Masseur Cop

"Calling Unit 143. Officer Hopps, Officer Wilde, the chief is ordering you both to return to HQ, ASAP. Head to the interrogation room immediately when you guys get here."

It was at the basement of ZPD Precinct One. The interrogation room had two chambers: The first from the stairway was an observation area with three monitors, a large window, and a metal door that led to the second chamber where the actual interrogations happened. Inside the interrogation chamber was hardy looking stag with at least two piercings in each ear, a few rings around each antler, and very snarky smile. He was just sitting on his chair, leaning on the cold, metal table with a smug look not unfamiliar to the famous and infamous cop duo, Officer Judy Hopps and Officer Nicholas Wilde.

"Jerrold Hoofer, nicknamed Jerry; Arrested this morning for production of bootlegged DVDs. It is confirmed that he is part of the Yak Uza, a criminal organization focused on illegal replication and smuggling of copyrighted material, all the way from movies to entire art works." Chief Bogo described to them plainly as he stared at the deer through the window. He held a clipboard with the details of the detainee but did not even take a glance at it.

"Good to know this, chief. But-"

"Why did you call us down here?" Judy completed the question, interrupting her partner who still had his mouth open. He looked he was about to say something, but shrugged it off and took a sip from his Snarlbucks espresso.

"ZPD across the entire city have been trying to apprehend this syndicate. They are as slippery as weasels in leaving tracks, most likely because there are some in that rabble, anyway." Bogo looked away from the window for a second to turn his attention to a weasel in a blue uniform sitting in front of the monitors with absolute concentration. "No offense, Officer Ratchet."

"Sir, none taken, sir!" Ratchet exclaimed seriously as he gave a snappy salute to his superior as before returning to view the monitors. The newest rookie in Precinct One, as well as ZPD's first weasel officer, was oddly stiff for a weasel. Actually, stiffer than almost everyone in the Precinct. He wasn't mean or a jerk like most animals thought he was. Just… stiff.

"We tried everything to get him to speak. McHorn and DeLion gave a go at him, but he wouldn't budge. We even got Wolford, Fangmeyer, and Grayver to try ganging up on him. He's a tough nut to crack." The buffalo chief admitted, gesturing to some of the officers who he referred to. The three wolves, the cop pack trio, each had different expressions, from irritated to bored. Nick and Judy remembered seeing Officer McHorn on their way down with an obviously irked feeling around him.

"You are here because I want you both to do something about it. This will be your first interrogation." Bogo said, handing the file to Judy who had a huge excited grin on her face.

"Yes!" She pumped a fist into the air, just ready to get it on. Her fox partner, on the other hand, skimmed the file for a few seconds before looking at the chief with an unamused expression.

"You are totally expecting us to flunk this, aren't you?" Nick asked his superior skeptically, bringing Judy out of her internal cheering to shoot at glare at her partner.

"Oh c'mon, Nick! The Chief knows by now how much we-"

"Absolutely." Chief Bogo gruffs dismissively with no remorse, bringing a disbelieving and annoyed face to Judy. "Let's be honest. Never mind that you both are among our smallest officers, remember this is your first. No officer usually gets their first."

"I don't really care if you mess up since we tried everything and this will be his last interrogation. Might as well give you both practice for the future when we got something you can handle." Bogo finished. Nick passive face suddenly had a sly smirk on it, catching the attention of a both curious and worried Judy.

"Since we obviously can't get this, would it be possible that if we get him to squeak, by theory, we'll have a little more wage than we get now?" Nick asked with a curious voice, but it was obvious that Nick wasn't just making questions for answers. Chief Bogo also took hint of it.

"Are trying to tell me something, Wilde?" Bogo also asked with a frown.

"Oh, just thinking out loud, sir." Nick said, his voice sounding like he wasn't done.

"Nick, what are you doing!?" Judy whispered firmly to her partner, who still held his stare-off with the chief.

"You think you and Hopps can do what a predator five times your size failed to do?" Bogo, realizing his implication, challenged the fox.

"Oh, Chief. It's just a theory. A really interesting theory. But have nothing to fear, Chief! You said it yourself. Dude's a tough nut to crack. It's a just theory, but…"

"You get me a name and we'll talk about that raise. If he's still shut, that's a week in the paperwork department for you two. So?" The Chief's stern stare met Nick's half-lidded eyes. The other officer's also took notice, a few internally rooting for the chief with the chance of no paperwork to finish next week. Judy jumped in between the two larger animals, trying to fix the situation.

"Chief, Nick's just kidding. You know how he is, always blabbering on and on-"

"Sure thing, sir." Nick replied with the sly smile he usually carries. Judy just stares in disbelief as Bogo gives them both the same smirk he gave her when he challenged the rabbit to solve the missing animal case. The water buffalo stepped back from the two officers and went to the monitors for a situation report. Judy gave Nick a dirty glare, only to receive a shrug back.

"Ooh, you guys are in for it now. Guess I'll be seeing you both a lot next week." Clawhauser piped in, making his presence known to the two unwary officers.

"Nick! How on earth are we going to do this?" Judy asks with a hint of frustration and panic. She's a young, hyper bunny. A week filled with paperwork would be torture.

"Relax. I got it all planned out. It's 75% bound to work."

"75%?!"

"Hey, that's a high percentage." Nick defended with a shrug.

"Care to share the plan, dumb fox?" Judy demands frustratingly, her foot thumping up and down.

"Remember those lessons you enrolled yourself in last month?" Nick asks his partner.

"You mean the lessons you tricked me into taking last month for your selfish-"

"No. Way. You're not suggesting…" Clawhauser butt-in with a shaky voice and a scared and hollowed look in his face, one that Nick replied with a toothy grin.

"Sweet crackers, I am."

ZOOTOPIA

The stag continued to stare into the large mirror in front him. Jerry fully knew that the officers were thinking of their next step behind the one-way window, but he knew it was all for naught. Soon he's going to be out of this stink hole. He knew a lot of friends who can get him out of whatever persecution the guys-in-blue got in store for him.

As he thought of freedom, the metal doors opened to reveal two officers he didn't expect. The Rabbit officer he seen in the television before but didn't think highly of it or of her. The fox was a bit more of a surprise. He usually laid low and did not answer questions often on the news, so Jerry thought it was another ruse by the mayor of having a fox in the force, probably just to get the fox vote.

The next odd thing he saw was the overweight cheetah from reception grabbing on the fox's foot, a horrified look on the larger predator.

"No, Nick! You can't do this to him! He won't be able to take it!" The cheetah reasoned loudly as he dragged by the fox who looked like he getting really tired of this.

"Any other suggestions, Ben?" He said with a straight face, prompting Ben to depressingly lift himself. The bunny was already at the table but her head was still facing towards the other two officers. Jerry took the time to glance at the bunny's name tag and read "J. HOPPS" quietly.

"…There's gotta be some other way…" The cheetah trailed off as he prepared to close the door from the other side of their room. Jerry could have sworn he saw the fox gave a small smirk to the fat officer.

"We won't go too far." The fox reassured as the metal door closed behind him, an emotionless line on formed on his while he walked towards the deer and Hopps. Jerry scoffed as the fox sat right in-front of him, already thinking it's all fake.

"A fox and a bunny? Is that all they got left?"

"Alright, Jerry, you have proven a stubborn nut to crack. So we can either do this-"

"The easy way or the hard way! Yada, yada, yada. I know exactly what your planning, fox." Jerry rudely interrupted the fox, who had the tag "N. WILDE" on his breast pocket. There was no way this deer was going to acknowledge the fox in anyway rather than what he was, though.

"Oh? And would you care to tell me what I'm about to do?" Wilde asked with a raised eyebrow, still no emotion showing in his face.

"Oldest trick in the coper handbook. The 'good cop, bad cop' play. Oh, I can see it now." The deer places hooves above as if he was holding an imaginary painting, picturing how it would all go before pointing one hoof at Nick.

"You're gonna go all predator on me, throwing your fangs and claws around, saying how all the bigger predators can't hold a candle to what you can do. You go pretending that you are some barbarian who doesn't know the word 'mercy'. That's where miss bunny cop comes in." Jerry pointed to a curious faced Hopps.

"She's gonna be the soft, wittle, cute, innocent ball of fluff that tries to get on my good size, supposedly calming you down and trying to reach my inner soul with sermons on how 'lives can be hurt' and all that mushy stuff." Jerry stated with a teasing voice, actually a bit satisfied with himself seeing the obviously infuriated bunny. The deer was already proud with the knowledge he was getting to one of them. He only needed to crack the fox open, who continued to give a deadpanned stare.

"She might even tell a story of how you are affected by the crime and you wouldn't be like that if someone helped you in the past, trying to guilt trip me to going to her side." Jerry then stood up, trying to look larger than Wilde, who just looked up without changing face.

"Well guess what, officer? I know it's all staged and if I didn't talk when I was faced with a threatening lion and rhino AT THE SAME TIME, there's no way I'm singing to you." The deer gave him a snarky grin from high above, looking down the smaller officers in front of him. Hopps continued to be annoyed, eyeing her partner for some reason while the fox just continued to stare before he broke it with a smirk.

"Wow. I'm impressed, Jerry. You got almost every part of our plan right. Amazing actually." Wilde admitted, putting his paws behind his head and leaning back as he relaxed. Jerry, feeling victorious, sat back down and spoke to the fox with confidence.

"See, fox? So why not just let me go, and I'll keep quiet about this whole shindig?" Jerry voiced out with pride.

"Wait, tough guy. I did say 'almost'. There's just one, tiny, little problem with your theory." Wilde said as he stood and went to the other side of the table, opposite of Hopps.

"And what would that be, huh? That fat cheetah gonna come here crying and try to beg me to speak as you continue your savage act?" The deer accused, still holding his head high.

"The problem, Jerry, is that you are a bit confused. I actually sympathize with you."

"Huh?" Jerry wondered, dumbfounded as the fox nodded while giving a soft pat on the criminal's back before gesturing to himself.

"I was a conman after all. I know what it would be like to be in your hooves and that terrifies me." Wilde's statement continued to confuse the deer.

"Still missing t-the point, fox." Jerry, now being in unfamiliar territory, started to lose a bit of his confidence.

"You're right. We are doing the 'good cop, bad cop' thing. The detail you missed, however…" It suddenly clicked in Jerry's mind that he hasn't heard Hopps say a single thing since she entered. He took a look at her to see that she had a disturbing grin on her face as she gotten some sort of signal to go behind him. As Jerry watched the bunny slowly walk around the table, he heard the fox say something that first confused him again…

"…Is that I'm the good cop."

…And then horrified him.

ZOOTOPIA

"AAAAAGHHHHH!"

If there was a word to describe what the officers felt as they watched what was behind the large glass window or the video feed from the interrogation room, it would basically be "uncomfortable". They each showed varying degrees of uncomfortable, from simple wincing, to being disturbingly aware of all their joints and limbs, and even fainting right onto the floor. Carrying an unconscious obese cheetah out of the room was not an easy task, even for two big officers like Higgins and Snarlof.

"Wow. I didn't know deer could bend like that." A wolf officer commented with an eye twitching as he watched Officer Hopps toy with the poor criminal.

"We can't, Wolford. I know our limits." His fellow officer, a large stag, said with a paled face, wide eyes and shrunken pupils. After a few seconds, his eyes roll backwards as his legs failed him. He hit the floor on his back, totally knocked out.

"Oh boy. Not again. Delgato, help me lift Bucksworth, will ya?" One of the lion officers complained as he put his paws under his stag co-worker's shoulder blades and lifted his upper torso.

"Anything to get out of here…" The tiger mumbled to himself as he took hold of Bucksworth's lower legs and helped DeLion carry him up out the door. From the door, one can hear Delgato take a breath of relief as the predators carried Bucksworth up the stairway.

"Wait… what is she… OH SWEET HOWL." Fangmeyer swore in realization, looking away before it happened.

"MOTHEROFASCRAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!"

Everyone in the room, except a stern Chief Bogo, gave a collective cringe, half of them turning away from the view to help them breathe again. Yet the officers continued to watch. It was too interesting to miss.

"Dang. That's gonna haunt me tonight. And maybe tomorrow." Snarlof admitted as he watched discomforted beside the Chief, looking at his cup of coffee uncertainly before shrugging and taking a sip. He would need a bit more caffeine later, the polar bear thought.

"C-chief, is Hopps a-allowed to do that?" Officer Ratchet lost all his façade of professionality, shaking and stuttering with inner conflict if he should continue to be glued to the screen or run to the rec room with his knocked out cheetah and deer co-workers.

"She hasn't broken a bone, caused serious physical trauma, any bleeding wounds, or anything that would be considered brutality." The buffalo stated, still a straight posture as he gazed beyond the window. After a few seconds, however, he ran a hoof through his head, massaging the bases of his horns slowly.

"But whatever she is doing, it is making my horns feel uneasy."

ZOOTOPIA

"OKAY! OKAY! I'LL TALK! I'LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING!" Jerry squealed with a high pitch, looking up to a smug fox. The deer was on the ground, desperately grasping one of Nick's legs as predator officer looked down, sporting a sly smile with hidden hints of pity. Judy stood behind Jerry's figure, the same smirk on her face as she stretched her paws into the air to get the blood flowing through her arms.

"But Jerry, we're just helping you feel a bit comfortable. Hopps and I still got… 30 minutes left." The fox claimed as he looked at his watch, smirking as he saw the deer took on a more horrified expression from his peripheral vision. "We might be here for a while, so…"

"NO! PLEASE! I BEG YOU! HERE! HERE'S EVERYTHING! THE HEAD IS TAOYO BAMBU! ALL YAK UZA DROP POINTS ARE NEAR THE JANITOR CLOSETS IN THE SUBWAYS! NUMBER CODES ARE 7-3-0-5! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!" And Jerry sang like bird in spring.

"I only have one or two more questions. It won't take long, depending on what you want to tell me." Nick explained as he bent one knee to kneel and have a better look at the scared deer.

"Please, Officer Wilde… Anything… Just get me out of here... GET ME AWAY FROM HER!"

ZOOTOPIA

"Here it is, sir. Latest update on everything there is to know about the Yak Uza syndicate." Judy said as she placed a folder on Bogo's desk. A folder filled with documents filled with information from 30 minutes.

"And right on schedule for quitting time, too." Nick took a glance at the clock on the wall. Both officers were inside the Chief's office, giving the final report to the water buffalo who continued to look at them with an undefined expression.

"…I'm not even the slightest surprised that we got results this quickly with you two. Guess my trump card played off." The chief admitted as he collected the documents to view for later. The last part brought a surprised expression to both his officers.

"Wait, you expected us to get this right? But you said a while ago…" Judy trailed off, thinking for a bit that she was played for.

"Let's just say I know you both work well under pressure. I am sure one hour is nothing compared to forty eight." Bogo said with satisfaction, shooting both of them a victorious smirk that Nick usually gave him. For once, it felt great to take one over them in their own game. Nick's surprised turned into a sly smile that he reflected back to his superior.

"Sly buffalo." And said buffalo's seconds of glory came to end, an annoyed expression on his face once more before looking professional again.

"Anyway, good work today, officers. I guess you both will get that raise you have been asking for." Bogo congratulated the two officers who got giddy when they heard the news.

"Oh yeah!" Nick cheered with a pumped fist in the air.

"Whoop Whoop!" Judy excitingly joined him, jumping up and down. Both got an annoyed frown once again from Bogo, bringing them to stand at attention, resisting grins from breaking in their faces.

"I mean- Thank you, sir." Judy said professionally, Nick joining her in saluting their superior.

"Dismissed." Chief Bogo said as he returned the salute quickly then placing it down with the same snap, signaling both officers to take their leave. "Oh wait. A quick word, Hopps."

"Yes, chief?" Nick was already out the door when Judy turned back to the police chief.

"A little warning next time you do something like that. Clawhauser's and Bucksworth's lights went out over your little show and they had be carried out to the rec room." Bogo reprimanded with both a lighthearted and a serious tone. The bunny officer felt her ears blush in embarrassment, which fell back on the sides of her head.

"Oh. Sorry, sir. Won't happen again." Judy affirmed as she closed the door and found her partner already at the checkout. The rabbit walked through the hallway towards the stairs, seeing Wolford and DeLion coming opposite her direction while having a conversation. She was about to sidestep as she usually does for her larger coworkers when the lion suddenly jerked behind the wolf, startled by seeing Hopps. The predators cautiously went around the slightly confused bunny who found their skittish behavior and wary stares odd.

Judy checked out with Nick beside her, the fox sporting a teasing grin.

"Well, well! What do you know? I told you those fox massaging classes would come in handy someday." Nick said with pride, prompting his rabbit partner to give him a doubtful look.

"I don't buy for a second that you had that in mind when you exchanged the names of the workshop lists at the hobby center."

"Maybe. But I'm still right. So what about continuing to practice by giving me a little crack in the back later for celebration?"

Disclaimer: I do not own Zootopia (duh)

AN: The reason why I took long to write this was because I was brainstormed with so many other for new Zootopia stories that I just forgot what to do. XD You could expect something from me in the future.