Okay, the next chapter is up!

First of all, my answers to your reviews:

AmyR, Kurisu Ouhma, Sara Snow, Guest, kyoko194, Mokona lover, IHaveNoName and IDC, Palpex, Ria (especially you XD): Guys, guys, guys, guys! Calm down now, will you? XD I know you love him I do too but sometimes you just gotta wait for it and then if you don't like it you can curse me. (And tape me and blackmail me and whatever you wish XD) I know suicide is a seriously... dark thing. But I think it fits in the story and into the current situation. So I went with it. I hope you will like this chapter (though I am afraid you will curse me even more) :D :I

Kasumi72: I will do my best to keep up! And could you please show me the fanart? I didn't see it and I really want to

Anyone out there, please, if you find a fanart for this story, write (PM) me! PLEASEEE. I am begging you, I want to see it/them.

Arren, VioletteWhest: Thanks with the German XD Maybe I could try PMing you in German? Though it would be full of mistakes -.- (sorry if I hurt your eyes)

K.A., Hyuna, Luciana, ThePinkyNinja: You guys chill too! I'm glad you like it! Don't go all depressed on me though, okay? (Just pray for Karma's well being) XD And a wheelchair... ahahahahahahahaa! I just thought of something I shouldn't and laughed at it. That's creepy.

Sorariru: Oh, that's actually a good idea? I could do something like 'behind the scenes' or 'bloopers' after the actualy story is done!

Wow today I wrote a lot. Well, anyways, you could skip through that (it's just me ranting and dying of happiness).

Enjoy!

My mind was blank. Even though I was walking, I wasn't consciously controlling my own body - the legs were moving on their own. It felt as though they knew exactly where to go. And maybe they did.

After the yesterday conversation with Nakamura, I gathered all of my strenght left and ran away from that fucking hospital.

The past few days, I have been thinking. About everything. About what happened and what was going to happen. It scared me and I think at some point, I decided to give up.

I mean, what was the purpose of life if my past was nothing but agony, my present life consisted of hurting myself and the ones I thought I held dear. Drowning, futilely gasping for air but choking on the water. Again and again. And future – it was going to get worse. That I was sure of. My nightmare was going to return after all.

I looked up to see where I have been lead to. The place was familiar, actually it was near the campus where the classroom was situated. Nearing the destination, I reckognized the small tree defying the laws of gravity, growing up from a rocky cliff.

My intentions were simple. As I asked Nakamura – which one should I choose? Live, no – barely survive with the pain - just to eventually get controlled by it, or escape? Hide from it, stop feeling, stop the suffering and escape from the clutches of fear of what was about to happen?

I thought I was strong enough to choose the first one. That I could cope and that maybe one day I would get freed from it. But I got proved wrong.

The second option – I wonder why I haven't taken it long ago. When I was a small weak kid with broken family. Maybe if I opted for it sooner, mom would still be alive, happy.

Or when I had lost to that bitch. Why didn't I run away that time?

The answer: I still had the desire. I had my wishes and believed that if I stayed adamant, everything would get better. Of course it didn't. Quite the opposite.

And that's how I spent the last nine or eight years. Thinking, choosing, not choosing, opting for the first one but hoping for the second one. Not being able to pick one and live along with it. Not being able to get over the fact that no one would come to help.

That's why it hurt so bad.

I stepped on the thick branch, secretly wanting it to break under me so that I wouldn't be the one making the decision come true. Yeah sure, blame your death on a tree. But it didn't, there wasn't enough pressure on it and a tree couldn't crack so easily. Slowly walking to its very edge, I sat down, looking up to the sky, gasping for air and engraving the sight of clouds into my mind. The green trees under. The grey vast nothingness above.

It was so easy. All I needed to do was lean backwards and let the gravity do its work. Just a small movement. Small inbalance. And I would fall. I would make the end to this torment called living, forget about everything that has ever heaved my mind.

So easy.

And yet so I found it a little paining. What would they think if they knew? Would they scold me? Carefully talk me out of it? Encourage me?

Fall, a faint voice whispered inside of my head.

I chuckled. Those thoughts were exactly why I have chosen this place. So that no one would find me, no one would see my corpse. At least like this, I could get lost without leaving any trace - no one was living in this mountain after all, not to mention this cliff or the secluded forest under.

I decided to disappear and that's what I will do.

Ah, such a nostalgy. This is the place I tried to die the first time. The time from my repetitive failures in killing Koro-sensei. Sure it was a good plan. Though I lied a little about its purpose.

Yeah I remembered what made me feel so shitty to actually jump. The few friends I had back them betrayed me, again. I don't know why I am so surprised, I have always been just something for others to take advantage of. Grades. Looks. Strength. They wanted to exploit it all.

I got a little violent after that. It wasn't like I asked for the fights but I can't say I didn't particularly enjoy them. It made the bad feelings go away, I let them surface out and take over my body.

And it felt so refreshing. To smash their skulls. To break their bones. Kick their stomach and punch those stupid faces. It was one of the few situations I could laugh in. Although I knew that wasn't healthy or right, I just couldn't help it. If hurting myself wasn't enough, I wanted others to feel at least a fraction of my pain.

The only thing that more or less kept me sane was my homeroom teacher. His constant support, his praises and encouraging words. He was something like a father figure to me, someone I have always wished for. He even told me: 'as long as you are in the right, I will be on your side'. I was so happy. I trusted him and thanks to that sorted out what was good and what wasn't. Thanks to those words, I stood up for my senpai and fought those who bullied him. Because that was the right thing and sensei would be on my side.

A lie.

"No matter how you look at it, you are in the wrong." He hissed with a furious face.

I didn't get it.

But hearing his words, I thought I was going to die.

"Your grades are the only thing you've got right. That's why I've always looked the other way!"

So the smiles, the "good job"s he told me every time - a pretense? Another betrayal?

Haven't there been enough already?

"But once you start hurting my career, it's a different story."

Ah right. My. The most favourite word of anyone out there. "Me". "My". Of course. Of course, of course!

Humans are selfish monsters after all.

And then getting mocked so many times by that octopus. To get shown how useless and worhtless I was, by my parents, the bitch, my friends, my two teachers - I wanted to die.

Yeah, when I jumped, I said to Koro-sensei: "Okay, good. Then I can kill you."

But that was just half of my intention.

Either I would kill him or myself. Prove that my life still had some meaning or just end it.

As I said. A good plan. A briliant one. If that octopus didn't save me. I wish it hadn't.

But now, there was no octopus. No fake friends, just me, the sky and ground.

And soon, there would me no me.

All I needed was a slight push.

Breath in for the last time.

Lean back.

Close your eyes.

And fall.

The ending.