Ultimate Avenging Alliance Chapter 8 Don't Out the Super-Bros!
Matt couldn't tell if the heart stutter was because Deadpool was still healing, or from shock at the words.
"You recognize me, D- M- sexy redhead I've never met before?" Deadpool spluttered. His heart quivered as he said it.
Peter sighed. "He's Daredevil, Wade; you know this."
Deadpool's heartbeat was accelerating. "What do you mean, little cutie who I've never met before?"
Matt sighed. "Spidey and I were both in suits when we were caught."
"Super-bros don't out super-bros," Deadpool hissed.
"Appreciate it, but already out," Peter said. "And the dancing around each other was seriously awkward first time. 'Sides, you don't have a secret identity. It'll be nice to have someone else to talk to when Matty gets hauled away for testing."
Deadpool whined. "Missy Author warned me about that." Matt rolled his eyes; a good third of Deadpool's chatter was pure gibberish, even if he believed every word of it. "You remember the first time we three worked together?"
"Yeah; it was a complete mess," Peter answered.
"It was a dark and stormy night," Deadpool started dramatically.
"It was a bit muggy because it had been raining, but not stormy," Matt corrected.
"Overcast though, so it was pretty dark," Peter added.
"And I had been entrusted with a mission of great import!" Deadpool continued.
"You were hired to off someone."
"A master of the underworld!"
"Uh, Yakuza bigwig, right?"
"He had been summoned by his compatriots, and I was to ensure nothing came of the summit," Deadpool orated. "His ship came in to dick, and I lined up the shot. Then, to my right, came the Spider, and to my left, the Devil."
"You were in Midtown, Deadpool, you know that's my territory."
"I've been watching those Japs since Nobu nearly killed me."
"Upon spying the Spider, the Devil summoned him to his side to whisper sweet nothings in his ear."
"I waved him over to discuss strategy, considering that when you're involved everything gets hectic pretty quick."
"At last! I had a bead on my target, and prepared to remove his stain from the earth."
"Dude, you fired a submachine gun at him! You killed twelve people!"
"And his accomplices were smote mightily."
"You tried to go on a killing spree! Blood everywhere-"
"That gun near ruptured my eardrum."
"Lemme tell the story, would you?!"
"You're not doing a very good job of it," Matt and Peter chorused.
"You do it then," Deadpool sulked.
Matt rolled his eyes. Might as well humour the merc. "You started shooting, killed the Yakuza boss, most of his entourage, and several of the native Yakuza."
"Then everything went to hell," Peter supplied.
"Everyone firing at everyone else, thinking it was a set up," Matt recounted. "Peter stayed up high and on the move, webbing everything he could see. I went for you, smashed the gun and broke your jaw."
"It healed wonky. I had to rebreak it," Deadpool griped.
"Then the cops turned up and we all ran for it," Peter remembered.
"We didn't want to leave you for the cops, so we tried herding you towards Stark Tower," Matt smirked. "You kept breaking your legs jumping off buildings."
"But then you got sufficiently far from Hell's Kitchen to be unable to parkour everywhere, and I only had one working webshooter, and it ran out of fluid, then while I was switching in the fluid vial from the bust shooter-"
"Deadpool started talking about all the murders in NCIS, and you got going about forensic biochemistry," Matt prompted.
"Oh yeah," Peter perked up. "Hey, maybe we should learn a bit of forensics. Could be useful."
"I don't think anyone's developed a form of forensics that doesn't require sight," Matt said dubiously. "I'm not sure my improved olfactory sense would completely compensate."
"Your usual method of working out who actually committed a crime involves hitting people until they confess," Peter pointed out. "We could maybe work together when we have this stuff?"
"Hey, yeah!" Deadpool exclaimed. "And I can pass on some merc scuttlebutt!"
"Fantastic," Matt sighed. "But last time I had the dubious pleasure of spending any appreciable time with you two, Wade spent twenty minutes complaining that someone called Andrew Garfield should change his name to Gordon."
"Well Gordon Garfield would go with Charlie Cox and Ryan Reynolds," Deadpool pouted. "Which would fit with Peter Parker, Matt Murdock and Wade Wilson."
Matt moaned. "Peter? Translation?"
"Ah, Reynolds is an actor?" Peter guessed. "So are the others?"
"Charlie Cox really needs a dye job," Deadpool told them earnestly.
"Then you made fun of Matt's middle name," Peter remembered.
"Seriously, what was his father thinking?"
"You told me mine was only a hair's breadth off horribly cliché."
"Well, it is."
"Then you said, and I quote, 'oh, wait, you two do know about each other? Great. I'd hate to out the super-bros'."
"And I kicked you in the groin, then headbutted you in the face."
"Dude, your horns left imprints. It was hilarious."
Matt smirked. He raised his hand in a fist and, after a moment, Peter caught on.
"Awesome! I wanna join the fist bump."
AN: Wade Wilson does not believe in the fourth wall.
Also updating: Jason and the Argonauts, Black and Red, Ultimate Writing Adventure. Oh, and a teensy tiny Daredevil drabble.
Up next: More of these four. Hopefully in time for Christmas, and I am hoping to finally get LBV out. Definitely before the New Year.
Please review. Make my Christmas.
Katara