5

Ten minutes later I arrived at Commander Spock's quarters. It didn't take even five minutes to get there from the deck I had been on, but I'd taken the longest way possible despite my resolution to get this over with. I was still uncomfortable with the thought of being in Commander Spock's private quarters. It felt like an intrusion just standing outside the door.

After pacing back and forth for a minute, I finally pushed the button on the panel beside the door and waited for Commander Spock to answer. After a moment, the door opened to reveal a sight I had never imagined possible: Commander Spock in casual clothes. He was wearing grey pants and the type of plain black t-shirt most crew members wore under their uniform shirts. Not exactly an exciting wardrobe, but still far from the usual on-duty commander in uniform.

It was actually a nice sight to see him looking at ease. It felt less rigid, more like he was just another member of the crew and not second in command. In truth, it wasn't hard to notice the separation between Commander Spock and the rest of the crew, partially because he was Vulcan but also due to the division between higher ranking officers and regular crew members. I sometimes felt a tinge of the isolation that came with holding a higher rank on the ship, but I imagined it was nothing compared to what his situation must be like. Of course I did consider myself to be decently friendly in contrast to Spock's natural tendency toward solitude.

Commander Spock moved back to allow me to enter the room, raising an eyebrow as he did.

"Lieutenant," he said in place of hello. "I thought perhaps you had been delayed."

Translation: what took you so long? I thought.

"No delay, sir" I said, entering the room fully.

Difficult as it was to make out my surroundings in the dim lighting, I was able to gather that is was very modern-looking room, aesthetically pleasing but not particularly cozy or comfortable. There were a lot of objects I didn't recognize, most likely Vulcan items I had never read or heard about. It was kind of amazing how immaculate he managed to keep the place, even with all the advancements in technology and automated cleaning available to us on the ship. And to think, I practically congratulated myself every time I bothered to pick my clothes up off the floor in my quarters. I was suddenly grateful we we're having this rendezvous in my living quarters. Talk about awkward.

"Am I correct then, Lieutenant," he said, "in my assumption that our brief interaction this morning has caused you to feel some uncertainty regarding our current dealings?"

I tried not to register my surprise, but it must have been clear from the way I was looking at him. He was wearing that all-knowing expression of his. The one that was pretty much just his regular face, because he was basically all-knowing. I honestly hadn't expected him to mention our earlier incident, at least not so forwardly, since what he referred to as the morning had been only the end of an extremely long night I was trying to forget. Apparently I had been right to worry after all.

"I'm not sure what you mean," I said, trying not to look as guilty as I felt.

Commander Spock stepped closer without breaking his gaze. It wasn't unusual behavior for anyone else, but it was definitely irregular for him. I'd worked side by side with the commander on countless occasions where not a single word was spoken and if it was, the common courtesy of an accompanying glance wasn't present. We had had conversations on a more personal level before, but even those always involved some larger task at hand which he diverted most of his attention to. Was it just that we weren't at a work station or on the bridge?

I stood where I had entered the room, not feeling comfortable enough to venture in further without invitation. It felt as though if I were to touch anything at all it would simply shatter into pieces.

"Lieutenant," said the commander, softening his expression ever so slightly, "how you and Engineer Scott choose to pass the time while off duty is of no concern to me. I certainly do not intend to reprimand either of you for it, if that is in fact the source of your discomfort."

I furrowed my brows in distaste at his choice of wording. 'No concern' to him. Of course not. Suddenly I felt stupid for thinking this was all about me in any way. It was just work, just the commander taking care of business as usual. I should have felt relieved, but oddly enough I felt disappointed and belittled, unjustified as the thought may have been. I tried to put it out of my mind in the interest of getting the engine report issue taken care of.

"Of course, Commander," I said. "I'm not uncomfortable."

"You seemed particularly unsettled in the turbo lift, Lieutenant," he said.

"It was just a long night of working on the engine problem," I said quickly, "after an even longer day of working on other problems. I guess I was tired."

"Respectfully, Lieutenant," said Commander Spock, "I do not believe you were simply fatigued."

I shuffled uncomfortably and tried rather unsuccessfully to tow the line somewhere between looking right at him the whole time and pretending to be extremely interesting in the rest of his quarters. You should decide if you're reprimanding me or not. I mean come on, what is this?

"I am familiar with your attentiveness to your duties," said the commander, "as well as your resilience when under pressure. You are undoubtedly a fine officer and a credit to the crew of the ship. Therefore, I do not believe your demeanor was simply the result of a long night of work."

Damn, how did he manage to veil that in a genuinely awesome compliment? I stared at him as my eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, unsure of how to handle the situation. At this point I really did wish he would just ream me out; being given this weird ultimatum to admit my own wrongdoings felt considerably worse at the moment.

I sighed.

"Okay, Commander," I said sounding as resigned as I could without being disrespectful. "I was assisting Mr. Scott with the efficiency report as a sort of personal favor, so in return he offered me a drink. I guess I didn't realize how long we'd been working, and I had a long day, so by the time I ran into you in the turbo lift… Well, I mean, I was tired…"

Spock turned slightly away now, his hands behind his back the way he often had them as he paced in thought. Even in his casual clothes, he carried himself like the high ranking officer he was. Damn that excellent posture!

"And frankly, a little drunk," I said quickly.

Commander Spock faced me again this time with a measuring expression, perhaps weighing in on my capacity for awkward interactions. Actually, that would explain a lot, I thought with an inward shrug.

Finally he broke the silence.

"You may enter the room fully, Lieutenant," he said, "if you are so inclined."

I took a few hesitant steps forward. Spock turned back around to face me. He addressed me this time with his usual 'Lieutenant' but also with my last name. I wasn't sure what to make of it, exactly. Perhaps it was nothing, but somehow it felt sort of strange. We generally referred to each other by rank, since we were always on duty and in work uniforms. Once in a while if we were in particularly good spirits we would get more specific, but it was fairly rare. The addition of my last name was puzzling; I wasn't sure if it was more or less formal.

"I assure you I regard your actions in the turbo lift early this morning not with disapproval or criticism but rather with particular interest."

I stood there uncomfortably, waiting for the part where this was supposed to somehow make sense.

"My inquiries about the engine report are, in truth, quite minor. They could, perhaps, have waited until your shift tomorrow, as there were no errors requiring adjustment, only some small gaps in final documenting procedure, no doubt due to the work being completed outside of actual engineering."

I raised my eyebrows in some concern.

"I can take care of it, sir," I assured him, "tonight, even. It's no problem, really."

Commander Spock came forward, closing the distance between us slowly. I felt myself immediately grow tense at his close proximity, trying to ignore the warmth in my cheeks. Even on duty in a normal setting, I always felt that sense of anxiousness when he had to work near me. It was an uneasiness I didn't feel with other high ranking comrades. Even Captain Kirk I felt no such anxiety around, though he did happen to be a personal friend.

"Truthfully, Lieutenant," he said, his focus on me again, "I have little concern over the issue. My larger purpose for calling you here involves a request somewhat personal in nature."

I felt myself tense up even more at his words. A personal request from Commander Spock? Part of me was dying of curiosity at such an intriguing thought, yet another part of me could only imagine what daunting side project someone of his intellectual capacity could be signing me up for.

"I see. What kind of request?"

"I have been continuing to compile research on my studies of human and Vulcan sociological relations as I have mentioned to you in the past." He paused and looked at me, and I realized he was waiting for my affirmation that I recalled the conversation.

"Yes," I said quickly, "I remember, of course."

"I have been commissioned in some small part by the Federation to organize this research into a usable text for documentation, to be utilized in cultural studies courses by potential Star Fleet cadets at the Academy as well as to serve as a component to the current treaties in place between human and vulcan kind."

I took a moment to decipher Commander Spock's characteristically excessive wording and translate it into actual relatable terms. It was a process I had become very good at since meeting the Commander upon my arrival on the Enterprise. I'd actually tried putting a name to the process, not that I was planning on ever sharing that extraordinarily embarrassing information with anyone. Currently in the running were

"They're having you publish a text," I said in conclusion. "And you want me to… do what exactly?"
There was a pause and the two of us just looked at eachother. I wondered if Commander Spock felt uncomfortable making this request.

"Star Fleet has requested that I select a consultant of my choice to assist in the completion of the project," he said stoically. "In addition to observing your skills as a leading science officer, I have consistently found our conversations on your part be insightful, though-provoking and emotionally controlled."

I couldn't help feeling flattered. Professional compliments from the commander were quite the honor , but personal ones were completely unprecedented. If it were anyone else, I might suspect he was simply paving the way to sign me up for the project, but Vulcans weren't akin to falsehoods like humans. Even though Commander Spock was half human, he had adopted a Vulcan way of life in almost every sense. Aside from enlisting in Star Fleet, there was hardly anything about him that gave him away as being anything less than a full Vulcan.

I'd always suspected there were many reasons behind that, but I never thought I would get an opportunity to discuss them with Commander Spock. Perhaps I was assuming too much, thinking the project would involve any personal input on Commander Spock's part. But then why else would Star Fleet have contracted him to be the one to write the text? Commander Spock had made it sound like simply the makings of a Star Fleet Academy text book, but I suspected it was in fact more likely a much more important piece of writing. The Commander took his duties onboard the Enterprise very seriously and placed them above all other projects in priority. He would never have taken on another assignment unless it was an opportunity he couldn't pass up. Also there was the fact that Star Fleet had sanctioned the commissioning of not only one leading officer but two. Most would consider it an extremely lucky break on my part.

Still, I was hesitant to respond, standing there in my commanding officer's private quarters, being offered a special assignment no one else had ever had the opportunity to work on. It was daunting, but there was just no denying it was a great opportunity, and I'd be crazy to turn it down. There didn't appear to be any other option.

He was watching me as impassively at ever, but I hope at least some part of him actually looked forward to working with me, maybe even hoped I would say yes. Or as close to hoping as the commander was able to come.

"It sounds like a great opportunity, Sir," I said, managing to sound grateful through my apprehension. "I appreciate you choosing me. I know you must have had a lot of other choices."

I was thankful, to be certain, but I also wanted more details and just didn't feel like it was the right time to ask. I would wait until we spoke next about this to find out exactly what we were delving into.

He broke my gaze and I was glad to breathe easy again for a moment. He turned away and took a few paces.
"Am I to understand, then," said Commander Spock, "that you are willing to accept my offer to act as my consultant on the project?"

I took a deep breath and shrugged.

"Yes," I answered, "I suppose so."

I exhaled the breath I had been holding in and Commander Spock thanked me for my decision.

"I believe our efforts will be admirable and quite useful to the Academy as well as to the collective of research on the topic, one which I, understandably, find particularly interesting.

I smiled a bit at this last part as I turned away to meet him at the door. He saw me out after politely wished me a good evening, and we parted ways.

As I walked out the door of his quarters and headed down the hall to the turbolift, I should have been figuring out how to shift my schedule around to adjust for this additional workload, or at least considering how to best approach my role in the project. There was plenty to think about, would be plenty to do.

That being said, all I seemed to be contemplating was that image in my head of Commander Spock in casual clothes.

I shook my head to myself in disbelief and let slip a short incredulous laugh. I had the sense that this assignment was going to prove more interesting than I'd thought.