VeryMuchAlive . bloggie .com
Logan Henderson
BlogPost 005
Trying
I'm trying really hard to pull through this. My students have even noticed a change in my demeanor. Been trying to lay it off that I've been sick, but a few close ones aren't buying it. They're acting genuinely concerned.
I couldn't have that.
I can't wait to bring you all up to speed with this, because you'll understand why I say these things I do.
So now you all know that I was expecting a baby with that piece of shit. Let's skip a little forward, not much. Eh, three months.
Shall we?
It was 6:30am, and I was already having a breakdown for the day. Christ, I was getting fat. I had a belly; 16 weeks pregnant did not look good on me. I kept trying to adjust my outfit, but eventually gave up. My huge gut was just going to have to stick out.
I went in and turned Abels light on, he woke up immediately.
"Good morning Abel." I said, walking over to him. He reached his arms up to me. When I got close, just like the last few mornings, he hugged my belly and gave it a kiss, then demanded to be picked up. He was such a smart little boy. I only had a few more weeks where I would be able to lift him, so I was taking advantage. I was going to miss picking my little boy up so much.
I carried him out into the kitchen. Jax had breakfast for him and me ready, setting it at the table.
"Thank you, baby." I gave him a kiss on the cheek, grabbing my daily dose of all the caffine I could have; my morning coffee. I ate half a bagel while I fed Abel his waffles. It was almost 7 by that time, and I needed to get to work.
"Do you mind dropping him off?" Jax shook his head, grabbing a syrup covered baby boy out of his high chair. I grabbed my purse, giving both of my boys a kiss. Jax kissed me and then leaned down, him and Abel both kissing my stomach. I had a constant smile on my face these last few months, I swear on everything.
"I can't wait for your little brother to get here." I heard him tell Abel as I walked out the door. I couldn't wait either. Though, we decided we weren't finding out the gender until I had the baby, we were all still positive it was a boy. Teller men did not produce girls. And I was fine with that. Another beautiful little clone of Jax? Yes, please.
It was Friday, an easy school day. All of my classes had tests today, which meant I got to relax and catch up on papers and lesson plans. I sat at my computer all day, thanking my students as they handed in their work to me.
It was free period, and one of my senior Bio 1 aides came in to eat her lunch.
"How's that baby cookin', Ms. H?" she hopped up on one of the lab tables, biting into her apple.
I rubbed my belly, taking a bite of my own lunch.
"Cookin'." I laughed back. "I feel like I'm getting so fat, though."
She rolled her eyes at me. "You aren't even close to fat. You look super tiny, and just a little bit pregnant." Well, I guess that wasn't so bad.
"So," she leaned in a bit closer. "You and baby daddy ever gonna tie the knot."
I almost spit my food.
"Ashley, that's not an appropriate topic to discuss with a student." She rolled her eyes again; I secretly hated that shit.
"It was just a question. I think y'all should do it. He's hot, too. He already put his child in you. I think his last name is a little less serious than that."
I just kept changing the subject, not wanting to discuss any of that with a student. I didn't really want to dicuss that subject matter with anyone. It was noones business. If Jax asked, of course I'd say yes. But I wasn't pushing it.
Okay, that was kind of a lie. I really did want his last name.
And that was probably one of the dumbest thoughts I had ever had. Wanitng to marry Jaxon Teller. But as you can tell by my name, I didn't realize that until it was far too late. Stupid fucking me. I should have seen that one coming from 100 miles away. I just couldn't stay away from this stupid fucking town. Fuck.
Gemma was taking Abel with her and Clay to go see Clay's sister in Napa for the weekend, and Jax and I were going away to the Spa at Oak View for a nice get away weekend. No club. No business. Child-free. It was much needed for the both of us.
The drive up was beautiful and relaxing, getting near the mountains. Jax looked at peace, not having to worry about the club or the Charming police for the time being. It was so nice.
We got to the spa to check-in around 6, which was perfect. We both had just enough time to change into something nice for dinner. For how expensive it was, I was going to look nice and rock this little beer gut. I wore a black pencil dress with white flats, and Jax wore black dress pants, a grey dress shirt, and a white tie and shoes. Of course he made us match; he would.
"You're glowing." he told me, putting his watch on. I rolled my eyes. So cliche of him.
"You're such a loser sometimes, ya know." I giggled and hugged him from behind, my tummy keeping a gap between us. I saw him smile in the mirror we were infront of.
Seeing him smile at my little actions made me feel so good, and I couldn't explain it at all.
We headed down to dinner; the closer we got, the more excited I got and the more my mouth watered. It was Italian style food, and I could not wait to eat my weight in pasta and sauage. Fuck yes.
We entered and were immediately seating at a nice table for two, very intimate. All the tables were spread out so there was privacy, and it wasn't loud at all. It was very nice. We sat down and the waiter brought us water, salad and breadsticks. He informed us our food would be out in about 15 minutes.
"This is a lot nicer than I expected." I complimented on his choice of weekend getaway. He smiled at me. He was smiling a lot tonight, acting so weird. He wasn't very talkative, but he was definitely off.
I sat in my own little zoned out world, hearing the music in the background. God, I loved this song. Ed Sheeran. It was my most favorite song. Jax must have caught me smiling, and he knew exactly why. I lost count of how many times I told him this song reminded me of him in every way, and it was the song I always played at college when I felt so sad.
And that I'll fight my corner, maybe tonight I'll call you
After my blood turns in alcohol
"Logan?" I looked up at him. God, he was smiling and his skin was tan and such a happy color. I hadn't seen him this happy in years.
"Yes baby?" He reached across the table and grabbed my hands with both of us, pulling them up and kissing them.
"I love you." I could feel myself blushing like a little girl.
Give me love, my my
"I love you too, sweetheart." I told him. I did. God fucking damn it I loved him so much it hurt.
And it's been a while, but I still feel the same
"Logan?" No. My breath caught in my throat, and I couldn't even think. I was watching him but I couldn't process what was happening.
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around
All I want is the taste that your lips allowed
"Marry me, love?" And I couldn't help it but when I saw him down on one knee, and I saw that beautiful fucking ring, I burst into tears. These hormones were awful, all this was awful. But it wasn't.
"Really?" he nodded, gesturing the ring at me. I just started nodding because my words got caught in tears. He got up and hugged me tight, giving me a big deep kiss. He took the ring out of the box and slipped it onto my small ring finger.
Give me love, my my
Give me love, my my
Give me love, my my
Give me love, my my
Give me love
"I can't wait to marry you, Logan." We sat out on the porch that was attachted to our suite, cuddling close. I was so busy staring at my ring. I couldn't believe it. I was going to marry my best friend.
And guys, sometimes that isn't the best decision. I was so happy then. I remember it all like it happened just yesterday. 5 years ago I never would have guessed this is how things would have turned out.
But, I think you guys have about one more happy post to go before everything turns really awful, so enjoy it. I want you to remember the emotions this made you feel about Jaxon, about me. About our relationship.
And then I want you to relate to how I feel when it's all said and done. Relate the broken mess that I am. Once you fall in love, though, you have nothing to fear anymore. Because nothing is as scary and nothing hurts as much.
Sorry it's so short tonight, I've had a lot on my mind lately, just things I don't really want to deal with. This just fucking sucks.
Until next time.
Signing off.
Logan Henderson-Teller