"My confidence was shattered I was feeling mighty humbled..."*

That kind of sums it up. This hiatus was tough. It wasn't supposed to happen at all and the longer I went without posting (oh, I was still writing, if that's what you'd call it), the more I lost faith in what I wrote. I've kept but might scrap what I've done for You've Got Mail, Jukebox, June Fete, All Things Titan and Politics as Usual. This is a completely new chapter of Double Take from the one I'd been playing with. I hope it is up to snuff. I know it is disappointingly short but I need to take baby steps for now. The following chapter is started that might have worked as the second half of this one but I knew if I didn't post this, I might never post again... I may have gotten back on the proverbial horse, as it were, but I'm not quite up for the Jumper course yet.

Thank you so much for all the hits and reviews and PM's. Sorry I have been basically incommunicado and haven't responded. I also have barely read or reviewed other people's writing and I do plan to get back to that as well. I know that it will be about another month until life will be somewhat back on track before my meeting with the ALJ (if you are curious, feel free to ask what that means).

I hope you enjoy my return and I hope it is not too anticlimactic. I am glad to be back but nervous, ergo the phrase 'I'm back, baby!' is not springing forth quite yet from these lips.

Please don't forget to review. It makes me happy and gives me confidence and healthy bones.

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*from Waste Me, by John Eddie from his self title debut album, 1986

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Double Take

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Chapter 53

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Time for a Break?

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Kori was thankful for the indoor parking. Of course with the kind of clientele the addictions clinic catered to, it was hardly surprising: discretion was a necessity. Her legs were wobbly and her knees nearly buckled when she got to Richard's Escalade. She got into the driver's side just in case there was a nosy reporter or paparazzi that had somehow followed them in. She locked the door and was thankful for the extra tint to the windows and after a minute or so was able to relax when she was certain that she was alone.

Once settled, her legs finished their transition into noodles and she had just enough time to turn over the engine and adjust the a/c before her hands began to shake. Her body soon followed as did the sobs. It was inevitable. She had stowed away her old life, her royal life, behind her for the most part. Sure there had been reminders with living in the Embassy and with the realization that she had known Richard from the summers he spent in Tamaran as a teenager, but this, what had just happened, was different.

At the age of five, Kori had been given rigid lessons in manners. She was already as well mannered as any preschooler could have possibly been, but the role of a princess required many things, and public presentation was paramount. This was mastered by age seven, and of course the ballet lessons that had begun before age four were continued into toe shoes and formal ballroom dancing was added first with female partners to be followed with male partners at the ripe old age of eleven. It was taught in conservative stances but with graceful, fluid motions still emphasized, as grace, dignity and modesty are expected of a princess and probable future queen.

Basic cooking was taught even though most meals would be prepared for the royals, as it was important to know how to prepare a meal and later a menu. The silverware placement and purpose of each piece had long since been mastered as had been the knowledge of the function of all dishes and serving pieces. Instruction on selecting table linen and on intricate flower arrangement was also given.

As writing skills developed with the Royal tutors, so did the instruction on all the proper handling of correspondence. By age nine, subtle little tricks were taught, such as pre-addressing thank you notes to the hostess prior to attending a function.

As Kori turned ten, she especially enjoyed her lessons in sewing and tailoring. Again, she might not ever have to pick up a needle and a thread again for the rest of her life, but she would learn how alter her own clothes as well as repair a seam and take up a hem. She began to learn about the traditional clothing of Tamaran and of the Royal family. She had not yet begun to develop so she could only imagine what would be flattering on her in the future from a cut standpoint, but she certainly made decisions about her color choices, preferences that she pretty much held onto today.

All the instruction on the beauty and the grace of being a princess was fun and pleasant. Kori enjoyed her studies and was a dutiful student. She wanted to please her family as well as her tutors and could not imagine a better life. For as far back as she could remember, Kori thanked God every night in her prayers for letting her be princess. Although she never stopped thanking Him for being princess until the bombing (her prayers continued, but they were replaced with other things to be thankful for), the next step in her training left her somewhat uneasy.

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As she sat in the car, the unbidden image came to her as easily as the tears did.

Kori pictured herself that first day in the throne room. This was the only lesson her father himself taught her, and that was how to speak to the people en mass. She considered him an amazing leader and orator, and as most ten year old girls do, she adored her daddy. But as he had her repeat over and over the words, 'You cannot continue to think only about yourselves at a time like this, but you must first think what is best for Tamaran', she found herself pleading with her father, the King. 'But Father, when you talk to the people in such a manner, you are powerful and they listen to you. When I say those kind of things, I sound mean!'

The words said back to her stung her to this day, 'Child, you must sound "mean" as you call it to rule, to sound powerful. I never want to hear you complain about it again. I was about to compliment you on how well you said those words just now, but now I see that you are not quite ready for this lesson. Stay in your room for this rest of the day and night and tomorrow morning we will try this exercise again. If you ever complain about anything have to do with your royal duties, your punishment far worse than you can imagine. Be ready tomorrow and know that it is your only chance.'

Kori had never heard her father use that tone with her before that day, nor did he use it again with her before he died a few years later. She did as she was told and returned the next day and followed her father's teaching. Over the weeks and months, the resentment slowly burned away, but there was still pain there, which remained unresolved before his death. However, as with all of Kori's lessons, she mastered this one, and she could put a much kinder spin on it for all the times she had used her 'royal voice' as she called it – only to herself and her brother of course – up until the bombing. What had happened with Dr. Rafferty was the only time she had truly put that horrible side of her father's teaching to use.

At least something good came of that argument with my father, Kori thought and she finally got control of her emotions.

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Richard left Dr. Rafferty's feeling for the most part positive, but wished that he had more time with Kori. Richard had thought she had handled Rafferty amazingly well when he hadn't been appropriate with her. Yes, he found it attractive seeing her take charge and put Rafferty in his place, but Richard also wondered just how she would feel about it. He really hoped she'd feel empowered especially because by the time the meeting with Rafferty ended, Richard pretty much only had time to drive back to the manor and turn around and pick up Babs for the group session.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized that Kori really was getting the short end of the stick in all of this and he couldn't seem to figure out a way to make it up to her. Even if he stopped working that didn't free up that much time because he only worked two overnights per week and he really couldn't get out of the foundation and other charity work. He was so happy she had agreed to stay at Wayne Manor. Otherwise, when would he even see her?

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Kori saw Richard approaching the car and moved to the passenger side, negotiating her way over the console between the captain's chairs and opening the door locks so Richard could get it.

Richard opened the door, "Hey, why are you moving all the way over there?" he teased.

"Well, we cannot very well both be in the seat of the driver seat, can we Richard?" Kori replied, hoping that her tone didn't reveal how upset she was. She didn't want to add to Richard's stress before the session with Babs, nor did she want to deal with discussing her feelings with Richard at the moment.

"It might be make driving difficult but it would be fun to try," Richard playfully countered.

"I imagine it would be," Kori managed, hoping this act was every bit as convincing as her royal one was earlier, "perhaps later we will see if it would be possible?"

"Oh, you're killing me again," Richard replied with a groan. He looked over and gave her a wink and she giggled as she played with her promise ring and then looked up at him through her lashes.

He was trying to get a read on her. Things seemed alright, but he was by no means certain. Kori did seem like her playful, flirty and minxy self, and Richard didn't think it was forced, but he was not going to make a comment either way about her exit from the meeting with Rafferty until after he got home from Babs' session unless she did.

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They arrived back at Richard's and Barbara had called to see if they could do dinner before or after. Surprisingly Kori suggested that Richard and Babs get a quick bite after the session to make up for the sessions he missed with her over the weekend. Kori also suggested a quick run to fill the 45 minutes or so they had until he had to leave to get Babs. Not that she mentioned it, but she suggested it so that she could release her frustration concerning the situation and avoid further discussion and hold off breaking down. That way, Kori was sure to maintain her facade about the meeting for a bit longer at least.

By the time Richard had showered and said good bye, Kori was almost sure she wasn't going to make it. She stepped into the shower and the tears began again. What was she going to do? Go to the Embassy? Just stay there, adding stress to both their lives, perhaps causing a rift between them? Maybe, at least on some level, Rafferty was right: if she were out of the equation, Barbara would get better faster and then Richard would be all hers forever.

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Feeling no hunger whatsoever between the run and the stress, Kori went to the kitchen and decided to have some iced sweet tea. At least Alfred didn't brew it too strong, although she had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

She made it back to her room, oddly not feeling the usual pull to go to Richard's room. She dismissed the feeling and flopped onto the bed when she noticed her cell phone flashing.

Her hopes were dashed when she saw that Richard hadn't called. On the one hand, she was proud of her 'performance', that she had covered up her true feelings about everything from that day; while on the otherhand, she wished he would have picked up on it. It was Karen who had called. Without even checking the message, she hit talk and called back, knowing she really needed a friend.

"Kori! There you are!" Karen answered on half a ring.

"Hello, Karen," Kori replied, happy that someone was as enthusiastic as she often was.

"Did you get my message? Can you?"

"I am sure I can, although I have not done the retrieving of the message," Kori replied.

"Girl, you are too much!," Karen laughed, "Can I come over, I have some things to go over with you."

"Of course."

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Kori decided to still not listen to the message and decided to let Karen surprise her with whatever her news was. Within half of an hour Karen presented herself and with a large portfolio under her arm, an image that strikes both excitement and dread in most women: a friend with wedding stuff.

"Karen, I decided to let you do the surprising of me so I have not listened to your message," Kori explained, but knowing it had something to do with a wedding, fairly certain it was Karen's they'd be talking about.

"I will explain everything in a minute, but are you okay Kors?"

"I am fine."

"No, you aren't," Karen said definitively giving Kori a good looking over.

"No, I am a little bit off, but I would like to know what you are here about. It is likely to be much more fun and interesting," Kori said with a genuine smile, looking forward to the distraction.

"Well, I know it is completely last minute, but will you be in my wedding? I would love you to be one of my bridesmaids."

"Of course, Karen, I would be honored."

"Great. I know with your crazy rock star life your probably don't even realize that it is only three weeks away. I mean with Dick as Best Man, so I know you're going to be there anyway."

Kori felt a clench in her stomach, she didn't remember even talking about the wedding with Richard, "Of course," she replied absently.

"Again, I know it is last minute and I was hoping to find a way to include you in the wedding and when the opportunity came up to have another groomsman when Vic's cousin was discharged sooner than expected from the Air Force, we had the perfect opportunity to include you as well."

"That works out well then," Kori managed, trying to put up a brave front, and beginning to fail. "Now let me see the picture of the dress and we can get the measurements-"

Karen briefly studied her friend again and said, "Kori, please, tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong, everything is wonderful-"

"Don't be ridiculous, Kori. Something is very wrong. Scratch that: lots of things are wrong. Very wrong. Tell me what's going on. And I am not leaving here until you do."

Kori finally broke down and filled Karen in on the her day and the fact that Dick hadn't even mentioned Vic and Karen's wedding added on to her entire situation with living in the manor and her complete loss of freedom and what would be even less time with Richard. She was able to share with her the good news about the promise ring, but with everything else, it was hard for her to get overly excited and enjoy it the way she should.

Karen sympathized with her friend but didn't let on the extent to which she was dismayed that Dick hadn't even mentioned the wedding. Although it was probably due to all that had been going on, in the back of her mind she knew she needed to speak to Dick as soon as possible. Most wedding invitations only go out four to six weeks in advance, but like most modern couples, Vic and Karen sent 'save the date' cards months before and Dick had listed Babs as his guest. Karen would not put it past Babs to try to pull something and that was a catastrophe waiting to happen. She had to prevent that from happening. She didn't have trouble with Babs coming to her wedding. Well, she did, but she wasn't going to throw a fit about it. But what Karen did have trouble with was Barbara and Dick going together. Dick could not possibly be talked into that could he? Would he risk his relationship over Kori for something so trivial as an escort to a wedding?

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To Be Continued...

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Please read and review.

Again, sorry for the shortness of it all. Most of the next chapter started, still getting it right so found this was a good place to stop. Will Babs really pull something that heinous? Would Dick really let that happen?

Thanks again for sticking with me, and hopefully I am getting back in the groove again!

LJ

Star of Airdrie