Rayna, 1992
She loved Nashville. She'd been born and raised here, and it would always be home. Her heart would always belong to the hustle and bustle, the lights of the honky tonks on Broadway, the sound of country music that filtered from every corner of the city.
But up here, it was nice and quiet, just the sound of the wind rustling in the trees and the lure of the stars above. Like the calm before the storm. In front of her, the whole city stretched out in the distance, all lit up and everything it represented calling, just beckoning a person reach out and chase a dream. They liked to come up here sometimes, her and Deacon, just to watch the stars, or write a new song, or be away from the craziness down below.
Things had been harder than usual to sort out lately. There was some tough decisions to be made.
This week she'd received her first two offers to get signed by two different labels. After almost three years of playing open mics and playing for tips, finally getting gigs at fairs and a couple sweet opening tour spots, things were happening. She'd gotten to open for George Strait on tour this past summer, and it had been like a dream.
"You thinkin about that offer from Edgehill?" Deacon nudged her knee with his, sitting on the blanket next to her.
She bit her lip. She needed to tell him first. She knew she did. If she didn't, he was likely to find out some other way, and he'd never forgive her hearing it from someone else.
"I got another offer," she confessed quietly. "Bigger than Edgehill."
He stared at her. "What?"
"Warner Brothers. Three albums and a signing bonus. My own headlining tour."
"Baby that's huge! That's like your dream."
She chewed her lip some more.
"Why don't you look happy?"
Rayna looked away, and tried to hide the tears in her eyes, but he caught her chin with his finger.
"Just tell me."
"They don't want you onstage with me," she said quietly.
His face turned down into a frown. "And why the hell not?"
She couldn't say it. He'd been doing so good lately, and she knew he was trying like hell. Showing up on time, limiting his drinking to after the shows. The George Strait tour had been great. He'd only missed one show, and she could forgive that. He was doing good. They were doing good together.
But every once in awhile those demons still came to the surface. She could see it in his eyes, when he got that haunted look, feel it ooze off of him like fire when he'd wake her up sometimes in the middle of the night coming home from a bender.
I just need to hold you, baby. That makes everything alright, he'd say.
So he would. And she'd let him. And he'd be good for a little while again, weeks even.
After all this time together, she wanted desperately to understand but she still didn't know where it came from.
And it scared her to death that sometimes she thought she loved him enough not to care.
She just stared at the six pack of beer he'd carried up the hill with them.
"Wait a minute," Deacon was doing the math in his head, she could see it. "Whose gonna produce all these albums?"
"Jack Fulton."
Deacon swore under his breath, and got to his feet. "No effing way, Rayna. You know that guy's reputation."
"We don't know any of that's true," she said carefully. "People talk. People say things when they get mad, spread rumors."
"Why don't you call Lindsey Nixon or Shari Allen and ask em if it's true," he said, his voice getting louder. "Guess they must have pissed him off, and guess where they are now, Ray? Sure as hell not getting their songs on the radio! And there's a hell of a lot more girls just like you who probably don't even want to admit the crap he puts them through. I've been around a lot longer than you. You need to listen to me on this one. You're not working with Fulton. Watty will say the same thing."
"Jack Fulton is the best producer in Nashville right now, Deacon."
"Yeah, if you're a man! If you're a 20 year old girl, making platinum records is not his first priority. Believe me."
She stuck her chin out and stood up. "First of all, don't say I'm a girl like I'm some little kid who doesn't know what I'm doing. You don't get to make these decisions for me, Deacon. You're just my guitar player, not my manager."
His eyes looked hurt at that remark. "Just your guitar player, huh?"
Rayna closed her eyes. "I didn't meant it like that," she said softly, reaching out to touch his arm. "Babe, you know I love you and I love the music we make together. They just...see you as a risk."
But it was too late, he downed one of the beers in the pack almost in a single pull, then he reared his arm back and tossed it as hard as he could. They couldn't see where it landed, but you could hear the shatter as the glass hit the pavement below. "Because I'm not dependable, right?" He threw another bottle. It wasn't even empty. "Because I'm a drunk." Number 3. "Washed up drunk at 23 years old, just like my daddy. That's why Jack Fulton doesn't want me on your damn record. Or so he can try and sleep with you as soon as my back is turned."
"Stop," she started to cry. "Just stop please. I'm just trying to make the right decision here, Deacon."
Wearily, he dropped the last bottle on the grass without even opening it, and pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry," he murmured in her ear, pulling her close. "Edgehill is a startup label, Ray. You know it's gonna take you longer to get anywhere. It's your life. If you...well, if you want to sign with Warner Bros, do it. Just please, please promise me you will not be alone in a room with Fulton. Never. Not even one time."
"I'm not doing it without you," she said, her voice muffled against his chest. "If they say no, I'll go with Edgehill. But you gotta promise me you're going to stop drinking, Deacon. This is both of our futures on the line. I know you're trying, but you're going to have to prove it."
He drew in a ragged breath. "I'll try harder. I swear I will."
She'd heard that before. But this time, she wanted to believe he would.
"I'll call Warner Brothers tomorrow, and tell them that's the deal," she said softly. "No Rayna Jaymes without Deacon Claybourne."...
It should have made them both feel better.
But as he buried her face in her hair, and Rayna stared up at the stars once more, the only thing she could feel was an impending sense of wondering if she was making the right choices, or if the world was about to crash down around them any second.
Only time would tell.
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Rayna and Deacon 2016
Deacon had thought they were doing okay, muddling through the idea that Maddie was really gone, and then he came home late from the Beverly one Friday night to find Rayna sitting on Maddie's bed in her old room, her face wet with tears and an old fuzz worn bunny in her hands.
"Hey," he said, knocking on the open door softly. "What you still doing up?"
Rayna gazed down at the bunny in her lap. "The house is so quiet, you know?" she said as he sat down next to her and pulled her against him. "Daphne is at a soccer camp this weekend, and I came home and it was just so...quiet."
"I know, Baby. I know. I miss her like crazy."
She laid his head on her shoulder. "I don't even want to be here without them."
"How bout we head up to the cabin?" he said softly.
"Tonight? It's late."
"I don't mind. Frankie can cover me at the bar for a few days. He'll understand."
"Then I would love that," Rayna looked relieved. "Bucky can cover my meetings for tomorrow morning, and Daphne doesn't come back until Sunday. It'll be nice to have a couple days away from...everything."
In no time at all they were on the highway headed up for the cabin. Deacon drove, with her head on his shoulder, her hand holding his tightly. Neither of them said much. He hated to see her hurting.
When they arrived, they didn't go in right away, instead sitting on the porch step staring up at the stars. It was a beautiful warm summer night. How many times, Rayna thought, had she looked to the stars for guidance, like reminders that she had a million guardian angels watching over her.
She hoped Maddie was somewhere doing the same.
"You think she's okay?" Rayna murmured, "I know we said we'd let her live her own life, but it's been two weeks and she hasn't even called and she's barely used the credit card I sent to Frankie's house. I mean how is she getting by?"
Deacon didn't want to say what he thought. Didn't want to put the burden of any more worries on her.
"What?" Rayna looked at him dubiously. "What is it you aren't telling me?"
"Frankie said Maddie and Cash took off to L.A." he conceded.
Rayna's face looked pale. "She's left Nashville?"
"I guess so."
She swallowed hard, and nodded. "I guess I'm not really surprised. Cash doesn't seem to stick around anywhere too long."
"No, she doesn't," he sighed. "Guess she gets that from her mother. That woman certainly didn't stick around very long. Took off when Cash was barely walking. Between Frankie's drinking and that, god knows what would have happened to her if Landon's mama hadn't come along when she did."
Rayna rubbed her eyes wearily. "I've been thinking, you know, about when I first started out. All that trouble with Jack Fulton... that almost cost me everything. I had to fight like hell to get out of that contract, to get my songs back, to stop all the rumors..."
Deacon scowled. "Don't remind me. It was worth the three days in jail to punch that smirk off his face."
"I just hope Maddie makes the right decisions," Rayna said, troubled. "I remember what it was like, you know? So many people pulling you in different directions, wanting things from you. I wasn't much older than her, and I made so many wrong decisions... God only knows what would have happened if I didn't have you and Watty looking out for me."
"But you learned from your mistakes," he reminded, kissing her forehead. "All we can do is hope that she will too. And hope to god she doesn't make the same ones."
"Yeah, I guess," she murmured. She glanced up at the stars once more.
I don't need anything else in this world, she wished silently, just let her come home.
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Maddie 2016
When they hit Texas, Landon conceded to let Maddie drive. They'd been on the road for 14 hours and were only halfway home, and he was dead tired.
"You need to close your eyes for a few hours," she insisted. "It's a straight shot to Amarillo, right? And there's nothing out here except tumbleweeds and coyotes. I'll be fine driving."
He finally gave in. "Wake me up when we get into town and we'll find a place to stop for the night." He said as Maddie settled into the driver's seat. He pulled his hat down over his eyes and slid down into the passenger seat.
"Sounds like a plan."
She was already adjusting the radio to find a song she liked, and singing along softly by the time they pulled back out onto the highway.
Under his hat, Landon smiled and closed his eyes. He was out within minutes.
He woke a little while later to find the truck had stopped moving and Maddie was nowhere in sight. When he sat up and looked out the window, he realized she had pulled off the highway onto a deserted country road and parked.
He heard her before he saw her, through the open window. She was sitting on his back tailgate with her guitar in the moonlight.
He listened for a few minutes as she played.
All the fighting, the crying, the driving away
the tossing, the turning, the cursing your name
Can't see the goodbye past the good times
when you were mine
Everything about me and you
looks better in my rearview.
Of course, he'd heard Maddie sing before. Cash had been sending him stuff they'd been writing together for weeks, not to mention they'd rattled off a couple of pretty good songs just driving today he couldn't wait to get to trying out at the first chance.
But this was a different kind of song. This was the kind you kept for yourself. Too bad those were usually the best ones. He had enough of his own songs like that.
Something about her words was so haunting, it almost made his chest hurt.
She was too young to have already had her heart broken.
Maddie stopped playing when she heard Landon's footsteps crunching on the gravel, and glanced over her shoulder. His baseball cap was gone, blonde hair looking a little crazy from sleep, and he stood there with his hands in his pockets.
"Hey," she threw him a smile. "Have a nice nap?"
He came over and sat down on the tailgate next to her.
"It was alright. That's a damn fine song."
"Thanks," she blushed a little, and avoided his eyes, fussing with adjusting the tuning pegs on her guitar instead. Something about being so close to Landon just unnerved her.
It was like he knew all her secrets, even though she hadn't told him a thing.
"Maybe you could help me fix it up a little?"
"It's perfect exactly the way it is. Trust me. Don't mess with a good thing too much."
"That means a lot coming from you," she said softly.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Guess that depends on what."
"Who was the guy that broke you?"
Maddie stared up at the sky. It was a perfectly clear night and finally, unlike in L.A. she could see every star. "It doesn't really matter," she said, fighting a few tears that threatened. "He's long gone."
"He the reason you were so determined to leave Nashville with Cash?"
"Partly," she admitted. "I just needed to get away for awhile."
"Did you love him?"
"I'm not sure," she confessed. "I mean, I thought I did, but I think maybe I was more in love with the idea of being in love. I mean nobody finds their soulmate when they're fifteen, right?"
"Maybe. Your parents were pretty young. Their story is like a damn country legend," Landon said with a grin.
Him mentioning her parents brought immediate guilt. She missed them. She missed Daphne.
Not for the first time she was starting to wonder if chasing this dream on her own was worth the price.
She smiled briefly. "It is. But it took them a long time to get a happy ending. Anyway, Colt...didn't turn out to be the person I thought he was."
Landon nodded, then he got real quiet for a few minutes.
"He's a jerk for letting you go," he said finally.
She laughed softly, and bumped her knee against his.
He gave her a crooked smile and bumped her back.
And then without a second thought, he caught up her face in the palm of his hand, her guitar still between them and brushed his lips against hers.
The feel of his hand against her face was so careful and so gentle that it almost made her heart ache. It had been so long since someone kissed her like that, like she meant something special.
Landon pulled back and his eyes were hazy.
And Maddie looked equally stunned.
"We can't," she said, her voice shaky. "I can't go there with you, Landon." Her breathe came out in a soft sigh. "I think your friendship already means too much to me."
"I know," he closed his eyes, silently cursing himself. "Me too."
There was a thousand reasons they couldn't. She was too young, he was too free. Her heart was still sore. He didn't even know if his worked.
"God this whole being a sensible adult thing sucks." Maddie with a sigh, dropping her forehead against his shoulder. "You shoulda warned me."
His laughter rumbled next to her ear. "Baby you're doin' just fine."
She sighed. "You know what I was really doing sitting out here?"
"What's that?"
She winced. "Admiring the stars and thinking we could write a song about being lost in Texas."
He raised his eyebrows and looked at her, amused. "Oh we're lost, are we?"
"Maybe a little," she said sheepishly.
His laughter rang out and echoed against the night sky, and Maddie found herself laughing too.
"I just needed a soda," she protested. "And I followed a gas station sign, and then there was this detour..."
"How long ago was that?"
"About an hour and 80 miles ago."
They slid off the tailgate and walked around the truck. He slung his arm across her shoulders, and she had her guitar in one hand.
"What am I gonna do with you, Maddie Rae." he said with a mock sigh as he opened the driver's door.
Maddie met his eyes across the hood of the truck. "Just be my friend, Landon. Right now, that's enough."
He watched her carefully put her guitar in the backseat and climb back into the passenger seat.
Right now, he thought silently, that was everything.