"Ruby, the inter-dimensional super-soldier is not a puppy, you can't just take him on walks and put frizzy sweaters on him," Ozpin said, staring down the four members of team RWBY that stood before his desk.

The girl's face dropped instantly, all of her hopes and dreams shattering before her eyes. "But… but," Ruby said.

"What she's trying to say," Weiss said, stepping in, "Is that as a member of the staff here on campus we think he could benefit from a more respectable wardrobe. He's already become a pretty visible member of the community here," she said.

"Yeah!" Yang said, "We just think that people would take him more seriously if he had some real clothes, you know?"

"My understanding is that his appearance does not hinder people from taking him seriously," Ozpin said, "I think your classmate, Cardin, could attest to that."

"We want to help him," Blake said, taking a different approach, "He's completely new to this world, and we think it would be healthy for his adjustment if he got a chance to actually see our world, and dress like a normal person."

Ozpin sighed and shook his head. It was in his power to simply say 'No' and kick the four of them out of his office, and all logic told him that he should, but there was something else that pressured him to give in. "Look," he started, "His registration as a citizen of Vale hasn't come through yet. I'm pulling some strings to get it fast-tracked, but it's still going to be a couple more days. Until he's registered, being outside of this campus could be extremely dangerous for him. Being undocumented is an unfortunately serious crime." Ozpin cleared his throat, "That being said, once his registration is through... there's nothing that I can really do to keep him here."

"Is that a 'yes'?" Ruby beamed.

"Take it as you will," Ozpin said, "But, I'm not the one you should worry about convincing. Have you girls even presented this idea to him?"

Suddenly they all looked very sheepish and nervous, "Um, not exactly," Yang said, scratching the back of her head.

"That's what I thought," Ozpin said, "It might be more prudent for you to speak to him about this, rather than me."

"Got it, Professor! Thank you," Ruby said, "Alright team, let's go."

As they began to walk away, Ozpin called for them again. "Ruby," He said, and waited for the girl to turn back around, "When his registration is complete, you'll be the second person to know, alright?"

Ruby smiled at him, "Thank you again, professor!"

Once the girls were in the elevator, Ozpin took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. "Oh, the things I get myself into," he said.

…

It had been a slow morning for Cobin. The midday of the midweek seemed to be dragging on, and there was no work in site. He had spent the morning at the gym, eaten lightly, and now stood out on his driveway, facing the street with his arms folded waiting for life to smack him in the face with something, anything. He was on his second pot of coffee and it probably wasn't for the better, as the caffeine wasn't doing anything but giving him more energy he had no way to expel.

"You know, you always stand like that," A voice said from behind and above him.

Cobin turned around to see Yang looking down at him from the roof of the shop. "Well, good morning to you too," he said, "And what do you mean, 'you always stand like that'?"

Yang jumped from the roof and landed in front of him. "Like this. You put your feet about shoulder's width apart, cross your arms, and then frown like you're really mad something," she said, acting out this pose as she described it.

"No I don't!" He said, "I don't always look pissed off."

"I mean, you sort of do," Yang said. She punched him playfully in the shoulder, "But don't be too offended, it fits you."

"Umm… thank you?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"So, how's your day going?" she asked him.

Cobin shrugged, "Can't complain so far, just wish there was more work to do," he said.

"Well, if you want you can do my homework for me," Yang said.

Cobin laughed, "I think there's probably some kind of policy against that."

She laughed too, "So what're you doing after work?" she asked.

"Uhh…" Cobin suddenly became apprehensive, his common sense was tingling, "I don't know… go to bed? There's not a whole lot I can do."

"Maybe," Yang said, "But that could change if you had real clothes to wear."

Cobin blinked at her, "... What?" he said, unsure of how to respond to that.

"Oh, come on!" Yang said, poking him in the chest, "Wouldn't you feel so much better if you could, like, change into something that wasn't that plain old work uniform? Something more… with the trend?"

"No," Cobin said, flatly.

The smile dropped from Yang's face, "Really?" she asked, raising her eyebrows and giving him the once over.

"Look, I don't know what this is about," Cobin said, taking a step back, "But it feels like it might be getting a bit… inappropriate."

Yang's face turned bright red, "What? Oh, um… no! Of course not!" She looked around for a way out, "Sorry, gotta get to class! Bye!" And with that she spun around and jumped back up on the roof, and then proceeded to run in the opposite direction.

Cobin watched this with wide eyes. "That… that was fucking weird," he said, thinking out loud. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Everything about this place is fucking weird."

…

Later on in the day, after school was over for the students, Cobin had wandered into one of their common areas between the academic buildings and had happened upon a group of students throwing rocks at each other. The rocks were decorative and meant to act as the bed to small areas within the common area where trees were planted, but the students were getting them everywhere and all over the concrete walkways. He had confronted them, and corrected them quickly and efficiently. Now, he sat and watched from a bench as they painstakingly separated the rocks into "less grey" and "more grey."

"You waste this institution's time, I waste your time," he shouted at them as they worked.

"You know, they'd probably take you more seriously if you dressed better."

Cobin turned suddenly to see Blake standing next to where he sat on the bench. "Uh… I think they're already taking me pretty seriously," he said.

"But I bet they didn't at first. I mean, you aren't really dressed like an instructor," she, gazing at the miserable students performing their punishment.

"They definitely did, though." Cobin said.

Blake suddenly looked distressed, but didn't turn toward him, "Look, all I'm saying is that it would have gone better if you had like, a nice button down, and some good pants. Maybe some shoes that weren't combat boots," she said.

"What? What's wrong with combat boots?" Cobin asked, getting a bit flustered.

Blake finally turned to him, suddenly seeming exasperated, "Nothing's wrong with combat boots!"

"Good!" He said. The two of them simply locked eyes in silence for a good ten seconds, glaring at each other. Then Cobin shook his head, "Jesus..." he said. Then he turned to the students he had corrected and shouted "Alright, you're done! Run the hell away before I change my mind." And with that, they all immediately dropped whatever rocks they were carrying and sprinted out of the common area with such a swiftness that most of the oxygen probably went with them.

"I still think you would look more professional in something else," Blake said.

Cobin put his face in his hands, "Sweet mother of god," he said, looking up, "I like my clothes. They're fine. They work. I'm not job hunting. Thank you for your opinion," He said, giving her the knife hand.

"Hey, I'm just trying to help," Blake said, taking an extra sassy pose.

"Yes, but help me with what?"

There was another long pause as Blake reached for an explanation that wouldn't reveal her true intent, "I don't know… maybe there's someone you're trying to impress?"

And with that, Cobin stood up very suddenly, "Thank you, but no thank you! Have a nice night! Talk to you later!" he said, turning in the opposite direction and walking away.

"Hey, wait! I'm sorry!" Blake called after him, but made no attempt to follow. Once he was out of sight, she just shook her head, "Oh man, I messed that up," she said.

…

Cobin had decided that the best course of action at this point was to simply make his way quickly back to his shop. The day had already been more interesting than he would have liked and he figured the quicker he could get back and wrap his brain around a cold one the better. There weren't a whole lot of students out anymore, with some mingling bodies hanging out in the dying light of the evening, but for the most part it was peaceful. Oh well, he thought, the people are crazy but the sky is nice.

Just as he was getting close to the main dining hall for the students, he spotted a figure he recognized up ahead of him. It was Weiss, walking toward him but seemingly unaware, with her face buried in a book again. When they got within one or two paces of each other, Cobin said "Good evening, Weiss," and offered a smile.

The Stoic girl stopped and looked up from her book at him, and he ceased moving forward as well as they locked eyes. Weiss gave him a quick once-over, much like the other three girls had done, and then flatly stated, "You look homeless."

"Wha...huh?" Cobin said, his face simply warping into confusion. But Weiss was already enthralled with her reading again, and walking away. "Wait! Tell me what this is about!" Cobin shouted at her, but to no avail. The girl simply walked off and into the setting evening sun.

Cobin put his hands behind his head and looked up toward the orange sky, "Sweet mother of god, what is going on?" he said to no one but himself. It took him a minute, but he shook it off and kept moving toward his shop. He decided he would need more than one beer.

…

Normally, while he was in the shop, Cobin would have left the garage door open so he could enjoy the fresh air and the natural light at the end of the day. But, on this day, he simply closed it behind him as soon as he came in. He knew that if anyone really wanted to get in they could just as easily go through the skylight, so closing the garage door was really more of a symbolic gesture to the universe, as if to say, 'I'm not taking any more of your shit.' It was time to crank the stereo and crack open the booze, so he put on something a bit more heavy than what he would have normally prefered for that time of day and found a nice spot on the floor of the shop where he could sit with his back against the door and drink.

"She's got stickers on her locker,

and the boy's numbers there in magic marker,

I'm hungry and the hunger will linger,

I eat sixteen saltine crackers than I lick my fingers…"

No sooner had he opened his first beer, a bright red hood dropped from above onto the floor in the middle of the shop. The girl was facing away from him, toward the back of the shop, and looked from side to side before finally turning all the way around and seeing Cobin there, on the floor, up against the garage door. "Hey Rocco!" she said.

Cobin paused for a moment, and looked longingly down at the opened beer in his hand. After a moment he sighed, put the cold one down, and looked back up at her. "Let me guess," he said, "It has something to do with my clothes?"

Ruby's complexion suddenly resembled the color of her hood, "Oh, um…" She stuttered, "So… who got to you first?" she asked.

"All of them," Cobin said, "And all in their own unique way."

"Oh, Jeez," Ruby said. The girl walked across the floor of the shop, and stopped in front of him. "Was it… Bad?" she asked.

Cobin raised his eyebrows at her, "You have no idea," He said. He patted the empty floor space next to him, "Come, have a sit. Let's talk about this."

Ruby nodded, and moved to sit in the spot Cobin had indicated. As she did, Cobin pulled out his scroll and turned the volume on the music down to a low background buzz for the conversation.

"So," Cobin said, once Ruby had made herself as comfortable as possible on the hard concrete floor of the shop, "Do I really look homeless?" He said, cracking a half-smile at her.

"What?" Ruby said, surprised by the question, "No, of course not! Who said that?"

"Weiss."

"Oh," Ruby said, stopping to think, "Yeah, that makes sense. Don't take it personally."

"Good," Cobin said, "So, what's all this about?"

"Well…" Ruby suddenly seemed to be intensely interested at the floor space between her feet, "We were thinking that, since you don't really have any clothes that aren't work clothes, and because you haven't really seen any of the world outside of the school, that it might be nice for us all to head into town this weekend and go shopping."

"Now you see," Cobin said, wagging his finger at her, "What exactly made it so hard for all of your teammates to just say that?"

Ruby shook her head, "They… all have good intentions," she said, "They're just not great at expressing them."

"Mhm," Cobin said, but then he smiled at her, "Hey, we're all fighters, not lovers, right? Leave the diplomacy to the politicians."

"Heck yeah," Ruby said, smiling back at him, "So… you're not mad or anything?"

"Nope," Cobin said, "I was pretty damn confused there for most of the day, but not really mad."

"Awesome! So does that mean you're up for a shopping trip?" Ruby gave him one of her toothy grins.

Cobin rebuttled with a raised eyebrow. "I'm not really the shopping type," he said, "I really appreciate the thought. But even before I came here the only nice clothes I wore were the ones the Army issued to me. It's just not in my personality to make a show of things."

"Maybe, but it's not really about making a show," Ruby said, "It's just about getting away from all of this and doing something normal. I mean, you were literally ripped from your own reality a week ago, or something like that," she sighed, "Now of course you're our friend, but wouldn't you like to do something that made all of this seem a bit less, I don't know… weird?"

Cobin stayed silent for a few a seconds, gathering his thoughts, staring at the ceiling. When he looked back over at Ruby, he said, "Okay, but on one condition."

Ruby's eyes got wide and she smiled ear to ear, "Yes, of course! Anything!" she beamed.

"Right now," Cobin started, "You need to run along back to your dormitory and leave Rocco alone so that he can do adult things, like drink all of this alcohol and make a fool of himself."

Ruby laughed, "I can manage that," she said. The girl hopped up and made her way back toward the middle of the shop, underneath the skylight. But instead of simply jumping up and leaving, she turned around and looked at him again, "Although, I can't guarantee that I won't bring everyone back here so that we can watch and laugh at you from above," She said.

"Hey!" Cobin said, giving her the knife hand, "I have killed people, you know."

Ruby simply stuck her tongue out at him, before turning and jumping up and out into the night, as she usually did. Cobin shook his head, but there was a smile on his face. He pulled out his scroll, turned the music back up, and picked up his beer. "It wasn't such a bad day…" he said, taking his first swig.

"You got a reaction,

You got a reaction, didn't you?

You took a white orchid,

You took a white orchid, turned it blue…"

…

The next morning, Cobin sat on his crate in the driveway, nursing his hangover with a wet rag wrapped around his head and a pot of fresh coffee as he watched the sun come up. How little he had been able to drink surprised him, as he had found himself too tired to continue before he had even finished the six pack. But still, the after effects tortured him, if to a lesser degree than the last time. So he sipped his coffee and thought about the events of the previous day. Now that Ruby had put the whole mess into perspective he actually thought of it as kind of sweet, if still a testament to how little he still understood these people and this world. But, progress was being made, if in small increments.

However, did he really want to go shopping with a bunch of highschool girls?

"Good morning, Sergeant," The voice of Ozpin came from behind him before he could answer this question.

Cobin turned toward Ozpin and nodded, "Good morning to you too, professor," he said, "and what brings you by my garage today?"

"Very big news," Ozpin said.

"Oh?" Cobin said, suddenly a bit worried.

"Yes," Ozpin said, "As of today, you are officially a citizen of The Kingdom Of Vale."

"Wow," Cobin said, then he just sort of paused, pondering this for a moment. "So it's really real, then, huh? I mean, it was real before. But now it's really, real." He had to stop again, to gather his feelings in a way that was coherent, "I'm not just an observer anymore. I'm like, a part of all of this now," he said.

Ozpin cracked a half-smile at Cobin, "Sergeant, I think you were very much a part of all of this since the day you arrived," he said.

"Hmm, maybe," Cobin said. He was still kind of shocked. In this moment, it all sort of hit him. All of the panic, uncertainty, and anxiety that any normal person would have felt over the past week hit him all at once, like a wave. But as soon as these feelings came, they seemed to be crushed under the weight of the rising sun. He thought of his first several days in this world, and the people he had met, and the friends he had already made. He thought about Ruby, and somehow the image of the girl's smiling face sealed it all away. In the moment when Cobin should have been screaming and absolutely having a panic attack, he simply breathed deeply, and took another sip of coffee.

"Now, there's something else we have to discuss that's related to this," Ozpin said, ending Cobin's little moment of clarity.

"Oh? Oh of course, shoot," Cobin said, snapping out of it.

"Well, you see," Ozpin began, "Now that you're a citizen, you're more or less free to travel within the Kingdom, you can even apply for a passport to travel further if you truly wish. Although, I do hope that you will want to continue your employment here at Beacon," he said.

"No worries there, Professor," Cobin said, "This place is as close as it gets to home right now. Can't imagine a reason I would want to leave permanently."

"That's very good to hear," Ozpin said, "But, I am sure that you will be wanting to leave campus every now and then to explore Vale and get a better idea of this world that you now inhabit. And when you do, there are certain ways in which you must conduct yourself, especially if you are with students of this institution."

Oh, I see where this is going, Cobin thought, "Please, continue," he said.

Ozpin sighed, "Because you are staff here at the Academy, there's a question of…" the Professor paused, seeming almost too embarrassed by the topic to state it, "...Fraternization," he said, finally.

Cobin laughed, and it wasn't just a small chuckle either, like a big, outright laugh. "No problem there, Professor," Cobin said when he finally composed himself, "You see, I may look relatively young, but in here," Cobin tapped the side of his cranium with his finger, "I'm one tired old man, and this tired old heart does not have what it takes to be messing around with teenage girls. I'll keep my distance."

Ozpin looked relieved, "That's extremely good to hear," he said.

"Plus, I'm like, at least ten years older than all of them," Cobin said, "It would be fuckin' weird."

"Indeed," Ozpin said, smiling, "Well, I guess I'll be off."

"Have a nice day, Professor," Cobin said as the form of Ozpin turned leave.

"You as well, Sergeant," Ozpin said, "And I wish you the best of luck on your shopping trip."

"Huh? What?" Cobin tried to ask, but Ozpin was already gone.

Suddenly Cobin's scroll began buzzing from his pocket. He pulled out the device and opened it, revealing a quick written message from Ruby, stating simply: "Heard you got your registration! Congrats! No excuses now! -The whole gang."

"Oh that bastard," Cobin said.

…

So, for all of you asking about relationship pairings in this fic, there's your answer. I don't really have anything against relationship pairings, but I'm just not very good at writing them. Also, I think if Cobin got "involved" with any of the students it would totally destroy this rep he's building as the fatherly-type, and I like him that way. That being said, if I find something occurring naturally between Cobin and another one of the RWBY characters, and it doesn't interrupt the normal flow of the story, maybe I'll run with it. Just have to wait and see.

I don't think I've really mentioned this yet but the support I've gotten so far on this story is absolutely fucking amazing. I never would have expected all of this, and I can't thank each and everyone of you enough for following, favoriting, and reviewing this little fic of mine. I wanted to make sure I got this out there while I remembered to do so, because the walls of my life are slowly closing in around me and the time between updates is only going to get larger. So for everyone who has read and enjoyed this story: FUCKING THANK YOU. 3 Y'all are awesome.

Thanks for reading!

Wahs, out.