A/N & Warning: while language is not explicit, there are mature themes. Strong T for the shiveree :). Thanks to all who continue to read and those who review! I love feedback! :)
Different Path Chapter 5
Adelaide clutched the bouquet of wildflowers that sweet Zady Spencer had offered her. It was a poor time of year for flower picking, but Zady found the first blooms on the mountain. In another month, the mountains would be saturated with the flowers. She hadn't even thought of a bouquet, but as usual Fairlight thought of everything.
The area by the creek that they were having the ceremony was so crowded with people that she could barely see Neil.
It was at this moment, looking at the crowds of people, that she desperately wished her father was here and to have his strong, steady presence next to her as she made this life-long commitment. She felt very much alone without her family here for support.
She let her heart wander to the last time she made such a commitment. It had been the perfect day for her wedding- standing up in church with Simon in front of their friends and family. She had been young and hopelessly in love. Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined in the moment that Simon's tear filled eyes met hers when he saw her for the first time in her pearl encrusted dress and long flowing veil that such a short time later, he would be gone. It made her heart ache.
The masses separated so she could see her bridegroom more clearly. She hadn't realized that she had stopped moving, until she forced herself to look at Neil. She found his eyes. It wasn't the love there that she saw with Simon's, but it was understanding, compassion...and something else. Hope. And yes, still joy.
He smiled at her and took long strides towards her. He wasn't going to let her do this alone.
She was so thankful for him, yet again. Her heart overflowed with gratitude.
"You look beautiful today" He whispered in her ear. "Don't be nervous"
"I didn't realize the whole Cove would be here" she murmured.
"Of course. It's a special day for all of us" He leaned over and kissed her cheek and offered his arm.
They made it to the spot by the Creek where David was standing. It was as pretty as a picture. She loved the Cove and the peace she felt while here in the mountains.
David began talking and Adelaide leaned over to whisper in Neil's ear, "Thank you for coming to get me"
"Anytime, lass" Neil whispered back.
The ceremony was short and sweet. Neil's vows were said with confidence, a sturdy assurance that all would be well between them. Adelaide's vows were said softly, but Neil's hand in hers provided the support she needed to make this commitment again...
"I, Adelaide Huddleston Napier, take thee Neil MacNeill to be my wedded husband, to have and hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love cherish and obey til..." Adelaide's words stumbled as her voice grew hoarse.
She met his eyes and his thumb began to run circles on the outside of her hand, comforting her, urging her to continue.
They both knew the full meaning of those words and the harsh separation that death did bring...and the complete heartache and devastation. Fear gripped her when she thought about this marriage meeting the same fate as her last one.
"It's okay, lass" Neil said, under his breath, at her whitened face.
She nodded. She knew he understood so well.
"til death do us part" she swallowed hard, "according to God's holy ordinance, and thereto, I give my troth"
Neil placed the ring on Adelaide's finger, repeating David's words and then squeezed her hands, pulling her in for a sweet kiss on the forehead then the cheek.
"Aw, Doc, that's be no kiss" one of the men piped up.
"Give Mrs. Doc a real one" another voice exclaimed and there was hooting and hollering.
"Mrs Doc" Adelaide questioned, giggling. "Is that my new name?"
"What do ye think of it, lass?"
Her face lit up, color restoring to her features. "I love it!"
Neil swung her around. "It is perfect for ye" he declared.
"Now, give Mrs. Doc a proper one"
Doc winked at the crowd, his arms still around her waist, holding her close to him. "Trust me, Mrs. Doc will get her fill of proper kisses tonight" He planted another on the side of her head.
The crowd hooted and hollered at that implication.
They made their way through the crowd and Neil stole her away into the cabin for a few minutes. There was food cooking on the stove and they knew the ladies would be here in a few moments.
He took her to a corner by the stairs.
"Are ye alright?" he asked, tenderly. "I didn't know if you were going to make it through the vows"
"I was thinking what those words meant and all the meaning behind what we just said" Adelaide said, softly. "I'm older and wiser now than when I said them the first time. I never thought then...but I know now. It just has more weight for me now"
"Oh, lass" Neil leaned and kissed her forehead again, "You brave woman"
"I'm not brave" Adelaide shook her head.
"Aye, you are" Neil countered.
"Why didn't you kiss me?"
Neil leaned over and whispered in her ear, "It will be more special tonight" He rubbed her arm. "Don't you think?"
"I didn't know you were so romantic, Neil MacNeill" Adelaide's stomach flipped at the thought of their wedding night.
He grinned. "We are going to learn a lot about each other in the coming days, wife"
Adelaide looked up at him in wonder, "I'm your wife"
"That you are" He drew her closer to him again, before the women came in, shooing them out.
Jeb's fiddle was creating life to the party. Neil and her had made their rounds to their guests, but had gotten separated. Adelaide was talking to Opal, rocking Simon in her arms when Neil came up being her.
"Opal, would ye mind taking the lad?"
Opal's eyes twinkled. "Not at all, Doc"
Adelaide gave Simon to Opal and turned to her new husband.
"Come on" He reached for her hand, "Let's dance"
She stilled and he stopped moving, looking back at her.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't know how to do this type of dancing" Adelaide said, as he pulled her closer to him.
"I'll help you" Neil chuckled, "All it is following directions. You are great at that when you want to be"
She poked at him. "Very funny"
"Come on now. I'm aching for a dance with you"
"It does look fun"
"It is fun" Neil continued to pull her along, "you'll see. Let's go, lass. Into the circle"
Neil's words were true. It was fun. He lifted and spun her and they danced the night away with the other couples. Jeb took a break from playing saying he had other duties to tend to and Neil eased her to the side. The crowd was getting a little more rambunctious as different activities were occurring as well. Activities that she was trying to ignore- weddings here were so different than in Asheville and she had never attended a Cove wedding.
"You have a nice color to your cheeks now" Neil said, handing her some water. "And more life to your step"
"Is that why you wanted me to dance?" she asked.
"Partly" Neil told her, "And partly because I just wanted to dance with my bonny wife on our wedding day"
She smiled up at him, "I'm glad"
"Adelaide" Neil pulled her a bit closer, "Has anybody explained to you about the shiveree?" He had suddenly become quite serious.
She looked at him, quizzically. "No, why?"
She could see Opal and Jeb coming up to them out of the corner of her eye.
Neil titled his head, "Things are about to get real interesting, my wife. I should have made sure you knew. I forgot you have never been to a Cove wedding. No fretting, though"
Opal came up beside her. "Say goodbye to Adelaide now, Doc"
Neil grinned and leaned over to kiss her cheek again, "Bye, wife. I'll see you soon"
"Oh no" Adelaide's eyes widened at the look he was giving her. "What's going on?"
"Make sure you feed the lad" Neil said, his eyes on her. "and that he eats well"
"But..." she stopped protesting as Opal led her away and other woman soon surrounded her.
"Opal, what's going on?" Adelaide asked her as they made their way up the stairs of Neil's cabin.
"Forgot that ye be from the city and might not know about the way of the Cove" Opal frowned, "I'm sorry, Addie. I should have warned ye or the Doc should have at least"
Fairlight rocked Simon in her arms "Let's get this one fed. Mary and Lizzie are downstairs makin some tea, but the men will be here in no time. I told Jeb, we'd need more time on account of the young'un"
"More time for what?" Adelaide asked, taking her shawl to drape it over and feed Simon.
"Maybe the Doc should tell her" Opal said, frankly.
"Opal" Adelaide titled her head, "can you tell me, please?"
"This is your shivaree, Miz Addie" Opal told her, softly, "so we can help you get ready and then you and the Doc can make ye marriage official"
"Official?" she asked, quizzically, "I don't quite understand"
"Official" Opal confirmed, solemnly, "ye ain't be truly married until ye do this" she tried to explain and Adelaide caught her meaning, instantly.
"With practically the whole Cove outside?" Adelaide's mouth dropped opened. "I..." her face got red. "What about the baby?"
"Opal and I can take the little one to give the Doc and you some privacy" Fairlight said.
She wanted to tell them that them taking the baby downstairs wouldn't make this more private, but she loved both women and wouldn't want to hurt their feelings for the world.
Dancing with Neil had relaxed her, but with that announcement, her nerves returned, full force- this went against everything she was raised with and while she trusted and respected Neil and treasured their friendship, doing this with him so soon after Simon's death, so soon after delivering her dead husband's son scared her to pieces.
They woman chatted and drank tea as Simon fed and Mary took him to burp him so the other ladies could help her get ready. Adelaide stood.
"Here's your nightgown, Miz Addie" Opal said, "Let me get the buttons to your dress"
Opal had insisted on taking in her nightgown along with her dress. Adelaide tried to protest, but Opal wouldn't budge.
"Opal" Adelaide's eyes flooded with tears, when she saw the reason for her resolve. "Did you do this?"
"Fairlight helped" Opal said, smiling. "Do ye like it, Miz Addie?"
"It's lovely" Adelaide's voice was hoarse as she examined the pretty stitching. Scottish bluebells adorned the collar and the hem. It must have taken the ladies hours. "I don't think I have had such a beautiful nightgown in my life"
"Even from those big city stores?" Mary asked, rocking the baby.
"Yes, nothing this lovely. I still can't believe it"
"Miz Christy provided the thread" Opal looped her arm through hers. "She was right sorry she couldn't make it but wanted something special for you to have tonight and even stitched a few bluebells herself the day before she left"
It was a peace offering of the sweetest kind and Adelaide's heart overflowed with love for not only for her sister, but these ladies who have become her friends.
"Thank you, Opal, Fairlight" Adelaide said.
"And" Mary Allen stepped forward. "The ladies quilting circle was savin this quilt for a right special occasion and we feel like this is it"
"It's lovely" Adelaide fingered with quilt that they spread across the bed. It immediately transformed the Doc's room. "It makes the room look more like a home"
Fairlight chuckled, "The Doc needs a woman's touch for sure"
"In more ways that just his home" Opal laughed.
"Oh" Adelaide smiled, "that's a monumental task keeping the Doc in line"
"If any woman can, it's ye" Fairlight said, with a grin.
"I hope" she grinned. "I can't think you all enough"
"Think nothin of it" Fairlight said, "Now let's get ye dressed"
They helped her out of her dress and into her nightgown, brushing her hair out and then braiding it back for her, tying it tightly at the end with a piece of blue ribbon.
"There you are" Opal said as the other woman, talked comfortably in the room. She went to take Simon from Mary and hand him to her.
They could hear voices outside getting closer- a right fine ruckus of whooping and hollering. Adelaide immediately tensed.
"That be the men" Opal said to her, "Ye look as scared as can be. I know the Doc can be a bear, but underneath, he be a fine man"
"It's the way of the mountain man" Fairlight added, reaching to squeeze her hand, "Rough on the outside, but they be as sweet as honey on the inside. Doc will be understanding tonight, Miz Addie"
"Don't ye fret about it" Opal said, comfortingly.
"I just wish" she sighed, "I feel so overwhelmed right now..." Tears filled her eyes as she admitted what was in her heart.
"Now, don't be starting that" Fairlight to her, squeezing her hand, "It must be right fearsome for ye to start over with the Doc like this and bein pushed into it and so soon after ye had this babe. We'd all be feelin the way ye are, but ye are right strong, Miz Addie"
"Let yourself be happy with the Doc" Opal advised. "He really does want ye to be happy". They heard noise on the steps. Opal leaned over and whispered to her, "We'll talk more later"
"What if I can't do this?" she whispered back.
"Ye just married him, Adelaide" Opal countered, "you have to be his wife. I've never seen him so open or tender towards a woman as he is with ye and that's the God honest truth of it. He'll be a right good husband to ye"
"I know you are right" she replied, but her stomach was still tied in knots.
She heard the good natured jabs that make her blush even further as Neil came in the room.
"Let me have the babe. I'll take right fine care of him, I promise" Fairlight told her, quietly and Adelaide gave him to her, knowing that she would be true to her word.
She turned around to reach for the bag sitting on the dresser to give to Fairlight. "Diapers and extra clothes in case you need it" she whispered.
"Don't ye worry one bit about the babe" Fairlight told her, rocking him. "We are gonna become good friends"
"Thank you, Fairlight"
"Ye are welcome"
Neil stopped them on the way out to tenderly rub the babe's head. "Be a good lad" he told him and then smiled at Fairlight. "Thank ye kindly"
Fairlight nodded, "Of course, Doc"
He looked at her, "Make sure Jeb ensures no foolishness goes on"
She nodded. "I'll make him guard the stairs" she gave him a wry smile, "Enjoy, Doc"
He chuckled. "I will"
Adelaide's face got redder at the rather frank conversation, but Opal squeezed her hand and winked at her.
"Come visit when you are settled in if the Doc can part ways with ye" Opal said, letting go of her hand.
"I will, Opal" Adelaide told her, softly, "Thank you for everything today"
"My pleasure, Miz Addie" Opal said. She smiled at Neil as she left the room.
The noise downstairs seemed to intensify as the door shut, everyone leaving them alone, but enjoying the music, laughter and dance on this chilly evening, the bonfire keeping everyone warm outside.
She bit her lip and twisted the end of her braid between her hands, her bravery lost to her at the moment. She didn't bother to hide the vulnerability or anxiety, two things Neil picked up perfectly from the moment he walked into the room.
He walked over to her. He was the epitome of calm and controlled, the perfect compliment for her nervous energy, but there was also something in his look that Adelaide again couldn't read. She had seen it for a while now and she had no idea what it was.
"Give me your hands, lass" he told her, quietly. Without hesitation, she put her hands in his and he squeezed them, comfortingly. "Ah, you are trembling something awful. Are ye alright?"
"I'm not sure" she looked at him, lost. "I thought I could do this, Neil, truly I did, but now..." she took a breath. Her lip trembled, much to her horror. She could not cry- not right now, but at the moment, the weight of what they have just done came crashing down on her. She married a man when neither of them loved each other- bound herself to him for the rest of her life, and now she was going to give herself to him tonight- be intimate with someone that was not Simon- all six weeks after she delivered her precious boy.
Self doubt plagued her- and Neil caught the splay of emotions as they danced across her features.
"Talk to me" he encouraged her and squeezed her hands again, trying to prevent her from unraveling further.
She ducked her head as she tried to control her emotions. Tears sprang to her eyes as she tried to fight her feelings.
"Adelaide" his voice was low. "What is it?"
"Please don't ask me. If I cry right now, on our wedding night, I'm going to truly feel wretched. You might wonder what you got yourself into"
"Nah" Neil put a finger to her chin and tipped up her head, "why do you look so tortured? Tell me what you are thinking"
"It's not you" she quickly said, "not at all"
"I know that" his gaze was steady, "what is it?" he pressed. "Come now, you can talk to me about this. You can talk to me about anything"
"I know that" she sniffled, "I don't want to cry"
He shrugged, "I don't care if you do. Just tell me what's wrong"
She took a breath. "When we decided to marry, I knew what was expected, but I didn't prepare myself for what it would feel when the moment came"
"How do you feel?" Neil asked, his eyes on her.
"Overwhelmed" she said, honestly. "Embarrassed"
He searched her. "Why?"
She looked around the room and then focused back at him.
"Are we really going to..." she paused, unable to continue. Thankfully, the tears that threatened to fall before were held at bay by Neil's understanding, but the embarrassment was still there over what they were expected to do. Now...with everyone just a step away.
"You can say it, Adelaide, without getting so worked up" Neil told her, firmly, "this is not shameful. It shouldn't be embarrassing either"
"I..." she hesitated again, "where I come from, openness about it is considered unseemly at best" she said.
"At worst?"
"Obscene" Adelaide retorted.
"That explains so much" Neil said, wryly. "But you chose to stay here" he countered. "and there was a reason for that. You are different than what you came from"
She nodded, "That is true, Neil, but there are people here. Are we really expected to have..." she swallowed hard.
"Come on. You can say the word" he squeezed her hands, "World won't end" he teased, trying to break her tension. "I promise you"
"I know that" Adelaide took a breath, "Just give me a minute. I was raised by Julia, okay? You have to anticipate some of this. This word was akin to cursing"
Neil laughed, "Surely not"
"Oh, yes, it most certainly is...in the Huddleston household at least" Adelaide countered.
"I see" He laughed harder. "Fair enough"
She gulped, "are we really expected to have...sex"
"Good girl" he squeezed her hands, encouragingly.
"Thank you"
"Now continue" he prompted, squeezing her hands again.
She took a breath, "are we really expected to have sex now- with everyone outside and people downstairs?"
"Aye" Neil kissed her hands. "It's tradition"
"But why?" Adelaide asked. Her face remained red, but she continued, "I'm not judging, truly I'm not, I want to know why"
"It's a celebration of our union" he said, his voice patient, "According to Cove tradition, this is the real marriage ceremony between us"
"Why?" Adelaide asked.
"Why do ye think?"
She thought for a few moments. "Because we actually become one" Adelaide murmured, "Hum" she contemplated it. "That's interesting"
"Did ye not notice all the activities goin on outside with the shiveree?"
"I did" she said, "but I was trying to ignore it" she added, sheepishly.
"I should have prepared you better. I'm sorry, lass. I feel like an idiot"
"No" Adelaide shook her head, "You were so busy"
"It never crossed my mind" Neil told her, honestly, "And you are so fearless in many ways, I forget how uncomfortable this might be for you"
"I'm not really fearless, Neil" She said softly. "I struggle...alot... even with those things you deem me fearless in"
He studied her, "It's going to be alright- all of this" he said softly.
"But to do this here...now" She paused.
"What's your objection to it?"
"The whole idea feels so..." she struggled, "foreign"
"It's amazing we are still in the same country, sometimes, our ways are so different than yours" Neil conceded. "But just because it's different, isn't a reason to object"
"No, but I don't want our intimacy on display"
"It's not on display. We are the only two people in this room" Neil reasoned.
"But" Adelaide chewed on their lip, "can they hear anything?" her color heightened.
Neil gave her a cheeky grin. "Depends on how loud you are, Addie"
Her blush intensified tenfold. "Neil"
He chuckled, but as her genuine distress, managed to become serious again, "Don't get inside your head" Neil told her, his voice gentle. "If you are going to live here and we make a life here together, then we need to honor some of these traditions that I come from"
"So you want us to consummate our vows now"
He nodded. "I do, lass"
"Because it's what you grew up with"
"Aye, and there really is no reasonable reason not to" he paused and looked at her evenly, "don't ye think?"
"I suppose" She swallowed hard again, her throat dry. She bit her lip, still thinking it over, "Why did you tell Fairlight to ask Jeb to guard the door?"
His eyes met hers. "There have been occasions when rascals get up to mischief making to interrupt the newly married couple. It's not going to happen here"
"How do you know that?" Adelaide tried not to panic at the thought.
"Jeb will make sure. I trust him to" he answered confidently, "and" he let go of her hands, "we'll lock them out as an extra precaution" He walked over and locked the door. "There, all alone in here"
"Okay" She coughed a bit and absently fiddled with the end of her braid. He studied her intently for a moment in his usual analytical way.
"Here, sit down" Neil gently eased down on the bed, before asking,
"Why did you stay, Adelaide?" He walked over to the dresser to pour her a glass of water. "Drink this, you are looking faint" He sat next to her.
"I'm not going to faint" Adelaide said, indignantly, gripping the glass.
"I said you were looking faint, not that you were going to" Neil said, amused, "drink it anyway"
She drank it slowly. "I stayed for you"
"For me?" Neil's voice was quiet.
"I know those nights would cause problems for you. Alice and David said that your patients might not let you doctor them and they need you and you need them" She paused.
"So you were being noble" Neil responded, "you married me for the good of the Cove"
There was something in his tone that he tried to hide, but Adelaide caught it anyway.
She reached out and took his hand, "No, I'm not that noble, Neil" she said, squeezing his fingers "Far more selfish than noble, I'm afraid"
"How is that?"
"You are my friend. I believe you are on my side. If I return to Asheville, I would have to remarry and I don't think I would find someone that I trust or respect as much as you" She looked at him, "For a while now, I've realized that you are the best man I know besides my father, of course. That's why I chose to stay"
"That means so much to hear you say that" He stared at her, "thank you, Adelaide"
She nodded. "I'm sorry that I put you in this situation."
"Don't be, I'm certainly not" Neil said, taking her glass from her and putting in on the table beside the bed. He reached for her hand again and then leaned close to her, "You just said you trust me"
"I did" she nodded.
"That same trust I need from you now" his voice was low and intimate.
"Even though I do trust you, I'm still nervous, Neil" Adelaide whispered. "Quite nervous in fact. I just feel so out of sorts at the thought of us doing this together"
"I know" he kissed her forehead, tenderly. "It's okay that you are. I knew you would be"
"Did you?" Adelaide asked, smiling, her heart softening at the understanding he was showing.
"Aye" He traced the edge of her face, "none of this has surprised me so far"
"I'm sorry I almost cried" she murmured.
"Don't worry about it" He said, "This is a big step for you. I understand why you are overwhelmed"
"I just feel this enormous weight on me" she said, "I don't do well with change"
"I know. We should have kissed before the wedding so everything wasn't happening at once for you..."
"Everything was happening at once to begin with" Adelaide pointed out. "There is no way around that"
"That is true" he acknowledged and he grasped her face with his hands. "But still, ye are the type that needs to be eased into things"
She swallowed hard, "Neil, I want you to understand something about me"
"What is that?"
"Simon was my first in every way"
"Every way?" he questioned, curiously.
"Hand holding, kissing...everything"
"Is that so?" he asked, surprised, "boys before him didn't try to sneak kisses with you? You are such a pretty thing"
"No" she said. "I wasn't the type that boys liked"
"Well, you are very much the type that men like" he told her.
"Do you think so?"
"I do" he said, confidently, "I like ye"
Her confidence rose slightly and the tension between them eased a bit. "I like you too"
Their eyes met and they stared at each other for a few moments, lost in the moment.
"Will you be my wife tonight, Adelaide?" he asked, his voice low.
"Yes" she responded, her breath catching in the word.
Neil reached to capture the end of her braid in his hand, his fingers clasping the ribbon.
"May I?"
"Of course" she gave her consent and he gently untied the tie that held the braid together at its ends. He placed it on the nightstand beside the bed and then turned back to her.
Neil reached to undo her braid, starting from the bottom working his way up and then loosened it with his fingers, spreading it over her shoulders for it to fall completely down her body.
"Better?" Addie asked.
He nodded. "Your hair is glorious, Adelaide" his tone deepened and his look caused her stomach to quiver. "You should wear it down more often"
"So you've said"
"Now that we are married it would be entirely proper when you are at home with me" Neil murmured.
"It would" her voice equally soft. "especially if my husband prefers it that way"
His eyes captured and held her gaze until his lips met hers and she closed her eyes. Her body stilled but her stomach fluttered wildly as he kissed her, his kiss sweet and tender and light. It wasn't chaste, but it was very much intended to ease her tension and make her feel comfortable with him.
"Are you okay?" he asked, trying to gauge her reaction.
She nodded, not trusting her voice.
He continued to kiss her patiently until she responded and began to kiss him back. He deepened the kiss, applying more pressure and coaxing her mouth open and Adelaide reached to put her arms around his neck. The kisses which started so sweet were growing more and more passionate and Adelaide and Neil were both surprised with how easily that was happening. There was an undeniable spark that scared Adelaide and how much she found that she enjoyed kissing him.
He pulled back, his eyes full of desire. She jumped as someone hollered in the yard and turned her head in the direction of the window. Neil turned her face back to him.
"It's just you and me here, Adelaide" he told her, his voice low. "Ignore everything else"
"That's hard for me" she whispered.
"Aye, I know"
They kissed some more before Neil began to touch her through her nightgown. She stiffened almost immediately, before she could help herself. He pulled back, not wanting to push her too quickly.
"I'm sorry"
He shrugged, "It wasn't a slight, now was it?"
"No" she answered. "not at all. It just startled me"
"I know that" he told her, "do ye know what else I know?"
"I can't imagine"
"You think too much, woman" he chided as he rubbed her cheek, softly.
"How do you know I'm thinking?" she said, closing her eyes, allowing his touch to comfort her.
"You wear every emotion on your sleeve, Adelaide" he told her, still rubbing her cheek, "It's endearing. You are the most genuine person I know"
She opened her eyes to look at him and reached a tentative hand up to twist one of his curls. "I'll try to relax more"
"Don't anticipate what will happen, lass. You are thinking five steps ahead of where we are right now"
"I am" she admitted.
"Just live in the moment" he tapped the side of her head, "this is your greatest weapon, but can also be your greatest enemy. One step at a time"
"You're right" she continued to finger his hair. "All of this feels so unreal to me. Are we allowed to be doing this?"
He chuckled, "It's real. You are my wife now. I'd say we are allowed-required even. We have to make this marriage legal"
"Neil?" she sat up on her knees and put her hands on his shoulders, "May I ask you a question without you thinking I'm completely ridiculous?"
He smiled at her. "There is nothing that you could say in this moment here that I would find ridiculous, Adelaide. What's on your mind?"
"What if I don't remember how to do all this? Or what if I don't feel comfortable with certain things? It's been a while and Simon was the only person who I ever did this with. He and I...we understood each other in this way, but it was something we had to learn...us both. Do you understand what I mean?"
"I do" he said, longing to soothe her worries. "What specifically concerns you?"
"I'm worried I won't meet your expectations"
"I don't have any" he responded.
"Surely you do"
"I expect us to make love" he said.
"Okay" she let out her breath, "It's just, I know I've done this before, but that doesn't mean I'm good at it"
He laughed heartedly at that statement, "Are you trying to lower expectations?"
She titled her head, "Perhaps"
"I see" He reached to stroke her hair, smoothing it down, the gesture soothing. "Making love, Adelaide, is something that you get better with as time goes on. I'm sure you do just fine"
"Still..." she paused, swallowing down the lump in her throat.
"I'm not going to force you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, especially tonight. I won't push you to do more than you want right now. Let's just try to get you adjusted to the whole thought of this. I know this is a leap for you, especially doing this with someone other than Simon"
"It is"
"I think once our first time is behind us, we can talk more if we need to. I know I'm not typically patient person, but I will be patient in our love making. Please don't trouble yourself"
"That's what Opal said"
"She's a smart woman" Neil retorted. "Tell me what you like..." he paused at her cringe. "I can see we are going to have a lot of work ahead of us, wife" he said dryly.
"Thank Julia for that" Adelaide responded, wryly. "It's not something I feel comfortable talking openly about...and Simon never forced the issue"
"Simon was a patient man and was raised your way- he was sensitive to those sensibilities that were instilled in you"
"And you're not"
"I'm sensitive to your feelings. I care about what you are feeling and thinking" He leaned to kiss her forehead. "But I think you can talk to me about this, Adelaide. And I think you should talk to me about this. I want to know what pleases you. Try to communicate with me? I promise the world won't end if you admit you like something we do in this bed"
She blushed, "I know that" she said.
"And I won't think less of you" he added, a soft kiss to her lips, "Actually..." he deepened the kiss. "quite the opposite, lass"
"I'll try to be completely brazen" she offered.
He chuckled, knowing that it would be a while, but had no doubt that she would get there.
"If there is something you don't like, then tell me that too. And I think you'll remember, but if you feel unsure, I'll try to guide you, alright?"
"Okay" Her stomach twisted from nerves as much as she tried to allow his words to comfort her, she was still worked up.
"Does that make you feel better?" he asked.
"A little" Adelaide said, softly.
"Good. Now just relax" He kissed her again, his touch gentle, as his hand roamed along her curves. At first she was still completely stiff but he kept up, until her body relaxed and began to respond. His touch intensified, before he reached to undo the three top buttons to her nightgown. He fingered the neckline, tracing along the edge. His eyes met hers and her face flushed, anticipating his move.
"Scottish bluebells"
"Opal and Fairlight" for the life of her, she couldn't say more, not with Neil's fingers there.
"Fitting" Neil said.
"How's that?"
"It's what your eyes remind me of" His fingers continued to dip a bit lower, his eyes never leaving her face. He was teasing her or maybe just easing her to it. She didn't know. "There was a field adjacent to one of the old castle ruins that bloom up with bluebells. It's a sight to see. I want to take you there one day"
"I'd love to go" Adelaide murmured.
"Are you okay?" His fingers dipped slightly.
"Yes"
"Good" He gently pushed aside the fabric and slid his hand inside her nightgown to caress her. He wasn't being rough with her at all, but given the time it had been since the babe, it was uncomfortable.
She winced and pulled back.
He could tell by the look she was giving him that she was about to panic, when he pulled his hand out and grasped her hips, holding her steady, afraid she might retreat. "My fault. I forgot about you nursing the wee one" he said, "Did that hurt?"
She nodded. "I'm sorry"
"Don't be sorry" He leaned his forehead to where it was touching hers. "I need you to tell me if something hurts. You just had this babe not so long ago. I know that you are self-conscious about it, but I'd rather you tell me than not. Don't be a martyr for my sake. That's the last thing I want from you. Promise me"
"Okay" she whispered, still embarrassed by her reaction.
"Let's try it again and see if it still hurts. I'll be gentler" Neil told her.
"Neil, I'm not sure that's a good idea" she said, trying not to panic at the thought.
"Just trust me" he told her.
"I do" she said, "I just...do we have to?" she swallowed hard.
"No, but I want to" he told her, honestly, "Let me try again. If it still hurts, then we'll wait until you are less tender"
"That seems fair" she let out her breath.
"Look at me, lass" Neil told her and she forced herself to meet his eyes. "Good" He could feel her tension as he slid his hand back down her nightgown. He didn't his eyes off her, his touch extremely tender this time, him varying his touch until she breathed in sharply.
"Neil" her voice was shaky, as she felt herself responding fiercely to his efforts.
"Aye?" he asked, his voice deep, aware of how he was stirring her.
"I like that" she said it so quietly, that he had to strain to hear her.
"Good" his eyes locked with hers. "I'm so glad ye do. I love touching you this way"
"Do you?"
"Oh, woman, you have no idea" he said, earnestly, "May I kiss you again?"
"I'd like that" she said.
"Would you now?" his tone was something she hadn't heard from him and it stirred her.
She blushed. "Yes"
He kissed her more, continuing to touch her, mindful of her responses, but also becoming impatient by the amount of clothing between them. He kissed down her neck, before tugging at the hem of her nightgown, causing her hand to shoot over to cover his, stopping him from moving further.
"Are you alright if we take this off?" he asked, aware of the death-grip that Adelaide had on his hand.
"I just had the baby six weeks ago" Adelaide said, quietly. "I'm not quite myself again...far from it actually. Can't we just leave it on this once? Please?"
"I don't care about that, Addie" he said, still gripping her nightgown. "Let me see you"
"Why are we doing this?" Adelaide questioned, unable to keep the stress from her voice.
"Because you are my wife now" Neil murmured, "And I want a real marriage with you."
"We can have a real marriage if I keep it on" she argued.
"But" his voice was low, "I want intimacy in our love making, lass"
She couldn't possibly argue with that logic. In a lot of ways, she didn't want to. "It's cold" she said, but he knew it was a last ditch attempt to keep her nightgown on.
"We'll get under the covers, lass" he told her, "I'll keep you nice and warm, I promise" he added, impishly. "Now let go of my hand, woman, you are cutting off my circulation"
Her stomach twisted, and she released his hand, allowing him to pull off her nightgown. She grabbed her hair to keep it from tangling in it and then moved it to the front, much to Neil's amusement.
"There we go. That wasn't so bad, was it?" he said. He met her eyes. "Don't be so anxious. I already think you are beautiful"
"But you haven't really seen me like this" she responded, quietly.
"Then let me look" he moved her hands from in front of her to the side, squeezing them tightly before lifting his hand again to gently move her hair so it was covering her back, so he could look at her completely uninhibited. His gaze turned intense.
"Can we get under the covers now?" she said, after a few moments.
"In a minute" Neil murmured. "You are better than I imagined you to be"
She stilled, "You imagined me like this?" she squeaked.
He chuckled, "Of course, I'm not a saint"
She paused and then all the sudden, broke out in laughter, covering her face. "Oh my goodness. You always speak your mind"
He laughed too and then reached to take her hand away from her face. "It's a blessing and a curse" he said and she giggled more, "That laugh of yours makes my day, lass"
She grinned, her eyes shining at him. "It's hiding the fact, I'm absolutely mortified, sitting here uncovered" she told him, honestly.
"But why?" Neil asked, reaching to smooth her hair.
"Lots of reasons, I suppose" she told him and he could sense her insecurity about her body.
"You are beautiful- every inch of you- you don't have anything to fear in that regard" he told her his voice low and reassuring to her insecurities.
He laid her back on the bed, her head on the pillow. He lay on his side with her, reaching for her hip and rolling her on her side too and began to explore her body, strategically trying to stir her passion for him.
"You promised covers" she told him, her voice shy.
"That I did" He chuckled, pulling up the covers. "One day, you are going to lie here with me and be completely unashamed, my wife"
"Perhaps" she said, sighing at his touch, "one day in the distant future"
"Not so distant I think"
"Since when did you become an optimist?"
"Since you said yes"
She shivered under his touch. "You say the sweetest things to me at times"
"Don't tell anybody"
"Are mountain men usually this good with words?" she asked, teasingly.
"No, and I'm not usually. You inspire me" He laughed, "and we find our own way of romancing our womenfolk, Addie, if that is what you mean. You'll see"
"But our relationship isn't romantic"
"Shhh" he put a finger to her mouth, "romance comes in different forms, Mrs. MacNeill. This just means I have to try harder with you. Ye are a challenge for sure, but I'm up for it"
Her heart skipped. He wanted to try to make her happy. Somehow that made her feel so much better. She leaned over and kissed him, deeply.
Neil grunted in surprise and pulled her tightly against him, kissing and feeling her, passionately.
After a while, he pulled back. "I feel overdressed"
"Comparatively, you are" she said.
He took a finger and traced her jaw line. "Are ye okay if I get undressed now?"
"Yes" she stared up at him.
His eyes bore into hers. "Are you sure, lass?"
Her stomach quivered, "Yes" the word came out as a whisper.
He rolled over off the bed and went over to stoke the fire, making sure it was roaring for them. The distraction caused her to notice the ruckus downstairs, which was becoming louder and louder.
She watched him in the firelight as he unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged it off and then his pants and she found that she couldn't take her eyes off of him.
Adelaide bit her lip until she tasted blood. There was something about him that drew her to him- she was undeniably attracted to him- so different than Simon, yet he appealed to her- physically, personality, everything...even his temper, made a spark jump in her. How could that be? She chewed on her bottom lip, pensive. Realizing what she was doing by staring so openly at him, she hastily looked away, a change not unnoticed by Neil, allowing the fear creep in a bit when she thought of being vulnerable to him- physically, emotionally. She just committed herself to him for the rest of her life.
"Stop that" Neil responded as he climbed into bed with her, pulling the covers over them. He reached to touch her lips, "You were doing so well and now you look scared again"
"A little" Adelaide admitted, stiffening slightly as he pulled her into his arms.
"You have had sex before" Neil told her, rubbing her back gently, his fingers dancing up and down her spine, attempting to relax her again. "You know it's not scary. It's supposed to be fun"
"It was scary at first" she said.
"Well, yes" his fingers continued to soothe her, "but that's different. You know what to expect now."
"I haven't with you though"
"Am I scary?" he asked.
"No" Adelaide's voice cracked, "You are unknown and the unknown makes it seem scary right now" she shifted again, realizing how close they were to each other as he embraced her. "It took me forever to get comfortable with Simon and I..." she paused.
"You loved him" Neil finished for her, him moving his hand to stroke her hair.
"Yes"
"I know all of that" his voice was kind.
"Tell me it will be okay, that I did the right thing" she said, her voice breaking again. "Please, Neil"
"Shh" he comforted her, "it's a good decision for us both. Don't doubt yourself"
"We will be fine no matter what?"
"We will be fine no matter what" he assured her, "I know the unknown is scary, Adelaide, so, we'll get to know each other- with this and with other things" Neil said as he began to touch her again. "Like this" He felt her for a while, noticing how she responded to him. "This isn't frightening, now is it?"
"No" she sighed.
After a while, he leaned back and reached for her hand, putting it on his chest, "You do know that I don't have to be the one doing all the exploring, Adelaide"
She swallowed hard, "There are people here"
"Not in the room"
"No" her throat was parched again.
"Go on" he encouraged and she stared at him, still unsure.
"You can do this with me, Adelaide" he told her, "Just move your hand. I want you to touch me."
He could see her mind working a mile a minute, "Just touch my chest and where you feel comfortable and I'll be satisfied for tonight. We have to start somewhere. I told you, I'm not pushing you, but you can at least do that. I know you can"
"I want to" she whispered.
"Then why haven't you?" he asked.
"I don't want to be too forward" she mumbled.
"There is no such thing now" he told her. "Stop being so reserved"
At his encouragement, she began to feel his chest, running her hand through his reddish blonde hairs.
"There you go. That feels good" he leaned over to kiss her more. Neil continuing to be strategic in ways to stir her passion and him quietly guiding her, trying to get her to be more open, but he could tell she was uncomfortable. She was so timid and shy- completely unlike how she had been since they had met. He knew this was difficult for her to do this with anyone besides Simon and he was ever patient and mindful of that, not pushing her, content to let her try to wrap her mind around them doing this together at her own pace. It was a while before Neil pulled away, needing them to move forward.
"Adelaide" his voice was gruff.
She knew what he needed without saying more.
"Okay" she gave her consent, her voice soft.
"Are ye still nervous?" he said as he sat up and moved.
She reached up to finger his scruff on his face. "I don't know how to answer that"
"How about truthfully?" He leaned to rest his forehead on hers. "I always want the truth from you"
"A bit" She breathed against him and Neil's heart stirred again for his wife.
"A bit?" he questioned, lightly. "I've never seen you so jittery. You have nerves of steel when it comes to nursing"
"You undo those" she said, softly. "Completely and fully"
"I know" he kissed her. "Stop worrying so, sweetheart"
"I don't think you have every called me that before" she continued to rub her hand against his face, her stomach in knots.
"Considering you are my wife now and what we are about to do as husband and wife, I figure it is appropriate" Neil said, smiling at her.
"That's very true"
"Is it okay to call you that?"
"I like it" she said, softly. "It shows you care at least somewhat"
"Good" he kissed her. "I'll call you it more often. And Adelaide, they may have forced our hands, but I care a great deal for you"
"Do you?" she asked.
"I do. Please don't doubt that" he said, firmly. He eased her up in his arms, his hands behind her head, supporting her as he began to kiss her again, passionately, trying to get her comfortable with what was about to happen. He could feel her nerves settle down again and he pulled away. "Are you ready now?" he whispered.
"Yes, but..." She looked at him in his eyes, "I need..." her voice trailed off.
"What is it?" Neil looked at her earnestly, "At this moment, I would give you the world if I could"
"The world is not necessary" Adelaide's heart practically melted. Opal and Fairlight were right- sweet as honey underneath.
"Then what do you need?" He looked in her eyes.
She looked embarrassed when she realized how foolish her words would be. Neil would be nothing but gentle with her, the way he had been all night. Her anxiety was completely unnecessary.
"Never mind"
He looked at her, fondly, and Adelaide's heart stirred at his look. He knew what she was thinking.
"I'll be gentle as I can be with you if that's what you need right now, my sweet wife" he assured her, before laying her back down on the pillow, him talking to her in low tones as they became one together.