Chapter Six

Instead of catching the bus, I walked to school. It took 40 minutes and I was almost late for class, but it was worth it for Lia's praise: good choice, sweetie. When I finally arrived at school I slumped into my seat in the corner of the Social Studies classroom, my body aching. I was so hungry… surely it wouldn't do any harm to buy candy from the cafeteria? NO! Uh-oh. Angry-coach Lia was back. If you want to be thin, candy is NOT an option! Don't be stupid! In a bid to distract myself, I opened my book and began to revise from my notes. I hid myself behind the book as Niska and her friends walked in, praying that they wouldn't notice me. No such luck.

"Hey, fatty." Said Niska as she walked past, just loud enough so that I could hear but the teacher couldn't. "Didn't you know that pigs aren't allowed in the classroom?" Niska and her bitchy gang snickered nastily. I'm sure they would have continued to taunt me if Mrs Ellis hadn't called for silence.

"It's lovely that you're having fun, girls, but it's time to start class." Mrs Ellis's trusting nature and gentle personality made her one of my favourite teachers, but she was easy for Niska to manipulate. As we wrote the date and title in our books, Niska shot me a deadly look – I'll get you later.

Don't listen to her. Lia had gone back to being friendly, which I was very glad about. If you work hard and listen to me, you'll be thin enough to call HER a pig. I managed to settle the worry in my stomach and work hard for the rest of the lesson. After Social Studies was Science with Miss Lewisham, my least favourite teacher. For some reason she favoured Niska; apparently she was 'loud, but a real character'. Well, she didn't know what Niska was really like.

"Settle down! Get your books out. Today we will be studying 'health and diet'." Niska smirked at me, and my heart started to pound. This would be so humiliating. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to run out of that classroom, but I didn't have the courage. Shutting my ears to Niska's whispers, I concentrated on Miss Lewisham. For each point she made, Lia had an opposite view.

"Carbohydrates should make up 1/3 of each meal." Wrong. Carbs are bad. They'll swell up inside you and make you fat.

"It is essential to eat dairy – cheese, milk, butter and cream." Wrong. Eww, those foods are full of fat and calories. You don't need those, Naomi.

"One or two portions of fatty or sugary foods a day is acceptable." WRONG! Eating fat equals getting fat! Don't listen to a word she says; it's all lies, honey.

Then came the remark that I was dreading.

"Eating less than the required diet can cause significant weight loss and other symptoms. However, eating more than a healthy amount leads to obesity."

Obesity. Obesity. OBESITY… the word echoed in my brain. 'Am I obese?' I thought. The nurse had said I was a healthy weight… But what does she know? You're not thin, you're fat fat FAT. LOOK AT YOURSELF! HUGE! 'The nurse said I was healthy, though!' She shouted out your weight for everyone to hear. She clearly doesn't know what she's doing – how can you believe anything she says? If you want to be thin, I'm the only person you need to listen to. 'Well, I guess you're an expert."

"Naomi, are you paying attention? What did I just say?" Miss Lewisham interrupted my mental conversation before Lia could reply; I hadn't been listening for the last 5 minutes, and she knew it. She just wanted to embarrass me.

"I… I don't know." Blushing tomato-red, I stuttered my reply and looked down at my notes, blinking back tears. I didn't know why I was crying at such a stupid thing; I didn't know that not eating can put your emotions on edge. "I'm sorry, Miss Lewisham."

"Yes, you should be. Anyway, we've just been talking about how to avoid obesity – a topic especially important for you."

There was a collective gasp from the class, which I barely heard over the blood rushing in my head. I stood up and before walking out of the classroom, I said a few words which I'm not proud of. A couple of my classmates looked at me sympathetically but most of them just laughed, laughed like the demons in that awful nightmare. As I left the room I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew one thing: I couldn't stay at that school for a moment longer.

Many thoughts rushed through my head as I walked through the school entrance, which wasn't locked; it never was. Ignoring the calls of the bemused receptionist, I passed the office and slipped out of the gates. Like the entrance, the gates weren't locked (that school had great security, NOT). At the pace that I was walking it didn't take me long to get tired, yet my senses were on hyper-alert. I noticed every sound, every abnormality, every smell as I walked down the street – a mother yelling at her kids, each piece of litter on the sidewalk, the enticing smell of food as I stopped outside McDonalds. What does it matter what I eat today? I thought. I've just gone and ruined my education, and my parents are going to be livid.

As soon as I walked through the doors of the restaurant, everything seemed to disappear – well, everything except myself and the food. In a daze I walked up to the counter, took my purse out of my bag and ordered a massive amount of food – a Big Mac, 12 chicken nuggets, large fries, a large chocolate milkshake and two donuts. Food had always been my comfort, my coping mechanism, but I was taking things to a totally new level. This wasn't a treat, it was a binge.

Before I knew it I was sat at a booth in the corner of the restaurant, gorging myself on the junk food as fast as I could. The chicken nuggets first, cramming them whole into my mouth and barely chewing them. A few sips of the sickly-sweet milkshake, and then I started on the Big Mac. I took huge bites, gnawing like an animal – thank God that nobody could see me. More milkshake – I took off the lid this time, gulping straight from the tall cardboard cup until it was empty. The huge cavern of my stomach was full now, too full, but I just wanted MORE. Anything to push away the sea of emotions threatening to drown me. Pulling the fries towards me from across the table I stuffed them into my greasy mouth, several at a time. I was thirsty now, so thirsty – I'd consumed far too much salt. Abandoning my school bag, I rushed to the counters – there wasn't a queue because most people were at work – and ordered a large Coke. I can't even imagine what I must have looked like. With a wary look in her eyes, the restaurant worker handed me the Coke. I paid and rushed back to my booth; I guess I was lucky that my stuff was still there. After swigging half of the Coke in less than a minute, I ripped off a chunk of the first donut. After that I couldn't help myself. Despite my aching stomach I devoured the two donuts and washed them down with the remaining Coke. Barely able to move, I leaned back and looked down at my painfully full stomach. I'd never eaten that much in one sitting before. Believe it or not, but I'd crammed that food into myself in just 20 minutes.

Standing up was a huge struggle. I surveyed the table with bulging eyes; I had reduced all of that food into crumbs and wrappers in a crazily short time. I was incredibly relieved that it was only a five-minute walk to my house; I don't think my distended stomach would have allowed me to walk any longer. Well at least I'd be home alone, so I could rest for a few hours…

It turns out I was wrong. When I got home, I fumbled in my pocket for my keys and unlocked the door. Exhausted, I had planned to go upstairs and lie in bed for a while. However, nothing seemed to be going to plan that day. As I stepped through the door I saw my mom pacing up and down the hallway, her face unreadable. When she saw me she didn't look shocked.

"Naomi, I got a call from the school. Whathave you done?"

She didn't shout; no, when my mother was this angry she never shouted. She was deathly calm, which was much more dangerous than yelling. I'd never been very good at reading people's expressions, but I knew that she was seething with rage.

"Mom, please – you don't know what they said to me –"

"I know enough. That school won't take you back. I'll discuss this with your dad when he comes home tomorrow. Just – just go to your room. I don't even want to look at you right now."

"But –"

"GO!"

I knew not to argue. Wordlessly I staggered to my bedroom, feeling utterly broken inside. How was I going to cope with all of this? I was desperate for someone, anyone, to turn to…

You can always turn to me.

After the incident at school I had pretty much forgotten about Lia; as you've probably guessed, I also forgot that I was trying to be like her. You FORGOT? Don't you realise how IMPORTANT this is? Lia was more than an angry coach this time; she was yelling in rage. Your parents don't care about you – they won't even listen to your side of the story. You're not smart, or pretty, or funny. Your only chance of changing all this is by getting thin; at least then they'll give you some attention. It'll be your first worthwhile achievement, you utter FAILURE. After this outburst, Lia seemed to calm down very quickly and went back into gentle-friend-slash-mentor mode. Look, this won't be easy, but it'll be worth it. Live by my rules for one month, and if you don't like it I'll let you go. I promise.

That promise was a lie.