Iggy's History Lessons
Chapter 2 The Civil War
"I HAVE A COLORFUL POWERPOINT PRESENTATION TODAY!" Iggy screamed. Gazzy, Nudge, and Angel tried to escape, but Iggy had blocked the exits. Iggy had blocked the doors with bricks, and had drawn pictures of guard dogs to further deter the fledglings from exiting. The dogs, in question, looked more like large brown circles with six ovals coming out of it.
"The Civil war was a war between The North and South parts of America." Iggy began his presentation. The first slide was a picture of America, and had shown the separation between the states. It looked as if they were actually going to learn something.
"Now, I'm sure you'll all familiar with Shakespeare's play, Romeo and Juliet. You see, during this time The North people couldn't marry the Southern peoples, and vice versa. Because everyone was arguing over what should be on the American Flag. North wanted a Unicorn, and South wanted a Mermaid. So Juliet was all prepared to marry this other guy who wanted to have a Unicorn on the flag, and Romeo was a free spirit who didn't care what animal was on the flag, so long as it was magical." Iggy changed the slide to a picture of a Unicorn and Mermaid wrestling.
"One day Juliet was at this dance party, dancing, and feeling miserable. She didn't like the guy her parents wanted her to marry, he was all gross. He was really old, like 30, and he weighed like 200 hundred pounds, and was only like 5 feet and two inches. He had rotten yellow teeth, but he was super rich. I'm talking about like, mansions on the beach, with a home movie theater, and your own monkey butler rich. He also passed gas even more that Gazzy, and his diet made his farts smell like garbage truck filled with sewage, mixed with Max's cooking." Iggy showed them a picture of a garbage truck, he produced a picture of Santa Claus with an arrow pointing towards his rear and a what seemed like a gas bubble choking an elf.
"Anyway, at the dance party, Juliet saw this really awesome guy break dancing showing off his moves to a bunch of ladies. He was doing back flips and handstands, and twirling like ballerina, while Juliet's fiancée was eating a whole roasted pig by himself in the corner. That guy was Romeo. Juliet looked at Romeo and then at her fiancée. She ran to where Romeo was dancing and pushed aside all the other girls admiring him, and said to him, "Wanna dance?" This slide showed a picture of Max, and Fang. Iggy had photo shopped on a medieval gown, and a pointy hat on Fang and some tights and a blouse on Max.
"Now Romeo was all taken back by this girl, she was like, challenging him, and Romeo accepted the challenge. The dancing was so great that night, that America made it a holiday. Labor day. When people labor away at making America an awesome dancing nation. So they fell in love and ran away together. But Romeo got hit by a fat lady and died, and Juliet tried to avenge his death, but instead got hit by the fat lady's husband and died too." Iggy showed them a picture of Ohio.
"This all happened in the Land of Ohio. Everyone in America was sad, because before Romeo and Juliet died they were gonna donate a lot of money to America for an arcade, but when they died their fortune was lost. So the North and South decided that it didn't' matter what their flag looked like, so long as America had an arcade, and so the Civil War ended."
"I hope you all learned from that."
Author's Note) I think we can all learn from Iggy.