. I don't think that anyone has ever been happier for me then they have for themselves.
I looked around when we got home, but I couldn't see the surprise anywhere. I tried to go in the kitchen to get a drink, but Esme blocked my way. "No way. Your cake is sitting out, and I want you to be surprised."
"But I'm thirsty." Even though I know that she's doing it so I can have a surprise, and not to be mean, it still freaks me out. Did that mean I couldn't have anything to eat or drink until she said so?
I think that Esme could tell that she had upset me. "Tell me what you want, Sweetie, and I'll get it for you."
No matter how long I spend here, it still feels weird to have someone get things or do things for me when I can do it myself. "Um…a Dr. Pepper?"
She returned with a can. "Here you go. No more until dinner."
Emmett would always complain when she said things like that, and even Rosalie would roll her eyes. I don't mind it though. It's nice to have a Mom who actually cares about what you do, instead of just doing whatever it took to get me out of her hair.
"They're here! They're here early!" Alice was screaming in the living room. "Jasper, come on, you have to see them!"
My first thought was that it was the social worker, but no one in the family gets excited about them coming. We stampeded to the window, where a woman was getting out of the car. She smiled and waved at us, which meant she knew the Cullen family. But I had no idea who she was. Was my surprise some strange woman?
Then she lifted someone out of the car seat, and my heart stopped. It was Aiden, my baby. And when I say he's my baby, I mean that I couldn't love him more if he had actually been mine. We had been together at Maria's for over a year, and I had fed him, bathed him, potty trained him, and put him to bed at night. Even though he didn't call me that, I knew that he thought I was his Daddy.
Before I knew what I was doing I had the front door open and was running down the steps to see him. As soon as he saw me, he tried to flip out of the other woman's arms, reaching out. "Jasper, Jasper!"
His foster Mom set him down and he ran into my arms. Since I got to the Cullen's house, I haven't been around any little kids, and I certainly haven't held any. I'd almost forgotten how precious the feeling was when his arms wrapped around my neck.
Aiden was saying my name over and over, and I just started crying. I haven't been able to see any of the little kids since they were taken away. I know that they're split up into a bunch of different foster homes because of the ages. The woman who has Peter only takes teenagers, and a lot of places that will take little kids won't take older ones. I mean, social services had to pull the Cullen's out of retirement just to get them to take me.
"Jasper, Jasper, take me home." Aiden was clinging so tightly that he was almost cutting off my breath. "I want to live with you."
As much as I loved this kid, there was no way that could happen. The Cullens weren't really open as a home, and he was with someone already. Plus, I wouldn't even be here in 24 hours, and I couldn't just steal him from someone who was taking care of him.
And this woman was taking care of him. He was clean and smelled good when I held him close. He was heavier then when I had last picked him up, so he had put on some much needed weight. Someone had obviously taken great care to dress him in a cute outfit and make sure his hair was neatly combed for his visit. "I want to live with you, too, Little Bit. I'm really glad you came to visit."
His foster mother didn't try to take him back from me. She let me hold him for as long as I wanted to, which would be forever if I had my way. I loved all of the kids, but Aiden was my favorite since I had been responsible for him for so long.
"Jasper, why you sad?" He squirmed until I hitched him up, and he could give me a sloppy kiss. "Don't cry."
"I'm not sad. I'm just very happy to see you because I missed you so much. Now, do you want a snack?" There were plenty of things set out for the party that I could give him.
I had to do it. If I'm holding one of the kids, and I know there's food around, I have to feed them because there might not be food later on. There's always food at the Cullen's house, and I know that he's being fed at his new place, but it's like a reflex for me.
Aiden took the handful of pretzels I offered him and wiggled to be put down. I didn't want to let him go, but I didn't want to see him upset either so I set him on the floor. He wandered over to give his foster mom a hug, then settled down on the floor.
That one movement settled things in my mind. I had never hugged Maria spontaneously, and I had never seen any of the other kids do it either. Him doing that meant that he was safe with her and loved her.
Alice came up behind me and patted my back. "Do you like your surprise?"
"I love it." For once, I didn't have to think about it or lie. My heart twisted again at the thought of hurting this family. Carlisle and Esme had taken the time to think about what I would like most of all, and had gotten it for me. This couldn't have been easy, either. They would have had to figure out which foster parent had Aiden, contact them, and get them to agree to come over here and possibly upset their kid. Having a foster kid come visit wasn't as easy as having a normal kid over.
Again, I felt terrible for what I was about to do. But things had gone too far and I couldn't stop them now. "Thank you so much."
"You should thank Mom and Dad. They're the ones that set everything up."
Great. Even though my heart was breaking, I went over and hugged both of them. I almost never did that, and certainly never without being prompted. "Thank you for bringing him."
Esme hugged me tightly. "You're welcome honey. You know that we would do anything to make you happy, right? All you have to do is ask."
That wasn't the point. Or was it the point? I suspected Carlisle and Esme of being liars, not because of anything they had done, but by the very nature of their kindness. Why would they bother being nice to me unless they wanted something? The point was that I couldn't trust Maria because she was cruel to me, and I couldn't trust the Cullens because they were too nice to me. It was a sick catch-22 that I was aware enough to recognize but unable to do anything about.
Everyone gave me a little privacy to talk to Aiden's foster Mom. She smiled gently at me. "How are you doing, Jasper? I've been very worried about you."
Before all of this had happened, no one ever worried about me. Now this total stranger was telling me that she had been thinking of me, when I had no idea that she existed. "Really?"
"Yes. I asked about being able to take you once you were released, but they wanted you to go to a home that was experienced with medical needs. I wanted to be able to keep the two of you together."
Briefly, I thought about what that would have been like. I could have been with my baby, and not surrounded by strangers. Some of the little kids were together, but all of us older ones had been split one to a home.
It was nice to think about, but I did understand why they hadn't done it. I might have been Aiden's parent for all intents and purposes, but I was also 17 years old. If we had been placed together, I would have never let this woman be a parent to him. Adults had never been trustworthy to either one of us in the past, and I wouldn't have let her even try with him. As much as it had hurt, and still did, splitting us up had probably been the best for both of us in the long term.
I glanced down at our child, playing at our feet. "Is his case going to termination of parental rights?" I didn't use the word 'adoption', because there's not a foster child in the world who doesn't know what that word means. Even at his young age, Aiden would know.
Since I all but ran Maria's household, I knew everything about every case. I was considered legally free for adoption, though there weren't many homes willing to take teenagers, especially teenage boys. Peter, Charlotte, and Sam would never go home. Their parents rights had yet to be taken, but we all knew that they were stuck in the system. Their ages made them all but unadoptable, but at least we had each other.
It was the little kids that were more uncertain. Maggie and Christy, who were biological sisters, would probably go home if they weren't there already. The last I had heard, their parents were working hard, and staying clean. I hoped that they were ok.
Seth, the baby, was probably home now, too. His mother had left the man that had beaten them both, gotten her own place, and wanted her baby back. When everything blew up, they had already been transitioning him home.
Aiden was the one I worried about. Both of his parents had lost children to the system already. Mental illness ran rampant, along with the accompanying drug and alcohol problems. They might love him, but they couldn't take care of him. The courts were doing everything they could to get them stable and Aiden home, which terrified me. If they sent him home, they would destroy that child. If they didn't outright kill him, they would still neglect him, and leave him without the care and guidance that he needed.
"Yes. The termination date is set for September." Her eyes flickered over him in a way that told me, she, too, was leery of using the words.
It's something they drum into you when you become a foster parent: These are not your children. Your job is to take care of them until their parents can get them back. No matter what has happened in the past, the first goal is always for the kids to go home. If that isn't possible, the second goal is for the kids to go to biological relatives. The last resort is to be adopted by strangers. And, as the foster parent, you are always a stranger, no matter how long the kid has been in your home. Talking about adoption too early, even if you never do it in front of the kid, is grounds for having the child removed from your home.
In Aiden's case, though, there is no family. His mother grew up in the system herself. No one had stepped forward to take her, and no one would step forward for her child. His father had plenty of people who wanted him, but his family was a dysfunctional as he was, and not one of them could pass the homestudy required for them to take the boy. I stared the woman down. "Are you willing to be a permanent resource for him?"
The code we were speaking was ridiculous, but necessary. She nodded. "I am. I love him."
Relief flooded my body. This woman couldn't possibly be perfect, but she was better then the two mothers Aiden had had before. He was obviously healthy and happy, and she had gone out of her way to bring him here, just to see us both happy. "I'm glad." Glad that someone loved him and wanted him, and that he wouldn't grow up and be lost in the system like I had been.
She leaned forward and took my hands. "I would like it if you could stay in our lives. Right now, you're the only family that he has left."
Even being able to see him right now was more then I had dared hope for. I had thought that this would be it, a final good bye before I lost him forever. The thought of being able to see my child even a few times a year brought tears to my eyes. "Really?"
"Of course. You're his family; I don't want to separate the two of you. I'll leave my cell number, and we'll try and get together soon." She squeezed again. "Are you ok here, Jasper? Is there anything you need?"
Where had all of these people been 12 years ago, when I was still little and able to be fixed? By the time I was 7; I had lost both parents and been in two foster homes. There was damage done by those traumas, but I had yet to be abused. My own mother had neglected me, but two caring families had done a lot to mitigate my worries about not being fed or not being properly dressed. I can't remember why neither one chose to adopt me, but they had done a good job of getting me ready for a permanent home.
Except that home never came, and now here we were, a decade later and a million dreams shattered. "I don't need anything. The Cullen's treat me very well and give me everything I need."
Aiden climbed back up into my lap, and I held him close. He was only three years old, and had someone who was willing to provide him a wonderful, loving home. The damage was there, but his chances of healing from it were excellent. He was going to be one of the lucky ones.
She rummaged in her purse. "Is it ok if I take a few pictures? We don't have very many. I'll send some to your family as well."
Usually I have a really fake smile, especially in pictures, but I didn't think it would be a problem this time. This was the best birthday I had ever had, and I had the Cullen's to thank for it.
Peter arrived as we were finishing, bounding out the car and tossing Aiden up in the air. "Hi, little bug!"
It was like a miniature family reunion, even if it didn't last nearly long enough for my tastes. Aiden stayed for hamburgers and hot dogs, but was getting tired and fussy. I could have predicted that, since he's always been that way, even as a baby. If he wasn't tucked in by 7 he was a demon by the next morning. It hurt to give him back to his new mother, but I did it without a fight. A part of him would always be my baby, but I was used to the people who loved me leaving by now.
Which was why I had to disappear. I already liked the Cullen's too much, and I was tired of people disappointing me. For once, I had the power to be the one who did the leaving, rather then the one who was left behind. Right or wrong, I was taking that power.
I wanted to tell Peter, but I didn't really get a chance. I totally know that he'll have my back and not tell on me, but there were always people around us and I didn't want to be overheard. I might want out of this family, but I didn't want there to be a scene before I left.
Even though I tried not to get too excited over the presents, it was hard not to be. It made me feel dishonest to take them, but they had been bought for me, hadn't they? I w as pretty sure that the Cullens wouldn't take them back, even if they had known that I was leaving.
When Esme brought out the cake, all I could do was stare at it. A guitar. One with strings made of black liquorices and the frosting blended so smoothly that it looked like actual wood. My hand moved of my own volition, wanting to touch it. I've tasted birthday cake before, a few times, but I was pretty sure that it would be different when it was mine.
"I want one of the silver pieces! Those turning things!" Emmett was already holding his plate.
"Frets." I was so stunned by the cake that I barely recognized that I was speaking. "You call them frets." And they were actually silver. I don't know what you use to make that color, but it was amazing.
"Emmett, it's not your cake. Let's get some pictures, and then Jasper can pick what he wants."
Once the pictures were over, the slices were passed out. I had been right, this cake was better then Alice's, even though I knew that it was the same exact recipe. I scarfed it down and hopefully held out my plate for another one. Esme laughed and gave me one that was larger then the first. "There you go."
Before the eating of the cake was even over, everyone was pushing to open presents. I wanted to wait and savor this experience. There was ice cream, and more cake, as much as I wanted. Their excitement was catching, and I let them put the presents in front of me.
Nothing the Cullens do is ever cheap, and there must have been a dozen boxes of all sizes sitting on the table. Now that the moment was here, I couldn't choose. It was overwhelming to know that each one of those was for me, and not anyone else. I could share my gifts, but I didn't have to. They could just be mine.
Alice knew what was wrong, so she nudged one present forward. It was wrapped in blue paper, my favorite color. It was small enough to fit in my cupped hands, and I just held it for a minute.
Carlisle nudged me along. "Who is that one from Jasper?"
I turned it over and looked for a tag. "Rosalie." I slid a fingernail under the paper tag and slipped it off. I wanted to keep it, so I would always remember that someone had cared enough to get something just for me. It wasn't my first real present, but Frank the kiwi hadn't come with a tag.
"Come on, Dude, open it. I helped pick it out." Emmett was practically bursting with excitement.
The present was hard and smooth when it finally fell into my hand. And iPod touch, the nicest one that here was. Rose had made sure that I would always have my music, which was incredibly important to me. I cradled it to my chest. "Thank you Rosalie."
"No problem. Don't lose the rest of it." I hadn't even noticed the little slip of paper that had slipped out and fallen to the table. I picked it up and looked at the two lines of random numbers and letters. She chuckled at my questioning look. "My apple username and password, so you can buy music for it. Don't abuse the privilege."
"Thank you." I slipped the paper in the iPod case and gave her my prettiest smile. "It's a great present, Rosalie."
"You're welcome. I got you another one as well." She pointed at one of the bigger boxes. "This was your serious gift, and that's your fun gift. Open that one really carefully, because it's fragile. Don't shake it or poke it."
My curiosity officially aroused, I eased the paper off. The actual present was square, but only because of the box holding the giant balloon in place. Inside the giant balloon was what appeared to be 10 lbs of glitter and a plush Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. It was the old fashioned type of plush, with a yarn mane and tail and button eyes.
I gave the balloon a fascinated poke, half expecting it to explode when I did so. ""How do I get him out?"
This, of course, led to a spirited debate on how to pop the balloon with the biggest glitter explosion. A needle wasn't dramatic enough, and no one was taking Emmett's suggestion of a blowtorch seriously. Finally Esme got a steak knife from the kitchen and let me give the balloon a good jab. The balloon went up like an atomic bomb, spraying the entire table with glitter. Esme was going to be cleaning it for days.
I retrieved the toy and cradled it in one arm. "Thanks. He's exactly what I asked for." It was silly, but the moment of joy that came from seeing him in there, and getting to pop the balloon was worth the silliness.
The next present I reached for was Emmett's, but he pulled it back. "Uh-uh. You have to save mine for after Mom and Dads."
Peter pushed his forward. "Here, open mine."
His present was square and light, and I ripped into it excitedly. The DVD came into view, and I had to laugh. Dogma. It was one of the movies that he and I had watched a million times together at Marias. For someone who usually didn't give a shit what we said or did, she hated us watching rated R movies. But she was out a lot, so we would sneak it after I put all the kids to bed for the night. I'm not really sure where Pete got the bootleg copy, but it was one of our favorites. Just holding it brought back some of the good memories from her house.
Yeah, there are good memories, too. I'm pretty sure that Maria doesn't feature in any of them, but they're there. I had my kids, who loved me and looked up to me. I had Peter, who was the best brother anyone could ask for. Things weren't stable like they were with the Cullen's, but it's not like we were running around naked or working 14 hours a day.
Really, it was just our lives. Most of the time we did the same stuff that other families did. We got up in the mornings, had breakfast, and got ready for the day. School for some of us, and daycare for the rest. After school we had some free time to play or do other things, then it was dinner, baths, homework and bed. Normal things, just like happened at the Cullen house.
True, I was the one cooking breakfast while Peter wrangled the kids. School was school, the same anywhere. Afterwards, I helped the little kids with schoolwork and took care of the bills, which was probably why my own schoolwork was never done. Baths were done a few kids at a time, to save hot water. The basement at Maria's had always terrified all of us, and we didn't like having to go down there and bang on the heater until it started up again. During the winter, even Peter and I had showered together way past the ages when it was considered appropriate. So even the things that were normal weren't always that way.
We (at least Peter, Charlotte, and I) knew that most kids didn't live like we did. But most kids weren't in foster care, either. Of course they had it better then we did, because they had real families. It was a no brainer.
And not every kid had it better then us, anyway. If people thought that abused kids always end up in foster care, they're wrong. I went to school with plenty of kids who had the same bruises, cuts, and burns that I did.
With no adult in the picture, though, I had forged a deep bond with Peter, one that surpassed what we could have possibly felt in a normal situation. We were closer then siblings, even closer then twins. Sometimes I felt like we had a Vulcan mind meld, just like on Star Trek.
Which was how he knew something was wrong, now. It was my birthday, I was getting really nice presents, and I finally had a family that loved and supported me. So why did I look so worried? I wasn't something that the Cullen's could pick up on but, like I said, he can read my mind.
I can read his too, though, and I know that he won't call me out in front of them. Maybe between the two of us, we can find a few minutes to sneak off together so I can tell him my plan.
My entire train of thought flew by in seconds, so nothing appeared amiss to anyone not intimately familiar with me. I stood up and gave him a hug. "Coolness, Pete. It's awesome."
Edwards's gift was tiny as well. I ripped the paper off to reveal a CD case with an unmarked CD inside. I opened it and looked at him questioningly. He gave me an embarrassed shrug. "I recorded you playing your song the other day, and edited out all of the background noise. I thought you might want a record of something you accomplished. I'll load it onto your new iPod as well."
For a minute I was too overwhelmed to even thank him. I tucked the CD case against my chest and held it there, like I could hold onto the memories of my mother by doing so. "T-thank you, Edward. I love it."
I was almost afraid to put the CD down, as if it might get lost or broken the minute it was out of my hands. Alice finally reached out and took it from me. "I'll hang on to it for you, ok?"
This was why I loved her, and also why I had to leave. Alice would help me out without thinking. She would put me above herself all our lives long, and that just couldn't happen. I had to prove that I could take care of myself, without her or anyone else.
It wasn't that I was stuck in the macho idea that I was the man in the relationship and thus required to do all the work while the 'little woman' stayed home and primped. Alice was tougher then she thought she was, but was also a caretaker at heart. I didn't want her to be doomed to a life of taking care of my every need. Once I had proven I could care for myself, I would be ready to be in an equal relationship with her.
If she still wants you, dumbass.
That seemed like a pretty big 'if', but it was a necessary one. It's very easy to fall into dysfunctional patterns, and I could already see that Alice and I were doomed for one if something didn't change. I didn't want her to look back in five or ten or twenty years and realize that not only had she made a terrible mistake, but that that mistake was me.
More presents were being shoved at me, and I opened them one by one. They were mostly smaller things. CD's, some smaller items of clothing, toiletries. That sort of stuff.
Alice's gift was square as well, but much larger and heavier. The box under the wrapping was plain and flimsy, so it had to be clothes. Curiously, I lifted the lid and looked inside. Nestled in tissue paper was a really nice leather jacket. The kind I had always wanted, but never thought I would get. I had only expressed my desire for one to two people in the world: Peter and Alice. Pete knew how badly I wanted one, but I'm pretty sure that I only mentioned it in passing to Alice. How had she picked up on the fact that this was something important and not just a random thought?
She gave me a worried look when I didn't say anything right away. "It's the right size, because I checked your other jacket, but if you don't like it, I have the receipt."
"I do like it. It's exactly what I wanted." I gave her a tight hug. This was one of, if not the, last hugs I would ever be able to give her. "I love it, Alice."
What I wanted to say was that I loved her, but I couldn't. Not only was it way too soon, but it seemed like kind of a dick move when I knew I wasn't going to be here by tomorrow morning. Too many people have abandoned her already after telling her that they loved her and I wouldn't do the same.
"I got you a present, too!" Aiden crawled up into my lap again, snatching my last handful of cake as he did so. "Open it, open it!"
His gift came in a manila envelope. I slid it open and dumped out a birthday card and a little boys drawing. The picture was of me and him in what appeared to be a jungle, surrounded by animals. Across the top were the words 'ME AND JASPER BY AIDEN'
I kissed him on his cake-smeared face. "It's great, Little Bit. Where are we?"
"Narnia. That's Mr. Tumnus, and that's Aslan."
"You know what? I'm going to take this and put it on the fridge so we can look at it every day."
He grinned and gave me a quick kiss. "Yay!"
His foster Mom had gotten me a gift card to Target. It would come in handy in a few weeks, when the other money ran out. "Thank you."
The last present, other then Emmett's was Carlisle and Esme's. I had been putting off opening their present because I knew that it was going to be hugely expensive, and I already owed them so much. Sure enough, it was another rectangular, heavy, box. I opened it nervously, and a gaped at what was inside. A laptop. Not a cheap one either, this thing must have cost almost a thousand dollars. I looked at them questioningly.
Carlisle tried to reassure me. "You're going to need it for school next year. Emmett has done a really good job of sharing his with you for right now, but you'll be a senior next year and need one of your own. He'll need to be using his own for college."
I recognized a veiled threat when I heard one, though this time it wasn't directed at me. Carlisle was telling Emmett that he best shape up and pass his senior year so he could start as a college freshman in the fall. Emmett got it, but he just shrugged and grabbed another slice of cake. Did anything bother that guy?
"Anyway, Jasper, I expect that you'll take good care of this laptop, because it's going to need to last quite a while. I'm not too worried about that with you, though. You're a very responsible kid."
Only I wasn't his kid. I wasn't anyone's kid. And, as of today, I wasn't a kid at all. I wasn't going to get into that in front of everyone though, so I just ducked my head and smiled shyly at him. "Thank you Carlisle and Esme."
I hugged her tightly, because I like hugging Esme. I don't like hugging Carlisle, because I don't really trust him, but this was a situation where I had to, so I did it. He hugged me back with only one arm, giving me the opportunity to slide free if I wanted it. "It's a great present."
Emmett's gift turned out to be a game to play on my new laptop. It was a war game, one that that needed a clear head and clever strategy to win. "Thanks, Em." His present looked small compared to what the rest of the family had given, but he and I both knew about the cash he had handed over this morning.
Now that the pressure of receiving presents and having all the attention of me was over, it was easier to enjoy the rest of the party. I had another slice of cake, along with some ice cream. Rose took the electronics away to charge them, and we all settled around the table to hang out and have fun.
Eventually, though, the party came to a close. Aiden was falling asleep at the table, and Peter's foster Mom wanted him home as well. I didn't want to admit it, but it was getting close to 11, and I was tired as well. I was on a pretty strict sleep schedule because of my seizures, and I didn't like to get too far off of it.
I made sure to give each member of the family a hug or first bump before I went upstairs. Alice got a kiss, and I even gave Esme a kiss on the cheek as well. "Thank you for the party."
"No problem, Sweetheart. You go up to bed now, and I'll see you in the morning."
She wouldn't, but I still couldn't tell her that. "Ok. Good night."
I wanted to go to my own bedroom tonight, to make it easier to run, but I was afraid that it would look too suspicious. I had already packed the duffel bag that I had come with. I wasn't sure if I should take the things that the Cullens had given me or not. I was taking the iPod, and Frank, but should I take the laptop? It was such an expensive thing, and even though it had been given to me as a gift it felt a little wrong. Maybe I should just leave it?
But the thing was, it was my laptop and I wanted it. The library was quite a ways from my new apartment, and having the laptop would take a lot of pressure off of getting there for schoolwork. Was it wrong to be selfish and greedy for once in my life?
Emmett thinks that I'm leaving first thing in the morning, after I have a talk with Carlisle and Esme about it. I wasn't planning on waiting that long, but I didn't want him to know. So I snuggled up on my air mattress, and pretended to be asleep when he came in. He peered over at me. "Jasper? Jas?"
I kept my breathing even and slow enough to fool him. "Ok, dude, I won't wake you up. I just wanted to tell you that I wish you won't leave. Even if you do, we'll still be bros, ok?"
Maybe I wasn't fooling him after all. Or maybe I was. Emmett had said what he wanted to, whether I could actually hear him or not. I stayed as still as I could, listening to him fall asleep, then start snoring. Once I was sure he was out, I opened my eyes and watched the clock, giving him an additional 20 minutes. Then I stood up and grabbed my bag, slowly easing out of the room.
Emmett is usually the last one to go to bed, so I knew that the rest of the house would be quiet and dark. I gathered my iPod, and took the laptop as well, even though it still made me feel guilty. I know that Carlisle and Esme would want me to have it, but it's still a little icky. A quick stop in the kitchen got me Aiden's drawing, which I folded up and tucked in my pocket.
It's a really long walk to the nearest bus stop, but I figure I can be in my apartment by 7 in the morning. Then….I guess I'm not sure what happens next. That's something I'll have to figure out when I get there.
I slipped out the front door and closed it behind me, making sure that it was locked. This was it, my last chance. I could turn around, unlock the door and go back inside. At seven in the morning, I would still be under the covers in Emmett's room, dreaming about leftover birthday cake.
The keys trembled in my hand as I slipped my apartment key off of the ring. It looked small and lonely against the keys that came with being a Cullen. Quickly, before I could lose my nerve, I threw all but my apartment key through the mail slot. This was it, I was on my own.
I tried to tell myself that it was just the wind in my eyes making them tear when I turned and walked away.