Trinity of Loss

by

The Analyzer

Chapter 3: McCoy to Katou

"Oh Alice, are you going out already?"

Alice had been at the door to their temporary apartment, fixing on her boots when her grandfather called out to her. She turned around, examining his face.

"Yes." Alice said. "I wish to take a walk. Is that alright?"

"Oh, of course that's okay. I just thought you would be staying indoors for the first couple of days. That's how you have operated before."

"I can change my habits." Alice said.

"Well, that's good to know." Mr. McCoy smiled. "I love you the way you are, but there's nothing wrong with change once in a while. Be safe on your walk, Alice."

Alice nodded, a small smile on her face. There was a reason she was most comfortable around her grandfather. Her boots properly snug around her feet, she left.

For a while, she just walked the streets of Tokyo. There were many stares upon seeing the American girl in gothic clothing, but Alice ignored them. She was used to being stared at in school for her strange clothes, and her pretty looks gained some unwanted attention. She learned that tersely turning down date requests and ignoring them if they were insistent was liable to make them go away. Now Alice ignored any glances from boys she came across, her feet guiding her to her destination.

Before Alice knew it, she was on the second floor of a train station, stopping in front of the pedestrian bridge above the tracks. It took her a moment to recognize the bridge.

It was the bridge where Dobermon sacrificed himself.

It had been restored to its original construction and people walked across, unaware a life and death battle had occurred here a year ago. Alice stared at the bridge, thinking.

Minami's words of comfort had assuaged Alice of some of her feelings about Dobermon's sacrifice. Alice had been bearing the weight silently for over a year, seeing the world collapse into war, and the freedoms of her country become more limited. So it wasn't a surprise Alice felt Dobermon's sacrifice was in vain. There had been many sacrifices in the world to stop crimes and atrocities that cheerfully went on, so Alice had sunk into a depression. Now that her new friend had explained why even these sacrifices had value, Alice felt somewhat relieved.

She was still alone in this pain, though. Alice had called Minami when the latter arrived in Okinawa and they talked a bit. But there was something special to talking with a person in the flesh and not under the threat of death.

Alice took out the piece of paper Minami had handed to her, and gazed at the phone number thoughtfully. Minami had spoken about contacting Juri on the matter. From what Alice had heard, Juri was a considerate girl who wasn't inclined to contradict the feelings of others. For an introvert like Alice, that could be helpful. Now if she could just find Juri's address…

A quick trip to an Internet café solved the matter. By inputting the phone number, she was able to ascertain the address and write down the directions to her house. As she traveled to her destination, Alice felt a sense of trepidation come over her. What if Juri didn't want to talk about such a painful topic? Alice could make clear Juri could refuse the request directly, but that didn't set her at ease.

The first impression Alice had of the Katou home was that it was small. She had seen small homes in America, but there was something compact about this wooden building. Alice lingered briefly, making sure this was the address and preparing herself for rejection. She entered.

This must be one of those business and home combinations common in this country, Alice thought. The first floor was a small bar, with a few patrons sipping at glasses or bottles, cheerful or mournful depending on his nature (All the patrons were male). Alice was able to observe this for a second when a voice greeted her.

"Welcome to the – hey, what are you doing here?"

A stern-looking man came around the counter, washing a glass and appraising Alice with concern.

"You can't come in, Miss." he said finally, in his best English. "Adults only."

"I haven't come here to drink. I've come here to talk with your daughter." Alice answered in Japanese.

Mr. Katou was thrown off a bit. "My daughter…about what?"

"Tell her Alice McCoy is waiting for her. She'll know who I am."

Mr. Katou gave her a puzzled look, but did as she said. Alice found a comfortable spot to sit in the corner, and Mrs. Katou was at the table before Alice's seat had even begun to warm.

"Sorry about my husband." Mrs. Katou smiled apologetically. "He tends to show his worry through sternness. Are you a friend of Juri's?"

"Not exactly. But you know my grandfather – Robert McCoy."

"Oh, him." Mrs. Katou's face lit up. "What a nice and intelligent man. He was instrumental in saving Juri, you know. I wouldn't mind if you talk to her. She has many dear friends, but can be unsocial at times, after…well, I better get your food. You two have a nice chat."

Mrs. Katou bustled away, and Alice couldn't help thinking over what was spoken. The meal was eventually brought over, and Alice was just determining it was delicious when Juri trumped down the stairs. Her father was behind her, and pointed in Alice's direction. Juri's face was blank as she approached, before shifting into a pleasant smile.

"Hello, I don't believe we've met before. I'm Katou Juri."

"I'm Alice McCoy." Alice inclined her head.

Juri slid into the seat opposite of her. "So, what do you want to see me for? Your name sounded familiar when Father went to get me, but I couldn't place it."

"Minami referred me to you."

Juri blinked, blindsided by Alice's statement. "You know Uehara Minami?"

"I met her during the Falcomon attack."

"Ah yes, Takato-kun told me about it. It's nice to hear she's making friends."

"She said you would be able to help me with dealing with the loss of Dobermon."

Juri tried and failed to suppress her pained surprise. Alice regretted being so plainspoken, and lowered her head.

"I'm sorry for being rude. But you're the only other one who knows what I've experienced and Minami said you would understand."

"Well, I'm not exactly a therapist." Juri said slowly, briefly thanking her father for the plate of food placed in front of her. "But I'll try my best. Where do you want to start?"

By the time the meal was mostly eaten, Alice had informed Juri on the background of her relationship with Dobermon. Juri's chopsticks were picking absently at the leftovers, the wielder thoughtful.

"That's the basics of the story." Alice concluded, feeling slightly wrung down. Going over such a sad moment wasn't productive to cheerfulness. "How am I supposed to deal with this? Minami's words have comforted me that his sacrifice was worth it…but how am I to cope with his loss?"

"Come with me." Juri said finally, standing up.

"Where are we going?" Alice was bewildered.

"It's a surprise." Smiling, she called. "Father, we'll be going out. Leave Alice's tab on my allowance."

"You don't have to do that." Alice said quietly, following her out the door.

"No, it's on me." Juri smiled. "As is the surprise I'm about to show you."

Alice nodded. Juri led Alice through the streets of Shinjuku, at home with the nooks and crannies of the neighborhoods. Alice watched as crowded pavement was gradually replaced by barren paths, and buildings by lush trees.

"So what was your first impression of Dobermon?" Juri asked.

Startled, Alice absently rubbed her chin with a finger. "Intimidating. Beautiful, but intimidating. I didn't know his disposition, so I approached carefully. Fortunately, he was the silent but kind type, though that could be attributed to how young he was."

"Leomon was the silent but kind type as well. He didn't smile often, but he always knew the right thing to say to comfort me." Juri looked at Alice speculatively. "You're American, right Alice?"

"Yes?" Alice said warily

Juri nodded to herself. "Sorry. Just trying to confirm the surprise is the right one."

Puzzled, Alice followed her deeper into the trees until they came across a building. It was a shrine. There were only a few people that day, and Juri waited patiently for her turn to ring the bell. She clapped her hands together, murmured quietly for a period, and clapped two more times.

"What is this?" Alice said, when it appeared Juri was finished with what she was doing.

"This is a Shinto Shrine." Juri said. "I was praying to Leomon and my mother."

"Your mother? But I met your mother-"

"You met my stepmother, someone who's as equally precious to me. I'd thought I'd show you one of the manners I deal with my lost loved ones. I heard Americans were very religious, so that might help."

"Aren't you people religious too?" Alice said.

Juri laughed. "There's a common saying in Japan. 'Born Shinto, marry Christian, and die Buddhist.' I'm sure there are people who are very religious for any of those faiths, but we're generally a pretty areligious group."

"There are plenty of areligious people in America too." Alice said. "I'm a bit of a lapsed Catholic myself, despite my parents' best efforts. I do go with them for holiday mass, at their insistence."

"They still want you to be religious?"

"Not exactly." Alice said slowly. "They feel it's a time for family; they were pretty vague when I asked once."

Juri gradually smiled. "Maybe we can find that reason out. C'mon, there's got to be a church somewhere in Tokyo."

In a process now familiar to Alice, they trooped to the nearest Internet café and looked up churches.

"Is it Catholic?" Alice asked.

Juri looked puzzled. "How many denominations are there in Christianity again? I don't want us to go to the wrong one."

"There are many, though Catholicism is the most popular. You know, the Pope." Alice smiled. "I can just picture the reaction of Protestants and Mormons back home to your ignorance of their existence. Let's just say it wouldn't be pretty."

"Now we wouldn't want that." Juri laughed. She squinted at the screen. "I believe I found the church you're talking about."

There were three such churches, and Alice and Juri took the subway to the nearest one. The girls quietly entered the building, which was abandoned for the afternoon. Their footsteps echoed loudly as they walked the red carpet between the two pews.

"I've been only in a church once before." Juri whispered. "When my father remarried. I don't remember much of it and what little memory I have is taken up by my wondering how to deal with my stepmother. Are you going to pray?"

Alice acknowledged Juri's question with a distracted a nod. She took a seat on the left pew three rows from the front. Juri joined her.

"I thought you were a lapsed Catholic, or something like that?"

"Praying is like meditation. It helps me think."

Alice kneeled down and put her wrapped hands on the head of the pew in front of her. She closed her eyes, blocking out everything but her own thoughts.

What was Juri's hint about Alice's family bringing her to holiday services? Alice knew it was a time for family and didn't mind too much, but she felt that wasn't the answer. It was close, though. Why else did people go to church beside to pray to God and assure a nice afterlife?

All her life, Alice found she didn't belong in various groups. Sometimes the members were friendly, sometimes not. Whatever their temperament, they just didn't click and Alice wisely disconnected from them. Though she found herself lonely, she felt freer. This was the case for her being a lapsed Catholic. Alice didn't feel like she fit in the community and the beliefs clashed with her own, so her church attendance dropped. Her parents were upset, but her grandfather supported her and they could do nothing to persuade her otherwise.

But her parents were insistent on Alice accompanying them to church services for the holidays. Alice assented and wasn't as bothered by these trips to church. Why? Well, they were time for the family to spend together. All of them were so busy with their interests and obligations that they couldn't be together. No matter how aloof Alice was, family was family and she didn't feel like an ill-fitting puzzle piece in their presence. The services were community time for the family, and Alice liked that time.

Alice was currently experiencing a similar feeling with Juri. Normally, someone being present for such an independent activity like praying disturbed her, but Juri was a patient companion to her thoughts. In a sense, the situation was similar to speaking with Minami. She was comfortable with expressing a deep pain to someone who turned out to share a similar experience and a connection was melded between the two girls.

Yes, that was the answer. Alice needed community. She needed people who understood her experiences of loss with Dobermon. Juri and Minami seemed more sociable from what Alice gleamed, but that wasn't a turn off. They respected Alice when she wanted to be silent, and were good listeners when Alice was in the mood to speak. Juri and Minami might come from a different culture, but that didn't prevent them from empathizing with her.

"I guess I'm going to need to be a little more sociable from now on." Alice murmured.

Juri, who was staring dreamily at the stained-glass window, started. "Yes?"

"I'm saying that I wouldn't mind if you and Minami become my friends." Alice found it difficult to speak for a moment. "I need someone who understands what I've been through, who had experienced losing a Digimon friend as well. You and Minami have, and you two don't make me feel suffocated. I know we might not otherwise have very many interests in common, but I would like to be your friend."

"Friends don't have to share interests to be friends." Juri said. "For one, they could just share a common experience. The Tamers and I barely shared anything in common until we met the Digimon. That was more than enough to tie us together, and we found other common interests later. You, Minami, and I can be friends just by the common loss we experienced. Don't you agree?"

Alice was silent for a moment. The corners of her lips twitched upward, and she nodded.

"Now that we're friends," Alice paused, "what do you suppose we do next?"

"Well, talk about where you come from? I've always been curious about America." Juri stood up. "If you don't mind, would you like to talk outside? I have the impression that such a discussion wouldn't be appropriate for a church."

Alice agreed, and they returned to the streets. Juri steered them back to Shinjuku.
By the time they got off their subway stop to the ward, Alice was finishing an explanation about her hometown's culture. Juri was amused.

"So all those movies exported here about American school were lying? I know that fiction tends to embellish things, but…" Juri shook her head.

"I wouldn't know. I hear about them through my classmates and I only go out to the movies when my family finds one particularly interesting."

"I only see them on television, but they are very fun to watch."

"They don't tend to be very accurate when it comes to death, though." Alice replied.

"Yeah. I saw some boy's anime where he was told to get over the death of a friend quickly. I understand how they were trying to get him back into action, but…" Juri shook her head. "People just don't get over stuff like that so quickly."

"There is pressure for men to stop being 'whiny' and move on." Alice said. "Those who say that haven't gone through what we have."

"Yeah. You, Minami-chan, and I know better. Maybe we could change that."

"People like us were probably trying to change that for long before we were born." Alice replied. "Though maybe we could help with the effort."

Juri smiled grimly. "I believe our Digimon friends might be able to make that point in a nonthreatening manner."

"Let's think about that later. Anyway, talk to me about Japanese culture. My grandfather is always coming around telling us how this and that works, but getting information from a person who lives here would be more accurate."

So Juri began to regale Alice about what was custom to her family, and to her friends. Alice was interested in how Juri was able to ground rituals that were alien to Alice and make them as ordinary as taking a trip to the store. It further solidified she didn't make a mistake in that church.

A phone buzzed in Alice's pocket, breaking her from her reverie. Pulling from the conversation, Alice answered.

"Grandfather?"

"Where are you? The sun is almost down and I'm beginning to worry."

Alice looked to the sky, and cringed. There were no stars, but a dark violet curtain had replaced the clear blue. Alice had been so engrossed in her conversation with Juri that she hadn't noticed the time of day.

"Sorry, Grandfather." Alice apologized "I'll be back soon. I just need to say farewell to my new friend."

"A new friend." Mr. McCoy's voice was strangely neutral. "That's nice to hear."

Alice hesitated. "It's someone you're very familiar with."

"…oh." There was a smile in his voice. "Say hello to this new friend for me. Take care."

Once Alice put away her phone, she turned to Juri with a sad look.

"Sorry, I have to go."

Juri nodded understandingly. "I guess my parents didn't expect me to be out so long too."

Juri and Alice looked at each other, saying nothing.

"I assume this is the point where we exchange contact information." Alice said.

Juri smiled. "I'm getting used to the routine."

This time, Juri was the one with paper. She and Alice ripped it in two even sheets before jotting down their e-mail address and phone number, among other tidbits. Juri was finished in an eager rush, but Alice did it at a calm, sedate pace, making sure every kana character and number were in the right position. Smiling, Alice re-exchanged the paper with Juri's contact information.

"I hope we can talk again in person." Alice said.

"Me too. How long are you staying?"

"Only for a week." Alice said regretfully. "Maybe I could hang out with you and the other Tamers in the meantime?"

"Takato-kun and the others would love to meet you." Juri said fervently.

"I hope to see their reactions." Alice shook Juri's hand. "Until that time…"

"See you. And…thank you!"

With that departing call from Juri, Alice walked away with a smile on her face. For a long time, the death of Dobermon had left a destabilizing wound in her being. That wound was still there, but now she was able to cope with its presence with the help of two very good friends. At the moment, she was at peace.

The next morning, Juri returned to the place she first met Leomon.

She sat on the bench and stared at the waterfall, thinking of her loneliness as a Tamer who lost her partner. Yet now she wasn't so alone. The loss of her Leomon had connected her with others who had similar experiences. Juri, Minami, and Alice were bound in a trinity of loss that created great friendships, and made sure that whatever pain they experience, they would survive it together.

The End