Chapter Five

Sunday passed in a blur of hunger and laziness. I deliberately woke up late so I didn't have time to eat breakfast. Luckily, Mom was too busy getting ready for Church to notice.

After Church, I spent the day reading and studying in my room, whilst reflecting on the non-existence of my social life. I had salad again for lunch, (an even smaller portion than yesterday) and another healthy home-cooked meal for dinner. Before I knew it, it was 10pm and I was climbing into bed. The weekend had gone by so quickly – another 5 days of school were looming ahead of me.

I detested school. In elementary school things had been fine – I easily got good grades, I had friends, and everything was laid back. When I went up into middle school, it was a major shock to me. The noise, the large amount of students, the quick forming of cliques – it was all too much.

Skip forward to eighth grade: I only had a couple of friends and people were just beginning to bully me. In seventh grade they had mostly ignored me, which I'd thought was bad enough. But then they began to taunt me about anything and everything I did – everything was an excuse for more cruel comments and stupid nicknames.

Both this new difficulty and the increased pressure of exams made me lose concentration at school, meaning I had to study hard to stay in the top-grade classes. Cracking under pressure and struggling to cope with the environment of middle school, surely anyone would develop a mental illness.

I burrowed down into my bed, wrapping my quilt around me as I tried to push the thoughts of school out of my head. Deciding to concentrate on something else, I heard Lia's voice.

You're forgetting two fundamental parts of weight loss, Naomi. Exercise, and weigh-ins. Have we got any scales? "Yes," I replied. "They're in the bathroom." Good. Now, pick a sport – you need to burn calories.

That was where I struggled. Gym class was the only time I did sports, and that seemed too much already. It was basically an hour of having balls 'accidentally' thrown at my head, or being tripped up. Or even worse, the girls changing rooms. I always changed in the toilets, so the other girls couldn't taunt me about my bulging stomach and huge thighs any more than usual.

Swimming, I thought. That doesn't require socialising, and it must burn calories. Great – you start swimming tomorrow. Twice a week if your mom lets you. We can increase it as you get used to the exercise. Oh, and don't forget – weigh yourself tomorrow morning.

I awoke the next morning with a growing dread in the pit of my stomach. Doubts began creeping into my mind, and making my head ache.

School. Niska. Exercise. Weigh in. LOSE WEIGHT. Fatfatfat. Need to be skinny.

The mention of weight seemed to wake Lia's voice too. Yes, you need to weigh yourself. Do it now, before your mom wakes up. Hurry! "But Lia," I replied, "I'm scared – what if I'm still 145?" Maybe if you weren't such a fatty, you wouldn't have to be scared of the scales. I bet Niska isn't. Go on, this is what you have to do if you want to be thin like me. Do it now, or else you'll spend the rest of your life fat. DO IT!

This was the first time Lia's voice had ever seemed anything but sweet and helpful. Before, she'd always been a mentor, guiding me to make the right choices so I could reach my goal. Now, she sounded more like the angry and demanding soccer coach I once had when I was little. It freaked me out enough to obey her.

I tiptoed to the family bathroom, shut and locked the door, and pulled out the scales from under the sink. With a deep breath, I stepped onto the scales and looked down at the dreaded numbers.

144.0

I'd lost exactly 1lb! That small victory made me warm inside, and a grin spread across my face. 144! I was losing weight, and nothing was going to stop me! Well done Naomi, you've been very good. Let's make this weight loss a regular thing, okay? One lb is a good place to start, but if you want to be a Wintergirl, you'll need to lose much, much more.

The praise from Lia made me feel even better than the number on the scales. The angry coach thing must have been a one-off, she was back to being as sweet as ever. I carefully put the scales away, and tip-toed back into my room, where I lied in bed for 10 minutes until my mom came to wake me up.

Don't get too excited. Remember, you aren't skinny yet. "But Lia, I've lost weight!" Yes, but not enough. Not yet. "What should be my goal weight? What's skinny enough?" That's for you to decide, Naomi, not me. "Umm, maybe 140?" Seriously? 5lbs is nothing. 140 is not skinny. "Okay, I'll try for 135." Hmm, maybe… but you're not really pushing yourself. Perhaps you're not cut out to be a Wintergirl... "I am! I'll get to 130, I promise!" Good girl. 130 is a good start, definitely. You just have to put in some effort, sweetie. Now, why don't you ask Mom about swimming?

I hurriedly got dressed and run down the stairs, catching Mom just as she was leaving for work. (My mother was an elementary school teacher.) Too busy to listen properly, she agreed to my request for swimming and rushed out of the door.

"I made breakfast for you!" she called from the car. "Granola and yogurt!" I thanked her and went into the kitchen.

No granola for you, Lia told me as soon as I saw the bowl. Take an apple instead. Taking an apple from the fruit bowl, I sighed and tipped the delicious-looking granola into the trash. "Boy, this is hard," I said, taking a bite from the apple.

But you're strong enough, sweetheart. I know you are. I'll get you down to 130 in no time.