Rayna, 1989
Rayna tossed and turned among the blankets.
Next to her, Deacon barely moved, despite her thrashing about.
After the show at the Wheelhouse tonight, he'd brought her back to his little apartment. Carried her stuff in. Shoved some stuff off a shelf in the little closet to make room for hers. Just like that. No questions, no discussion.
"You think I did the right thing by leaving?" She whispered now, lying on her back staring at the chipped paint and water stains on the ceiling. "He's still my father."
Deacon blinked sleepy eyelids and rolled towards her, draping an arm across her hip.
In the darkness, she felt her face warm a little at the contact. Because of course this was all different now. They'd had sex before lots of times. But it was usually in some storage closet or the back of his truck by the river, wherever they could steal some time alone without Watty hovering over her or the threat of Lamar showing his face any second. She'd never been in his bed before. Actually, she'd never been in any guy's bed before.
But something about him made her want to grow up in a hurry.
"You did what you had to do, baby," he said softly, leaning up over her on one elbow. "I'm proud of you."
"Really?" She looked up at him with doubtful eyes.
"Hell yes. You stood up for yourself. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't chase your dreams."
She leaned up and pressed her mouth to his. "I love you, Deacon."
"Baby, I love you too. You and me, we're gonna make it. One way or another…."
############################
Maddie 2016
"So you can have this room," Cash gestured. "It's my brother's, but he's mostly on the road so we don't see him much."
"You have a brother?" Maddie dropped her backpack on the bed, and set her guitar case more carefully down next to it. She gazed around the room. It was plastered with faded posters of Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, and all the greats. "Nice décor. Is he a musician?"
"Something like that." Cash laughed. "Him and my dad…well, they don't get along," her smile faded a little. "He hasn't been here since he was a teenager. Anyway, you can use his room for now."
"Thanks. So…are you sure your dad's going to be okay with this?" Maddie asked hesitantly. "And he's not going to be all like… reporting back to my dad what I'm up to, is he?"
"Nah, he's cool. He's not around much. And pretty soon you'll be so busy, we'll hardly even be here anyway."
"Right," Maddie nodded.
"So…get your stuff settled and meet me downstairs in awhile," Cash said, flashing her a bright smile. "I have a co-write tonight with Kacey and a few other people. They can't wait to meet you."
"The Kacey?"
"Yep. You're gonna love it." And with that, Cash turned to go.
"Hey Cash?" Maddie called uncertainly.
"Yeah?"
"Do you think I…did the right thing?"
Cash got quiet for a second. "Do you think you did the right thing?"
"I think so," she admitted. "It just doesn't feel right yet."
Cash pointed at the guitar on the bed. "Write about it. It will."
##################################
Two weeks later….
Maddie stood on the back deck of the house her and Cash were staying at now, staring up at the sky. It was a clear night and if there wasn't so many trees in the way, you'd be able to see a million stars. You pretty much couldn't see the stars anywhere in L.A.
She thought about her bedroom windowseat at home, how many nights she'd sat there writing songs and staring at the stars for inspiration.
She missed it so bad it hurt. She missed her friends. Her sister. Her mom and dad.
This is what she wanted. To be free. To do whatever she pleased. To chase her own dreams.
She just didn't expect to miss that windowseat so bad.
The last two weeks had been more crazy than anything she'd ever experienced. It was like living in a dream, in some ways. She kept waiting to wake up. Is this real? This is too easy. Being a high school student was a distant memory. Instead she was spending her days co-writing with some of the best songwriters in Nashville, hanging out with Cash's group of friends, playing open mic nights, and living day by day. It was exciting, a little scary, and more thrilling than she had imagined. She finally was starting to feel like a real musician.
Cash knew everyone. Just a few weeks before they'd been making dinner together when three members of the band Lost Canyon Road had walked into Frankie's kitchen. Oh did I forget to mention that I invited Joe and the guys for dinner? They just got back into town this afternoon.
Yes, Cash had definitely forgotten to mention that.
Maddie had been around famous people her whole life because of her mom, it shouldn't be so weird, but it was definitely taking some getting used to. This wasn't backstage at concerts. It was three guys with the current number one single in the country standing in the kitchen.
And by the next afternoon, they'd been on Joe Marchette's private plane to L.A.
The trip to L.A. had thrown a minor wrench in her plans to find a day job and talk her way back into Sony to see about that record deal her mom had turned down. It seemed like the right place to start.
Come on, it'll be fun, Cash had convince her. Just for a few weeks, maybe longer if I get some good co-writes. Nashville isn't the only place in the world to make music, you know. You can worry about all that other stuff when we get back.
It'll be fun. Those words rang in her head right now, and she almost laughed.
Behind her, there was a crash and a yell inside the house, the sound of breaking glass. She winced. She wasn't really sure who actually lived in the house, there was so many people going in and out all the time. Cash said it was her brother's, but she'd actually never seen the guy. This house was never empty, and never quiet. They drank and played all hours of the night. In a way, it was exciting. "This is the life of musicians, honey, get used to it, Cash kept telling her. You play when the music hits you."
She heard the patio door open behind her.
"Hey, there you are," Cash grabbed her by the hand. "I want you to meet my brother."
"You're brother? He's here?"
"Sure he is," she dragged Maddie into the living room.
When he turned around, Maddie was sure her jaw almost hit the floor as she shot Cash a look. Your brother is Landon Hayes?
Cash laughed. "Maddie, meet my little brother."
"You think so," Landon yanked at the back of her hair. "Age is just a number.
I'm still taller than you."
Landon Hayes. Maddie's mind was swirling. Landon was a huge up and coming artist. He'd come out of Austin and nobody seemed to know much about him except he'd blown onto the country scene a few years ago with a couple number one hits, and then faded into the background again. His name was all over Nashville though. As a songwriter. One of the most sought after right now.
Too bad nobody ever seemed to be able to find him.
"I slept in your bed," Maddie blurted out without thinking.
He raised his eyebrows and ran a hand through his blond hair. "Uh…."
Cash laughed out loud. "Well I'll just leave you two to get acquainted while I find another beer."
Maddie winced. "God I am such an idiot. I mean….what I meant to say is, I've been staying at Frankie's house with Cash. And she gave me your room."
"Don't worry about it," he gave her an easy smile. "I haven't used it in years."
Right. My god, she'd been thinking this little brother was a 12 year old, and here it was literally one of her current musical idols, and she was borrowing his childhood bedroom. The irony of it all was not lost on her.
How did this become my life? She didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
"What'd you say your name was?"
"Maddie Claybourne," she said without thinking. "Um…. Maddie Rae. Just Maddie Rae now."
Landon's smile faded a little. "You're Deacon's daughter? Isn't your mama Rayna Jaymes?"
"Um….yep." Maddie said, suddenly uncomfortable at the way his inquiring gaze was searching her face for answers she knew she was not going to want to give. "See ya around, Landon. Thanks for letting me borrow your room."
She could feel his eyes on her as she walked away quickly. Someone pressed a red solo cup into her hand, and pulled her towards the open door to the backyard, where they were lighting up a campfire, searching for lawn chairs, and bringing out guitars.
She forgot about Landon Hayes for the moment. Forgot about missing her windowseat, and her sister. If this was the life of artists, she better damn well figure out how to fit into it….
But apparently Landon hadn't forgotten about her.
Maddie stumbled into the house a few hours later, happy and buzzed from a music high and maybe a few too many beers, and almost walked right into Cash and her brother arguing in the living room. Most of the other people at the party had either left by now, or found a place to pass out. That was exactly what she needed. Somewhere to sleep.
"Dammit, Cash, what are you doing with that girl? Take her home where she belongs."
"Oh Lan, just calm yourself down and have another beer. She's fine."
"She's not fine, Cash, and you know it. She's not ready for any of this. She's too young, and way too damn innocent. You're going to burn her out before she even gets started. She's not like us."
Maddie's face flamed with embarrassment as she stumbled down the hall to the bathroom. She sat on the edge of the tub as the world spun around her, and hot angry tears fell down her face. "Not like them"? she wondered. What did that mean? Because she was raised a spoiled little princess in castle? Colt had said the same thing to her once, and she'd never really gotten over the sting of those words. But Colt was long gone now. Off to shovel horse poop on the farm or be a soldier or whatever he was doing this week.
And who were any of them to say she didn't have what it took to make it anyway.
To hell with them all.
She stayed in the bathroom so long that someone finally knocked. "Come on, I gotta pee!"
She opened the door, and one of Cash's friends pushed past her, not even bothering to wait for her to leave the bathroom before he relieved himself.
She laughed, because in a way it was funny, but in a way it was so sad, all of this. She laughed until the tears started falling again as she stumbled out of the bathroom.
"Hey, whatsamatter baby?" The guy said as he came out of the bathroom behind her. "I can make you feel better."
"Can you?" She swiped at the tears, angry at herself for being such a baby.
He gave her a lopsided grin. "You just show me which room is yours."
Maddie opened the door to the first room on the left. It's empty, except for a bed and a nightstand. There was no Hank Williams posters on the wall. Well at least it's not his bed this time, she thinks with a smirk. Jerk. She'd already decided she hated Landon Hayes with the fire of a thousand suns. Scrap him from the "artists I want to write with" bucket list. As soon as she was not drunk, she was erasing all his songs from her playlist too.
"This one will do." she said, her words still a slurred as the guy made short work of putting his hands all over her and laying her backwards on the bed.
"What'd you say your name was, baby?"
It doesn't matter anyway, she thinks as she closes her eyes and he kisses her neck. Nobody remembers your name when you fail….
#################################
Maddie is awoken the next morning by the incessant beeping of her cellphone next to her pounding head. And there is a guy whose name she can't remember snoring in the bed next to her. A guy without a stitch of clothing. She is silently embarrassed, horrified. Does this count as cheating on Colt? She doesn't even know what they are anymore, except Colt went off and decided to go to military school without telling her. Everyone was always leaving.
There was a text from Cash on her phone. I have a chance to do some writing with Skylar Gray. She's taking me on the road for a week. Have fun!
Maddie stumbled around as quietly as she could trying to find her clothing, and then crept out of the room. People were passed out in the living room. The house was completely trashed. And sure enough, Cash was nowhere in sight.
I can't believe she just left me here. Some friend.
She sat on the back step of that house and cried. Just let the tears roll down her face. She was mad at herself. Mad at Cash. Just mad at the world from crashing down around her so hard and fast.
With a shuddering sigh, she stared at the cell phone in her hand, tracing the numbers over and over.
She knew if she punched in her dad's name, they would have had her on a plane home within the hour. She could do it. Call her parents. Have them come to her rescue. Go home and go back to recording kid songs with Daphne on Highway 65.
But she knew she wouldn't be happy either.
A deliberate cough sounded behind her.
She quickly swiped at her tears and hid her face. "Can you just leave me alone? Sorry."
Landon settled on the top step next to her anyway.
She could hardly look at him, just stared out over the backyard. "I don't need a lecture from someone who doesn't know me, thanks."
He had two cups of coffee in his hand and handed her one. "No lecture. Just coffee. It will help the hangover."
"You found coffee in that mess?" she said wryly.
"Yeah well, it is technically my house," he smirked.
Maddie managed a small smile.
"Guess you don't drink much, huh?"
"I try not to. My dad's an alcoholic," she said quietly. "I know how fast it can turn into a problem."
He got quiet for a minute, absorbing this. "Well I guess we have that in common."
Of course, she realized. He was Frankie's son.
Maybe he did get it after all.
"Where's my sister this morning? Still sleeping it off?"
Maddie shook her head slowly. "Looks like she's back on the road."
His smirk faded. "What?"
With a sigh, Maddie handed over the phone and showed him the message.
He read it and shook his head. Goddammit Cash.
"It's no big deal. She said she'll be back in a week. I'll…manage."
Landon shook his head. "Skylar's tour is headed for Europe for the next month. She won't be back for awhile."
Maddie's face paled. "What?"
"That's one thing about the people in my family, Maddie. You'll find out in a hurry they ain't dependable and they're good at leavin."
Maddie didn't say anything. She'd never felt so lost.
"What are you gonna do now?"
"I'm not sure," she closed her eyes and leaned against the post.
"Come on," he said with a sigh. "Grab your stuff. I'll take you home."
"You don't understand," she said, her voice shaking. "I don't have anywhere to go."
"I meant Nashville." He corrected. "I'll take you back to Nashville."
She stared at him. "What? You can't. That's…. I mean. That's all the way across the country."
"I know. So we better hit the road."
"Why would you do that?" She blurted out. "Because you think I'm just a kid who won't make it?"
"No," he said slowly, his eyes meeting hers. "Because I think you're an artist who will. But not here. L.A. isn't your scene. You can take the girl out of the Nash but you can't take the Nash out of the girl. What did you say you're calling yourself now?"
He had the bluest eyes she'd ever seen. And for a moment she forgot to breathe.
"Maddie Rae."
"Okay then. Get your stuff, Maddie Rae," he repeated again, softer, reaching out to brush the last of the tears from her cheeks. "I'm taking you home."