I know, I'm a shitty author for taking so damn long to update anything. I'm really sorry (not that it makes a difference) and I'm trying to get a normal posting pattern. Work is killing me and I keep losing my motivation but I haven't forgotten.

Kanda was impressed. Allen hadn't so much as fidgeted yet and they'd been sitting in silence for fifteen minutes so far. When Kanda had risked peeking over at the other, all he had been met with was the sight of Allen sitting quietly, eyes closed and breathing steady, posture relaxed but pretty decent. No, that was not something Kanda had anticipated on being met with. He wondered if Allen would complain if they just stayed like that for the rest of an hour before doing anything else. There was a strange feeling that the usually active exorcist wouldn't mind at all. Kanda closed his eyes again and felt a small sliver of annoyance when he realized he was breathing in tandem with the other. It was petty but he held his next breath just a little longer to throw them out of sync. This is too bizarre. Maybe I'm asleep.

It turned out that Kanda broke before Allen. His plan to meditate the brat away didn't work at all and it only had him growing more and more uneasy with just how natural this felt. Like he'd always been meditating with the silver-haired boy next to him. This feeling was like that when Kanda was being followed around by Alma… followed until he gave up and just accepted that he wouldn't be spared from the other's presence. It was unnerving. Kanda let out a slow breath and shifted, slowly getting to his feet to stretch.

"Kanda?" Maybe I'm pushing him too hard? He almost looks like he's in pain. Allen was startled when Kanda moved. He had figured that they were going to stay like this until it was too late to do anything else and he would have to try again another day.

"Get up and stretch. This was your idea, not mine." Stupid… don't look at me like you're worried…. Kanda reached behind himself with both arms, grabbed his left wrist, and pulled. He needed to do something, anything, to drag his mind out of the past. It was his rival he was talking to now, not his old friend. He grunted and shifted to place his palms flat on the floor, trying to ignore the stare following him even as Allen got up to do his own stretches.

There was a loaded silence while they finished stretched and finally shifted to stare at each other. Wondering how to get this started.

"Are you any good with hand to hand?" Allen finally broke the tense silence. Kanda snorted at him.

"I know a fair bit." The swordsman finally answered, rolling his eyes. He obviously preferred his weapon but, as far as he knew, Allen had zero experience with a sword of any manner so they would need to find something that both at least had some practice in. Hand-to-hand though…. Kanda wasn't entirely sure that he would be able to best Allen with it. It had been a long time since he had fought anyone with it. Usually it was Daisya bothering him and when they brawled, it was pretty much anything goes until one stays down. When Allen shifted his stance, Kanda fell into his own. Allen had his arms up, hands loosely curled into fists, weight balanced. Kanda shifted himself, ready to move, and kept his hands at chest height, ready to catch or block. His strategy was to watch how the enemy moved first before he came up with a strategy. His eyes narrowed as Allen shifted his weight again, feinted, and came at him with a punch aimed for his stomach. Oh, really. Kanda wasn't that easy to best.

Kanda was beginning to think that he had made a huge mistake in sparring with the beansprout weeks ago. Ever since, he had been showing up at least twice a week when Kanda wasn't on missions under the same excuse.

"Spar with me."

It was stressing the swordsman out. He couldn't figure out what Allen was getting out of this or what his motive was. There had been a half-entertained notion that it was just the younger's way of annoying him but that soon passed. If Allen wanted to annoy him, there were certainly much faster ways to do it—and the bean took full advantage of that occasionally.

Yet, there they sat again. Neither one had said anything to the other. Allen had walked in, sat down, and that was all. No questions or anything. Kanda had spent the better part of an hour trying to figure out what was going on before he gave up and cleared his thoughts. There was no feeling of pressure, nothing that felt like he had to get up to actually spar. It was almost as though Allen had come just to spend time with Kanda. Ridiculous.

Time passed as it often does. Lurches and blurs. The Order was falling apart. The Noah had revealed themselves in full and war had been declared. Tensions were high and hell had broken loose. It was on a mere chance that Allen reunited with Kanda in the midst of the mess.

Allen had been walking, trying to clear his head, trying to come to terms with all the losses, when he had found Kanda leaning against a stone wall. The wall was just high enough for the swordsman to rest his elbows on but that wasn't what had drawn his attention. What caught Allen's eye was the sight of Kanda leaning with his face pressed into his hands, hiding in a remote area. There was a moment when Allen considered carefully leaving and hoping that Kanda didn't hear him. A larger part urged him to offer what comfort he could to the swordsman. Allen wasn't sure how he would accomplish that, Kanda never seemed like the needing comfort type, but he would try.

Kanda jerked upright at the scuff off a boot on stone, alerting him that he was no longer alone. He didn't know who would have found him way back here. That was the entire purpose of even being there. He just wanted time alone to think. The entire organization had suffered heavy losses. So many good Exorcists and Finders had been lost. The Generals were being hunted and everything was falling to pieces. The war had finally surged back up and reared its ugly head. It had taken another part of Kanda's family. He bit the inside of his lip, distracting pain with another pain, and turned to see the intruder. He sighed through his nose when he realized it was Allen. There was an overwhelming sense of relief. At least now he didn't need to worry that it was someone who would pry. When did seeing the moyashi ever become a good thing? Kanda turned to stare back over the wall. Allen could do whatever he wanted, stay or go, it was up to him.

Allen chose to stay. Kanda hadn't threatened him or told him to leave, so he took it as a sign to do whatever. The younger male joined his friend in leaning against the wall, wordlessly looking across the landscape. He didn't know what to say. There were no words that would heal the ache of losing a friend. He knew. So all he did was shift to press his shoulder into Kanda's. Silently offering his support. Allen half expected Kanda to push him away, to have some snarky remark, to just leave. Nothing happened though. Not at first. It took Allen by surprise when Kanda pressed his side more firmly into Allen, nearly leaning on him, without a word. Grey eyes widened and Allen warily peeked at his friend from the corner of his eyes. Kanda was just staring out into nothing, lips pressed thin, and nostrils flared. It hit Allen then that Kanda was trying to hold it all in. To not break down. The thought just about broke Allen's heart.

"You okay?" The words were out before Allen could stop them. He immediately wanted to rewind time and stuff them back away into this thoughts but it was too late now. He only hoped that Kanda didn't react badly, that he hadn't just ruined this moment.

"No." Kanda's voice was barely a whisper, ragged and forced. He swallowed hard, narrowing his dark eyes, and inhaled sharply. "I'm not. But I will be." He didn't look at Allen. He couldn't deal with seeing the concern there, the empathy. He didn't want to be reminded of another that he had lost so long ago. Why couldn't I just lie?

"Yeah." Allen let it go, content to lapse into silence. He didn't want to push Kanda into leaving.

"Daisya was an idiot, you know. He always picked fights with me. Even when he wasn't strong enough to lay a single hit on me." Kanda started talking, a whisper, and it opened the floodgates. He told Allen about how Daisya would deliberately tease him until he snapped, the way they would fight, the amusement in Tiedoll's eyes when it happened constantly. He just kept talking without really thinking about it. Somewhere down the line, grief turned into anger. Anger at the world, at Daisya, at whatever being thought it wise to create the Earl and the Noah and everything. He raged at everything. And Allen just listened. Let him rant and get it off his chest. God only knew how long Kanda had been repressing everything inside.

It took a little while, but Kanda eventually ran out of things to say. He lowered his head to stare at the stones beneath his hands. It wasn't silent for long. Allen started talking about what had happened to him as a kid, even though Kanda knew some of it already. The swordsman was grateful for it. Allen's voice covered the ragged sound of his breathing while he tried to get himself back under control. There was no judgement for his breakdown, no empty sympathies or consoling words. It seemed like Allen was trying to offer support in telling Kanda that he had a good idea of how the swordsman felt. To Kanda's mild surprise, it felt like it was working. He was calming down even if it still felt like his heart was being torn apart. So Kanda listened to Allen's stories without comment. They were, perhaps, more alike than he had thought.

The pattering of rain slowly became louder and it was then that Kanda realized that Allen had fallen silent, still leaning against him. It didn't feel weird or peg any of Kanda's physical barriers. Nothing about the situation was telling him to flee. There was only one other person who had been permitted to be this close. Once again Kanda was reminded of the similarities between the beansprout and Alma. It was startling and somewhat painful, but he was fast becoming grateful for Allen's stubborn streak. Having someone to lean against, though not always literally, was nice. But then followed the guilt, the worry that this was a betrayal. That was followed by anger. At himself, the world, at those who left loved ones behind to suffer. Kanda could very well understand what drove someone to create an Akuma.

Allen was taken by surprise when Kanda moved. He didn't pull away, like Allen had been expecting him to. He dropped more of his weight against Allen, slumping down to rest his forehead on his folded arms. The swordsman made a noise that almost sounded like he was in pain and Allen frowned, trying to discreetly lean far enough to see his face. Kanda tilted his head just enough to glare at Allen with one red-rimmed eye from behind messy black bangs. He glared for a moment before dropping his head again and growling. He's crying, isn't he? Kanda is crying. Allen's epiphany hit him with the force of a train. Shit, what do I do now? This was a truly dangerous situation, as far as Allen was concerned. One wrong move could easily drive Kanda away and the months that had been spent carefully worming through his walls would be wasted. One wrong move could easily set Allen back far enough that it would be close to impossible to do over. This was more dangerous than fighting the Earl.

After a pause, Allen slowly shifted, warily wrapping his arm around Kanda's shoulders in an awkward half hug. It was safer than actually hugging the swordsman and would give him a chance to get away if Kanda reacted adversely. He didn't turn his head or anything. Just kept watching it rain. He felt Kanda tense up for a moment before slowly relaxing again. It would have made Allen smile, were the circumstances better. This was a shitty time to have ulterior motives but he'd take what progress he could. This world was firmly built on the idea that you never knew which day would be your last. Better to move forward than regret missing a chance to try.

Initially, Kanda wanted to shove away once he felt Allen's arm round his shoulders. A small part of him still wanted to push him off, spit out some kind of angry insult, and leave. That part of him was getting pushed down by something else. A part of him that was tired of rejecting everyone. A part that wanted him to move on. The part of him that knew that Alma wouldn't like watching him suffering like this. That part had the larger voice and more reason. Less fear. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to give in. Who knew how long they all had to live. I give up. He turned just enough to fit better under Allen's arm and sighed. Giving up was harder than fighting but he would try.

Neither one really paid attention to how long they stood there like that. At some point, the rain had increased into a downpour. The sound of rain hitting leaves was relaxing despite the gloominess of the sky. Kanda didn't move and Allen didn't say anything. They just stood, leaning into one another and lost in thought. Allen was worrying about days to come and dangers that would crawl out of the gutters. The Noah were their largest problem now. Kanda wasn't thinking so much as trying to recenter himself. He had lost his calm and needed it back now. Soon it would be time to fight.

The sound of footsteps shattered their quiet little world. Kanda jerked upright and sidestepped away while Allen leaned against the cold stone, arms crossed. The swordsman leaned his back against a support pillar, bitchy expression firmly glued back on, and scowled. He desperately hoped it wasn't Lavi. There was no way he could deal with the redhead's stupidity right now. Then again… Lenalee was just as perceptive as the idiot, if not more so. Maybe Lavi wouldn't be such a bad choice afterall…. Kanda growled low in his throat. No one would believe Lavi's stories if he had seen. But Lenalee? They would believe her.

At the sound of Kanda's irritation, Allen smirked at him before looking away and stifling a laugh. He had no idea what was really on his mind but there were some easy guesses. One, he was worried that someone saw them. Two, he suspected it was Lavi coming to annoy them. Three, Lenalee had come looking for them both. Allen was more worried about Lenalee than Lavi. Everyone ignored Lavi. He had sabotaged his credibility with wild stories about others. So anything he tried to tell wouldn't do him any good aside from making people laugh. That was fine, as far as Allen was concerned. Lenalee was far more cunning and he did not want to know what went through her mind. There was a part of him that actually suspected that she liked Kanda beyond friendship. He wasn't sure but the thought was there. Either way, what would happen would no matter what. He was just pleased that Kanda had dropped his guard for a bit. It was a step forward and Allen planned to keep them moving. He wanted to see just how far they could go.

Kanda shifted his weight and looked out over the wet lawn as the steps came closer. He was watching out of the corner of his eye, curiosity getting the better of him. At least whoever it was walked loudly enough to be heard a fair distance away. It would take some skill to sneak up on him. He wasn't sure about the beansprout though. He had never really paid much attention to Allen's ability to monitor surroundings.

"Yo." Lavi raised a hand, and an eyebrow, when he found his fellows. Kanda looked pissy as ever, leaning against one of the stone pillars with his arms crossed. Bad case of resting bitch face, that one. The surprising part was in that Allen was with the petulant swordsman. The parasite-type accommodator was leaning with crossed arms on the half-wall and had a good seven feet between himself and Kanda. It was the usual distance but something felt off. Hell if Lavi could figure out what it was, precisely, from the body language. Allen looked amused, so maybe he had gotten the better of their friend. Eh. I'll find out sooner or later. "I was wondering what happened to you two. Lenalee was starting to worry."

"Tch." Kanda looked away, frowning harder. He just wanted to think, not be dragged around.

"Oh. Sorry. I went looking for Kanda and well…"

"You guys started another disagreement, didn't you? Yuuu, this has to stop or everyone's gonna be afraid to talk to you at all." Lavi grinned. Kanda had twitched at the use of his name and then looked away. Something was off. He was going to find out what even if it killed him. "Aaaanyway. I'll tell her that I found you two and you can go back to whatever you were up to before I came along and ruined the fun~!" Oh, that got a reaction. Allen looked away and Kanda's grip on his arms tightened. So they weren't arguing. Ohohoho. I wonder just what they were doing. Can't really spy 'cause they'll expect it of me now. Patience is key…. Lavi waved as he walked away, chuckling. Now they would probably come back inside because of nerves and worry that he was spying. Too bad he hadn't thought to walk quieter. He would remember that next time. There definitely would be a next time.

Lavi found Lenalee pacing around inside one of the common room spaces. She was frowning enough that she looked rather intimidating. "Lenaleeee, you're gonna get wrinkles if you keep glaring like that." He grinned, arms behind his head, when she jumped at his voice. She opened her mouth to say something but he stopped her. "I found both of them. They're fine. Allen said he went looking for Kanda and found him but then they started arguing again."

"Seriously? Is that all they're ever gonna do? I thought they were getting better about that…." Lenalee paused, catching the good-for-nothing grin on Lavi's face. "…. Why are you smirking like that?"

"I don't think they were arguing. They looked far too calm for that. Neither had a weapon drawn and they were a distance apart. No, this wasn't right. And they were acting weird. Like looking away when I left 'cause I told them I was gonna leave them to whatever 'fun' they were having before." He waited as Lenalee processed his words. He knew when she made the connection because she started grinning. It was almost frightening.

"I hope you're right, Lavi."

9 Page -man | Yullen Elizabeth Nichols