Stan digs his elbow into Ford's ribs to get his attention after they all took a break from the water balloon fight.
Ford looks at his brother, confused as Stan leads him away from the twins, "Stanley, what are you going?"
"Poindexter, it's the twins birthday today, it's August 30th."
Ford pales and looks at the twins, happily talking with the staff and Boss, "I-I don't have any presents for them."
"Neither do I, we are terrible Gruncles, aren't we?" Stan says, looking deflated when Miller limps up to them.
Stan glares at him, "What do you want?"
"It is my understanding that your great-niece and nephew's birthday is today?" he asks.
Ford nods, "yes, what are you getting at?"
"I would like to put them on the field," he asks, raising his hand, "I assure you it's nothing too dangerous, and Boss would obviously be with them."
"Weeeeellllll, maaaaaaybe…." Stan trails off.
"Maybe? We don't even know where this 'Boss' would take them. What kind of birthday present is this?" Ford is clearly having his objections.
"Boss doesn't always go out for days-long missions. Sometimes we have side-operations that only take a few hours of our time. With how quiet and.. tricky your kids seem to be we'd like to put that under a supervised test. Of course it'd still be a real mission, but Boss would be handling things." Miller stands his ground, it would be a good opportunity to get them out of his hair.
"Come on Ford, they've done worse. Need I remind you we just left the apocalypse behind?," Stan seems to be on board, "Is there any way we can watch what's happening?"
"We record everything the Boss hears, but our technology doesn't let us do anything else. Hovering a helicopter over the area would miss the point of the mission." Miller taps his ear, imitating an earpiece.
"Ford?" Stan looks at his twin with pleading eyes.
Ford sighs in defeat, "Fine, but only if we get to listen as well."
"De-"
"We'd like to stay away from that word right now," Ford interrupts and Miller nods, "Very well."
Miller walks across the drying platform to the Twins, who were rolling around in a kiddie pool the staff used to wash D-Dog. He spots the juice dubbed as 'Mabel Juice' and noted the plastic dinosaurs and craft glitter. He pauses, craft glitter? Plastic Dinosaurs? As fast as he could, he limped over to the table and grabs the jug and pours it overboard.
"Uncle Grumpy Bum!" Mabel whines from behind him. He's going to ignore that name.
Miller sets the jug back down and rinses it out, "didn't your parents ever teach you to be careful and not ingest toxic substances?"
"Uh, no?" Dipper answers and Miller pauses, "did you even have parents?"
"We do! They just value intelligence more than personality," Mabel says and Dipper nods sadly.
Miller looks at the twins with a new sympathy in his eyes. He glances at Stan and Ford, "well they seem better suited to raising you than your parents." He jabs a finger in the Gruncles' direction.
"If you listen carefully, I have an offer for you two" he asks the Twins, he swears he sees stars glisten in their eyes.
"What is it?!" Dipper asks excitedly, Mabel mirroring his excitement.
"We may not have any birthday presents, but we can at least put you to use. You seem pretty light on your feet, and I feel the Boss might be able to take you on a day out."
"You mean we get to… what?" Dipper says, not ever recalling knowing what the Boss even did.
"Look around you, all these soldiers should give you a clue. Don't fret, the Boss wouldn't put you in harm's way, but we value quietness and ingenuity. Something even your toxic jug of glitter seems to display." Miller remarks, glancing back at the still glitter-soaked jug.
"Come on Dipdop, if we're going to be stuck here we might as well make ourselves useful. It can't be any worse than what we left behind," Mabel says, a bit of uncertainty tainting her voice. Dipper nods, agreeing with her. Miller is somewhat concerned, what do they mean?
"Talk to Boss when you're ready, and what do you mean?" he asks
"We mean the Weirdmageddon, an insane dream demon broke this rift in space and caused the apocalypse," Dipper answers. They hear a plate shatter, and turn to Ocelot picking up his broken plate.
"That just raises even further questions," Miller remarks. He was not expecting an answer like that, no wonder the family seemed shaken when they fished them up.
"We might tell you more later," Mabel Twins quietly walk up to Boss and tug at his sleeve.
"Hm?"
"Uncle Grumpy Bum said to talk to you to go on a mission," Mabel says to the Boss as her and her brother salute. Fifty separate 'awws' sound across the platform, Stan and Ford grin at their adorable great-niblings. Miller suddenly felt like he wanted to give the Twins a one-armed hug.
"Alright if 'Uncle Grumpy Bum' wants you on a mission, we'll go on a mission," Boss says, standing up, looks at Miller, 'a test?' Miller nods.
"I need to gather some gear for the mission, you'll find your stuff back in your room. Meet me at the helipad."
"Yes sir!" the Twins salute and run off to their room on the command platform.
It didn't take long for Mabel and Dipper to gather their things. The run up to the helipad, startling five staff members as they carry their two items with them.
Boss turns to them, "that's all you're bringing?"
The Twins nod, "yep! You have no idea how useful these two items have been!"
"No I don't, care to explain?"
Dipper shows him a flashlight with a gem attached to it, "this is the shrink-and-glow-light, it helped us get away from Bill in his Fearamid."
Mabel takes out her grappling hook, "This also helped get away from him!," Dipper looks at her, "... and break the window."
"If you don't mind me asking, whose Bill?" Boss asks.
"Bill Cipher, he's the insane dream demon we mentioned to Uncle Grumpy Bum earlier," Dipper informs and he hear's a sharp intake of breath in his earpiece. Boss doesn't press the question as Miller starts to fuss over the kids and apologize to Stanley and Stanford.
"Nevermind that now. Come on, Pequod is waiting." Boss waves them over as the tell-tale thump of a helicopter drones outside. The heli lands and the Twins can barely control their excitement as the blades die down. As soon as the door slides open, Dipper and Mabel practically teleport into the chopper. Boss climbs in after them as they grin.
"Take us away Pequod," Boss says in his earpiece and the helicopter jerks and rises.
"You kids be careful," Stan says over the piece.
"We will Gruncle Stan!" they say.
It's a long, awkwardly quiet ride over. The helicopter is faster crossing hundreds of kilometres than the twins expected, but it doesn't get easier when the man you're working with isn't particularly talkative.
"So uh, Uncle Boss?" Mabel pipes up, a little nervous.
"Hmm?"
"What's the story with that cute little dog that was following us the other day. Are you sure it isn't a wolf?" Mabel looks over at Dipper, who seems to be playing with his tape player.
"Oh, Dee Dee? I found him out in the wilderness, seemed like his mother abandoned his litter. I overhear the staff arguing about that very question… No. It's likely it's not a dog, more of a wolf. Seems to have been born without an eye, too." Boss seemed to have been lost in thought, "Ocelot trained him so I can take him with me in times like this, but I guess you'll be having his place today."
"Do you know where he usually hangs around? I wanna play with him," Mabel asks.
"I'll have a look when we get back, but he usually doesn't hesitate to come over when I return home. For now, we have more pressing matters," Boss goes over to the cockpit, "How much longer Pequod?"
"Are the kids saying are we there yet?" Pequod jokes, "Sorry, 5 minutes Boss."
"You two remember what you're doing?" Boss asks.
"Sort of, Uncle Miller drilled it into our ear over the radio." Dipper reattaches the tape radio to his belt, now suddenly paying attention.
Boss leans forward to speak again, but Mabel cuts in. "It's a standard rescue mission. Go to Di Gwhandi.. di.. Di Ghwandi whatever and find the guy you lost there!" She recites, clearly having paid attention.
"Good, good. Shouldn't be too difficult, just stay out of sight and out of earshot. Just remember, they can hear you. If you're in trouble it's that button, got it?" Boss taps his Call button, the Twins salute in reply.
"We're getting close, open the door," Pequod makes a standard hand signal, "and Boss? Be careful with the kids."
He slaps the button to open the door. A rush of air floods the cabin as everyone shields their eyes from the dust. Boss motions them down as he hops off of the ramp.
He looks back, "everyone's accounted for. Beginning the mission, Miller."