Have you no shame? Don't you see me?
You know you've got everybody fooled.
Look, here she comes now.
Bow down and stare in wonder.
Oh, how we love you.
No flaws when you're pretending.
But now I know she...
...never was and never will be.
You don't know how you've betrayed me.
And somehow you've got everybody fooled.
Without the mask, where will you hide?
Can't find yourself lost in your lie.
WHEN THE LEVEE BREAKS
Sioux Falls, South Dakota
Beth's POV
It had been over twenty-four hours since we'd locked up our little brother. Long, painful hours of listening to him yell, curse, beg, cry… I'd found Dean down in the basement, his head pressed against the door to the panic room, just listening while the verbal assault continued.
"Okay. Let me out," Sam was saying from the inside, his eyes peeped out through the window and looked at me as I walked up. "Beth, this is not funny."
"Damn straight it's not, little brother," I said, coming to stand behind Dean. I lifted my hands to rest them on his shoulders and I felt him shift slightly, and a breath expel from his lungs – imperceptible other than I was touching him and felt it.
"Dean, come on," Sam tried again. "This is crazy."
"No. Not until you dry out," Dean said finally, standing up straight and looking in the window.
"Look, guys, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lied to you," Sam said. "Just open the door."
"You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault," Dean replied. His face was calm and hid his emotion well. What Sam couldn't see was the way his hands balled at his sides, his whole body tense with the will it took not to verbally attack Sam. "It's not your fault that you lied to me over and over again. I get it now. You couldn't help it."
"I'm not some junkie," Sam said.
"Really? I guess I've just imagined how strung out you've been lately," Dean said, and my mind wandered back to how he'd been just a few days ago – tired, haggard looking, slow-moving like someone nursing a hangover. It made a whole lot more sense now that we knew what we were fighting. Now that we knew we were dealing with an addiction that was worse than drugs.
"You're actually trying to twist this into some kind of ridiculous drug intervention?" Sam asked, looking over Dean's shoulder at me. "Come on, really?" Truth was, we didn't know what we were dealing with. Could he be detoxed? How much of a hold over Sam did the blood really have?
"If it smells like a duck," Dean said with a shrug, his voice tapering off.
"Dean, I'm not drinking the demon blood for kicks," Sam cut in. "I'm getting strong enough to kill Lilith."
"Strong?" Dean asked, looking at him with a disbelieving stare.
"Yeah."
"This is about as far away from strong as you can get, Sammy," I said, my voice soft and concerned.
"Try weak. Try desperate. Pathetic," Dean added, not so softly.
"Killing Lilith is what matters. Or are you so busy being self-righteous you forgot about her?" Sam's voice got hard and angry, and he hit the palm of his hand against the door, the sound echoing through the panic room.
"Oh, Lilith's gonna die. Beth and I will kill her. But not with you," Dean replied.
"You're not serious."
"Congrats, Sammy. You just bought yourself a benchwarmer seat to the Apocalypse," Dean stated in a slightly raised voice. He turned to walk away, eyes locking with mine just long enough to show me how hard this was on him.
"Dean, look—no, wait…." Dean spun around and shut the cover to the window so we didn't have to look at Sam any longer. Only then did he let his anguish and frustration show on his face. He pulled me in to him, his strong arms wrapping tightly around my shoulders and holding my head snug in under his chin.
"Come back here. Dean! Beth! Let me out of here! Dean! Let me out of here! Let me out! Dean!" It was nothing we hadn't heard since we got here, but it was starting to wear on our last nerves. I couldn't help but wonder – what happened if we couldn't cure him?
Several Hours Later
Bobby's Living Room
Beth's POV
Sam had been hallucinating Alistair. Problem was, he didn't know that – to him it was real. We could watch it from the little window in the cast iron door holding him prisoner, if we chose, and in those moments he was completely unaware that we were even there.
I had often found myself sitting at the base of the door, holding my rosary and praying as he screamed. Blood-curdling, soul-shattering screams that I could only equate with what Dean had gone through in Hell. I remembered them, every howl, every yell, every whimper.
Bobby plonked three crystal glasses down on the table Dean and I were sitting at, and poured whiskey in to all of them. He handed one to me, and then Dean, holding his aloft for a moment. I made a mental note that he looked tired – not that I could blame him – we had all been stressing him enough to put him into an early grave of late.
I added to my mental note that I should call Cole, tell her to come for a visit and check on him. I was sure he'd love to see JJ, as rambunctious as the child was. And she had a way of cleaning up after Bobby that didn't leave him an irate crazy person. Even I had tried to dust some of the books, tidy them up and put them on shelves. We were simply running out of shelves – and Bobby's library was starting to look like the lair of a mad scientist.
"Stop! Stop!" Sam's voice could be heard echoing up through the floor. He was safely locked away in the panic room, but that didn't mean we couldn't hear him.
"How long is this gonna go on?" Dean said with a sigh, frowning down at his drink.
"Here, let me look it up in my demon-detox manual," Bobby said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Oh wait. No one ever wrote one!"
Dean wasn't coping with our demon detox program as well as myself or Bobby. It was not unnoticed that he had turned to whiskey to drown out his own memories, and the knowledge of what we were doing to Sam. We'd assembled with Bobby in the library where we'd spent most of our time in the last day. Despite the multitude of dusty, old books Bobby had sitting around on every possible surface imaginable, we'd found no lore on detoxing someone on demon blood.
"No telling how long it'll take. Hell, or if Sam will even live through it," Bobby said, sitting by the table and taking a sip of his drink. Beside him the phone rang. He sighed and then answered it, all without batting an eyelid.
"Hello. ..." He said, listening for a moment. "Suck dirt and die, Rufus. You call me again, I'll kill you."
I looked up from the latest book on angels and demons that I was reading and cocked an eyebrow at him.
"What's up with Rufus?" I asked, curious what falling out these two on-again off-again hunting pals were fighting over this time.
"He knows," Bobby muttered, evading the answer. The phone rang again, Bobby picked it up to look at the caller ID even though his face said he know who it was. "I'm busy, you son of a bitch. This better be important."
Panic Room
Sam's POV
I woke up neither bound or gagged. I sat up, surprise playing at my mind as Alistair had been torturing me with the most ingenious methods ever. I had been experiencing this for not even a day, Dean had lived through decades of it. How, I didn't know. But now I was intact, unharmed, no longer in pain… was I losing my mind?
"The answer's yes. You're hallucinating," said a voice from behind me. I spun around and blinked. Speaking to me, was… me. Young me, from shortly after we took in Beth.
"That's right, it's me. Or I mean it's you," he said.
"I'm losing my mind," I said out loud. Clearly this was evidence that I was doing just that. I was talking to myself.
"Definitely."
"What do you want?" I asked.
It was strange watching a younger me have a conversation. His mannerisms and facial expressions were like looking into a mirror. Twelve years ago.
"An explanation," he said. "How could you do this to me? I thought we were gonna be normal."
It occurred to me that I was essentially about to start arguing with myself. That anyone listening to the one-side of conversation that they could actually see would think I'd lost my mind. Clearly I had. But for some reason, I wanted to. I almost needed to talk it out. To justify my actions. Even if it was to myself. Maybe especially so.
"I tried. I did. It didn't pan out that way. Sorry, kid."
"'Sorry, kid'? That's what you have to say? It's all we ever wanted. We were so close. You got away from Dad. You quit hunting." His eyes were sad and he threw his hands out in disbelief. "You were gonna become a lawyer and get married. Why'd you blow it?"
"Look. They killed Jessica."
"Yeah. And if you hadn't run off with Dean and Beth, if you'd been there to protect her, she'd still be alive," he argued.
"I know."
"You think Jess would want you to turn into this?" He asked. "She loved you. You think she'd be happy you using her as an excuse?"
"I'm sorry. I am. But life doesn't turn out the way you thought when you were fourteen years old. We were never gonna be normal. We were never gonna get away. Grow up." I snapped. There was a pain in my heart when I said that, but it was true. Dad had been right – there was no normal life for us, I was always going to be hunted for who I am, and he had prepared us for that. I had been prepared for that. Still I had failed.
"Maybe you're right. Maybe there's no escape. After all, how can you run from what's inside you?" He asked me, and I watched in horror as his eyes turned yellow.
Bobby's Library/Living Room
Beth's POV
"The news. The news ain't good," Bobby said when he got off the phone with Rufus. He was flipping channels on the TV, arriving at the news where headlines were streaming across the bottom of the screen.
"This is what Rufus called about? 'Key West sees ten species go extinct'." I asked.
"Yep. Plus Alaska. Fifteen-man fishing crew all stricken blind, cause unknown. New York, teacher goes postal, locks the door, kills exactly sixty-six kids. All this in a single day. I looked them up. There's no doubt about it. They're all seals. Breaking. Fast."
"How many are left?" Dean asked, frowning at the alarming news.
"Who knows?" Bobby asked with a shrug. "Can't be many." He turned to look at me, his eyes narrowing and clearly showing his frustration. "Where the Hell are your angel pals?"
I shrugged. "You tell me," I answered. I'd tuned into Castiel and had nothing for days. Things were extremely quiet, almost like he was blocking me. Angel radio was silent – which was odd in and of itself. Usually it was like a dull hum in the back of my mind, white noise that I couldn't quite shut out. Whatever was going on, it was big.
"I'm just wondering…" Bobby's voice was cautious at best, and his eyes turned to Dean as his voice trailed off.
"What?" Dean asked.
"The apocalypse being nigh and all...is now really the right time to be having this little domestic drama of ours?" Bobby asked. It was something I hadn't even stopped to think about. I knew, deep down, that this was needed. Sam was out of control, and we had made John a promise – one that we'd followed for so long I wasn't sure we knew how to do anything else. We would do whatever it took to protect Sam.
"What do you mean?" Dean asked.
"Well, I don't like this any more than you do, but Sam can kill demons. He's got a shot at stopping Armageddon." Bobby answered.
"So what? Sacrifice Sam's life, his soul, for the greater good?" Dean asked, tossing me a look. His eyes searched my face quickly, assessing my reaction, waiting to see if I was siding with him or Bobby. I shook my head almost imperceptibly in reply to his unspoken question, and I saw the corner of his mouth twitch up in a sad resignation before he turned back to Bobby. "Is that what you're saying? Times are bad, so let's use Sam as a nuclear warhead?"
"Look, I know you hate me for suggesting it. I hate me for suggesting it." Bobby said. "I love that boy like a son. All I'm saying is maybe he's here right now instead of on the battlefield because we love him too much."
I sighed, my fingers trailing along the smooth wooden olive beads of my rosary at my neck. It wasn't something we hadn't considered, but it was all we knew.
"Bobby, there's like one thing we promised Dad – to take care of Sam," I said. "Now, maybe we haven't done a stellar job of that sometimes, but if there's one thing I do know it's that letting Sam out of that room would be a mistake."
"Exactly," Dean nodded. "Sam stays where he is."
Panic Room
Sam's POV
Maybe if I could meditate, get deep inside my mind, I could put a stop to this. I could halt whatever insanity was creeping to the front of my consciousness. All I had to do was stay calm, take some deep breaths. For a moment I thought about the yoga poses I'd learned years ago at University, yet I couldn't seem to bring my arms or legs to move. They were heavy, as if someone had filled them with lead.
I was so thirsty. The room was spinning, even with my eyes closed, I couldn't stop it. I opened my eyes, looking for something to focus on… the table, and the water. The pitcher of water that Beth had left me. I could focus on that. I reached beside me, bracing myself against the cot to get up off the floor. Sitting cross legged for however long it had been must have caused the circulation in my legs to slow, because as I struggled to my feet, I sat back on the cot, my limbs tingling with pins and needles.
"Poor baby," someone said, and I looked up at someone I'd only ever known in pictures.
"Mom?"
I looked her over. She was standing there in the long white nightgown Dad and Dean had said she died in. A huge blood stain in the middle, covering her stomach. I could see Jess pinned to that ceiling, just like Mom had been – I knew that this was a story that had been drilled into me, one that had been re-enacted for my benefit, and killed my girlfriend.
"Sam. You look just awful," Mom said, looking at me sadly. I laughed, amused by my own brain. Naturally I would pull this scene out of my subconscious. Somewhere, deep down, I'd always had that fear of not being enough for my dead mother – of being a disappointment to her. Now I was about to hear how that was true.
"Let's hear it," I invited, standing up. "Go ahead."
"What do you mean?"
"You're disappointed. You never thought I'd turn out this way. I'm a piss-poor excuse for a son. Your heart is broken," I said, watching her closely as I sat on the cot. "Am I close?"
"Not at all," she said, surprising me. "You're doing the right thing, Sam. What you're doing is brave. You're not being crazy, you're being practical. Sam, I am so proud of you."
"But—but Dean…"
"Your brother doesn't understand," she said, coming to sit beside me on the cot. She smiled, and looked up at me. "I was raised a hunter from a long line. We understand that there are gonna be hard choices. And we do what we have to to get the job done. Yes, our family is cursed. But you—you have the power to turn it into a gift. You can use it against them."
"For revenge?" I asked.
"No, for justice," she answered. I hesitated, because how could she say that? How could that be true? "I know how scared you are," she said, seeing right through me.
"What's… in me… Mom, it's…"
"Evil. And you know it," she said plainly.
"What if it's stronger than me?" I asked, voicing that fear for the first time since I'd found out what I could do, what I was. "Look at me. What if Dean and Beth are right?"
"They can never know how strong you are, because they are both weak," Mom said, frowning and looking at me. "Look at what they've done to you. Locking you in here? They're terrified. They're in over their head." She said. "You are stronger than the pair of them, you always have been. They needed your father to tell them what to do, how to live their life, but you – you made your own path, Sam." She took my hand, squeezing it tight. "While they stick to outdated orders, they also know that you are stronger than either of them, and this scares them. You have to go on without them. You have what it takes. You have to kill Lilith."
"Even if it kills me." I agreed.
"Make my death mean something. I'm counting on you, Sam. Don't let anyone or anything get in your way. Not even Dean." Mom leaned into me, kissing my cheek, and then I was alone again. I could feel the press of her lips still there, as real as if someone had truly been here. I wondered if I had been talking to her ghost. But they couldn't get into the panic room. Could they?
Salvage Yard
Dean's POV
Beth was the prayerful one. She'd gone to the back of the garage-turned-gym where we had a little garden. It had once been her angel shrine, before she smashed it to pieces after she lost the baby. Now it was a memorial to him, with a bench, and a Magnolia tree standing guard over a little statue. We'd cremated him, and his ashes were there too, buried with the tree. She still went there to pray whenever we were here, I found myself more at home in the car yard.
I'd been out here for what seemed like a day, yelling at Castiel, waiting for him to reply. Beth's prayer was silent, more… religious like, I guess. Mine was downright rude and obnoxious. Yet apparently it got the job done when I heard the sound of flapping wings nearby and then suddenly our trench coated guardian angel arrived.
"Well, it's about time. I've been screaming myself hoarse out here for about two and a half hours now." I said in greeting, turning to look at him.
"What do you want?" Castiel asked, cold.
"You can start with what the hell happened in Illinois," I said, thinking about the last few days, where we'd journeyed hours only to find Cas's vessel – Beth's uncle – empty, and in danger. We nearly lost him, his whole family, and Beth in the process. I was angrier that once again an angel had been ready to ride out of here in Beth's body, and there had been nothing I could have done to stop it.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"Cut the crap. You were gonna tell me something," I said shortly.
"Well, nothing of import."
"You got ass-reamed in heaven but it was not of import?" I asked, the scepticism dripping from my voice. He was bullshitting me. He knew it, I knew it, and he knew that I knew it.
"Dean, I can't. I'm sorry. Get to the reason you really called me, I've been listening to Beth's prayers too. It's about Sam, right?"
"Can he do it?" Beth's voice sounded behind me, and I turned to smile at her. She was the one ray of sunlight in this shithole we were in, and I wasn't about to let that go unappreciated. "Kill Lilith, stop the apocalypse?"
I turned back to see Castiel focus on Beth as she stepped up beside me and I wrapped my arm around her waist. "Possibly, yes. But as you know, he'd have to take certain steps."
"Crank up the hell-blood regimen," I said. He nodded.
"Consuming the amount of blood it would take to kill Lilith would change your brother forever. Most likely, he would become the next creature that you would feel compelled to kill," Cas said. "There's no reason this would have to come to pass, Dean. We believe it's you, Dean, not your brother. The only question for us is whether you're willing to accept it. Stand up and accept your role. You are the one who will stop it."
"If I do this, Sammy doesn't have to?" I asked.
"Dean…" Beth's voice was cautious and I could feel her tense beside me, her hand sliding along my back.
"If it gives you comfort to see it that way," Cas said.
"God, you're a dick these days," I muttered, and stepped away, pulling Beth with me.
"Dean, I dunno…" she said quietly, and I hesitated.
"They're angels," I said. "Do you trust them?"
She looked at Cas, her mind ticking over. She had once, but things were different now. She had told me the other night how things were silent. Cas had used to speak to her a lot inside her own head, and now it was as if he didn't even exist. Even Ezekiel, the renegade angel, had fallen under the radar.
"We don't have a choice," I said. She sighed and bit her lower lip, contemplating.
"We can't lose Sam," she said finally. "Not after everything you've been through."
"Everything we've been through," I said, squeezing her hands. She had suffered just as much as I. "And you'll be here, you can help me do this." She nodded, taking a deep breath.
I sighed and turned my face toward Cas. "Fine, I'm in."
"You give yourself over wholly to the service of God and his angels?" Cas asked. I felt Beth's hands twitch in mine, and cringed internally at the words.
"Yeah, exactly," I replied after a heartbeat.
"Say it." Cas ordered.
"I give myself over wholly to serve God and you guys," I said haltingly, holding Beth's hands the whole time. This was a disaster, and I knew as soon as I said it that it was going to come back and bite me in the ass someday soon. I also knew it had to be done.
"You swear to follow his will and his word as swiftly and obediently as you did your own father's?" Cas asked.
"Yes, I swear," I said, watching as he nodded contemplatively at me. "Now what?"
"Now you wait, and we call on you when it's time." Cas replied before vanishing.
Living Room / Library
Beth's POV
"Bobby! Dean! Beth! Help! Hey! Hey! Guys! Guys! Help! Dean!" Sam's voice was echoing up through the floorboards again. It was morning. We'd had a long night talking over the conversation that we'd had with Castiel. I stood in the archway between the kitchen and living room nursing a cup of coffee as Bobby took in the news. I had a bad feeling in my gut about the vow Dean had sworn. It had to be as binding and real as any demon deal, and those things had never ended well for us. This was starting to feel the same way.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you willingly signed up to be the angels' bitch?" Bobby asked incredulously, looking from me to Dean. The latter turned cold eyes to him, clearly unimpressed with the term. "I'm sorry," Bobby said sarcastically. "You prefer 'sucker'? After everything you said about them, now you trust them?"
"Come on, give me a little credit, Bobby. I've never trusted them less. I mean, they come on like shady politicians from planet Vulcan," Dean said.
"Then why in the Hell did you…
"Because what other option do I have?" Dean interrupted. "It's either trust the angels or let Sammy trust a demon?" Neither was particularly appetising right now, but if there was one thing I knew – it was that I'd put my trust in the angels long before I would Ruby or any other demon.
"I see your point," Bobby said after a moment. The library fell quiet, and for the first time I realised that Sam wasn't shouting. He wasn't throwing things. He wasn't doing much of anything…
"You hear that?" I asked, holding my hand up in the air.
"Yeah," Dean said, nodding and already moving toward the basement stairs. "That's a little too much nothing." He ran down the stairs, I wasn't far behind him as he turned the corner toward the panic room. As he reached the iron door, he slid open the little window and we peered inside. Sam was one the ground, his eyes rolled into the back of his head, and his whole body was seizing.
"What if he's faking?" Dean asked.
"You really think he would?" I questioned, gripping his arm.
"I think he'd do anything," Dean said, and then suddenly Sam's body lifted off the ground and we watched, stupefied as he was tossed against the wall.
"That ain't faking," Bobby said, looking from behind us. I was already reaching for the lock, throwing the bolt back as Dean helped pull the heavy door open. As Sam's body started to move again, Dean and Bobby grabbed him and maneuvered him over to the cot. They pinned him down as Sam's body thrashed about, uncontrolled.
"We're gonna have to tie him down for his own safety," Bobby said, looking up at Dean. "Dean? You with me?" Dean was staring down at Sam, his eyes filled with helpless terror. "Beth!" Bobby snapped, drawing my attention. "Before he has another fit."
"Yeah, yeah," I nodded.
"Let's just get it over with," Dean added, rousing himself back to the moment.
Panic Room
Sam's POV
When I woke up, I wasn't expecting to be chained to the cot. When had that happened? How long had I been out? I sat up and found Dean standing at the foot of the cot.
"We had to. The demon blood was flinging you all over the room," he said. "Tell me something, Sam. Why did you do this to yourself?" I could see the disappointment in his face, the belief that I had failed him, the family, in some way. I was also starting to get tired of arguing with him.
"You know why," I replied.
"Right. 'Kill Lilith'. The big excuse. But why? What, revenge? Right?" Dean asked.
"Of course," I said. There was no other reason to be going through this.
"Revenge for what? For sending me to Hell? Did you happen to notice I'm back? Alive and kicking. So what's the point?" He asked, pacing in front of me, the tension just rolling off him in waves.
"Point? How about 'stop the damn apocalypse'?" I countered.
"My gig. Not yours. The angels said so, remember? God picked me, man. So you got any other fantastic excuses? Hmm? How about you explain why it is that you haven't taken care of Ruby now you know what she did to your sister?" Dean asked.
"You can talk, Dean! Why haven't you done something about it?"
"You think I haven't tried? Every time I go to kill that demon bitch you get in the way!"
"She's helping me, Dean. I need her."
"Oh yeah, helping you. I forgot, she's your supplier."
Living Room (Same Time)
Dean's POV
"I'm gonna ask one more time. Are we absolutely sure we're doing the right thing?" Bobby asked, and I seriously felt like banging my head against a brick wall. Beth came to sit on the desk, her legs swinging as she listened in.
"Bobby, you saw what was happening to him down there. The demon blood is killing him," I pointed out. We'd all seen it, we'd all had to deal with it. The only thing that was going to bring Sam back to us, the real Sam, and keep him safe was this detox.
"No, it isn't. We are," Bobby said.
"What?" Beth asked, looking up.
"I'm sorry. I can't bite my tongue any longer. We're killing him. Keeping him locked up down there. This cold-turkey thing isn't working. If—if he doesn't get what he needs, soon, Sam's not gonna last much longer," Bobby said.
He stopped to look from Beth to me, gauging our response. I could feel the same old resistances going up inside me. I wouldn't give in. He had to be wrong. Beth was shaking her head, but she was biting her bottom lip, which was a dead giveaway that she was worried. I was worried too, but the thought of giving him what he wanted most was even more scary.
"No. I'm not giving him demon blood. I won't do it," I said, shaking my head.
"And if he dies?" Bobby asked.
"Then at least he dies human!" I snapped. "I would die for him in a second, but I won't let him do this to himself. I can't. I guess I found my line. I won't let my brother turn into a monster."
Panic Room
Sam's POV
"I know why you really drink that blood, Sam," Dean said to me. I'd lay back on the bed, and I just wanted him to stop now, finish the torment, leave me to my misery.
"Just leave me alone," I said.
"Makes you feel strong. Invincible. A big bad wolf in a world of little pigs," he continued.
"No. You're wrong, Dean," I argued. It was unconvincing and flat; like I'd lost the will to fight the accusations anymore.
"It's more than that, isn't it? It's because your whole life, you felt different. Am I right?"
"Stop," I said.
"Oh, I hit a little close to home, huh? Not different because you were some lonely kid or because of your weirdo family," he pushed, coming over to the cot and looking down on me.
"Stop it!"
"Because you're a monster," he practically spat out, finally saying what he'd been thinking all this time. What we all had. I was a monster. He was right – I was losing the battle, and I could feel myself sinking.
"Shut up! Just—shut. The hell. Up!" I yelled.
"You were always a monster. And you only feel right when you're sucking down more poison and more evil," Dean said. I took a swing at him, my wrist catching in the handcuff around my arm. I couldn't touch him if I wanted to. And right now I wanted to beat the tar out of him for his attitude.
"Monster, Sam. You're a monster," Beth's voice sounded, and she walked in from the side of the room.
"Beth, no," I said, shaking my head.
"And I tried so hard to pretend that we were brother and sister. That you weren't one of the filthy things that we hunt. But we're not even the same species. You slept with the demon who ruined my life. You're nothing to me," Beth said. I didn't know when Dean had told her about Ruby, but clearly she knew now, and it hadn't taken long for her to turn on me too.
"You're nothing to us," Dean echoed her voice, coming to stand beside her.
"Don't say that to me. Don't you say that to me!" I closed my eyes, turning away and gasping for air as I fought what they were saying. When I looked back up they were gone, and an empty room stared back at me. I had been hallucinating again. They'd never been here. What else was my messed up mind going to throw at me?
Outside the Panic Room - Later
Castiel's POV
I had orders. It didn't matter if I agreed with them or not, orders were orders. I had learned my lesson when I was back in Heaven. I knew my place. Sam had made his bed, and while Dean and Beth were doing their best to keep him from doing himself any harm – this wasn't where Heaven wanted him. He had a role to play. One that Heaven wanted him to play. Who was I to question Heaven? We had to get Dean back on track – the only way to do that was to release Sam.
I concentrated on the cuff at Sam's left wrist, and within seconds it popped open. I repeated for the ankle, and then the right side too. With a wave of my hand, the lock to the door slid back and the door opened. I hid, so that he wouldn't see me. No one could know it was me who let Sam out. I could sense the surprise in Sam, and then heard him sitting up.
"Hello?" He asked tentatively, then there was the sound of him getting up. He barely hesitated, slipping out the door. "Someone here?"
When no one answered, he hurried up the basement stairs, right over the top of me. He didn't even notice that I was hiding in the darkness. I looked back at the room and with a wave of my hand closed and locked the door to the panic room – it was as if I had never been here.
I felt a twinge inside my gut – guilt – but I pushed it back. I did not serve humans, and I most certainly didn't answer to the Winchesters. This I had been reminded of during my return to Heaven. I concentrated on my next destination, and with a rush of air, I moved – teleporting to the wharf in the city. I had another job to do now.
Standing and watching the water was soothing to my uncertain thoughts. I pushed them aside as best I could and then came alert as soon as the streetlights started to flicker. She knew. We had made sure that the rebel angels had received news of Sam's escape.
"What did you do?" Anna asked. I sighed quietly, feeling that guilt eat at me some more. She'd actually come. I'd been wondering if it would be her or Ezekiel, but he'd been extremely quiet of recent – no one knew what he was up to. He'd sent Anna, or she'd come on her own, either way she'd come to regret that.
"You shouldn't have come, Anna," I said, and I meant what I said. I had been hoping they'd see the message was a trap, and avoid me. As always, Anna's stubborn pride made her vulnerable.
"Why would you let out Sam Winchester?"
"Those were my orders," I replied.
"Orders?" She said sceptically. "Cas, you saw him. He's drinking demon blood. It's so much worse than we thought. Dean was trying to stop him."
"You really shouldn't have come," I reiterated, letting the sadness I was feeling fill my eyes. Two angels appeared either side of her. She looked at me, as if she wasn't surprised at my betrayal. I watched as in a flash of light she and the angels vanished. Maybe she would start to see Heaven's plan after another stay there.
Salvage Yard
Beth's POV
I'd been sleeping on the couch in front of the fireplace when I heard the stairs creak. I knew Dean was upstairs in our old bedroom, and Bobby was also asleep. It was late, none of us had been expecting an escape, and yet it was happening. I reached for the shotgun beside me, slipping into my boots at the same time. Within seconds I was out the door, and chasing down our wayward brother while he was trying to hotwire a car from the yard.
I cocked the gun and pointed it at his back. My stomach tightened, and I fought to control my breathing.
"Uh-uh, Sam. The only place you're going is back inside with me," I said as he turned to look at me.
"No," he said, and I looked at his face. He looked like Hell.
"Damn it, Sammy," I said, glaring at him. My grip tightened on the gun, and I struggled with the situation.
"You won't shoot me, Beth," he said, and it was true. He knew I wouldn't. We were trying to save him, it made no sense to shoot him. I could hear Dean's voice echoing in my mind: I will not let our brother turn into a monster, better he die a human. I wondered how literal he had been.
"Don't test me," I said.
"You won't do it. You can't do it. I'm your brother, Beth."
I wavered, the gun shaking slightly as I looked imploringly at him. "We're trying to help you, Sam."
He grabbed the end of the shotgun and stepped forward, bringing it point blank to his chest and then looked me in the eye.
"Then shoot," he said. "So help me, Beth, shoot me because if you don't… you won't ever forgive me for what comes next."
That didn't sound good. "And what's that, Sam?"
He was struggling with something, his eyes looking at me with frustration tinged in sadness.
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"Ruby."
"What about her?" I questioned. I was confused, we knew about Ruby, we knew she was behind this demon blood addiction. "We already know she's the reason you're strung out, Sam."
He looked pained at me, his brow furrowing. "I'm sorry Beth. But…"
He moved faster than I was expecting. Within a heartbeat he had disarmed me, and then blinding pain hit my forehead as I blacked out.
Panic Room
Dean's POV
"How the Hell did he get out?" I asked, as Bobby opened the locked panic room from the outside. Bobby shrugged and looked up at the untouched vent that doubled as a skylight.
"Maybe he had help. Room full of busted devil's traps," he replied, gesturing to the floor where the metal devil's traps had been ripped up from the floor.
"Demons?" I asked. "Ruby."
"That'd be my guess," Bobby said with a nod.
"How did she even touch the door?" I questioned. The thing was coated in salt.
"You think she's got the mojo?" Bobby asked. I thought about all the times I'd been unfortunate enough to run into the demon.
"I didn't think so. I don't know, man," I said, shrugging.
"What difference does it make?" Bobby asked, his tone frustrated and angry. "How he got gone ain't as important as where he got gone to."
"Well, I'll tell you one thing," I said, thinking about Beth upstairs on the couch, nursing a massive headache and was likely going to end up as some pretty impressive bruising. "At this point I hope he's with Ruby."
"Why?"
"'Cause killing her's the next big item on my to-do list," I muttered.
Not only was Sam gone, but it was becoming painfully obvious I was going to have to break the news to Beth about what I knew of Ruby too. Once I did, it wasn't going to matter what Sam had to say in defence of the demon, she was as good as dead.
"I thought you were on call for angel duty," Bobby said, pulling me back from my thoughts.
"I am on call. In my car, on my way to murder the bitch," I said, leaving the room and starting back up the stairs. Bobby followed me as I returned to the library, breathing a sigh of relief to see Beth sitting on the couch and holding an ice pack to her head. I was starting to feel like I couldn't let her out of my sight.
"Just one thing…" Bobby said as he joined us. "Sam don't wanna be found, which means he's gonna be damn near impossible to find."
I looked over at Beth again who inclined her eyebrow as if she was accepting the challenge.
"Yeah, we'll see," I said, contemplating. "If anyone knows Sam, it's us. He's not that unpredictable, even when he's trying to get lost."
Hotel Room
Sam's POV
The hotel I was in was completely unlike anything I was used to. As a family, we'd always stuck to the mid-range regular run of the mill motels. Now that I had both Dean and Beth on my tail, I needed to step it up a bit. I stared at my hands, they were shaking as much as I was, I ached all over as I waited for the one thing I knew was going to help.
There was a knock at the door and I jumped up, rushing to answer the door. Brown eyes stared back at me, for a moment I thought it was Beth and then I blinked. Ruby. She smirked and pushed her way into the room.
"Honeymoon suite, really?" She asked. "I'm flattered." I shut the door behind her, and then turned to face her.
"Did you bust me out of that room?"
"How could I, Sam? The whole thing's engineered to bite me in the ass," she replied, facing me with arms crossed over her chest. She scowled and I thought about the last time we'd needed to hole up in the panic room – she'd had to stay outside the door, couldn't even touch it.
"Then how did I get out of there?"
"I don't know," she shrugged. "I don't wanna know. You're out. That's all that matters. I'm glad you're here." Her eyes looked at me with a hunger, like she wanted to devour me. I couldn't deny that I didn't feel the same way – pretty much literally. I was aching for her.
"Yeah? Where the hell have you been?" I asked, feeling the disquiet that had been with me for the last few weeks settle into my chest.
"I got here as quick as I could," she said.
"I mean the past three weeks. I've been calling you," I said, almost embarrassed at the tone of my voice – like a whiny little milksop that was missing his mother.
Ruby rolled her eyes and dropped her arms to her side. "I've been pretty deep in it trying to dig out Lilith. Sometimes I can't sit around and check my voicemail." She looked at me, and her eyes softened as she took in the uncontrollable shaking of my limbs, and she walked over to me, rest her hand on my forearm. "I'm sorry you're hurting. Really. I had no idea that Dean would do that to you."
"You and me both."
"You didn't book this joint just to impress me, did you?" She asked.
I sighed, and shook my head. "Dean's gonna come after me – especially after…"
"After?"
"I knocked Beth out to get away," I confessed and she smirked.
"Oooh ouch, not smart Sam."
"I didn't have a choice! She was just going to lock me back in that room, she was on his side," I said shortly.
"You did what you had to do – they… they didn't give you a choice. They weren't listening to you, Sam," Ruby said.
"Which has now made me a target. They know my habits, my aliases, everything. They know exactly which motel I'd pick," I said.
"Hence the room," she said with a nod, looking around at the lavish honeymoon set-up.
I had to admit, it didn't hurt now that she was here. I was struggling with the fact that Ruby had done so much harm to Beth's family – but that had been a long time ago. When I talked to her about it, she confessed that she'd had it out for Beth at one point – but once we'd gotten involved, she'd laid her old vendettas to rest. All she wanted now was Lilith dead so she could live in peace.
"Whatever it takes to shake them," I said.
"It won't be easy. I mean, they know you better than anyone," she pointed out.
"Not as well as they think."
Ruby paused, her eyes staring up at me, looking almost as mournful as I felt.
"You know, it's sad," she said.
"What?"
"That things have gotten this bad between you guys," she replied. Ruby lifted her arm to run her hand through my hair and I couldn't take it anymore, I had to have her. I had waited so long. I pushed her back, slamming her down on the bed and leaning over her, stopping to feel along her soft and welcoming body. I knew she'd have it somewhere, and I pulled her shirt up to kiss the skin of her flat stomach while I trailed my hand down her leg. She lay still, watching me, her chest heaving with desire as I slipped my fingers under the hem of her jeans, finding the ankle sheath I was looking for.
I nipped at her stomach and she groaned. Pulling the knife out of the sheath I brought it up, kissing my way up to her neck and then drawing the knife across Ruby's arm. The wound welled with inviting, hot blood and I growled, wrapping my lips around it and drinking greedily. Once I had my fill of this, I would have her, and then for the first time in a month I might start to feel sated.
Salvage Yard
Beth's POV
Dean was getting the Impala ready as I lugged our bags down the steps of the house. He paused, running over to grab them off me and I smiled.
"You don't have to," I said, "I'm not an invalid."
"I know," he said with a grin. "Can't a man do something nice for his woman?"
"Your woman?" I said with a laugh. "That's a new one."
He laughed and tossed the duffels into the trunk, slamming it shut and returning to slide his hands around my waist.
"What's going on with you? You've been strung out since before Sam escaped," I said as he kissed along my neck, and he tensed immediately. "I mean, it's more than just Sam, it's like you've got the world on your shoulders Dean." The anxiety was rolling off him in waves, and I threaded my fingers through his hair, pulling his head gently back so that I could look into those troubled green eyes.
"Beth…"
Bobby stepped out on to the porch, shattering the moment.
"Police found my car. Abandoned in an alley in Jamestown, North Dakota," he said.
"He's switching up. Any other cars stolen in Jamestown?" I asked, letting go of Dean and taking a step back to face Bobby.
"Two. 1999 Honda Civic, blue. Nice and anonymous, like Sam likes," he said.
"What was the other one?" Dean asked, and I nodded. I could see where he was going with it. Sam, when he wanted to disappear tended to go overboard with the "opposites day" thing.
"White oh-five Escalade with custom rims. It's a neon sign," Bobby said with a shrug.
"You're right. He'd never take that," Dean smirked.
"Which is exactly what he did," I added.
"You think?"
"Yeah. We know that kid," Dean said with a nod. "All right, we'll head in that direction. You stay here, ride the police databases. We gotta find him quick."
Hotel Room
Sam's POV
Ruby's warm body was pressed up again mine, and it felt good. Too good. I groaned from the exerting sex session we'd just finished, and kissed along her shoulder as I pulled her back against my chest, spooning her.
"Your appetite's gotten much bigger," she commented, sighing and laying back against me.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, feeling my body tense.
"Sam, relax. It's okay," she soothed. "It's good. Just means you're getting stronger, that's all. It means you're strong enough to kill Lilith. Just in time, too, because the final seals are breaking."
"How many are left?"
"Three…two…" she said.
"What?" I asked, sitting up slightly. "Where are the angels?" Part of me wanted to leave right now and find Dean and Beth, get a call out on the angel radio and ask just that question. How was it that 64 seals had broken? We'd personally saved at least a dozen in the last year!
"Screwing the pooch, wherever they are," Ruby replied with a sigh. "The point is, it's looking more and more like we're getting down to the final seal. And I found out something big."
"What?"
"Seal sixty-six. It can't be broken by just any demon. Apparently, only Lucifer's first can do it," she said.
"Lucifer's first?" That didn't sound good. In fact, it made me sweat just thinking about it.
"Demon Sunday School story," Ruby said, twisting slightly in my arms so she could look up into my eyes. "God prefers humans to angels. Lucifer gets jealous and then he gets creative. And he twists and tempts a human soul into the very first demon as a 'screw you' to God. It's what got him locked up in the first place."
"That was Lilith?"
"She's way older than she looks," Ruby smirked. I sat up, leaning on my elbow as I tried to process everything that she'd just told me.
"Wait. So if Lilith is the only one who can break the final seal," I reasoned. "If I get to her in time…"
"Then Lucifer never busts out of his cage. Exactly," Ruby finished. I was starting to see an end here. Finally, a way to put this whole nightmare behind us, a way to keep Dean and Beth out of the path of getting themselves killed again. I was stronger than them, I could do this without them, and I could finish this – myself.
"Great," I said, smiling at Ruby and brushing a hand along her neck. "You figure out where she is?"
Ruby sighed, frowning slightly as she looked up at me. "The bitch can hide," she said. "But I finally have a lead on someone who might be able to help us. I closed in on a member of Lilith's entourage. You might call her a personal chef."
"Chef?" I asked sceptically. "Seriously? What does she eat?"
Another frown, and then she leaned up to press her lips quickly to mine. "You don't wanna know."
A Few Hours Later
Sam's POV
I'd listened to Ruby relay to me the story of how she'd tracked down the demon who personally handpicked newborn babies from hospitals, stealing them, and taking them to Lilith for dinner. My stomach was churning at the idea, that such innocent life meant nothing to that demon bitch. Was nothing sacred? Not even babies?
"So, our demon gourmet nurse," I said, referring to the meat suit that the Chef was riding of late. "You're sure?"
"She'll be there," Ruby said, wriggling into a pair of black jeans and looking over at me as she buttoned them up. "Graveyard shift tomorrow night. Meantime, if you're gonna be strong enough to kill Lilith, you're gonna need more than I can give you now."
I sighed, not wanting to think about it. I was still smarting from the fight with Dean and Beth, and things they'd said to me, as far back as months ago about me being off the reservation. It was true, they were right, I was hurtling down a path that seemed to be leading nowhere but bad – yet the light at the end of the tunnel was beckoning. I could see it clearly, and the goal was obvious. Lilith.
"Sam," Ruby said, moving to cup my cheek in the palm of her hand, her eyes softening as she looked down at me. "Come on, it's okay."
"I know I need more," I said with a nod, closing my eyes. "I get it. I know it's okay. I just …" I stopped, thinking about Dean and that look he'd given me. "I wish they trusted me, you know?"
Ruby sighed, kissing my forehead. "Sorry," she said quietly.
"I just hope...you know, when all this is over...I hope we can fix things."
Impala
Dean's POV
Beth had the phone on speaker and Bobby was relaying his latest find to us as I hurtled us down the road toward the last known direction Sam had been heading in.
"Cops found the Escalade in a ditch outside Elk River," Bobby's gruff voice said and Beth nodded, looking over at me.
"How far away are we?" She asked.
"A couple of hours," he replied. "I pulled a weather map, made some calls. There's a town not far from there, Cold Spring. Lighting up with demon signs."
"A good place to look," I said. We were fresh out of ideas other than this, but hunting was what we did best, and this was just like any other job. We needed to find demons, if Sam was truly on a bender, then he'd be going after them. Who knew what kind of crazy plan that bitch Ruby was hatching inside her head.
"Hey, listen," Bobby said after a pause, the words were heavy with meaning.
"What?" I asked.
"Us finding Sam?" He said. "It's gotta be about getting him back, not pushing him away."
"Right," I said with a short nod.
"I know you're mad, Dean. I understand," he said in his most reasoning tone possible. "You guys got a right to be, but I'm just saying. Be good to him anyway. You gotta get through to him."
Beth looked at me sadly and then down at the phone.
"Yeah… okay Bobby, we hear you," she said. "We'll talk to you soon."
She hung up the phone and looked at me, I was already shaking my head.
"He's right," she said, and I shook my head again.
"Dammit Beth, all we ever do is try to get through to that kid," I muttered and she sighed.
"I know."
"We still need to try, Dean."
I looked over at her for a moment, nothing but the occasional street light illuminating her face. She was lost in shadow and I couldn't read what was going on in her mind, her face hidden from me.
"Yeah okay," I said, clenching the steering wheel even tighter than I had been. "But I'm getting real tired of hearing his excuses."
Motel – Several Hours Later
Dean's POV
I had broken more than a few speeding records to get us to town faster than the projected two hours. It had taken us an hour and a half to figure out where he was. Sending Beth to park the car, I couldn't wait any longer to get inside and take a look around. I crept down the hallway, until I found the honeymoon suite he had holed up in. The Honeymoon Suite, like Beth and I weren't going to see through that! Watching, the door opened, and I ducked back into a side hallway, listening as someone left the room. I glanced around the corner in time to see Sam move out of view down the hallway, heading in the other direction.
Once he was out of sight, I crept the ten feet down to the room and tried the handle – unlocked. Quietly I let myself in, coming face to face with Ruby who was packing a bag on the bed. She looked surprised to see me, and I launched myself at her, swinging the demon blade at her. The leather of her jacket met the blade as she blocked me with an arm, twisting her wrist to grip my arm and keep the knife at bay.
I swung her into a wall, hoping to dislodge her, but she was strong. She held on, her other hand grabbing at my wrist as I tried to shove the blade into her. Two hands, and she struggled. I swung my arms large and around to the right, unbalancing her, but still she wouldn't let go of me. Switching the blade to my other hand, I raised it, eyes locking on the bitch as I swung down.
"No!" Sam yelled, and his arm locked around mine, blocking my downward swing. He used the momentum of being behind me, and pulled me behind him, throwing me against the bed as he disarmed me.
"Hey!" I heard Beth yell, and she rushed into the room, Sam grabbing her and propelling her into me, putting himself between Ruby and the two of us. "Let her go," Sam ordered, putting his arm out toward us. "Just take it easy."
I sucked in a long breath, pushing myself to my feet as Beth took my arm, helping me to stand.
"Well," I said, standing to full height. "It must've been some party you two had going, considering how hard you tried to keep us from crashing it." Sam was flashing his puppy dog eyes at us, and I'd tried to go into this with the Dr Phil attitude Bobby wanted, but seeing Ruby had just brought it all to a head.
"Well, solid try, but here we are," I finished, gesturing to Beth who was standing beside me, her hand still on my arm.
"Dean, I'm glad you're here. Look. Let's just talk about this," Sam said and I watched Ruby rolling her eyes. Clearly us finding them hadn't been part of whatever plan she had going.
I nodded toward her, cowering behind him like the piece of shit that she was. "Soon as she's dead, we can talk all you want," I replied.
Sam's head turned slightly to her, and she glanced at him, their eyes meeting. "Ruby, get out of here."
"No, she's not going anywhere," I said, taking a step toward her. Sam turned back to me, a warning look flashing in his eyes and Ruby scampered out the door, not having to be told twice. Sam watched her go, and I shook my head, running a hand over my face.
"She's poison, Sam," I said, and he damn well knew it too. Yet he was still hanging out with her, after everything I'd told him!
"It's not what you think, Dean," Sam started.
"Look what she did to you!" I snapped, "she up and vanishes weeks at a time, leaves you cracking out for another hit…"
"She was looking for Lilith," Sam interrupted. I rolled my eyes, could he hear himself? What was going to be the next excuse?
"That is French for manipulating your ass ten ways from Sunday," I said.
"You're wrong, Dean," Sam argued.
"Sam, you're lying to yourself," Beth chimed in, stepping around me to look at our little brother. Her tone was a hell of a lot softer than mine was, considering everything he'd said and done to her in the last few months, she was dealing with this a lot better than I was. "We just want you to be okay," she continued. "You would do the same for us. You know you would."
"Just listen," Sam raised his hand, and then looked at the knife he was still holding after taking it from me. He tossed it on the bed, holding his palms out to us in a gesture of good will. "Just listen, for a second. We got a lead on a demon close to Lilith," he said. "Come with us. We'll do this together."
He was begging, it was in his eyes, his chest heaving. I could see that he was barely holding on, watching us to go with him, he didn't want us to turn our backs on him. He never had. He'd said as much when we'd been forced to kill that rugaru. All he wanted was our approval, for us to stick by him, for him to not be alone. I tried to hold on to that.
"That sounds great," I said, nodding. We could do this, but we had to do it my way. "As long as it's you and me and Beth. Demon bitch is a deal breaker. You kiss her goodbye, we can go right now." Beth nodded beside me, and for a moment I thought we could get him back.
"I can't," Sam said, shaking his head. Just like that, he was the same stubborn little shit who defied Dad constantly. He wanted us to give him permission to do this, to turn into the monster we'd been trying so hard to protect him from. I couldn't do that. I shook my head, turning away from him. I could see Beth run a frustrated hand through her hair, and I empathised with it. My chest was heaving, I was going to fail if I didn't do something soon to get through to him. We would lose him.
"Dean, I need her to help me kill Lilith. I know you can't wrap your head around it, but maybe one day you'll understand." I shook my head at that, barely believing what I was hearing.
"I'm the only one who can do this, Dean."
I turned back around, feeling the anger flare up in me. "No, you're not the one who's gonna do this," I said.
"Right," Sam scoffed, "that's right, I forgot. The angels think it's you."
"You don't think I can?" I asked.
"No," Sam replied. "You can't. You're not strong enough. Even together, the pair or you aren't strong enough."
"And who the Hell are you?" I snapped.
"I'm being practical here," Sam said. I felt my hand curl into a fist, fighting the urge to lash out at him. "I'm doing what needs to be done."
"Yeah?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. "You're not gonna do a single damn thing."
"Stop bossing me around, Dean," Sam snapped. "Look. My whole life, you take the wheel, you call the shots, and I trust you because you are my brother. Now I'm asking you, for once, trust me."
He looked over at Beth, his expressing imploring her. It was ironic given what he knew about Beth, and Ruby, and the whole damn mess that bitch was responsible for. Beth glanced at me, and I shook my head again.
"No," I said, swallowing hard. "You don't know what you're doing, Sam. That demon bitch has betrayed us before, she'll do it again!"
Sam pulled himself up short, looking from me to Beth once more. "You… you told her?" He asked, his tone was surprised and for a split second I didn't know what he was talking about.
"Told me what?" Beth asked, and then I realised, he thought the betrayal I was talking about was Ruby killed Beth's father. Such a simple statement, and he'd gone right to the core of the issue.
Sam scoffed, his eyes dark and angry. "You talk about me keeping secrets, telling lies. What about you Dean?"
I couldn't believe I was hearing what I was hearing. "Really?" I asked, throwing my arms up in the air. "You're going to do this now? You think this makes you right?"
"Do what?" Beth asked, looking urgently from me to Sam, who simply stared at me, almost daring me to say something.
"Yeah, okay," I said, feeling a resignation cross my chest. "You know what. Screw it. Tell her, Sam. Tell Beth how you're running around screwing and drinking blood from the demon who killed her father."
Sam's eyes widened, and I heard Beth take in a sharp breath, then they spoke almost simultaneously.
"Dean…what… are you mad?" Sam asked.
"He's what?!" Beth echoed.
"I'm not mad, Sammy. I'm desperate. Look at you, you have no idea what you're doing," I said softly, just wanting it all to be over. If telling Beth this big secret wasn't going to shame him into looking at his actions, then nothing was going to work.
"Yes, I do," Sam said stubbornly.
Nodding, I looked sadly at Beth who was staring at us both, her mouth practically hanging open and confusion in her eyes.
"Then that's worse," I said.
"Why?" Sam asked. "Look, I'm telling you…"
"Because it's not something that you're doing, it's what you are! It means…" I stopped short before I finished the sentence, and Beth sat down in a chair behind her, stunned and speechless.
"What?" Sam asked. "No. Say it." His eyes were full of unshed tears, but I couldn't stop myself.
"It means you're a monster," I whispered. Beth sobbed, and I looked over at her, seeing her cover her mouth with her hand, watching us both.
Sam chose that moment to sucker punch me. I went down hard, searing pain shooting through my cheek as he stood over me. Bobby's words were the furtherest thing from my mind in that moment. I stood slowly to my feet, and when I turned around it was with a punch of my own, straight to his face.
"Dean!" I heard Beth's voice, but it was as if it was coming from a distant place as I lashed out at Sam, finally feeling myself snap inside. I punched him right, after left, after right, sending him reeling back into the room, then tossing out a kick. I moved in for another punch, but Sam's recovery was faster than I expected, he blocked the punch, delivering one of his own to my ribs and knocking the wind out of my lungs. I stumbled back and he hit me again, hard, then a couple more punches to my face, the sheer force of each one spinning me around until I crashed into a mirror.
"Stop it! Sam!" I turned around to see Beth rushing at him, he grabbed her by the arm and flung her across the room, where she hit the wall with a resounding thud. I yelled at him, throwing my whole body into his, and he picked me up, tossing me as if I were in a wrestling match with him through a class table. I landed on the ground, and lay there gasping for breath. Sam was panting as he pinned me to the ground, his hands coming to my neck. I was powerless to match him, I could see black spots dotting my vision and then Beth stumbled over to grab Sam around the shoulders.
"Sam! Stop it! No!"
Sam let go when she touched him, and she pulled him away from me. I coughed, rolling to my side and holding out a hand in case he decided to come back to finish the job. But he was done. He shoved Beth aside, climbing to his feet, and she dropped down on her knees to pull me to her as he stared down at us.
"You don't know me. You never did. And you never will," he said, shaking his head at us again. He turned to leave and I heard the words coming out of my mouth before I even thought about them, where I'd heard them before, who had said them in the past.
"You walk out that door, don't you ever come back," I ordered, and Beth gasped next to me, but mercifully stayed silent. Sam paused, looking back at us both, and then he was gone.
Later
Beth's POV
There were shards of glass still caught in my jeans. I picked at them while sitting on the hood of the Impala, having just taken in the whole story from Dean about Ruby. How she'd been the one to possess me – she was Rhuddem, the demon who had been scorned and burned alive by one of my ancestors – someone she loved and trusted. She'd been hunting and killing my family since the dark ages, and two of my closest family members had known all this time and not told me.
Part of me understood why. The other part of me was aching inside at the betrayal.
"I don't believe it," I said, not for the first time in the last hour. "I just… I don't believe it. All these years, and she's been – she's been in our lives, right there. Pretending to help us!"
Dean was pacing in front of me, and as I said that he turned to look at me, the shame showing clearly in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Beth. I should have told you sooner."
"I can't believe you kept this from me, Dean!" I said, standing up and brushing past him to stare at the lake we'd parked next to.
"I thought…" Dean stopped, throwing his arms up in the air. "I dunno what I thought, this is the shit that gets us into trouble." He walked over to me, standing next to me, but not touching me. "I should have told you the minute I found out."
I bit my lip, glancing over at him. "When did you find out?" The look on his face couldn't have been more forlorn. Tears were swimming in his eyes and he blinked them back. "Dean? How long?" I asked.
"Before… before I went to Hell," he said and I felt my eyes widen. "That witch case we were on, when we saw Ruby. I made the connection then."
"What?" I gasped. "Dean… that was over a year ago!"
"I know!" he said, running a hand across his face. "I know… I'm sorry, Beth. I just didn't want to add to what you were already going through. I wanted to protect you."
"Protect me?" I asked, shaking my head at him. "You left me alone here, with Ruby on the loose and Sam at her beck and call!" I couldn't even begin to put all this together in such a short amount of time. We should have been doing whatever we could to kill her back then, to protect him from her influence before he'd gone to Hell.
"I didn't know how far gone he was. I told him to stay away from her, to protect you," he said, and he turned me to face him, falling to his knees and looking up at me with such sorrow.
"I screwed up Beth," he said. "I know I did. I screwed up more times than I can count and you seem to be the only one who gets hurt when I do."
I thought about how much we'd failed each other, in everything. How Sam was in the wind, lost to Ruby's demonic plan – whatever that was. Tears started to fall down my face, and I looked down at this man in front of me – who I trust implicitly. I knew I couldn't stay angry with him, I knew he'd done what he thought was right. But was this any different to what was going through Sam's head? He thought he was doing the right thing too.
"Sam got hurt too," I said, brushing my hand along his cheek.
"I don't know how to save him," Dean confessed, shaking his head and closing his eyes. "I don't know what to do. I can't lose you too, Beth. He's right, I'm not strong enough."
"Yes, you are," I said, kneeling with him and kissing his lips. "You are," I reiterated. "We are, we can do this, Dean. We can put a stop to this." If there was nothing else I knew, it was what we had to do now, we had to get to Lilith and end her. We had to get Sam away from this demonic plan, no matter how much he thought it was necessary.
"I'm sorry, Beth," Dean said again, reaching his hands up to grasp my face. "I should have never kept that from you."
I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment. "Oh Dean," I said softly. "None of it matters, not now." I looked at him, smiling albeit sadly. "Sam is what matters. Killing Lilith and stopping the end of the world… that matters. You, and me, that matters."
He frowned, searching my eyes with his own sad and murky green orbs. "How are you so calm right now?"
I smirked, reaching up and taking his hands in my own, dropping them between us. "Oh don't think I'm not angry, Dean Winchester," I said, raising my eyebrow at him. "I'm furious. I've never been so … utterly… gutted." His face broke a little and I grabbed him in a tight hug, my arms circling his neck as I pressed my forehead to his. "Just promise me, no more secrets."
"I swear," he said, his hands sliding around my waist and holding me.
"There's one thing I know for sure," I said, brushing my nose against his and looking him in the eyes.
"What?"
I smiled, wondering if I looked as angry and homicidal as I felt right now. "That demon bitch better run, and enjoy her last days on Earth," I said. "Because when I catch up to her. I'm gonna kill her myself."
AUTHOR'S NOTES
Song for this chapter is: Everybody's Fool - Evanescence
Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Not long to go now :) I'm excited to get a start on Season 5, so much story to tell!
I'm also excited to announce that my muse is back as far as getting the Angel Story to come into being. I've almost got the chapter outlines written, and the storyline straight in my head. I think it's going to be a fun addition to the Dean & Beth storyline. It will feature the behind-the-scenes stories of Gabriel, Ezekiel, Castiel and a new OFC Sariel (who has made a couple of guest appearances here). Someone asked in a review about what happened to Heracles and his family - that story will be told there! I'm very excited and hope to get a start on that soon. It will be shorter updates fitting in around these chapters.
As always thanks for the reviews you leave, it really helps to keep me inspired to keep writing, and of course I love hearing the different ideas people have.
Take care and thanks for reading!