I take the precaution of a good coat and a short friend'

by Zephyr-taicho

John continuously drones on that I need to find a way to alleviate my boredom. This... seems to be a short term way of doing so as well as revealing the more 'gory' aspects of John's wedding. Any of you who wish to know more, please do help yourselves. I'd be delighted. Who knows, I might even surpass the likes on John's infuriating blog.

3. Chapter 3

Here is the next update. enjoy.

Disclaimer: read chapter 1

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Going to the station. Lestrades informed me of a case. It's been about three months since the last one and that was merely a ridiculously smart city pigeon that was positive certain pieces of jewellery would look better on it than members of the public. (I can agree with that infernal creature now that I think about it).

The day before the wedding, I was required, being best man and all, to write a speech. It's not my wedding. I can't comprehend why every best man is to be put through the torture of writing a speech. According to Mrs Hudson, 'You need to use compliments, Sherlock. Congratulate John and Mary on their wedding. Include funny stories about John. Anything.' She sounded a bit desperate. Poor Mrs Hudson, if only John knew the stress he was putting her through. Firstly, the only compliment worthy of John would be that he makes me look even more intelligent when accompanying me and secondly, the only humorous anecdote about us would possibly be the time we got handcuffed to that car on the 'scarlet web' case (I didn't name it. John's attempt at humour, he shouldn't try). I attempted to ask Lestrade for his assistance in this gargantuan task. However he seemed reluctant in the assisting process, saying I "had succeeded single-handedly in letting a group of convicted criminals run free'. It's most certainly not my fault he misunderstood my text message. All I had written was 'HELP. BAKER ST. NOW. HELP ME. PLEASE.'

Talking to John later on, I said he should ensure to only get married once; I don't think I could handle writing another speech or go suit shopping again. His response was marginally similar to the incident two days ago, albeit without the punch.

'For God's sake Sherlock! Not everything revolves around you!' Well of course it doesn't, scientifically and metaphorically, only 0.0000000000001% of the world 'revolves' around me.

He then continued, 'Of course I'm only getting married once. Why wouldn't I?' I opened my mouth to reply but shockingly, and completely impolitely, he held up his hand to silence me, (he asked) 'Figure of speech Sherlock. Leave it. The wedding's tomorrow and I'd prefer not to murder you before then.'

John's attempts at human interaction still confuses me.

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