VeryMuchAlive . bloggie .com
Logan Henderson
BlogPost 009
Fire
You know what, guys? I don't even have a whole lot to say today, because this memory is enough. It screams volumes.
So listen up..
Nova was officially a month old and I was loving it. She was already getting so big, and she was even sleeping through the night already. So much easier this time than it was with Abel. Those commercial weren't kidding, my your second kid you really are a pro. I had just moved back in with Jax and we were really working on our trust issues. He was spending more time at home with us, but still not as much as I'd like. And there was always going to be things about the club I just didn't know, and that thought made my stomach sick for the first time since we knew each other.
I was at the house just hanging around. Both kids were napping, so I figured I'd give Donna a call and see what she was up to. Her and the kids just got back two days ago from Opies mother. I kind of swayed her, I figured if I could deal with it, so could she. We would deal with it together.
"Hey sweets," she answered the phone. We bullshitted while she tried to maintain order in her house. She would pause every few seconds to yell at Toby and Raven for doing something they shouldn't be, and then our conversation would continue.
"I don't know," she vented. "I just still don't trust him at all, Logan. Somethings still up, I just know it.." She sounded really off. I understood completely though.
"No, I get it." I assured her. Nova started fussing so I picked her up, laying her on my lap. She was such a happy baby. " I don't trust them either and I think somethings still going on. I don't want to believe it is, but I'm far from stupid."
We talked back and forth, deciding we were both gonna go to the club house for dinner that night. Gemma had kept bothering both of us about it, so we caved. We would go and try to get things to feel normal again. As normal as they could at least.
We got the kids ready and then ourselves, deciding we could show up a little early and help Gemma with whatever she needed us for. Apart from Piney and a few prospects out in the garge working on customer cars, we were the only ones there. We entered the club house, the fear of the last time I was here washing over me. I had to get over this anxiety. I had to try and believe that Jaxon and Opie wouldn't but their children in that kind of danger ever again.
But I couldn't get over it, and I was killing myself carrying them both around instead of setting them down. Gemma came out from the kitchen.
"I triple searched this entire place, it's safe." She assured Donna and I. We actually believed her, I knew she would never hurt these kids.
I sat Abel down and he ran over to Gemma immediately, her bending down and hugging him tight. I got Nova out of her carseat and layed her little head against my shoulder, rubbing her back as I walked. Donna put Toby and Raven down, letting them follow Abel and go play.
"Tig already helped me with everything I needed before he got a call to leave. Somethings going on, but he wouldn't tell me what so I'm guessing it's not so bad."
Well, it was nice that we didn't have anything to do, but now we were just gonna sit around. I learned over to Gemma who had sat next to me.
"I wanna smoke." I whispered to her. She motioned to me, give her a minute. She headed out to the garage and came back with Piney.
"Ready to hang out with Uncle Piney?" he asked, Abel, Toby and Raven running over to him, smiling like crazy. I had Novas small bouncer with me in the car, so I was just going to grab it and keep her in it near me. Piney was good with the kids, but I refused to let anyone watch Nova yet. Not even Gemma.
Gemma, Donna and I headed outside, taking a seat on top of the picnic tables after I got the bouncer and got Nova situated. Her big blue eyes were open wide, and she was giving me a little smile.
"Who's mommas beautiful girl?" she moved around, smiling more. She was the happiest baby on the face of the Earth. "Nova, the happy girl!" she made some cooing noises and then turned her attention to Gemma.
She had a blunt, which was going to be so nice. I hadn't smoked in what felt like years and I was so stressed. I needed to be stoned.
"Who's Grammas little star?" she handed me the blunt. "You know, it's still very hard to believe that Jaxon produced a little girl. I'm so happy about it, but JT is probably rolling over in his grave right now." she chuckled, but I could see the ting of sadness in her eyes. She missed him, I knew she did. It had to kill her, Jax was a carbon copy of his father.
We sat and smoked, Nova drifting off to sleep rather quick. Everything was great and calm, until a herd of bikes came pulling up quick, barely stopping their bikes before jumping off. Jax and Clay came running over, all the guys close behind; except Bobby.
"What's wrong?" Gemma asked Clay. He stopped, kicking the ground and running hishand through his hair.
"Uh," he turned to Jax, peering at him over the rim of his sun glasses. Jax turned to me.
"What is it, baby?" I asked him.
"Ope?" he didn't want to make eye contact with Donna.
"Bobby got arrested." Jax spit out. Oh, fucking wonderful. Just what we needed. "Someone put in an anonymous tip and they busted him. It's not good." I pulled Jax to the side, out of ear shot of everyone else.
"What the fuck did he get busted for, exactly?" His face dropped. I couldn't believe it.
"You can ask anyone." he started before I had a chance to freak out. "It was the last fucking bun from the deal, Log. Someone knew we still had it and someone fucking called."
Oh no. I couldn't even think about being angry right now. Someone was a fucking rat and that was more awful and dangerous than anything. The only way you know what's going on inside of this club, is if you're inside of this club.
Someone made a call and it was a big mistake. They were gonna be killed.
It made my stomach turned.
This was very very bad. Someone all of us knew has betrayed us, and they were going to pay for it. Oh, God. It was crucial I kept myself and the kids as far away from the club as possible during this time. They didn't need to be here when the rat was found out, none of us did. It wasn't our place, and it just added more of a mess to the situation.
I hurried back over, grabbing Nova and heading inside with Donna to get the kids. DInner was obviously not happening now, so we both hurried to do what our motherly instincts told us to; get out of there with the kids as quick as we could. We needed to go home, and stay far away from club business for the time being.
I exited, Abel and Nova in my arms, heading for the car. Jax walked over, helping me get the kids in.
"I'm sorry." he told me.
"It's not your fault." I assured him, because it really wasn't this time. I was concerned about getting Bobby out of jail and getting the rat out of his club.
I got Nova in and closed the door, moving closer to my husband and hugging him.
"Get this figured out," I told him. "Because I want you home with me for once. I'm ready for us to spend some family time together." We hadn't had a lot of that since Nova and I came home from the hospital, and I needed that to change. I had 3 more weeks of my maternity leave left and I wanted to make the best of it before I had to leave my precious babygirl with Gramma all day while I went to slave away at work. Stupid.
I gave him a kiss and then headed home with the kids.
I was sick to my stomach all night and I couldn't sleep. It was going on 2am and both kids were snoozing, and I was hoping Jax would be home soon. I needed him here to calm this anxiety, he seemed to be the only one who could ever do it.
My chest hurt so bad, if I didn't know any better I'd assume I was having a heart attack. I was so on edge and nervous, thinking off all the bad things that could come from there begin a rat here. It was fucking killing me.
And let a miracle sent from above, I heard the dead bolt on our front door unlock. I jumped out of bed, running, as quietly as possible, down the hallway to greet my husband. I hugged him tight and he hugged me back, but when I looked up to his eyes I knew something was wrong.
"Is everything okay?" I asked him. He sat down on the couch, shaking his head. I took a seat next to him, laying my hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong, baby?"
He looked over to me, hurt in his eyes. "We think we know who the rat is. We talked to Uncer and a few other people, even from the Myans." He had tears forming by this point. I rubbed his upper arm.
"Baby.." This was going to be bad. "Who is it?"
He carressed my face, pulling me close.
"We have to out smart the club. I can't let it happen." He took a breath. "Logan, it's Donna."
My entire fucking world shattered. My best friend flipped on her husband and his club, and ended her own life. They were going to kill her, and Jax was beyond right. We had to go behind the clubs back and get her out of here. As far away as possible.
I hadn't even noticed I was crying cause I was moving so fast. I got my phone out and made a phone call to a 412 number belonging to someone I loved very much.
I had a hard time hearing her from the music in the background and 1000s of screaming people, but DJ Tangerine said any favor for me was taken care of.
God, I remember the first time I met Stella. Ha. I was at some shitty underground rave in Pittsburgh and so was she, and we just happened both been rolling our fucking faces off and started dancing.
Spend the entire night talking to her. She was a DJ trying to get a foot in the door, DJing shop parties and small raves, barely anyone showing up, and she needed a cheap place to stay.
I helped her out; a place to stay, food to eat. I helped her get on our feet. And now? She was making over 100k a year touring around and DJing on the East coast.
"We have to get her to Pittsburgh. Her and the kids."
He froze. "She's the rat." and he snapped back from his emotions, showing how angry he was at her for trading on the club. "The kids are not. They stay here with Opie."
He couldn't be fucking serious.
"You can't be fucking serious!" I yelled at him. I was a mother. I knew that love. "You do NOT seperate a mother from her children." He got up in my face and he got up in it quick.
"You don't flip on your husbands fucking club." He scared me, but he was right. I hated this omre than anything, especially with the change in Jax's mood. "The kids will be fine here. It's either they stay and eventually get to know mommys alive and okay, or they have to say goodbye to their mother forever, which one do you want Loge?"
He didn't have to be such a cynical fucking asshole all the time. I didn't say much else, and neither did he. We got into bed and tried falling asleep, but that didn't seem possible for either of us. It was going on almost 5am and I knew Nova was going to be getting up in the next hour or so, so there was no point in even trying to fall back asleep. I was just going to push through it and get everything with Donna taken care of.
My head was so loud, thinking about having to say goodbye to my best friend. It was even louder trying to think of what I was going to say to her. Part of me was so sad, but the other part of me was so mad. No matter how mad I got I would never turn on Jax and his club, not ever in any situation. It was just something you did not fucking do. And she did.
Fuck, Donna.
So, yeah.
Donna turned on the club in a desperate attempt to get her husband out.
It was never supposed to be Bobby; it was supposed to be Opie, but he ended up not going on the deal.
So obviously at this point things are a little fuckered up, but I was hoping they were going to get better.
Hint; they fucking don't.
But I really need to try and get some sleep.
Signing off,
Logan Henderson-Teller