Do you want to know how you can define the epitome of the phrase "fuck my life" could be classified as?
Step 1: Have your love get drunk and burn all of the clothes you have, except for the underwear you're wearing at that particular moment.
Step 2: Have your said underwear you're wearing be a thong.
Step 3: While wearing nothing but this thong, meet up with some random guy who may or who may not be the child of your demonic master's sworn enemy, and have them start making jokes about your thong.
If not the epitome of "fuck my life", that's at least what can be summarized as the events that happened to Remington Aidoneus today.
His darling Seph and he had just gotten to this spot in the woods that was perfect for camping. Seph had somehow gotten her hands on some of her husband's wine, which he was not aware of as he was going out to get some firewood. Sure, Persephany was the goddess of fire and all that, but fire still needed some kind of fuel to burn.
When he had come back, Seph was shit hammered, and had two or three empty kegs that used to have that wine in them. Remington was absolutely shocked, to say the very least. His sister drinking wine was nothing new to him, but how in the Hell does she just drink two or three so quickly and so fluently? He would say that she may have to be concerned with her health, but then again, given the fact that she's an immortal goddess, he felt like I wouldn't have to say something like that too much.
What ended up happening is Remington tried to get Seph back into the tent to lay down, so she wouldn't go stumbling off drunkenly somewhere. It's not that he didn't trust that Seph would be able to protect herself from something; he just knew what alcohol could do to a person, and he didn't want to take the risk of Seph doing something stupid that could endanger herself.
Somewhere along the lines, whether it was because she was having some kind of sexy vision, or some vision of a few issues they had in their lives in the past, she ended up giving these moans and setting fire to Remington's clothes. Seph had amazingly hot fires, and they were very difficult to put out once they got going. Eventually, Remington was able to put the fires out, but by the time he was able to do that, the fires had already completely singed his clothes.
Except for his thong, of course. He was able to protect the thong from any damage, and he was really glad he was able to do that. Despite the fact that many boys don't wear those kinds of underwear, with his usual boxers trashed, the thongs of his sister were really the only options he had. Granted, he knew he could have gone to the store and just bought some more...
After that day, Remington was going out to get some kind of breakfast for himself and Seph. He wore nothing but the thong, but he didn't think that would be too much of a problem, as it was rather warm where they were, and nobody was going to be there and see him like that, save for himself, and his darling Seph.
...At least, that's what he thought at first.
As he was going to get some breakfast, he came across a little body of water. He got some for himself and Seph, and decided to take a minute to look at his full bodied reflection. He really didn't do that very often, but he thought that nobody would be coming by at all to see him do it, so he didn't think he had any issues.
He put his hands on his almost bear hips and looked at the reflection quietly, admiring it in secret. He was always told by his Seph that she thought she looked really good in those thongs, though he admittedly never took the time to actually acknowledge that. As he stared at his reflection, whether it be out of some strange way to stroke his own ego, or for some other reason, he began to really inspect every detail about himself.
His skin was quite pale, almost white as usual, with his long purple hair somewhat standing out of it, but also weirdly complimenting it in a way. It didn't look like it fit in too well with him in general, but at the same time, he couldn't really picture himself with anything else, and thought the long purple hair was just perfect for him.
Since he was alone, he decided to go on ahead and inspect his body physique, which is something he almost never did nowadays, even when he was alone. He wasn't at all very muscular; in fact, his body almost had a more effeminate build, save for the fact that he didn't have any breasts, of course. His stomach was flat, and his arms and legs were toned and slightly thick.
He gave a hum and turned around, looking at the waters yet and keeping his hands on his hips as he was looking right at his rear. Ever since Seph and Remington were reunited to go on this little quest of his together by Giygas, with Seph there and Remington steadily eating more, his ass was getting bigger and softer as time went by. He never really noticed just how much it was growing with how much more he was eating until he took a good look at it with the reflection. Then again, perhaps it shouldn't have been to big of a surprise now that Remington thought about it. His jeans were getting tighter the past couple of days, and Remington actually had the tendency to get stuck now sometimes.
"...Well... to the very least, I know that my sister will enjoy it." he thought to himself as he continued looking at the reflection. He couldn't deny it though, he could actually see why Seph loved that ass of his. It never did before, but somehow, whether or not it be just for the fact of his sister starting to rub off on him, having an ass like that was really starting to appeal to Remington now.
He moved his right hand to his ass and gave a firm grasp of it, taking a feeling of how soft and big it was. He couldn't help but give a smirk, starting to feel pride for his growing rear. "...Well... looks like I'm gonna be looking after you too, little gal." he said with a chuckle. Deciding that he had stood there long enough, he looked back in front of him to start looking for breakfast again.
When he faced the front again, he gave a gasp and literally froze cold in his tracks. He had no idea how long he had been standing there, nor did he know how he didn't sense him earlier, but standing there was a man that just kind of stood there with a smirk on his face. He was very tall, almost as tall as, if not taller than Remington. He had snow white hair, and one eye was blood red, while the other was an icy cold blue.
The two stared at each other quietly for the longest time, none of them really daring to say anything.
After a few seconds, however, the man spoke. When hearing his voice, Remington got this very strange feeling crawling up his back. "So.'' he started. "Do you swing that way or are you just that perverted? Cause I like to know why a teenager demigod with power close to mine is wearing a thong. If you don't mind me asking that thong wearer?"
Remington was so embarrassed. He began to shake like mad, his face going entirely red with blush, and his breathing accelerated. From what the man had said, he was standing there at least long enough to have seen Remington admiring his own ass. He couldn't believe that he had just let somebody see something as embarrassing as that. It would have been one thing if this man was somebody that he had known, but he was a complete stranger, which made things all the more embarrassing for him.
"So, how much have you made today?" the man questioned, giving a smirk that almost made Remington want to punch him. The best way to describe it was almost like he was trying to make a troll face at him.
Under normal circumstances, Remington would have probably gone into his Giyga form and tried to kick this guy's ass, but for some reason, the embarrassment and shame were outweighing those kinds of thoughts. He didn't even know what the Hell he was doing when he gave a scream like a little girl and dove as fast as he could behind a bush.
"D-don't look at me!" Remington shouted as he hid behind the bush in complete embarrassment. "Cover your eyes!" As he said that, he could mentally picture Giygas giving a sigh and smacking his face with one of the tentacles he has for arms. He couldn't really blame him, in all honesty. The man who had the power of the Cosmic Destroyer, screaming and hiding like a little girl.
"Hey, calm down!" the man said with a little amused chuckle. "I was just joking." He sounded oddly 'friendly' to Remington when he said that, but at the same time, there was some kind of feeling that Remington was getting about this guy that made him feel so weird around him.
"Don't be too embarrassed. I've seen much stranger things. Trust me on that one."
After the man had said that, Remington, feeling a little bit better, slowly stepped out from behind the bush and went up to him. "...Uh... sorry about that." he said with an embarrassed blush. "I... kind of panicked when..." He looked into the man's eyes, and he immediately regretted doing so. When he did, the feeling that was crawling on his back ended up tingling and aching in his head. It was a strong headache that was almost head splitting.
The man had a look of concern in his eyes as he put his hand on Remington's shoulders. For a second there, Remington's iris and pupils seemed to have completely disappeared, but reappeared right away as soon as he felt the hand on his shoulder. "Are you ok?" the man asked.
Remington blinked a couple of times and looked back into the man's eyes. As he did so, the feeling was gone and the headache had worn off. "Y-yeah. I'm fine." he said. "Just had a little bit of a headache there for a second. That's all."
The man gave a nod and the two stood there quietly for a few seconds. Neither of the two really knew what to say. "...I should probably go back to my camp." the man said as he looked back to where he had come from. "Better make sure my sister didn't drown herself or anything."
The man gave a nod. "...Oh. Where are my manners?" Remington said as he held his hand out to shake. "I'm Remington, by the way. Remington Aidoneus."
The man gave a nod and shook his hand, giving a little raise of his eyebrow as he felt how soft and feminine Remington's hand felt. "Nice to meet you, Remington. I'm Leo."
Remington gave a nod and looked around. "...Uh... do you... have any other place to go?" Remington questioned. "Because... if you don't... I may want to introduce you to my sister." For some reason, there was also this feeling inside him that he had to get closer to this Leo guy, like there was something he needed from him.
"Well... I suppose." Leo said with a nod and began to walk with Remington as the two began to walk back to the camp. "Oh... some advice for you, Remington. You may want to consider losing the thongs."
"But they're all I've got." Remington said. "My sister had completely trashed my regular men's underwear at one point, and I've had to wear her thongs, since I've got nothing else."
"But your last name Aidoneus says that you have affiliations with Hades, the god of wealth." Leo said with a raise of his eyebrow. "Why don't you just go to the store and buy some more underwear for yourself?"
To that, Remington gave an embarrassed blush. "...Well... between you and me... I... really don't mind wearing these things." Remington admitted as he looked down. He couldn't believe that he was really saying all these things. "In fact... I'm not gonna lie... I... kind of like wearing them..."
Leo was quiet for a few seconds before giving a shrug. "Again, I've seen weirder." he said dismissively. Remington didn't even ask what he possibly could have seen that was stranger. All he hoped was that Seph wasn't awake yet. He didn't want her seeing him walking with some other guy back to the camp with Remington just wearing that thong.
If that happened... Remington was fucked.
Master Porky Minch: Ahhh. Finally. After months of having to consider what to do, my chapter is finally complete. Send it to gumball and titan... now all I have to do is kick back and relax. *pulls out laptop to play Team Fortress 2*
Lidio: *walks in slowly* ...Uh... Porks... are you sure that gumball and titan aren't going to be too terribly pissed at you?
Master Porky Minch: *chuckles* Oh, Lidio. You, Lidia and Octavia have yet to learn the power of compassion and forgiveness. I assure you, by now, gumball and titanking have completely forgiven me, and I won't have to suffer any consequences. *lays back* ... *looks back at Lidio* ...Out of curiosity's sake, why do you ask?
Lidio: Oh... no reason... except for the fact that the Fanfiction police just broke into our house and are coming up into this room at this very moment.
Master Porky Minch: Wait... *springs up* What?!
Fanfiction Police: *breaks down the door* Fanfiction Police! Put your hands where we can see them! We are armed with negative reviews and flamers!
Master Porky Minch: Woah! Woah! Woah! *holds arms up in surrender* What the heck is going on here?!
Fanfiction Police: Well, well, well. Master Porky Minch, one of the laziest and scummiest writers to ever make an account on this website. Looks like you're really in for it now. Get down on the ground and put your hands behind your back.
Master Porky Minch: Oh Hell no! I'm not going to Fanfiction Prison again! Kiss my fat ass, coppers! *attempts to jump out the window, but gets stuck*
Fanfiction Police: ...Well, this is pathetically easy. Uh... let's get him and beat him up for resisting arrest.
Master Porky Minch: Oh... why does this shit always happen to me?... *cops pull me out of window and start beating the crap out of me*
Fanfiction Police: *hand cuffs Porky as soon as they're done beating the crap out of him* Master Porky Minch, we've received several complaints that you've been taking way too long on your stories, even not posting for one of them for a whole year. We've scanned through all your stories and have found the evidence to back these claims. You are hereby under arrest.
Master Porky Minch: You can't be serious! You can't just arrest me because I've been taking my time on a certain story!
Fanfiction Police: Under normal circumstances, it wouldn't be something we would do, but due to the amount of stories you have started but have not completed, as well as your current criminal record of destroying an entire Fanfiction universe with just one time paradox, in you're case, we have the ability to send you to prison for this.
Master Porky Minch: Well what evidence do you have?! You've got absolutely nothing on me!
Fanfiction Police: Oh, is that so? Bring the witness in. *titanking666 walks into the room*
Master Porky Minch: Titan?! The Hell are you doing here?!
Fanfiction Police: Titanking666, this is the writer that has taken at least a year just to get you the chapter of a story that he's agreed to get to you much sooner, correct?
titanking666: Yes, officer. He's the one.
Master Porky Minch: Wh-what?!
Fanfiction Police: Is it not true that you've also tried to get other people to help motivate him to getting the chapter done, including shadow gumball of death, who he also owes a chapter to?
titanking666: Yes, that's correct.
Master Porky Minch: Titanking! What the fuck?!
titanking666: Hey, you wouldn't be in this situation if you had just worked on those stories. You only have yourself to blame for this one, pork chop.
Lidio: Heheheh. Pork chop. Good one.
Master Porky Minch: Shut the Hell up, Lidio! Or else I'm going to rip out your esophagus and shove it up your sister's ass!
Fanfiction Police: Threatening to brutally assault your own OC, which you made in another story you aren't finishing. You're digging yourself deeper and deeper in this whole, Porky. Let's take this scum away.
Master Porky Minch: Oh, come on! *police start taking me away* You can't do this to me! Who's gonna be kicking ass in Team Fortress 2 if I'm locked up in prison?!
titanking666: Maybe you'll think twice next time instead of keeping us waiting so long for our chapters.
Master Porky Minch: *is forced into the police car* Oh, just wait until I get out of prison this time, you little goddess loving son of a mother- *police car door is closed, muffling out the rest of what I say and the police car drives off*