Alright guys, I actually thought I wouldn't manage to update today -.-" I'm sorry if I delay the updates, as I said, I'm pretty busy (does anyone know chemics? And physics? And German? I need help ) Anyway, I did it, I wrote it and here it is!

Chapter 21:

Nakamura's P.O.V.

Karma was lying on a bed with an IV drop, white sheets covering his thin body from the neck down. I stood there, intensively observing the changes on my friend.

Though I wonder: Did he really change? Or has he always been like this? Could it be that I just never noticed?

I didn't know what Nagisa or Koro-sensei knew, but I had a suspicion. Their dark expressions more or less gave away that being sick wasn't his only problem and now that I recapitulated the way Karma has been acting lately, it made sense.

The time at his house when he said those mean words to us - when told me that I only wanted to take advantage of him - it made me angry. Yes, I lost it and I slapped him, because of me and the others, but also because of the redhead himself. I could hear his teeth gritting as he forced the words out. He was lying. And he was hurting both himself and us with those lies.

We have only been conversating like normal - with Nagisa, Kayano and others. We talked about how even the invincible Karma could get sick. Then it wandered somewhere between the lines of him always being so strong that it was scary and that his character was like that too.

Isogai said that it surprised him that the redhead got himself sick. "And he even collapsed," the class rep emphasized.

"Yeah, Karma-kun doesn't seem to care about his own well being too much." Nagisa-kun sighed with obvious concern. "I'm not even surprised? As soon it comes to his own health - that Karma, he is no good after all."

That must have been definitely it. The boy must have overheard the 'no good' part and misunderstand.

For him to get so worked up because of such a silly thing - it wasn't possible. Karma was the cool type, the arrogant bastard who loved to piss others off. If he himself was so easy to influence, he wouldn't be able to do that.

Which means there was something more to it.

Koro-sensei wanted to stay until the boy would wake up but we all knew that that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Having been urged by us, he flew back to the class to update them of the situation and finish the lesson. I and Nagisa were give the permission to stay until the end of the current period, then he would come for us.

Talking about Nagisa, he didn't come in. The poor boy was sitting in the hall with head bowed, unable to move or utter any word.

He was guilty, obviously. And so was I. However unlike him I had less to be feeling bad for. As I said, he knew something that I didn't. And that something was burning him from the inside.

I poked Karma's (soft) cheek.

Just for fun, the situation and my head were just too tense and I couldn't bear it anymore.

I poked it again. And again.

This time it was out of sheer desperation. I found myself hoping that he would open those mischievous eyes and diss me about how annoying I am. Or how cold my fingers felt.

Yeah, I had shivers.

Even though it wasn't any of my business - Karma's issues I mean, I just couldn't stand seeing my friend break before me. I was pretty much determined to find out what has lead to such behaviour.

What if him ditching wasn't only because of laziness? What if he has actually been like this the whole time I knew him?

Ah, I hated this. I just wanted everything to become simple as it used to be.

Today I came to the hospital twice. Once with the whole class, the second time alone.

We didn't have afternoon classes so we managed to visit him at about two o'clock.

I expected anything. Karma being all gloomy and silent. Karma not even looking at us, ignoring us and blaming us for being such horrible friends. My imagination went so far that I pictured him actually running away from the hospital and hiding somewhere. But for him to be smiling at us and looking so bright - that didn't even cross my mind.

"Hey," he greeted us with a small wave, mouth curving up into a grin.

We stood there deadpanned, unable to even return the 'hey'.

"What's wrong? You look like you just saw a ghost and peed yourself," he remarked with a mocking tone. If he wasn't sitting in a hospital bed, I would say he was all fine and maybe even asking for a fight.

Everyone seemed to snap out of it and they started talking.

Asking how he was feeling - Fine.

About his fever - it had gone down.

Was he hungry? Coz we brought food - but he already ate.

While they were laughing and joking, talking like normal, I just stood there and observed. The strange feeling hasn't disappeared yet, actually it grew stronger the longer I watched.

This wasn't right.

"Nakamura, what are you frowning for?" The redhead suddenly called out, sending me a cheeky smirk. It felt as if he was trying to incorporate me into the talk. Or that he was telling me not to ruin the mood.

Unsure of what to do, I laughed it off and blamed it on the sun being too dazzling today.

Indeed, he was way too dazzling.

It might have been stupid but I returned because of this stupid reason. It was 5 pm and I stood before his bed, fixing my eyes at his.

He didn't say anything. When I opened the doors, when I walked up to him or now. He didn't let out a single word, just laid in the bed and emptily stared at the ceiling as if my coming didn't even surprise him, as if I wasn't even there.

It pissed me off.

"You are smart after all," he finally acknowledged my presence but didn't look at me.

"I should have noticed sooner, anyone would." I shook my head, completly denying what he just said.

He snorted at that: "Noone should, would and had. You saw them today, didn't you? All I needed was a credible smile and sarcastic attitude I normally have."

"That's more of a reason to notice,"

"Actually, it's not. All they know is that I am sick and that I got into this shitty place. About my feelings, my thoughts, they know nothing. And you aren't much different although you realize there is something more happening. But that does in no way mean you can do anything."

The way he spoke shocked me - so blunt, so unguarded. It was as if he didn't care about anything anymore. But that couldn't be true - he wouldn't be putting the cheerful act before Class E if that was the case.

"Are you still mad at us?" I asked out of nowhere. "You know it was a misunderstanding, don't you?"

He closed his eyes: "Sure."

And the so hated silence fell upon us. I had no idea what to say. It was too hard to butt into things he dealt with and too easy to walk away and turn a blind eye to his struggles. But I didn't want that.

"Hey Nakamura," he called me even though he was now showing me his backs.

"Yeah?"

"If you had to choose between living in pain and escaping it, what would you choose?"

I frowned at his words. What was he implying to?

"None, I would choose getting rid of the source of pain."

"And if that's not an option?"

"There's always a third option."

He stopped as if thinking of what to say next. I couldn't think of the reason he brought this up but anyway, I had the urge to show him that the 'third option' we talked about, the best solution possible to anything, was still there.

"Third options exist only in fairy tails." he murmured faintly that I almost didn't catch it. "I don't know which one is better. I never knew."

His voice sounded weak and scared, like a child's. Indeed - when I looked at the figure curving into a ball, hiding itself under the pure white sheets, he seemed like a lost child. It made me want to take him into my arms and assure him that he had nothing to worry about. That the class E and our senseis were here to face the demons with him.

"You know, Nakamura, if I had chosen one of the options before long ago, I wouldn't be troubling myself or everyone else. That's why – I will do so now."

At the point, I had sat down next to him and carefully reached my hand.

He didn't mind me gently putting my palm on his shoulder in a reassuring way and tapping it a few times. I think it calmed him down.

"Everything is going to be okay, Karma." I managed to whisper.

"Yeah, I know. Soon, everything will be okay."

With that answer, I smiled.

It wasn't until later that I fully understood his words.

And when I did,

I cursed myself for letting him say that.