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Episode 8.06 Who and What

Sara was finally done for the day. She packed up her things and headed home, she didn't stop to speak to anyone, didn't stop to say goodbye to Grissom, she just left. As she drove her emotions started to get the better of her. People were so cold and it bothered her how much violence was around her. Ever since she had been under that car in the desert she was having trouble. Trouble sleeping, trouble being awake, trouble feeling, trouble letting go. For years she had fought to keep these demons at bay, but at the moment nothing she did was helping. She tried not to let Grissom see just how much she was struggling, she knew he would worry and she didn't want to put that on him again. She was feeling numb at the moment, and she wasn't sure if she would ever truly feel anything but darkness again. Tears started to fall from Sara's eyes as she pulled up to the apartment, she was so tired of crying, it felt like every other moment she had tears in her eyes. Grissoms words and comfort used to be enough, would make her feel better, but now, no matter how long she stayed in his arms or how many words of comfort he whispered it just wasn't enough.

As she entered her apartment she wondered how much longer she could take this, she didn't want leave her home with Grissom, but she wasn't sure staying was the right thing to do either. She thought after Grissom proposed that it would give her the strength she needed to stay, but it wasn't so, in fact it had made everything all the more harder. Her fleeting moment of happiness had made her really notice just how bad things were, how unhappy she was. None of this was Grissom fault but Sara knew he would be the one who ended up hurt in all of this if she couldn't figure out how to put herself back together again. Exhausted Sara made her way to the bedroom and laid down on the bed, she couldn't fight back the tears anymore.

Grissom had left the lab early, he sensed something was bothering Sara, and not caring to much of the reactions of the rest of the team, he left the lab to find her. As he drove he wondered how Sara was really doing, to him she seemed distant, almost lost. She had come back to him from the desert but a part of her was still missing. Grissom wanted more than anything to see the light back in Sara's eyes, but nothing he did or said seemed to help. He had tried being attentive and checking on her, constantly asking if she was ok, if there was anything he could do, after a while however it seemed to irritate her. So he pulled back, but maybe he had pulled back to much and now it seemed he was losing her.

"Sara" Grissom called as he entered the apartment "Honey you home?"

Grissom didn't get a response, he wandered through the house looking for her. He found tucked up in bed her knees pulled up to her chin. She was crying and hadn't heard Grissom calling to her

"Oh Honey" Grissom said as sat down on the bed beside her and pulled her into the arms.

Sara cried for a while and Grissom just held her not saying a word. When he eventually heard the sobbing subside he looked down at her.

"Hey" he said softly "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry Gil, that case it just really got to me, I'm sorry I don't what came over me" Sara sobbed.

"Sara" Grissom said quietly, "Its ok to feel like this, just don't be afraid to come and tell me what's bothering you, I'll help you through whatever is going on."

"Gil, I'm fine really. Just this case it was too much for me today. I just need some sleep and I'll be fine, I promise"

Sara could see the worry in Grissoms face but she played off her feelings casually. She lent up and kissed him gently. As she pulled away she smiled at him.

"I love you" she said quietly "Thank you"

Grissom smiled back at her but not convinced she was ok.

"I love you too honey"

Grissom was worried about Sara, he could see it on her face that she wasn't coping but try as he might she wouldn't open up to him. All he could do was be there when she asked and right now he would just hold her until she felt her until she felt better.