A/N: Thanks to all who have continued to read and review. Thanks as always for your thoughts. Hopefully I'm staying true to Neil's character, but also to the character I've created in Adelaide and not taking them too far off the path. They will find their way though...it's just going to take some work. :) And for those of you who are still reading Love's Abiding Joy, I'll work on that new chapter soon. I promise... I'm thinking this week! (this chapter had been written a while back so I thought I would edit and post- I'm writing LAJ from scratch now) :)
Warning: this chapter doesn't shy away from marital/mature issues.
DP Chapter 6
"Adelaide, you have to talk to me now" Neil finally told her as he reached across the bed to take her hand in his once again. "This silence is making me worry about you"
It had been several minutes since they finished with their rather awkward love making and Adelaide hadn't said a word to him. He could sense that she was retreating into herself as was her habit when she got upset or anxious and he wanted to prevent that. He knew he needed to get her to talk- to somehow ease her angst and the tension that was now magnified by the silence between them.
"Say something, lass" He squeezed her hand as she continued to remain silent before adding, "anything will do at the moment"
She cleared her throat as tears filled her eyes, "I don't quite know what to say"
"First of all, let me know if you are okay or not" he said, his voice even.
"I'm fine"
"Your words and your tone contradict each other" he squeezed her hand again. "Does it still hurt?"
"A little" she admitted, her lip trembling against all attempts to keep it still and the tears from falling.
"Still sharp pain or just soreness now?" he rolled on his side, but kept his hand in hers.
"Are you asking as a doctor or a husband?"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes, it matters right now" she sniffled. "Alot actually"
"I'm the same person whether I'm your doctor or your husband"
"That's true"
"I won't give you unsolicited medical advice, Adelaide" he told her.
"That's fair"
"I really want to know as your husband who cares about you and is concerned that you might not feel well" he continued.
"Soreness" she answered without further protest, "And I don't understand. It's been weeks and I've felt so much better"
"I know" he nodded, rubbing his thumb across her hand, soothing her, "but, sweetheart, listen, you've healed but it was a rough delivery so some discomfort makes sense this first time as your body adjusts back to this. You know it takes a while for your body to get completely back to normal"
"I just don't think I realized how much so. I truly thought Granny was exaggerating" she said.
Neil sighed, "I should have warned you better to the possibility"
"No, I knew theoretically that this is normal, but I guess it's different to experience something"
"I can understand that" he nodded, "You were also anxious, which I know didn't help. We'll continue to figure this out together. Please don't be so embarrassed by it"
"I am completely so"
"I know you are and I wish you wouldn't be...it will be better for you next time and" Neil said, "you beating yourself up over something that you can't help is completely counterproductive and unnecessary and is making things so much worse"
She nodded, "I know that" the tears spilled over at his blunt words.
"Blast it, Adelaide. Don't cry" he entreated. "I didn't mean it to sound so harsh" He took a breath, trying to choose his words carefully, "None of this is your fault. I'm a doctor and I've been married before, I understand how these things work"
"I know you do"
They fell silent again before Neil sighed, "I'm no good at this"
"At what?" she asked, turning her head to finally look at him.
"Being understanding"
"Are you kidding me?" She swatted at her eyes, wiping the tears that falling rapidly, "I don't agree with that at all. You are the most understanding man I know"
"You are much too sweet to be married to me" Neil reached out to thumb the tears away. "I'm sorry it was painful for you"
"Please don't apologize, it definitely wasn't your fault"
"It wasn't your fault either, lass" he reached to touch the ends of her hair, before rubbing his hand soothingly across her cheek. "I just hate that I got pleasure at your expense"
"Oh, no, Neil" Adelaide looked at him. "I can't imagine anyone would be as kind or patient as you have been tonight. I'm so grateful it was you and not some man in Asheville. Now, that would have been truly horrid. This was just awkward- that's so much better than horrid" She paused as she heard the way her words sounded, "That sounds so much worse than I mean it to sound. I meant it as a compliment"
"No, I understand what you meant" Neil laughed under his breath."You are a gem, Adelaide MacNeill" he continued to rub her cheek.
"MacNeill" Adelaide gave him a small smile, "That's going to take some adjustment"
"It has a nice ring to it, don't ye think?"
"It does" she responded. She flinched as she heard hollering in the yard, a reminder that they were still not alone. "What do we do now?" she asked.
"They'll eventually leave" Neil told her.
"What about Simon?" she asked. "He'll need to eat again soon"
"I'll go down and get him in a few minutes" he responded, quietly. "I don't want to leave you until you feel more settled"
She nodded. "Neil, are you wondering if we made a mistake?" she asked, her voice low.
"No" Neil shook his head, swiftly. "The love making will get better, Adelaide, and it isn't what makes a marriage, you know that"
"Do we have the other things it takes to make a good marriage?" Adelaide asked, frowning.
"We may not at the moment, but I do believe that we do have the potential for a very happy marriage" Neil told her, honestly, "We are well suited for each other"
Adelaide made sure the sheet was covering her and then scooted over to rest her head on his chest, not knowing what to do at the moment, but wanting the comfort. The move surprised him, but he didn't show it, only reached to tenderly stroke her hair, breathing in her scent, his other arm around her waist, holding her close to him.
"We have to be patient with each other" Neil continued to talk to her, his voice low. "And talk through it. Even if we had been married for years, six weeks after you deliver, would most likely still be uncomfortable for you"
"We would have had the relationship though to weather it" she told him.
"We may be new at this marriage, but we have the friendship to sustain us as we figure out how to be married to each other"
"I know that"
"Then why are you so upset?"
He felt his chest becoming wet with her tears.
"I..." she swallowed hard. "I disappointed you and I hate that thought"
"No, lass. You have it all wrong" he told her, continuing to rub her back. "I'm not disappointed. On the contrary, I'm hopeful"
"Really?" she leaned up, surprised.
"Aye, absolutely" Neil retorted, wiping her tears with the pad of his thumb, "we do have passion between us, I saw that in the few moments where you were unguarded with me, which is a good thing"
"Was I unguarded with you?" she asked.
He chuckled, "I caught the way you looked at me as I undressed, lass. It wasn't an innocent look by far"
She blushed, causing him to grin, "I love it, Adelaide. It's how I want it to be between us. You just have to relax enough for us to explore all this openly and we'll get there"
"Do you really think?"
"Aye" he answered, firmly, "I know"
She dropped her head back down. "I think it was the people here" She whispered.
He nodded. "I should have offered to wait until they left"
"Why didn't you?" Adelaide asked, leaning up again to look at him, still holding the sheet against her.
"I was being completely selfish, Adelaide" Neil said, rubbing her hip. "You are attractive to me in so many ways"
Tears flooded her eyes again. Last night, after Neil left her, she thought of all the ways she was less desirable than when she married Simon...yet Neil was telling her that he found her desirable. How could he when she was so unlike herself these days?
He felt the tears on his chest as she laid her head back down.
"And I don't want you to be embarrassed by sex any longer. It's not a healthy way of thinking, Addie and I want the best for you"
She swallowed hard, "You can't rip off the bandage like that, Neil, without it being painful"
"I stand by what I said" Neil told her, "I want you to be one of us and these customs, they are sacred to us"
"I don't understand them"
"I understand that" Neil told her, twisting her hair, in his finger, "but you still need to respect them" he paused, "and if it wasn't the noise downstairs, it would be you worried about the lad. At least you didn't think of him, knowing Opal and Fairlight had him"
She nodded, "That is true"
As if on cue, a cry pierced the air from downstairs and Neil kissed her briefly before rolling over to find his pants and shirt, tugging them on and running a hand to try to tame his unruly hair.
"I'll get the babe and shoo the others away" He went over to the bureau to pour water into her glass, then into the basin and wet a washcloth. He walked back to the bed with all items in hand.
"If you are going to nurse the wee one, you should be drinking" he sat the glass on the table, along with the basin and washcloth.
She nodded, "Thank you"
"And I figured you want to wash up and the room is cold even with the fire" he winked at her. "Don't blush" he chuckled at her.
"Do you love teasing me so?" Adelaide asked.
"I'm trying to lighten the mood" Neil leaned down and picked up her nightgown for her, laying it on the bed.
She shook her head at him, but smiled.
He bent down for another kiss, before whispering in her ear, "You really are beautiful, woman"
He kissed down her neck and Simon's cries intensified. Neil grunted.
"I'm coming, lad"
"Get used to it, Neil" Adelaide smiled as he walked out the door, it clicking shut behind him.
Adelaide washed up before pulling the nightgown over her head and waited for him to come back. He came back a few more minutes later, the noise in the yard getting dimmer. He cradled the baby in his arms.
"I think he is hungry again. Fairlight said he was rooting downstairs, poor lad"
"I suspect so" She reached out for him. She unwrapped him from his blanket and covered him while he nursed.
"What did they say?" Adelaide asked.
Neil grinned at her, "It's not fit for your delicate ears"
"Oh my" she looked at Simon underneath his blanket. Neil reached over and moved the blanket, taking it off of her.
"Let the poor lad breathe, Adelaide" he told her. "You are smothering him"
Adelaide's face flamed. "Don't watch"
"Stop being so squirmy about it" Neil countered, not backing down. He draped the blanket over the baby's middle, tucking in his feet to keep him nice and warm, "I'm your husband and even if I wasn't, it's not shameful"
"I thought I was doing well to nurse him with the covering" she said, reaching to smooth the baby's hair as she nursed, "In Asheville, that would be completely taboo"
"That's not practical"
"Which is why I still nurse him in public" she said, "but I just can't do like the woman here do, Neil" She cringed at the thought, "I just can't"
"Well, you aren't in public. This is your home now, so you need to try to be more comfortable with this and with me. Keep the cover off if you are here with just you and me"
She swallowed hard, "I will"
He nodded. "Good"
She looked over at him, watching the babe feed. "Are you sure you want to keep Simon in here with us?"
"Aye" he nodded. "It's too cold in the lab for a wee one right now. Maybe in the summer we'll move him"
"But he's up a lot" she said.
"At six weeks, I'm not surprised" he told her. "You look completely shattered half the time"
"I don't want him to bother you" Adelaide said, softly. "I would feel terrible if he kept you from sleeping"
"He's no bother" he retorted.
"We'll see how you feel after tonight" Adelaide said, looking to him.
"I know he will be up tonight, Adelaide and truly, it's fine. He's my son now too"
Adelaide froze at his words. She knew Neil was fond of her son but he never openly acknowledged that he wanted to be his father. "Do you really feel that way?" Tears filled her eyes again, spilling over.
"I assumed you knew that, lass"
More tears fell. "Perhaps, I should have knowing you, Neil"
"This has been an emotional day for you, lass" Neil reached over to wipe them away.
"I'm sorry- nobody likes to take a weepy wife to their bed"
"Just hush" Neil told her, "I'd rather you get this emotion out then bottle it inside. And I do feel that way, Adelaide. I very much want to be Simon's Papa. Does that bother you?"
"Bother me?" She shook her head, swiftly, her lip trembling, "No, I just thought...I thought I would have to do this alone, Neil. Even if I had remarried someone in Asheville, I would have had to do this alone. It's been so hard these past few weeks"
"You've been so strong and brave this past year"
"I haven't truly" she sniffled, "I've agonized over everything. I just hide it deep inside me"
"I know" His heart tore for her. "You aren't alone any longer, sweet lass" he assured her. "Simon isn't a burden to me and he isn't just your son anymore. We are raising him together now. I want him as my son just as I want you as my wife"
She sniffled and he reached over to hand her a handkerchief. She dabbed her eyes and then twisted the handkerchief in her hands before saying, rather wryly, "Does that mean you'll change some diapers? You are so good at it. Much better than me."
"Calculated flattery, Adelaide?" Neil threw back his head and laughed.
"No" her eyes were wide, "it was meant with the utmost sincerity and respect, Doctor MacNeill" she said, with mock-seriousness. "So will you?"
"Occasionally, wife" he poked her side, "but only if you are sweet to me"
"For that, I'll be the sweetest wife ever" Adelaide said, solemnly, causing Neil to laugh even harder. She giggled too and in those moments with them in bed, she thought in spite of everything, things would work out just fine.
He reached out to stroke her cheek, "That's the laughter I love hearing from you, lass. Don't let it become muddled. The other things will work out between you and I with time"
"I'll try"
She stood and reached for a diaper to change Simon.
"Is the lad ready for bed?"
She nodded. "After I change him"
"How about you?"
"I'm actually exhausted" she said as she bent over to change Simon.
Neil rose too. "It's been a long day for you. I'm going to go check on the bonfire and make sure they put it out properly and we'll all have an early night"
"Good idea" she swaddled Simon, "I'm going to rock the baby to sleep and put him in his cradle. Thank you for bringing the rocker up here and making room for us"
"We'll make more room, lass" Neil said, "ye can't live out of your trunk. I cleared some space for you"
"That's thoughtful" she said, "Thank you"
"This is your home too" Neil told her, leaning down to kiss her head, "you might as well make yourself comfortable. Work on unpacking tomorrow though- you are too tired tonight"
He left her for a while- she getting Simon settled and then brushed her hair out again and braided it before going downstairs. Neil was in his lab and she went outside to use the outhouse. She went to check to make sure Simon as plenty warm and settled before looking to their bed. She assumed she should sleep on the side she naturally ended up on after their lovemaking, but she wasn't sure. It felt so strange that now she would be sharing space- a bed with another man.
She curled up under the heavy quilt, chilled from stepping out into the dark night and lost in her thoughts.
Neil came in a while later and climbed into bed, pulling the sheet up, but leaving the quilt down.
"Your feet are freezing, woman" he said. "You need socks"
"I'm under this heavy quilt" she protested.
"I don't know how ye possibly sleep under it" he said, "it's too hot with the fire"
"Really?" Adelaide turned on her side towards him. "I'm shivering here"
He turned on his side towards her. He reached out to feel her hands. "You are cold" he brought them to his mouth to blow on them gently, trying to warm them for her. "That's why you need socks"
"Too scratchy" Adelaide told him, scrunching up her nose.
"I see" Neil continued to warm her. "You do know it is the end of February. That's still wintertime on the mountain"
"Yes, I'm aware of the seasons, Neil" Adelaide retorted.
"Then, you really should know when you go outside at night, ye need to put a coat on, lassie" he told her, his voice playfully stern.
"Oh you noticed that?" Adelaide blushed. She hadn't thought he had been paying attention to what she was doing.
"Not even a robe?" Neil chided.
"I knew I wouldn't be out there for very long" she said.
"Did you put socks on at least? Tell me you did, Nurse Addie"
"No" she admitted, sheepishly.
"What am I to do with you?" He pulled her into his arms, "You are a mess, wife" he said as he rubbed her back, trying to let the heat of his body warm her. "Do ye make a habit out of that?"
"Sometimes" she admitted. "Now that it's a tad bit warmer"
He shook his head. "Coat from now on until the nights are actually warm and socks too. We can't have ye catching a cold even if I do enjoy the task of warming you up"
He said it with such tenderness that Adelaide wasn't the least offended about him bossing her around.
"It's the one thing that I miss about Asheville's pampered life" she admitted.
"That was probably quite the change" he told her.
"Was it ever" She giggled, "My mother doesn't think this, but I do have feminine sensibilities even if I do love helping you cut people open"
He chuckled, "I know you do. You are a good combination, Adelaide"
"Neil?" she buried her head in his chest.
"Aye?"
"Is this the right side of the bed to sleep on?" she asked, shyly. "I wasn't sure"
"It would have been fine if you chose the other side, but this is the side I prefer" he told her.
"It's been a while since I've shared a bed with anyone"
"I promise to try not to snore or kick you" he said, solemnly. "Or roll on top of you"
She giggled, "Thank you for that. I'll do the same"
"You can roll on top of me if ye like" Neil said, mischievously. "That would probably make my night, wife, but I can't promise my behavior after that will be conducive to you getting a good night's sleep"
"Oh my" she smiled in the moonlight at his teasing as she reached up to finger his stubble on his face. "We are really married, aren't we?"
"Unbelievable, isn't it lass?" Neil asked.
"It is. It was a really lovely day" she whispered. "I love the people here- everyone was so genuinely happy for us" her voice held a hint of longing.
"Adelaide" Neil's voice was tender, "Did you miss your family?"
"Yes"
"I'm sorry"
She shrugged, "I know this marriage wasn't like Christy's and David's and my marriage to Simon, but we are committed building a marriage and a family together and that should have been supported too"
"You are absolutely right, Adelaide" He said, his voice low, "I want you to know no matter how and why we got here, that you are my wife now. You and the lad are my family. I take my vows to you seriously. It's why I wanted you to wear my mother's ring. Let's work on building the best life we can together"
"I'd like that" she said and she relaxed in his embrace, surprised to find herself falling asleep against his warm body. She knew she should move, but sleep found her quickly and she found herself not wanting to move. Neil was so comforting to her and as for Neil, he wouldn't have moved her away from him for the world, especially as he stared at her peaceful face in the moonlight- her tension from earlier was completely erased-she now completely relaxed in his embrace.
"Come on, Simon" Adelaide jiggled him, "you just nursed. You should be nice and sleepy" She yawned, trying to wake herself up more. She was so exhausted tonight and Simon had been up twice already in the past five hours. The first time, he went back to sleep, but this last time, he was awake and fussing. She was having trouble thinking coherently at the moment as she walked into her trunk, stubbing her toe.
"Oh, ouch"
"Here" Neil rolled out of bed. He leaned over and lit the lamp, turning it down to low before he walked over to where she had sat down in the rocker. "What happened?"
"I'm fine, I just stubbed my toe on my trunk" Adelaide leaned her head, exhausted, closing her eyes, "I need to get my bearings better in the dark"
"Aye. Let me take the babe and rock him for you"
"What?" Adelaide startled, opening her eyes, but she couldn't see him in the dark room, "Why?"
"For one, I'm worried you'll drop the babe if you try to get up again" Neil said, reaching for Simon, settling in the crook of his arm, then helping her up off the rocker, "I'm not sure you are fully awake, lass and I'm sure the dark room doesn't help you wake up"
"I think I'm half asleep" Adelaide admitted as he guided her back to bed. "I usually just roll over and nurse him. Sometimes, I don't even remember fully waking up unless I turn on the lamp"
"That's frightening" Neil remarked. "He'll settle. He's just fighting sleep. Let me try and then I'm moving him beside me"
"Why?" Adelaide asked, climbing back in bed and pulling up the sheet.
"He knows you are there" Neil said, sitting in the rocker with the babe and holding the pacifier in the baby's mouth, rocking him. "I think he smells you"
"Are you saying I smell?" Adelaide mumbled, rolling over.
"Like milk, sweetheart" Neil chuckled.
"Hum?" She murmured, but she fell asleep almost right away.
Neil grinned and patted the babe, holding in his paci as Simon finally settled in and fell asleep. "That's a good lad" he kissed him tenderly before moving his cradle and putting him in, pulling the blanket over him. He turned out the lamp and then climbed in bed next to Adelaide, who immediately snuggled against him in her sleep. He may not be getting much sleep tonight, but he wouldn't have it any other way. He wrapped his arm around Adelaide before succumbing to sleep himself.
"Need some coffee?" Adelaide asked as she fixed pancakes on the stove.
"Aye" he yawned, "How have you done it on your own for the past six weeks, lass?"
She laughed, "Honestly, I have no idea. I feel so out of sorts and frumpy half the time. Life is going by as a blur these days"
"You don't look frumpy" Neil told her as he came around to put an arm around her waist.
She turned to him, "You are being generous, I'm sure"
"I'm not generous" Neil retorted, "I'm honest"
She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, impulsively. "That's really sweet, Neil"
"I got a kiss too" he teased, "How about a proper kiss?"
"I thought that was proper" Adelaide's eyes sparkled.
Neil released to swat her playfully, causing her to squeal. "No, wife, it most certainly isn't between us now"
She smiled, "Very well" she leaned over and kissed him more deeply on the lips. "How's that?"
Neil rubbed his lips, absently, "Perfect"
Simon began to wail and Neil went to pick him up, "He likes his food, doesn't he?"
She nodded, "And to be held a lot. Opal taught me how to carry him in a wrap and that's been a lifesaver"
"You know you should let him cry some"
Adelaide turned to him, "He's still so young"
"Aye, but soon"
"I suppose" she let out her breath and then put the plates on the table. "Here let me hold him while we eat"
Neil transferred the baby to Adelaide and he immediately snuggled against her.
She reached for her water and took a sip.
"Here, lass" Neil reached for her plate and the knife and fork, cutting it up for her. "Might as well make this easier for you"
She smiled, "Marriage comes with its perks"
He chuckled, "It does indeed"
They ate a leisurely breakfast, drinking coffee before they headed upstairs. Neil lounged on the bed, Simon laying next to him, cooing up at him as Adelaide opened her trunk and began to pull out her clothing, which was surprisingly sparse.
"Where are all your things, lass?" he asked, curiously.
"Still in Asheville" she murmured. "I still own the house"
"There are quite a bit of things left in Asheville then" he commented, offering Simon his pinky.
She stood as she transferred some her things to the dresser. "Yes" she said, focusing on her task.
"Anything you want to bring out here?" he asked, casually.
"Eventually, maybe" she told him, continuing to sort through her trunk.
"Do you need more clothes?" he inquired.
"I have so many clothes, you know that" Adelaide said, her face flushing, not wanting to quite admit that she didn't fit into most of her clothes. "It's a bit shameful my wardrobe. I want to be respectful to where we are living"
"Of course" he nodded. He suspected the truth was that Adelaide still couldn't fit into most of her clothes, but he would never outright ask her, wanting to tread carefully with his new wife's feelings, "It just looks like you don't have much"
"I think mother is sending back with Christy a few dresses she has gotten let out- it should be enough for now" she said.
"You will tell me if you need something"
"Of course" Adelaide nodded.
Neil rubbed Simon's cheek and then hopped off the bed to kneel beside her. "Let me help"
"Alright"
She tried not to blush as he pulled out her folded undergarments and placed them in the drawer. He reached back into the trunk his hand resting on her corset.
"Are you planning on wearing these again?"
"Yes" she told him. "Actually, I'm going to start soon now that I'm feeling better"
"Women in the Cove usually don't"
She nodded, "I know. Do you disapprove?"
He laid her corset in the drawer. "If I said I did?"
"I would wear it anyway" Adelaide told him.
"I see" Neil cleared his throat. "You and I are going to have it out one day, Adelaide" he said, matter-of-factually. "Did Simon put up with this?"
She grinned, "Yes, he did"
"You married a far more stubborn man this time around"
She reached out to touch his hand, "But not a worse one"
Neil leaned over and kissed her before reaching back into the trunk.
"You can't tell me that Margaret didn't wear corsets" Adelaide said, her voice light.
"She did" Neil replied, evenly, "but you are far less vain than she was"
Adelaide laughed, "Oh, Neil, it's not vanity. It is simply fashion. Dresses are made to be worn with a corset"
"Not all dresses are" Neil countered.
"That's is true" Adelaide acknowledged, focusing on folding her blouses, "but most of my dresses are made that way and I happen to like my dresses"
Neil rolled his eyes. "It's so foolish. You are a nurse" Neil told her, "you should know better"
She turned to him and paused from her task, "If you married my sister, I doubt you would have made her feel guilty for continuing to wear her corset. You would have just thought she looked pretty in her dresses- telling her how beautiful she is"
"Did I marry your sister?" Neil asked, quietly, becoming serious as he reached to pull out the babies clothes from her trunk, refolding them.
Adelaide froze, realizing her blunder. She looked down. "Of course not, but still, you have to admit it is true" her face flushed.
He cleared his throat, "Let's not talk in hypotheticals, Adelaide"
She sneaked a peak at him, but his expression was giving nothing away.
"Of course" she said, smoothly.
"Do you have enough clothes for the babe?" he asked, changing the subject.
"For now" Adelaide nodded. "We'll see when he grows"
"Let me know what you need when you need it" he told her, folding Simon's cloths for his diapers and piling everything together.
"I can..."
"Adelaide" Neil reached out a hand to touch her lightly, stopping her. "You and Simon are my responsibility now. Tell me what you need and I'll make it work"
"But you need so much for your patients" Adelaide countered. "I can't take away from that"
Neil hopped up to go to the dresser and place Simon's clothes in it for her. He didn't speak until he was done with his task and he came back to sit beside her. Adelaide studied him, wondering if she misspoke again.
"Your heart is big, Adelaide, but a man needs to feel like he is providing for his family" Neil said, quietly. "I feel strongly about it, but even if I didn't, the Cove wouldn't like me shirking on my responsibility to you and the lad- they would take great offense to it even if you do have more money than I could possibly ever have"
"Does that bother you?" Adelaide asked, reaching in the trunk for her books.
"No, save it for the lad. He'll have a nice inheritance to start out his family one day" Neil told her.
"But what if we get into financial difficulty?" Adelaide said, pulling out some more books and placing them on her lap, "Surely then..."
"I'm not going to be beholding to you..."
"Oh for goodness sakes" Adelaide titled her head, "that makes as much as sense as probably me wearing a corset does to you"
Neil laughed loudly, "There's that spunk I adore"
She grinned, "you adore my spunk?"
"In small doses, lass" Neil grinned at her. "What do you have there?"
She handed him a book, "Do you like Shakespeare?"
"You are assuming I've read Shakespeare"
Her eyes sparkled, "of course, Doctor. You went to that fancy boy's school and then college. You had to have read Shakespeare"
"True" Neil smiled, "It's tolerable"
She grinned. "Hamlet is my favorite"
He snorted, "A little twisted, Addie"
"Indeed"
"You surprise me" he commented, putting the book in an empty drawer. "I would think you would more love Romeo and Juliet"
"It's certainly not that great love story every one puts it out to be" Adelaide retorted.
"And what would a great love story look like?" Neil asked, quietly.
She paused, thinking it over. "Growing old together, laughing and rocking on the porch, with a bushel of grandchildren running around..." she chewed on her lip, "and still remaining each other's best friend"
"I see" Neil responded. He didn't say more, but he was taking note, trying to figure out the way his new wife's heart worked. He wanted to press her further, but refrained, instead asking. "How many books do you have?"
"A few here" Adelaide said as she pulled more out. "And a whole lot more in Asheville"
"I'll build you a bookshelf and we'll bring your books out here"
"I'd like that" she said, quietly, "That's thoughtful...Oh, cookbooks" she sighed. "Cooking seems like a monumental task ahead of me"
Neil leaned over and put his hand on her face, "Ye can do anything ye set your mind to, Adelaide"
"If it had anything to do with medicine, I'd agree" Adelaide said, "but this domestic life? That's a whole other story"
"I'd wager by the fall, you'll be a pro"
"And until then?"
"We'll endure a lot of burnt meals"
Adelaide smacked him playfully with the book, "I see"
"I like burnt food, Adelaide" Neil said, with equal playfulness.
She reached to swat at him, but he grabbed her arm, holding her still. She tried to wrestle out of his grasp, but ended up toppling over on the floor with her on top of him.
"Oh" she stopped fighting, "hi, Neil"
"Adelaide" his voice deepened, "I warned you just last night about the dangers of this"
She swallowed hard, "That you did"
He held her against him, his arm across her back, pinning her down and she wiggled her hips try to get free.
"That's not making your case for release" he told her. "In fact, quite the opposite, wife"
She stilled immediately. "I'm sorry for hitting you with a book" she tried to forge contriteness.
"Are you?" he asked, his eyes darkening.
"Not really" Adelaide giggled and Neil rolled over with her so he was now on top, kissing her.
"Neil" Adelaide sighed, "Simon is awake on the bed"
"He is a wee one. He doesn't know what is happening"
"But I do" Adelaide countered.
"Okay, when does he sleep?"
"Soon"
He got off of her and helped her sit up, "Where were we?"
"You know" Adelaide's voice was quiet, "I really don't remember"
"Me either, lass"
"Do you have some paper, Neil?" Adelaide asked after she put Simon in for a nap. "I want to write to one of my friends in Asheville"
"There's some in the lab" he said, not looking up from his reading, "you can look around"
"Thank you"
"Not a problem"
She went into the lab and began to scrounge around for some paper- careful not to mess with Neil's organization. It was while she was there that she found Margaret's art supplies and drawings.
Adelaide looked through each one, fascinated. She knew she should have put them away, but it almost as if she was drawn to them. She had always had a curiosity about Neil's first wife. She studied each one intently.
"What are you doing?" he stood at the doorway, watching her enraptured face.
She looked up, "I'm sorry" she said, quickly. "I just found these and I was curious, so I..." she frowned, "I shouldn't have pulled them out. I didn't mean to pry" she said, her face flushing.
"No apology needed" He told her and went to sit on the bed. "You can look through them if you want"
"Was Margaret an artist?" she asked, taking them to sit on the bed next to him, still looking through the paintings.
"Aye"
"She was so talented" she said, softly, "these are beautiful"
"She was talented" Neil acknowledged, "creative and passionate"
"Did you and her meet in Philadelphia?" Adelaide asked.
"We did" Neil said, "She was actually painting when I saw her"
"Was it love at first sight?" Adelaide asked, curiously.
He paused, studying her face, "Ye want to know about my relationship with Margaret, lass?"
"If you are willing to tell me" she retorted, softly, "you know a lot about Simon and I"
"That's fair" Neil acknowledged, "and to answer your question yes, I fear I got swept up by her charms"
"That's quite romantic" she said, still looking through the pictures. "This is one of you"
"Aye, she insisted" Neil said, "she mainly sketched flowers and landscapes, but at times she wanted to extend to portraits"
"It's quite the likeness" She continued to examine them. "Why are there none of the Great Smokies? I would think that she would find the mountains quite inspiring"
"More constricting I think" he retorted, "Or maybe just the company"
"I doubt that" Adelaide said, softly.
"She rarely painted after we got married" Neil said.
"She probably just was lonely" Adelaide suggested, "Regardless, they are lovely"
"Aye, they are" he agreed. "She had a talent for it"
"She did" Adelaide smiled at him. "I'm sorry again I let my curiosity get the better of me"
"Happens to the best of us" Neil smiled back at her. "I should really give those to Alice anyway and her dresses"
"Don't feel like you have to do that on my account" Adelaide said, quickly.
"It's long past time" Neil told her. "And you parted with Simon's clothes"
"It isn't tit for tat" Adelaide countered, "And well, I still have so many things in Asheville, so if it was, you are far ahead of me in moving on"
"I've had longer" he responded, his voice low.
"Neil" Adelaide shifted, "please don't give away her things if you aren't ready, especially these drawings. They really are a special memory for you...a happy memory of your life with her"
"Thank you for that" Neil said, "I'll think on it. It would be special for Alice to have those too"
"It would, especially considering how good they are" she mused, "I wish I had more creativity. Christy sketches. I was always jealous of her gifts"
"You are gifted too" Neil said, reaching out to take the paintings from her hand. He stood, putting it away again with the paints, "Only in more intellectual, rational way"
Adelaide laughed, "That makes me sound studious and boring, Doctor MacNeill"
"No" Neil shook his head, "I don't think so at all"
"Sometimes I wish I was more glamorous and mysterious- the type that capture men by my charms" she murmured. "Like Margaret or Christy"
"I'm pretty sure Simon was swept away by your charms, don't ye think?" Neil told her.
"Yes, but in a different way" she replied.
Neil reached down and grabbed her by the waist, plopping her on his lap. "It's fleeting, wife" he told her, seriously.
"Still..." she paused as Neil kissed her, passionately. She moaned as he continued to kiss her and run his hands up and down her back. He pulled away and kissed her forehead. She pulled herself further away, "Simon is upstairs"
"We will get nice and cozy on the bed down here" Neil said, pulling her back to him.
"I don't think your patient bed is for our love making"
"It's my bed...I can do what I want with it"
"But then I'd have to change the sheets" Adelaide sighed.
"So romantic, Mrs. MacNeill" he kissed her, deeper, refusing to let her stifle his drive.
She pulled away again, "but what if Simon wakes up?"
"He'll be fine for a bit" Neil said. "it's not like he can go anywhere"
"But what if your patients call? It's the middle of the morning"
He pulled away. "They could call just as likely at night as well...and they'll leave us be for a few days unless it is an emergency"
"Okay" she sighed.
"Adelaide" Neil chided, "Come now. Are you out of excuses?"
She shifted, "I'm sorry"
His arms came back around her, enveloping her in his warmth, "Are you scared because it was painful last time?"
"Yes"
"You have to jump right back in, Addie" he told her, brushing her hair away, "otherwise, you'll spook yourself. We'll take it slower and I'll be gentle with you, I promise. I think it will be better this time"
"I know you will be and you are probably right" She looked up at him, "it's just I feel completely unsure of myself with you in this way"
"I know, you being comfortable as my wife, especially in this way, will take time. You'll find that comfort with me, I promise. And I'll work to find ways to make you more at ease"
"Okay" she nodded. "Shut the door at least, Neil"
He slid her off of his lap and she stood as he went over and commandingly shut the door and then walked back over to her, kissing her soundly. "You are wearing much too many clothes, Mrs. MacNeill"
Adelaide grinned, "Really, Doctor MacNeill? Considering it is morning, I think this is the proper amount of clothes to wear unless you are a child and even then it would be considered unseemly in certain places" she teased.
"You are a cheeky one at times" he laughed, appreciatively. "I see marriage is going to bring out the best in you in that regards"
She squealed as he scooped her up and plopped her up on the bed and began to undress her, confidently and with determination.
Much later, they were squeezed onto the bed in the lab, his arms around her. She sighed and turned around, facing away from him. It was still undeniably awkward between them and the hardest thing about it is that she knew the blame was on her shoulders. Neil was kind and understanding, she couldn't fault him on anything, yet she still knew that this aspect of their marriage clearly wasn't going well.
"Are you alright?" he asked in her ear.
"Yes" she responded as he rubbed his hand on her hip, trying to comfort her.
"You do know that you are your own worst enemy when it comes to love makin" he told her, honestly.
"I do know that" Adelaide said, softly. "Don't make me feel worse than I do at this moment"
"No, I won't" he said, squeezing her, "I just want you to enjoy it, Adelaide"
"I don't need to" she said, dismissively.
"Don't do that" he smacked her hip, "It's easier for you to dismiss the notion, but I'm serious here"
"I wasn't trying to" she sighed, "I was just saying me enjoying this isn't really necessary for me to feel happy in our marriage"
He kissed her neck. "That's silly logic. A lot of things aren't necessary to feel happiness, but a lot of things are meant to enhance your happiness. Technically speaking you don't have to, but I want you to have that pleasure"
"Why?" her voice was curious.
"Why not?" Neil asked. "I care for you, Adelaide, and I want you to get the most out of our love making. It's meant for enjoyment. I want that for you"
She bit her lip, "I'm...I'm not sure that's possible for me right now"
"Don't defeat yourself- otherwise you never will"
"I'll try" she said.
"That means you have to relax when I touch you" Neil told her honestly. "You tense up. It was worse today than it was yesterday if that is possible"
"Thanks for the assessment" Adelaide said, dryly.
"Hey" Neil turned her gently around in his arms. "I'm sorry if that was too blunt, lass."
"No, Neil, really, it's fine" she said, quietly. "I'm not offended. You are absolutely correct"
He put a finger underneath her chin, tipping it up. He looked at her intently, searching her. "You do know that me touching you is not wrong"
She looked him in the eyes, "It doesn't quite feel right yet" her voice trembled. "It just feels like we are doing something wrong"
"Can you tell me why?" he asked.
"I don't know" She breathed against him. But truth be told, she was afraid to admit the real reason why it felt wrong- Simon. She laid her head down, burying it in his chest. "Can we not talk about this?"
"You should know the answer to that" Neil said. "When do I ever let you get away with the easy thing?"
"Never" she sighed. "You are entirely annoying"
He chuckled. "You are such a sweet thing most days"
"I'm sorry"
"I don't want your apologies, sweetheart, I just want to understand you better" he told her. "Where is this coming from?"
"What?"
"This shyness and hesitation... Is it just a product of the way you were raised?" he asked, bluntly. She raised her head.
"I told you before my mother wouldn't talk to me about it before Simon and I married"
"I remember"
"After Simon and I were married, I tried to talk to her about it again and it didn't go so well. I told her that I had no one else to talk to, but that didn't matter"
"What did she say to you?" he asked, rubbing her back, his hands tender.
"To again trust Simon, but that sex is more for the man anyway. Endure it to get babies and please your husband, but beyond that, there isn't much to say"
"That's just wrong" he was aghast. "Adelaide, I'm sorry, sweetheart"
She shrugged. "Simon and I worked it out anyway"
"What did Simon say?"
"You know...I never did tell him about that" Adelaide sighed.
"Really?"
"Yes" She said, softly. "It would have just made him angry at my mother. Things were tense sometimes between Simon and my family"
"I picked up on some of that" Neil said.
"Yes" she snuggled into his chest. "So, to answer your question, maybe partly... I do get inside my head and let the way I was raised effect me at times. I know it's just something I need to work on. Us making love has brought up a lot of things for me actually that I'm trying to sort through" She fell quiet for a few moments, before adding, softly, "I didn't realize I would react this way. I'm sorry"
"What are you sorting through, lass?" he asked as she laid her head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. "Why don't you talk to me like we always do? Maybe I can help you with it..."
She pulled away, "I wish you could..."
He twisted a strand of hair, "Try me"
"I feel things with you...or I think I could perhaps feel things"
"That's a good thing, Addie" Neil said.
"I'm not sure..." she paused.
"Why not?" he questioned. "We are married"
"It just seems strange that ten minutes and a license can change so much"
"And yet it does. What are you thinking?"
"I..." Adelaide struggled, "our feelings...I just wish" she stopped herself from saying what she wished. She wished they had married when they were in love...she wished they had feelings for each other and that their intimacy had that love behind it- that it just wasn't physical. And that desire seemed at odds to her mourning her husband.
"What is it, sweetheart?" he studied her, in his analytical way, trying to figure out what she was struggling with.
"I..." she started to respond when they were interrupted by a loud wail, "Oh no"
"Perfect timing that lad" He chuckled "No lazy honeymoon days for us, wife"
She sighed, "No indeed- between your job and my son, it was never destined to be" She began to pull on her clothes, when Neil turned her back towards him,
"We'll finish this conversation soon"
"That's not necessary" she said, almost shyly as she buttoned her dress.
"It most certainly is" he responded, but in spite of that promise, it was a few days before they came back to the topic.