Fearless and Tearless

Chapter 4

Do You Care if You Die?

Karin's P.O.V

For two weeks of training has been the usual, but I always have to make sure no one follows me, I've gotten pretty good at sensing other's reiatsu even when they try to hide it, and I still thank the Lord that it's summer. Also I've gotten the hang of Kido! Well…actually I had to try like five times as hard to get the hang of it…but, I still got it! So, two weeks after the training started I woke up at 9:02 a.m. and went downstairs. Once I reached the kitchen for breakfast, memories of the night that I returned from my first day of training swam back to me like a punch to the head.

Flash Back

Once I got home a little time passed midnight, I had no idea what to do because I never got home this late, but when I stepped into the living room, I realized that I didn't have to worry about what to do. I saw Yuzu lying on the couch with dried tear tracks on her face, and then I saw Ichi-nii and my dad, sitting on the sides of Yuzu where she slept, both fully awake and highly alert. When I closed the door Goat-chin and Ichi-nii rose to their feet and both of them started yelling at me at once. "Where have you been? Why are you back so late?" Ichi yelled like a parent getting ready to lecture a child when they do something wrong.

"Ooh, you had me so worried! Come give me a hug Karin-chan!" Otou-san shouted like a kid that found his teddy bear, while holding his arms out like he was actually expecting me to run and jump in his arms.

Ichi-nii looked like he wanted to punch him. "Shut up Dad! Where have you been Karin?" Ichigo said now speaking for both of them.

"Um…I was out practicing soccer." I said glad that I didn't stutter.

"Practicing soccer at midnight?"

"Yes…" I said slowly, with a good idea of where this was headed and not liking it one bit.

"Do you know that you had us all worried sick?" Ichi-nii said now walking towards where I stood frozen to the spot. "Look at Yuzu! She was crying thinking that something bad happened to you! We were about to call the police to go look for you!"

"Hey! It's not my fault that Yuzu doesn't trust me enough to handle myself! She should know that by now! And don't talk to me about calling the police! While you were in high school you were out until like 4 in the morning or didn't come back home for even weeks without telling us where you went! So you have NO right to scold me about this!" I yelled at my brother.

"I thought that we already went through this! I had to destroy hollows…" his voice trailing off, then he snapped back to attention and asked, "Wait are you?" He asked wide eyed.

"What? NO! And even if I did, what's so wrong about me killing hollows?" I asked as I poked Ichi-nii in the chest.

"…Well…" He seemed lost for words.

"Hmph! Well I'm going now!" Then I went to my room. Yuzu and I finally got separate rooms when Ichi-nii left for "college". I got his room and Yuzu kept our old room, and when Ichi-nii comes home he gets the couch.

When I made it to my room I flopped down on my bed and didn't get a second of sleep at all.

End of Flashback

I shook my head trying to push the memories away while I sat down for breakfast. "Good morning Karin-chan!" Yuzu said enthusiastically. It seemed when she found out I came home she was just grateful that I came home at all.

I just grunted a, "Morn," and sat down at the dinner table where all the food was all ready. Yuzu and I were the first ones at the table so we sat down and waited for the rest of the family to arrive. Not even twenty seconds until we sat down that we heard the crashing and yelling that Ichi-nii and Goat-chin were making. Yuzu got up quickly while sighing and went to the living room to tell them to stop. I just sat down rolling my eyes and slouching in my chair.

Finally they came back in when Yuzu used that sweet smile and said quietly, "The food is ready. Please sit down." For some reason when she does that she sends off bad vibes and makes everyone reconsider if Yuzu is really the sweet Kurosaki.

They came in while shooting glares at each other and Yuzu trailing behind with a smile. Goat-chin came to the table and when he saw me he stared holding out his arms again saying, "Come give daddy a hug!" and when he came close enough I just punched him, and without even knowing it myself until I did it, I gathered spiritual preassure to my fist and hit him. I found out what I did because he went flying into the wall and made a huge dent.

"Oops…" I said trying to hide my surprise. I was also praying that my brother couldn't tell. Thank God he didn't! I forgot that he was terrible at detecting spiritual pressure, but he still gave me a really weird look that I just ignored. Yuzu got up from the table again to help my victim, while I just sat back and smirked.

"Karin my darling! What have you done?" My dad yelled, but by the glint in his eyes, I could tell that he already knew and so I ignored him.

"Karin-chan what did you do?" Yuzu cried in hysterics. I just shrugged and Ichi-nii and I started to eat. After I finished, I left without saying a word and went to Urahara's.

Urahara's Shoten

I made it to Urahara's in no time by using flash step, but myself and everyone else was slightly surprised that I could use flash step in a human body and I still haven't become a shinigami. Once I arrived I received shocking news. "Hello Karin-chan! We are going straight to the test for you to become a shinigami!"

"What? I thought that I still had plenty of time!" I yelled.

"Well, you see here Karin-chan. I decided that this is not fair considering that your brother had no training at all, so…" Urahara trailed off while hiding his face behind that stupid fan of his.

"Okay…" I said not even bothering to put up a fight because honestly I want to become a soul reaper as soon as possible!

"Really? You're not going to complain?" Urahara said actually showing that he was surprised. I just shrugged and went down to his basement completely ignoring him. At the bottom, I saw Yuroichi at the other end and flash stepped to her.

"Why, hello Karin-chan! Did Urahara explain to you what we're doing today?" The feline lady asked.

"Yup! I guess this means that I'll be half-dead from now on if I pass right?" I asked trying to make a joke out of my current situation. Yuroichi laughed, but didn't say anything. I raised my eyebrow, but didn't bring up the subject again about it.

A clap startled me and I turned to the source of the noise. "Okay! Let's start!" Urahara said without his fan in hand.

"Um… I'm sorry, but could I come back in like two hours?" I asked deep in thought.

"Why Karin-chan, are you backing out?" He said with a challenging tone.

"Are you serious? Who do you think I am? I'm a Kurosaki and we don't back out of anything!" Then I added as an afterthought, "Even when we know that what we are doing is stupid to start with…" I trailed off. "But still!" I said angrily.

"My, my, someone's a bit touchy today! Tsk, Tsk. I guess I could let you have some time. Okay, come back in two hours precisely to take the test. Bye, bye now!" and with that Urahara left.

"Can I ask why you want to leave?" Yuroichi asked.

"Um… I'll tell you when I come back ok? Cya Yuroichi-sensei!" I turned on my heel and left.

Graveyard

"Hi mom, I just wanted to say hi to you because I can't go with the rest of the family this time to see you later on." Yup, the perfect thing to make my day better! Oh boy! My mom's death date, July 17…

"I miss you a lot mom… Even though people say that I don't really remember you at all, well I actually remember you more than some might think, but I still don't really remember you that much." I sighed and walked over and sat down right in front of her grave. "Oh yeah! I'm…" I closed my eyes and tried to detect anyone near me. When the coast was clear I said, "I'm gonna become a shinigami! Just like dad and Ichigo! The only person that can't become one is Yuzu, because she doesn't have enough spiritual energy…" I sighed again. "I feel a little bad mom. I'll become a shinigami…wait, if I survive, and then Yuzu will be the only complete human. I don't know how bad I'm supposed to feel." I looked up at the sky and I smiled sadly. "I don't know if I should tell everyone that I'm becoming a shinigami. For some reason I think that Goat-chin knows about my training somehow and I know exactly how Ichi-nii is going to take it. Ugh! What should I do? Then, if Yuzu know she'll feel bad and be the only one out of the loop. Grr!" I stopped talking and fell on my back next to the tombstone. I propped myself up onto my left elbow so I was facing my mom.

"I'm pretty pathetic. I have all the things that any other kid would dream of having: a home, a family that loves me, and more than I could have ever asked for. So, then why do I feel like I'm dying inside? I feel like that…I don't know, sometimes Ichi-nii gets all the attention from everyone. I don't care about that, actually I like it better because the attention it off me, but for some reason when I hear about all that he's accomplished I feel like a loner. Sometimes my heart hurts sometimes physically from the sadness, but I don't know why I'm sad…this is so confusing. Well, I think my two hours are almost up mom!" I stood up and put my hand on the tombstone, said sorry for not being able to come later, said a little prayer, and turned to leave.

Now I'm on my way back to Urahara's. Do I want to say bye to anyone specifically if I end up dying? I ask myself. I ponder on that for a few seconds and just shrug it off. I'm good. Now that, that thought came up I realized something very important- I don't care if I die. I know that it sounds terrible, but it's true. I mean I'm not saying I'll kill myself on purpose! I'm saying that I'm not one of those people that are dying and they say that they still want to do some things. I'm content with my life and if I die, I die. I have no say. I don't care if I pass this soul reaper test. I could become a hollow and die. I'm pretty sure everyone around me will get over it eventually if I die, I thought, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore… Will people care if I die?

I'm so caught up in my thoughts that before I knew it I was in front on Urahara Shoten. I took a deep breath and stepped inside.

Sorry took me so long I changed computers and my new computer didn't have word or anything so yeah…