A/N Liz struggles to live a normal life, and the people around her aren't making it any easier. I've noticed that a lot of people seem disappointed by Liz's behavior in the show at the moment, and I wanted to explore things from Liz's perspective as I imagine she might be – pregnant, tired, scared and with not much power over anything. Angsty. Don't read if this doesn't interest you. Disclaimed!

13: Nowhere to go

As Liz placed her key in the heavy duty new lock of her apartment door she felt a familiar sense creep over her. He was there. Again. She wasn't sure how she knew; everything was silent – it was silent all the time since he'd moved her neighbor and her baby out of the building.

When she entered he was sitting on the couch that he had bought her, one leg folded over the other and his fedora resting on the cushion.

"I changed the locks" she stated, tossing her bag and jacket on the counter. "They're supposed to be totally secure."

"Lizzie, I'm offended" he responded genially.

She raised an eyebrow. "You're offended that I changed the locks, after I asked you not to keep letting yourself in?"

He smiled tightly. "No. I'm offended that you think I'd be thwarted by something as mundane as a locked door."

She sighed and ran her hand distractedly through her new sleek bob. "Maybe I just thought you'd get the hint."

The trace of a smile he'd had faded then. "Having so recently been on the other side of the law I would have thought you'd understand that the need for a low profile makes the prospect of waiting in corridors unattractive."

She nodded and pursed her lips. "You could just call me first. Arrange to come over."

He stared at her then, his blue-grey eyes penetrating, searching. "Could I" he said flatly.

Liz winced inwardly. On the run it was simple; they had one mission – one goal - and they worked smoothly together to achieve it. Now she didn't know what he wanted from her.

"Why are you here?" she said, trying to sound cool and even.

He gave a slight nod and looked away from her for a moment. When he looked back his face was as much a mask as hers. "I came to discuss a worrying trend in your behavior."

"Really" she said sarcastically. "And what's that?"

"A frankly reckless disregard for your own health and wellbeing" he responded, ignoring her tone.

"I'm fine."

He shook his head, his voice softening. "You're not fine, Elizabeth. You were thrust into something you couldn't control, fighting just to survive, all the while coming to terms with the fact that you are pregnant. As if that wasn't enough you were viciously attacked. Beaten unconscious."

Reddington paused for a moment, his teeth clamped against his cheek, and Liz found herself suddenly unable to meet his gaze. She didn't need to hear this, and she certainly didn't need to relive it.

"I appreciate your concern but I'm getting on with my life."

"Yes, by throwing yourself into work. Refusing to rest. Putting yourself in the middle of mob gun battles" he said in a hard tone.

Liz bit her lip and swallowed. He'd turned her life upside down – he was the reason she looked over her shoulder all the time. So why did it hurt so much when he scolded her?

"You dismissed the masseuse I arranged for you" he continued. "She was quite distressed that she wasn't able to complete her task. Meanwhile Baz tells me that you've barely been home. You should be recuperating, Lizzie."

As he spoke, his tone so superior and uncompromising, she felt a wave of choking, bitter anger build inside her.

"And how am I supposed to do that?" she hissed. "You've taken everything away except work. You made sure I can't move with Tom, you tanked his job offer. You even made my neighbor move out so that you can spy on me! Did you know she had a new baby? That she was someone I could actually talk to? I have no one!"

Reddington stared at her mutely until she had finished her tirade. "You have me" he responded finally.

He sounded so calm and sure, as though he was the reason everything would be alright instead of the reason for all her pain and loneliness. Her chin crumpled.

"Stop" she whispered. "You have to stop."

He continued to stare at her, his eyes sharp.

"You've been meddling in my life for God knows how long. Pulling strings, making decisions for me. You come into my apartment whenever you want. You're having me watched-"

"For your protection" he interjected.

She shook her head, her voice cracking. "If I'm to have any chance of a normal life, you have to back off."

Silence hung between them for a moment before he rose to his feet. "I should leave you to rest" he said calmly, palming his fedora onto his head. She watched him guardedly as he approached her and put his hand on her shoulder. "I see you haven't made any progress decorating your new home. I'll have a consultant come visit you. She's a real visionary, an artist I met when she was in residency at La Macina di San Cresci who's become quite a name in interior design."

He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze, turned and left without waiting for her to respond. She stood stock still listening to his footsteps retreating down the corridor, before sinking slowly to sit on the floor, her head in her hands.

The next day she expected to get the usual call from Cooper inviting her to come in and work with the task force, but it didn't come. Reddington hadn't been in touch either, and whilst she was grateful for that, without him there were no cases to work on. She fidgeted a while longer and then grabbed her keys and drove to the post office.

Exiting the large yellow elevator she was glad to see the team on the main floor. It was the only time she felt at home now.

"Hey guys, what's happening?" she said cheerily.

They looked up, their faces a mix of surprise and concern. Cooper walked to meet her. "Keen, what are you doing here?"

Liz looked around nervously. "Er, reporting for duty sir. You must have something for me, I'm going stir crazy at home" she smiled apologetically.

Cooper removed his glasses and sighed. "Why don't you come to my office a moment?"

Liz nodded and walked with him, looking back at her former team and their somber faces.

By the time they got to Cooper's Office Liz had a growing sense of foreboding. "Sir has anything happened?"

Cooper gestured for her to sit. "Everything's fine here. To be honest it's you I'm concerned about. You've been through a lot, Keen. You should be resting."

Liz frowned. "Sir, I'm really fine. Working helps actually. So what have you got for me?" she finished lightly.

"Nothing at the moment. Reddington has indicated that he won't be bringing another case until you've had a chance to recuperate and I'm inclined to agree."

Liz felt her stomach jolt nastily. "Reddington? You've spoken to him?"

Cooper nodded. "He paid me a visit here last night. He's quite concerned for you."

Liz's hands began to tremble with anger. "He's manipulating you. Can't you see that?"

Cooper frowned. "I learned long ago that Reddington always has an agenda. But whatever it is, it doesn't change the fact that he's right about you. You're pregnant and you've been through hell. Truthfully, I feel partially responsible for what's happened. I have to do the right thing by you now."

"How are you responsible?" Liz said exasperatedly.

Cooper pinched the bridge of his nose. "I was there when you shot Connolly and I didn't stop you. And when you came back to work here I left you without a firearm. It's down to my decision that you couldn't defend yourself when you were attacked. The least I can do now is make sure that you get the rest you need."

Liz got to her feet angrily. "Connolly is on me, no one else – you were there, you know that better than anyone!"

Cooper shook his head. "Go home, Keen."

"You think you're helping me but you're not. I can't believe you've let Reddington get into your head" she spat, slamming the door behind her.

She managed to hold the tears in until she was back in her car, whereupon she allowed them to come freely, slamming her fists against the steering wheel in bitter frustration. Work was her last refuge, and he had taken that as well. Her team had actually looked scared, like she might break at any time. And Cooper… When everything else was crazy, she'd always trusted him to know what was right, but not anymore. He was singing Reddington's song too now - rest, rest, fucking rest. How was she supposed to rest when he'd taken everything?

By the time she was back on the road the sky had opened and big fat raindrops were rolling down the windshield, pattering on the roof of the car to a beat that seemed to say Redd-ing-ton, Redd-ing-ton. She was actually looking forward to getting home at this point. If there was no work at least he wouldn't be there. She might actually look at some color swatches for her place. The weird pregnancy cravings were starting to kick in too.

She was just wondering if she could find a place that delivered Indian takeout during the day when she pulled up outside her building to see a ton of people standing outside and a couple of utility vans. She spotted the building super in the crowd and made her way over to him, pulling her coat around her as the rain began to seep into her hair and drip down her collar.

"What's going on? Can I go up to my place?"

He turned to her and shrugged. "I'm afraid not. There's a gas leak – everyone's fine but apparently there's a major problem with the piping. Needs some serious work before anyone can go back in."

Liz sighed and nodded, pulling her cell phone out of her bag.

"Tom? It's Liz, I need somewhere… where are you?" she asked frowning. He obviously wasn't on the boat and she could hear laughter in the background.

"I figured out a way to make some cash!" he responded jovially, and Liz was sure she heard foreign sounding voices on the line. A woman's voice. She tried again.

"Tom, I just need somewhere to-"

"I gotta go Liz" he cut her off. "Everything's gonna be fine."

The sinking feeling in Liz's stomach worsened. "Tom, what have you done?" she asked, but it was too late – he'd hung up. She couldn't raise a child with him. She didn't want money. All she needed was a place to stay.

She turned back to her building super. "How long till I can get back in?"

He shrugged. "We're talking at least a couple of weeks. You need to find somewhere else to go."

Liz nodded shakily, the unpleasant truth creeping over her. She had nowhere else to go.

Wet, hungry and tired, she was about to walk back to her car when she caught sight of Baz. He was standing away from the crowd, under the fire escape of her building with a cigarette in his hand. If there really was a gas leak, why would he be smoking?

She frowned and was about to move towards him when she felt a hand close around her arm.

"Lizzie!"

She twisted round to see Reddington flash her a broad, closed-lipped smile. She made to pull back from him but he kept a firm grip on her, pulling her under the large black umbrella he was holding. "I was just coming to see you, but it appears that your building is unfortunately out of bounds for now."

"And you wouldn't know anything about that?" she countered. Her sarcastic tone was undermined somewhat by the fact that she was rain-soaked and shivering.

Reddington frowned. "Sweetheart you're freezing. Dembe is right over there with the car-"

"Thanks" she cut in, "but I don't have time. If my place is off-limits I need to get a motel room before this evening."

Reddington shook his head sharply. "Out of the question. Your previous stint living in soulless motel rooms was intolerable enough, but now that you're pregnant…" he paused and sighed at her, his brow knitted in concern. "It's settled. You're staying with me. Your apartment will be out of commission for at least a couple of weeks - when you move back I can assure you, you won't recognize the place-"

"Your decorator…" Liz said slowly, her teeth chattering in the cold. "Is that what this is all about? There isn't a gas leak at all, is there?"

"I'm always delighted to chat" he said, ignoring her question, "but not if you insist on doing so outside in the middle of a rain storm" he said with an air of finality. As he spoke he began walking towards the black sedan, shepherding her with his hand still firmly on her arm.

When they reached the car he opened the door for her and she hesitated, pausing to look back at the utility vans surrounding her building. After a moment she heard him speak again. His tone was gentle and conciliatory but his words were terrible.

"Sweetheart – you have nowhere else to go."

She choked back a sob and nodded, before sinking into the warmth of the backseat. Reddington smiled softly, and closed the door.