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His smile was still stuck in my head from earlier. I was laying right next to him, I could practically feel him breathing as I tried my hardest to be as still as possible. Like stone next to a hot spring, I lie there feeling his warmth. We were lying back to back, but his face was still embedded in my mind. His smile, the way his orange hair curled down into his eyes. If a crush could crush you, I'd be flat.
I felt him stir and it knocked me out of my thoughts. He turned towards me, not saying a word. I could feel his hot breath on my neck, it was slowly making my eyes drift shut.
I continued to think. I thought so hard about how much I wanted him to hold me I could practically feel his arms around me. God, why does it have to be like this..? I suddenly wanted to cry. Thinking about how he would never really be mine, coming to the realization that I am in fact interested in another boy.
I was so tempted to hold his hand that I turned to face him. I opened my eyes and stared at his hand, resting gently on the bed next to my chest. I stared at it for a few seconds, then bravely made me hand creep closer and closer until it was finally hovering over his hand. I felt myself scared, the fear giving me momentary nausea as I lowered my hand a little more. Just as i was about to touch his hand, he turned to lie on his other side. I sighed sadly and began to extend my hand towards his back to caress it, but before my skin touched his shirt I withdrew.
What are you doing? I asked myself, Stupid fagot.
With that, I turned over and let exhaustion take over.
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I woke up to find a pair of beautiful green eyes staring back at me. It seemed to take the boy off guard, as he averted his gaze away from me as soon as my eyes opened.
"G-good morning, Kenny." He said to me as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.
I looked at him sleepily, "Aren't you usually up and ready to go by now?"
He nodded, "I've been up for a few minutes, I just didn't want to wake you up early on Saturday."
I nodded and got up, I had slept in my boxers the night before, so I picked up my wrinkled white shirt and pulled it over my head.
I turned around to find that kyle was blushing and staring at me. What?
"What?" I asked him, tilting my head to the side.
He shrugged and looked away from me, "You hungry?"
I thought for a moment, am I?
"Yeah, a little." I told him, sitting next to him on his bed.
"Oh- Okay, I'll have my mom make us something." He told me, walking out the door and down the stairs.
I looked down at his nightstand and saw the book Kyle was always reading, but never seemed to finish. I picked it up to see it didn't have a title, and opened it. I realized quickly that it wasn't just a book, it was his diary. I set it down quickly, hearing footsteps climbing up the stairs.
He handed me a bowl of my favorite cereal and i smiled, "Lucky charms."
"Yeah, I know it's your favorite." He said, seeming to stop himself and felt the need to explain, "You eat it every day at school."
I cocked an eyebrow, "You notice what I eat every day in the morning?"
He got a look on his face that said, "Oh shit" and i realized he was trying to cover something up.
I smiled at this, "Weirdo."
We both laughed a little, but his laugh seemed nervous.
I began to feel a vibration next to me on the bed and realized it was my cellphone. Looking at the screen and reading Butters, I walked out into Kyle's hallway and opened the phone.
"Hey K-Kenny, are you at Kyle's house?" I heard him giggle a little on the other line.
"Yeah, nothing is happening though." I told him, "Text me later, I'm eating."
I hung up the phone and walked into Kyle's room. He looked at me curiously.
"Butters." I told him, sitting back down and continuing to eat.
We exchanged glances throughout the entire time we ate.
"Kenny, you should leave your hood down more often." He said suddenly, "You're a really cute guy."
We both blushed at this. He set his bowl down and I soon followed the action. As I went to get up I noticed him looking at me and decided to sit back down next to him.
"K-Kenny?" He stuttered, "Did you ever feel like what you're feeling is wrong?"
I felt my heart skip a beat.
"Like.. What you've been told all your life finally applies to you?" He continued.
I didn't know what to say, so I nodded my head.
Feeling like there was a force pushing me back, I slowly moved in towards his face, shyly, but lovingly. I felt myself begin to shake as our lips touched. He cupped my face in his hands and pulled me into the kiss, making it longer. I could feel myself blushing harder than I ever have. I loved this feeling, this shocking feeling that ran up my spine when I kissed him. It made it so hard to breathe, it made me unable to think. We both pulled away as if feeling the same need for air. I brought my hand to my lips and touched them, trying to imagine his lips on mine again. We just stared at each other without a word for a few moments.
"Kyle- I.." i began, unable to think of anything else to say, "Let's not tell anyone about this.."
He nodded in agreement.
