Lily's Grief
1.
The first time she met with grief
Was on a lonely London Street.
Around the corner from King's Cross
An eleven year old met with loss.
Sister. Confidante. Friend.
The words stuck like ash in her throat
From the fire that had burned strong
Snuffed out.
There was nothing left, all was gone in half an hour.
Blood meant nothing.
Maybe she'd get over it.
(Maybe hell would freeze over)
Maybe she didn't need her anyway.
2.
The second time grief visited her
It was due to a single word.
(He was a kid, he still had to learn)
She wished that she hadn't heard.
(He didn't mean it he didn't mean it)
oh Merlin he meant it
But she knew she knew he was better than that
(She knew it in the part of her
that would eternally be a girl on a swing)
But he'd said it he'd still said it and that was enough
He'd chosen his path
And it was one that continued without her.
3.
Marlene was ice
The compliment to her fire
Cold and beautiful
Tall and blonde
Dead
Oh please not Marlene not Marlene
(She knows it's too late)
Blood meant nothing to them
It meant everything to everyone else
She remembered the jokes she'd made
About the ice in her tongue
When she spat back a retort
Now she was dead
Now it was true.
4.
Mary was next
Mary who smiled and laughed
And never cried until
That night.
Lily wasn't there to see it
(It was written in the anguish on her face)
Five Gryffindor girls
Two dead
Not yet twenty.
Grief became life
(The tears came at two in the morning
And were silent)
A plea a beg a lament an epitaph
She rolled off the names before she went to bed
(It became a lullaby)
She would not forget she would never forget
When this was over
(Merlin, please, when will this be over?)
she would remember them still
The fallen friends
Turned soldiers by circumstance
Fighters by courage
Men and women
Lovers and friends and brothers and mothers
And people God dammit they were people
Casualties of war
Collateral damage
(She hated those terms
It turned them into nothing more than names)
Names are nothing
They are not alive
They have no hopes or dreams
Or sadness or anything
They are the dead
The lives not lived
They were loved.
She rolled off the names before she went to bed
(It became a lullaby)
Gideon. Fabian.
The terrible twosome Weasley twins First to the battle Last to leave
Caradoc.
Charmer with attitude Desperately romantic Friend
Benjy.
Ever the optimist on the surface Scared shitless beneath
Dorcas.
Lavender perfume and purple coats Gentle Warm Comrade in arms and in sentiment
Edgar.
Intelligence to match Dumbledore's Strategist Planner He kept everyone safe
(Who would keep them safe now?)
Mary.
Frizzy hair and a smile A laugh that set the whole room off A girl terrified of death A woman who faced it
Marlene.
The bread to her butter The ice to her fire The wry smile and pessimism The wild warrior
Dead.
(She decides she hates the word dead
It sounds too final
She thinks it should have a vowel at the end
She doesn't tell anyone)
5.
The last time she knows death
She knows it for two minutes
And seventeen seconds
too long a lifetime it should have been her
(She would have died for him if she could have)
The boy the boy oh please not the boy
The grief lasted for two minutes
And seventeen seconds
She never knew if the boy lived too
Her last thought was for him
I hope I've done enough
She never knew it was more than enough
She'd done more than enough always more than enough
She gave the world a chance
(Just one chance but one chance was enough)
The dead
The weight of a war
Love and hope and dreams never realised
It all lived on in him.
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