Chapter Three
I am in a wide open space, surrounded by my classmates. They form a circle around me and slowly stretch their hands out to point at me.
"Fatso." "Whale." "Pig."
Their taunts echo and bounce off the walls of the gymnasium. As they approach me, their many faces twist and bubble into grotesque demons.
"Fatso!" "Whale!" "Pig!"
I try to scream but I cannot make a sound. There is no escape… then I see a fragile figure coming towards me, slender as a willow branch.
Lia.
"Come with me." She takes my hand with her bony fingers, the gymnasium and the demons melt away. We stand in a wintry landscape, the ground shrouded in snow.
"Come with me." She says again, the words flowing from her blue lips. "Become a Wintergirl. Come into the snow with us."
"Come into the snow with us." Many voices swirl around me, the voices of waiflike girls lying in the snow. I am falling, being dragged into the snow by innumerable hands.
I woke up just as I hit the ground.
Thank God, I thought. Just a dream. But as I dragged myself up off the floor and got dressed, the dream stuck in my head. Become a Wintergirl. Was the dream a message? Could I truly be like Lia?
That day was Saturday – ballet class. I'd started ballet when I was 12 and absolutely loved it. I knew there was no chance of becoming a professional, but I enjoyed it even so. The teacher praised me at every class, and she'd privately said to me that I danced beautifully. Of course, I knew I was larger than the average dancer, but I'd never really cared. Until now.
Ew. The thought came from nowhere as I glanced at the mirror, scrutinising my rotund form. No wonder they called you fat. In my skin-tight leotard and tights, my 'problem areas' seemed to bulge and wobble more than ever. As the memories of the previous day came flooding back, a fresh wave of dread crashed over me as realisation hit – I'd have to face Niska at ballet class.
Niska, the tiny redhead who'd called me 'fatso'. Niska, my main competition in ballet class. Niska, probably the prettiest girl in eighth grade. Niska, my new body goal.
"Naomi! Come down and have breakfast – we're leaving in 5 minutes!"
I tore my eyes away from the mirror and go down to the kitchen. Swallowing her mouthful of toast, my mother pushed two slices towards me. Two slices of thick white-bread toast, slathered with fatty yellow butter. The food disgusted me in a way I'd never felt before. That must be at least 350 calories, probably more. You don't need that. Once again, the thoughts came out of nowhere. Spurred on by the voice in my head, I grabbed an apple and turned towards the door.
"I'm not hungry – I don't have much of an appetite this early in the morning. I'll eat this in the car." The lie creeps out of my mouth before I can stop it. Of course I was hungry, of course I had an appetite! There's no need to tell her what you're doing, said the sneaky little voice. She'll just over-react.
"Are you feeling ok honey?" Said my mother in a worried tone. "Maybe you should go to the doctor."
"Mom, I'm fine. I'll grab a snack at ballet class, ok?"
"Mmm. Ok." She still looked uncertain, but didn't argue. The short car journey to the dance studio was the same as usual – I daydreamed while Mom complained about work and bad drivers and a trillion other things. I took after my dad in both looks and personality, but he'd left for a work trip shortly after Lia's wake. He was away with work more often than he was at home.
"We're here." My mom parked the car outside the dance studio and kissed me on the cheek. "Have fun, and take it easy if you don't feel well."
After a quick goodbye I hopped out of the car and began the 'walk of doom'. For probably the first time ever, I was dreading ballet class. I looked like a whale in my sky-blue leotard and white dance tights, and I just knew Niska would have told everyone about yesterday. Well, time to burn those calories.
With a deep breath, I stepped into the building.