Iggy's History Lessons

Chapter 1: George Washington

Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel were sitting on the couch. Iggy burst into the room with an old fashioned chalkboard he had on a clip on tie, and some glasses he must have stolen from a grandmother.

"As you all know, George Washington was the first president of the United States!" Iggy said, "He was BFFs with Abraham Lincoln and was enemies with Napoleon. Now, Napoleon was a short French man, who was bullied in school for being short. And his shortness caused him to be ill mannered and short. Did I mention that he was short?"

" Anyway, Napoleon was all filled up with anger from his days of being bullied. And one of his bullies was George Washington, because, come on, who wouldn't put a short kid's lunch money on a high shelf and laugh as he jumped and tried to reach it?"

Gazzy raised his hand, "Uh, Iggy?"

"That's, Really Awesome Supreme Homeboy to you, Gazzy."

"So your name is RASH?"

"SHUT UP I HAVE THE PIXES ON SPEED DIAL! Anyway, George Washington went every Saturday to get bacon from The French Canadians, on his horse, Nelson, and one day the French Canadians blocked him out. And George Washington was like, "I know you did not just deny me my bacon."

Apparently, Napoleon had had enough of George Washington being totally awesome in from of all his (very few) friends. George Washington had actually married the woman Napoleon wanted to ask out on a date. Napoleon was so short, that no woman could hear him all the way down there.

George Washington told the French Canadians they could keep Canada, and not give it to the United States if they kicked out Napoleon out. The choice was, a short man who had very bad temper tantrums, or a country. Napoleon was kicked to the curb, he escaped to France, never to be seen again. Then again, people usually couldn't see him because they would have to look down straight down at the ground.

Napoleon became rich selling very small cars to people in Italy. To this day, people in Rome and use small cars that cause back problems, Napoleon's last revenge."

Iggy smiled, he walked out of the classroom with his chalkboard. Gazzy, Nudge, and Angel were in shock. Max and Fang returned home to see them in the same position, they had been like that for around three hours. Gazzy finally screamed, "WHAT THE-?" Iggy popped his head in the room, "No swearing little Gazzy, it can cause insanity."

Author's Note: I…..don't…..even know….